Finances in a marriage

Let's go to Matthew chapter 6 because this is a big subject I won't go into a lot of detail with it but I will give you scriptures about it that you can at least our principles that you can operate on. Matthew chapter 6 and right down at the end of the chapter the Lord Jesus in verse 31 he says therefore take no thought saying what shall we eat or what shall we drink or wherewithal shall we be clothed. For after all these things do the Gentiles seek.

For your Heavenly Father knoweth what things that ye have need of all these things but seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Now what I want to address a little bit is financial things in a marriage and here the Lord Jesus is again setting the priority.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God. We live in a day when it is hard to make ends meet. Maybe it's always been that way.

When we were first married it seemed tough and it doesn't seem tough anymore because I just call headquarters and the money comes down not always the amount I want but it always comes down. When I left the lab work they said to me you know they wondered if I was crazy. They actually had a meeting of the major of all the heads of department to see if they could talk me out of leaving because they thought I was maybe had lost my mind that I was going to go and work and I had no promise of income and one of them said to me you know I have faith but they said not as much as that.

I said well there's a big hospital organization here isn't there? Yeah but I said I'm going to work for a company bigger than that and that's what I've done and all our bills are paid 45 years later and we thank God for that and we thank the Christians do because it's a sacrifice on their part but the problem is the Lord Jesus is saying the Gentiles their focus is making sure that they get what they they need and and they're burdened about it and he is saying just let me take care of it. The Lord knows what needs we have and he will look after it and so the priority is seek ye first the kingdom of God. Now let me make that practical.

Sometimes brethren are given responsibility in work because they do such a good job and they're pushed ahead and they're pushed to advance and that's alright that's fine we'll talk about that later but we have to be careful that that doesn't become the focus of our attention that's the thing and I think of a brother and he had a good mind on him and he was being encouraged to go into a good career and he began to look at it and he said if I do that I will have no time for God and for the assembly and so what did he do? He took a manual job at a General Motors truck plant so that it would be 40 hours in and the rest of the time was his and he could shepherd God's people. Now I don't think everybody has to do that I'm not suggesting that I'm saying that he got his priorities right. One time I was at his house and I would say a wall as big as this first window so one-third of the hall he had a bookshelf of books from top to bottom and he said to me when I am on the assembly line as long as I get my work done they don't care what I do so he said I sit and read books and that's fine I keep up with the work because you just do whatever zip zip zip and wait for the next car or truck to come along and he said I have read all those books every one of them once and I'm going through them the second time so that gave him time to do what really mattered so all I'm saying is whatever we do husbands and wives both make sure that God gets a priority and we don't get caught up in the financial trap.

The other thing that I mentioned the other night just in connection with headships and I will repeat that because I wanted to anyway is that whatever I do must not replace a God-given responsibility and so the man is the head of the wife he cannot neglect that for anything because God doesn't give him the privilege of neglecting it and the woman whatever she does with her life she is head of the house as I mentioned hers is a household responsibility and before God that is her first priority and everything else must take second place to that how you work that out I leave that with you but it is important that when God gives us a work to do that we do that and that's seeking first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and then he will make sure that whatever our needs are he will take care of those. Now let me take you to Proverbs chapter 3. By the way I would suggest as young families with the young especially but even with older ones the book of Proverbs is such an amazing book of practical teaching and when our children were growing up we would read not all the chapter as I mentioned sometimes just a verse or two but there are 31 chapters and there are 31 days in some months so we would read in chapter one on the first chapter two on the second and so on if we got to a 28 day month February well we would just start at one again and we wouldn't worry about the other two but we would just go back and forth and they were so practical for sending children off to school and for ourselves. So chapter 3 and notice with me verse 9. Honor the Lord with thy substance and with the firstfruits of all thine increase so shall thy barns be filled with plenty and thy presses shall burst out with new wine.

And so the first thing is to give to God. Give him something out of I would suggest each paycheck everything that comes into the home make sure God gets the firstfruits. In the Old Testament when they had a harvest God was given the firstfruits and we should practice doing the same.

It says honor him with that and he'll take care of us and so again I say make sure God gets first place even with our finances. Let me suggest something for you and this is just a suggestion you can think about it you don't have to do it. Sometimes believers don't recognize that in assembly fellowship they are not in fellowship as husband and wife.

Of course they are a husband and a wife but they're not in the fellowship as a husband and wife. That's why a believer a woman can come into the fellowship and her husband might not even be saved or vice versa or for some reason or other one or other may not desire to be in assembly fellowship. So we sit in the breaking of bread together but we do not sit as husband and wife.

We sit as man and woman 1 Corinthians 11. With that in mind I recommend but again I leave it as a suggestion that both the husband and the wife put into the collection on the Lord's Day morning individually and let the wife have her exercise as to what she wants to do. Now again I just leave that as a suggestion to you but we have always practiced that and I have left it with my wife to be exercised as to what she wants to do and sometimes she has said to me you know I think there's a real need in the assembly and I'm recommending that we both do this and I will take that suggestion and go with it but I think that's important at least we recognize that we are not there as husband and wife.

Now in some places where they give a tax receipt maybe that's not so workable but you know what I would do in that case if it were I, I would say well you put it in one week and I'll put it in the next. But again I leave that as a suggestion but keep in mind that we are there as individuals and our wives, our sisters can have an individual exercise. The main thing is to honor God.

Now maybe we should stay here I have other scriptures in other places but let's stay here since we're in Proverbs. Let's go to chapter 11. Chapter 11 and verse 24.

There is that scatters abroad and yet increases and there is that withholdeth more than is meat and it tendeth to poverty. These are, these principles in Proverbs are beautiful and here it's saying there there are those and they just keep scattering and yet they increase just like a plants you know you plant the seed and you get more back. The thing is we should be generous in what we do.

I remember one time it was Easter time at the Toronto Conference and I was there and normally speaking I found out later in this restaurant Easter weekend everybody's at home eating their meals and with family and they normally don't get too many in the restaurant but we went out to a restaurant and they were shorthanded and the girls were just being driven crazy. I mean you could see they were totally frustrated trying to keep up with all these guests in the restaurant and I saw one and she looked like she was having a hard time. I got a gospel paper I put five dollars in it and she wasn't our waitress at all and I called her over and she's okay I said here's a tip you're working so hard you deserve a little extra and just gave it to her for no reason and later on when things settled down I could see them looking over and she's yeah you know and I thought you know I was blessed and she'll read that tract because I was trying to scatter abroad a little bit and maybe I'll meet her in heaven and she'll know me because I think we'll all know one another and she's remember the time you gave me a tract wouldn't that be a wonderful thing.

So brethren when you go to restaurants by the way and sisters if you leave a tract leave a good tip because if you leave a poor tip and a good tract all you do is bring detriment on the testimony. I think it's wonderful to be generous in our tip. You say well they ask a lot.

Well there is that scatters abroad and yet increases that's what it says so don't worry about it. So the liberal person let's go to chapter 21 and verse 20. There is treasure to be desired and oil in the dwelling of the wise but a foolish man spendeth it up.

I don't want believers here to become hoarders but there are people and they throw out so much that could be used and also they don't see how they can make use of what they have and this verse is telling us to be careful with what we have because you can make things go a lot further if you're very very careful. Even our sisters especially if they do the grocery shopping I don't want you to waste all your time shopping for bargains so you have no time to read your Bible but if you're careful you can really actually make your money go a lot further and so if you're stressed because you don't have a big income look for ways of saving money. I was in a store the other day and I there's a device that I need for the computer and it was fifty dollars so I went on the internet and found it for 21 plus four dollars shipping and so I saved what half price so look around be careful try to make your dollars stretch.

Mr. Archie Stewart I don't know you likely have heard this saying it's kind of common but I always remember the first time I heard it from Mr. Stewart he said if your output exceeds your income then your upkeep is your downfall so just keep that in mind be careful with what you have. Now let's go to first Timothy chapter 6. First Timothy chapter 6 I think you'll really like this one. I did when I was first pointed out to me.

First Timothy chapter 6. Verse 6. First Timothy 6 and verse 6. Godliness but godliness with contentment is great gain for we brought nothing into this world and it is certain we can carry nothing out and having food and raiment let us be there with content. Now included in the meaning of food and raiment is shelter as well. Verse 10.

For the love of money is the root of all evil. Money is not the root of all evil that's what's often quoted but it's the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. Notice down a little further in the chapter.

Verse 17. Charge them that are rich in this world that they be not high-minded nor trust in uncertain riches but in the living God who giveth us richly all things to enjoy. Now in verse 17 where my interest is particularly what it is saying is this that God is not stingy he giveth us all things richly to enjoy.

If I come to your home sometime and it's a really nice home and you have really nice things don't apologize for it. Enjoy it and I'll enjoy it with you because God giveth us all things richly to enjoy. Sometimes people have bought a new car and they I don't know if I look like an inspector or not but they'll say you know it's new and really it's bigger than what I wanted and it's got things on it I really didn't care about but it was the only one they had on the lot and it really wasn't a bad price and they're going on and on and on I'm thinking enjoy it I'm fine with it I hadn't even thought about it and when God blesses his people I have been in some pretty big homes and I'm not bothered and I go back and I enjoy our home and God has blessed us.

We bought an old Victorian home I think I told you that that my mother cried when she walked into it and asked me what did you buy this thing for she said in an Irish voice well we have enjoyed it and it's a big home one of the biggest in town but it was cheap when we bought it and one preacher came and he said I'll just put my clothes in your shed and that was our kitchen so it wasn't but it looks nice now we I've done most of the work on it and Joyce has done a lot of the decorating but when people come I don't apologize for it in the summer because we fixed it up and it's an old Victorian home sometimes we see tourists going by and they'll stop their car and get out and take a picture but if you had seen it when we bought it it didn't look like that but the point is whatever you have enjoy it God gives us all things richly to enjoy he's not stingy he's a father and what fathers do they give the best they can to their children and it's fine to enjoy that and so I want to encourage you to enjoy what God has given you now let's go to one other thing one other place and that's Hebrews chapter 13 Hebrews chapter 13 going back there but to a different verse verse 5 let your conversation manner of life as we know today be without covetousness and be content with such things as you have for he hath said I will never leave thee nor forsake thee so that we may boldly say the Lord is my helper and I will not fear what man shall do unto me now it's interesting that in the original language such things as he have really that's what five words in our English basically it's one word in the Greek and it really means the present things you could translate it literally the presence but it means that the present things be content with what you have right now and again it's fine to get more but you don't want to live your life always wanting you know you see people lining up overnight for the bargains on Black Friday I have to confess I did it once I was up from seven o'clock at night to the store opened about eight o'clock in the morning because our daughter and son-in-law needed a computer and I knew there was a really good deal and a Christian friend that I had met said he was going to stay up all night and I thought well it's got to be a good experience it's got to be fun and so we stayed up all night and it was interesting but I didn't do it because I was covetous I did it and I remember now I did it one more time with our grandson but at that time Walmart was open 24 hours and we were inside but again he had something he really wanted and I said sure I'll go with you and I even made t-shirts you know you can put the decals on them yourself and I put on it one person was snoozing the other person was standing up and put on the back of it Black Friday buddies and we had a good time together but basically that seems when people are always doing it and they've got to have it and they've got to have it and they've got to have the first one and sometimes they fight over it and all that kind of stuff it's always the next thing they think is going to satisfy and it really doesn't and so be content but that doesn't mean don't buy something else and be reclusive and stingy and miserly that's not the idea but the promise is that God will look after us again it always comes back to that doesn't it from chapter 6 of Matthew here and in the Proverbs that God will take care of us and don't always be wanting I have a book at home of great sayings on cemeteries it's really interesting one I can give you just it's kind of a bit of humorous one it says it was a dentist and it says here lies dentist so and so I forget his name filling his last cavity so that was an interesting one but the one that I thought about this can be so true is there were two people buried side-by-side a husband and wife and these are real stories to like they're the real thing people had a lot more courage to say what they thought in those days we say only nice things on cemeteries now but it said on on hers she died wanting things and on his it said he died trying to give them to her side-by-side and so neither one of you should put stress on the other trying to make sure that everything you want you receive we don't need some things and when God was withholds there's a good reason why he does it now I want to leave that all together and I want to just give you a quick review of what we have talked about and so in my own thinking I went back to Monday night and I'm just going to quickly review some of these things with first of all I pointed out in 2nd Timothy chapter 3 and verse 16 and maybe we can take a moment and look at that fact we might be able to do that with most of the scriptures just very quickly but this is review time for us 2nd Timothy chapter 3 verse 16 all scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine for reproof for correction for instruction and righteousness that the man of God may be perfect truly furnished unto all good works and so I pointed out from that and also 2nd Peter chapter 1 that we won't look at that God has given us everything in his word so that we are fully equipped this book has all the answers to human needs and I love that about it every single problem emotion that ever needs to be addressed the word of God addresses it and the more you search the scriptures the more you will see that not only our own personal emotions but our interpersonal relationships with others a relationship with the world everything I don't believe that there's possible it is possible for any problem to arise on this planet relative to human beings that is not addressed in this book I haven't found them all but I've been amazed what I have found we had a sister back at home many years ago and brother Paul Kember was actually working with her and I wasn't but she was going through tremendous distress and so he said Jim I don't know what to do I said well Mr. Daugherty who was an amazing man he was very much underrated he was one of the most capable men in my view that we had in North America I said and he was a mentor to me I said I'll give him a call so I called him and I described the problem and like he sometimes said well he said that's simple and he gave me one verse and I called Paul Kember and gave him the verse and he talked to the sister and the problem disappeared just like that it's almost like a waving a magic wand just gone and I don't remember the details now but I was thinking what an amazing scripture on an amazing book we have and so when you have difficulties when I have difficulties go to the book and we may not know where to look but I as we always did with our children we took them to James chapter 1 verse 5 if any of you lack wisdom let him ask of God which giveth to all men liberally and have brazen not and it shall be given and we would tell the children if it isn't given then this book is not true and God isn't God say well you don't always find it quickly well that's not the promise promise is if you want to know what to do God will tell you what to do he will I mean can you imagine a child whose father loves them and they say daddy I don't know what to do can you imagine a father saying I'm not going to tell you of course not and God is our father and he cares about us Psalm 103 as a father pitieth his children so the Lord pitieth them that fear him for he knoweth our frame and so God will show us and this book has the answers now I mentioned also the question of or the principle that any teaching that I give I always go by the book or try to and if I express an opinion it's because I have a principle in the back of my mind which comes from the Word of God I am not free to teach anything that is not in this book my mandate is to teach what God says we address the issue and let's take a look at that again Romans chapter 2 we address the issue of does modern psychology have anything to say to the believer and I pointed out that it does sometimes because in verse 14 of chapter 2 of Romans it says for when the Gentiles which have not the law do by nature the things contained in the law these having not the law are a law unto themselves which show the work of the law written in their hearts so God can actually write truth in the hearts of those that are not saved and I did say I think I did mention that the best psychiatrist that I have ever been in the presence of with one of his patients was a man who was not saved and the interesting thing is he told that Christian exactly the same thing that I had been telling him he just seemed to have insight that I don't know where he got it from maybe he had some knowledge of the word I don't know that but the point is that I have no problem with believers if they need going to a psychiatrist for help and guidance but ultimately we come back to the strength of the Lord to carry out anything that anyone tells us we cannot do it on our own strength the other thing that I mentioned and again it's important that when a person is on medications and sometimes they are for a lifetime sometimes temporarily then no one should advise them to go off those without medical advice the doctor's permission and under doctors supervision because some of those medications you have to wean yourself off and some of them leave very bad side effects if you are pulled off them and you really need them and so again always never make another believer feel guilty because they are taking something for depression or whatever and don't advise people to do other than those who are professional would tell them to do the other thing and again I just want to say this too I said at the beginning of the weekend more than once but as these meetings have gone on it could be that some of the older Christians do look back with regrets wishing they had known some of these things years ago when they would have done differently I don't want you to do that I want you to look forward I would say this on the other hand if you have stories that would be helpful to younger believers if you see them doing something that you also did and it wasn't a good idea you might want to share that with them so you might remember the past and help them by advising them against certain things I remember we were at a cottage and there were others on the same lake and they came by and I said to them why don't you come back after supper and spend some time with us this was an older couple and everybody in the assembly where they were thought they were perfect believers and that's the way they looked and that's what I thought and we were going through a difficult time with one of our children at that time and I said to them you know how did you make out in your life and I found out they had tremendous problems but they were kind of private people and they never let anybody know and you know there's nothing worse than if your family's not perfect to see other perfect families because you just think what am I doing wrong they seem to be doing all right so after they told us some of the stories I should listen share that with other believers they need to hear that you've had difficult times and one of them there I think I may have mentioned this in the meeting that the mother two weeks before the wedding went out to get her wedding dress and finally the wedding was called off but she was in fear and trembling lest her daughter would marry the person she was about to marry it didn't happen but again I'd never heard that before I didn't know that and it was helpful to be able to share failures of the past so it's fine to share the failures but it's not fine to worry and fret over the mistakes that we've made in the past so that's another thing that I want to leave with you the other place and we'll just take a minute there is in Deuteronomy chapter 6 I love this scripture and I would encourage you to take time to read it for yourself it's just so beautiful and it's really the perfect example of home life Deuteronomy chapter 6 and we went through it the other night so we don't need to go through it again but you take it as a personal example it is not and I mentioned this of course God is speaking through Moses to the whole nation nevertheless it's individual responsibility and you can see the whole atmosphere is an atmosphere of calm enjoyment of God and the teaching of those principles to their children notice in verse 6 and these words which I command thee this day shall be in thine heart so first of all they had to be in the heart of the individual now I pointed out that the word thy and thine and other like words are singular in our Old and New Testament and you and yours are plural in the Old and New Testament so when it says thine heart God is addressing a family maybe a husband and a wife as an individual and I pointed out that it's not the assembly's responsibility to raise children it is a personal responsibility and it works you don't need a lot of extracurricular activities I'm not saying don't get together in an assembly gathering and have time and evening together not saying that but ultimately it is the family unit that God expects will teach the principles of Scripture so first of all they have to be in the heart of the father and on the heart of the mother and then they were to teach them diligently to their children verse 7 talk of them when thou sittest in my house when I walk us by the way and I'll lie us down and when thou risest up now Gail's commentary has a really nice statement and I put it in my notes today and I'll just read it to you and he speaks about when I walk us in the way or by the way he says in a journey and any of his children with them or for diversion in the garden the field or vineyard occasion may be taken on sight of any of the works of creation to lead into a discourse concerning God his nature perfections and works and isn't that to me that's beautiful you look at the sunset and it displays the glory of God you look at the birds as they fly you look at flowers we my wife and I do a lot of gardening and you look in at a lily and look inside it and then teach your children see look at that and show them that God is a master artist and all around there are opportunities when children slip and fall pray about it you know sometimes when a child falls and they skin their knee parents say that's nothing you'll get a lot more before life is over well no because as adults we scream about things that don't amount to much either so pray about it when our children even in later years when they were away from home in college when they had an exam they would phone home and they would say mom and dad the exam is on Tuesday at 1030 until noon and when I would be in the study Joyce might come in and she would say Jim it's almost 10 o'clock we need to pray and we would actually pray when they were having the exam because what their concern was we knew God was concerned about it and it taught them to take things to God and all through college we would be praying on exam day and the right exam time so that they would understand that it matters to God how they do so bring God into everything he is everywhere we talk about him being omnipresent well then look around and see him and teach the children to see him and you look at the different seasons how beautiful they are you think of the spring the summer the fall and even the winter and you can teach them about snowflakes they tell me that when snowflakes fall there are not two snowflakes that look exactly the same isn't that amazing and so you show them take them to aquariums and show them the beautiful fish Mr. Paisley told us one time that he was at an aquarium and he was just standing there looking at these beautiful fish and the curator one of the curators came up and stood beside him and he says aren't those fish beautiful Mr. Paisley says they are he says my friend makes those and the man says you mean like he makes replicas of them he makes the real thing my friend is the Lord Jesus so you can bring God into everything and do that and then you will give the children a solid foundation now we must close again thank you for your attention and our time together this way father we thank thee that thou art the God who thou art we are amazed at everything that we see that comes from thy hand and above all we thank thee for the Lord Jesus Christ thank thee for sending him for us thanking me we thank you for thy grace and saving us and now we seek thy blessing as we part not only tonight but for a time and we do commend ourselves to thee we pray too for the coming gospel meetings and ask thee to bless our brethren as they labor here with the assembly we would pray that it will be a time of fruit in the salvation of souls we do commend each believer to thee here tonight and those that have come during the week and others that are burdened upon the hearts of thy people we pray for them in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ