(Audio Sermon Clip) Lord My Heart Is Hard

You know, when I came to America in 1974, I came after eight years of my life living on the streets of India and Nepal and, you know, South Asian nations. And I remember how many times I looked at the multitudes on the streets and literally wept and cried with this realization, wow, they're all going to hell. They do not know Jesus. But then I came to America to go to seminary, and two years went by, and I found I couldn't cry anymore. When I was studying theology, I was one of the best students in seminary and Greek and Hebrew and all these things. And the same day, I was called to pastor a church with a couple of other families. And so three, four times preaching and teaching and everything was going on. And all of a sudden, I woke up, said, what happened to me? And that's when I realized maybe it was all a big mistake, me coming to America to study Bible. And here I was getting all this information, but my heart was no more aching. Oh, yeah. I mean, I talked about the world going to hell, going to preach the gospel and do this and that, statistics and figures and all that. But it was all so very objective. And I kind of thought I left Christ and he left me. And the best thing to do is get into business and make money and go on with my life. And this is where when my wife found out what is happening with me externally, it was all perfect. But internally, you know, I was dying. And she said, why didn't you? Why didn't you ask God? To talk to you, I got mad at her, said, I pray all the time. She said, no, would you please ask him? And that led me to get into my study, thousands of books in my library, and I didn't sit anymore on my comfortable chair. I was on the carpet and I said, Lord, I just don't know what to do. I'm lost. I know everything in my head, but my heart is empty and I can't cry anymore. I know people are lost. And I was there, I don't know how many days and. You know, one afternoon. I am not a crazy person on drugs and things like that. It was late in the afternoon. I was in my room alone. It was like a big screen appeared before me and and people's faces by a million. Just I'm just looking at it. And I said, what's happening with me? And and somehow I could hear the Lord saying so clear. Did I hear my ear? I don't know. I waited for this day until you come to the end of yourself. I call to you for a world that is so lost without me. And I was so overcome with the fact that he loves me, he knows me. And if Jesus asked me to jump off from a seven story building, I would have done it. I just couldn't think. I have people that I could IDC's because I couldn't stop crying. It was it was not guilt or condemnation, anything like that. It was all the sudden the Lord touched my heart and and the love for him was so intense. Sometimes I had to cry out, I can't handle it, Lord, please. And it all turned out desperate passion for people that are dying and going to hell.