Bold & Broken Tough & Tender

The title is Bold and Broken, Tough and Tender. Bold and Broken, Tough and Tender. I just looked, I think most of us here that were on the front road actually drive minivans from time to time.

Phil? Sterner? Yeah? Me? Abram? See? John, I don't know, maybe. Prius, okay. So see, you can be tough and tender.

Yeah, some of you might, but when you have kids, it's the best way to go. In and out that door opens, and I don't want to be seen by too many people, but it's a good way of keeping us humble. So bold and broken, tough and tender.

Guys, this will be a good goal for you to try to achieve. It's okay to be bold, but you have to be broken. And we have to be tough, but we have to be tender.

And that's why it's challenging because, you know, the type A alpha male that pertains to you, and that's why I mentioned the beta male. It's popular right now. It's that passivity, you know, it's the dressing like women and not doing much and just being kind of being led around.

And you really have to break free of that. You have to repent of it and say, God, help me be bold. Help me lead the family.

It's tough if you've got a wife that is, you know, she's the leader. It's hard, but if you take it to the Lord and pray and repent, and God will bring in many marriages, those who help offset your strength can also be your weakness. And so God will often bring the spouse that helps to offset us.

Offset. Anybody relate to that? Thank God for your spouse. Many of you, I know some of you are in hard spots, but a lot of us thank God for our wives because it helps to balance out and keep us humble and broken.

We've gone from the greatest generation ever to the most passive, weak, and woke. So it requires us to wake up from this. The greatest need today is to be bold and broken and tough and tender as men.

We've got to find that balance. I want to read this. I know the first sentence you've probably heard before, but I added the second sentence.

A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she judges all men. And a son needs to see the standard against which he judges himself. Can't take credit for the first part, but I just added that second part.

And so I know some of you where my kids are grown, grandkids, but we can still be that example. As a Christian man, people are watching you. In most cases, I can't think of too many where you're not leading someone somehow, some way.

And there's a crisis in leadership, and the daughter needs to see that standard against which she judges all men. And a son needs to see that standard against which he himself will be judged. I'm going to read something from the book, from the toxic war on masculinity.

Ready for conviction alert? So the author John Gottman, he's famous for being able to predict with accuracy which couples will make it, which couples won't. I've heard him on different Christian radio stations. The health of the marriage depends primarily on... It's in bold.

It's not too hard. It's hard to say. Not hard to read.

The health of a marriage depends primarily on the husband. And before I put this up here, I've actually held onto this quote for a couple months because I wanted to really think it through. But I'm pretty sure that's accurate.

Anybody do marriage counseling? Would you agree? Tim, hands up. Hands down. Thumbs up.

Abram. Well, let me just read. The health of the marriage depends primarily on the husband.

Let's just start with that. That's normally the case. In his research, he found that a majority of American husbands do not, in his words, accept influence from their wives.

They disregard their wives' opinions, feelings, and concerns. They ignore, criticize, and drown out their wives' voices. They accuse them of overreacting.

You're too sensitive. When men behave this way, not surprisingly, their wives feel disrespected and devalued. Without giving yourself away, who needs to work on this? I do.

Pastor, I can't believe you said that. I've got the flesh in here too. Especially as a type A and alpha mixos.

You know, we're going. Let's go. We're going.

Thank you. Thank you. I got this.

We're going. Let's get it done. And they tell you a problem.

Some of our frustration is that she'll tell me a problem, and she just wants to tell me. And I've got to fix it. Right there.

Why are you telling me if you don't want me to fix it? But learning over the years, although it's a challenge, it's not something that I allow to enter in too often. Looking for their influence. Their opinions and feelings actually will help balance you out.

How many times I've stopped what I'm doing and spent more time with my kids, or treated people differently, or got an adjustment in my work schedule. So many times. Many of you, and I don't want to go into a lot of details.

If you want Q&A, you know, it's tough. I've talked to Phil too about this. They like when I'm transparent, but I don't.

But because you know, you tell people, you know, what do you tell people? When you tell them too much? Because I don't like listening to pastors. You don't even know if they struggle with anything. Do they just walk on water? But to hear there are struggles, it can really relate, and I think help people.

But over the years, people do use it against me. They'll come back later if they're upset, or they're leaving the church, and they attack me back with my own transparency. And so I want to be careful, but I think it's helpful too.

But back in October or so, it was a very difficult season for me. As you know, I missed quite a few weeks for different reasons, and I was at a low point in regard to just the frustrations about where America is, dealing with constant conflict. You guys don't see it, but a church this size, we've got issues weekly, 52 weeks a year, every single year, dynamics, issues, situations, people upset, people offended.

It's just constant, and that can really wear on a person, in addition to your family life and other issues. And just, you know, Pastor Abrams speak, and I'm going to take some time, and just trying to sort through, like, what are you doing, God? Where, you know, and sometimes you need to take that time away from the situation to better assess. And Morgan helped to balance out.

She said, I think that's enough time off. You need to suck it up, and just begin. And from that moment on, it felt great.

I felt the Spirit of the Lord in the messages, preparing them. I was excited to be at church. Have you ever lost that when the pastor loses the excitement to be at church? You know, but that's my transparencies, just to let you know we all have to work.

Fortunately, I have to be here, so there's really, you know, I can't say, well, it's Father's Day, let's stay home. Or we went last week, let's go to this, let's see the beach, let's go there. I can't do that.

You know, I've got to be here. But she helped to offset me, and take her feelings into consideration. And she's absolutely right.

And you need that. That's why it's hard for men. It's really pride, honestly.

But we don't like that challenge. We don't like, you know, we just kind of want to do, and we've got blind spots. Do you know you have blind spots? That you can't see too clearly, because it's a blind spot? Well, they'll help you identify those blind spots.

And do we acknowledge? It's not easy. But do we acknowledge it and learn from it? But then he goes on to say that the husband's disrespect for their wives is the major cause of marital instability. Instability.

And that is so true, because when they feel loved and appreciated and listened to, it's hard to have fights and conflicts. They're not going to find plan B, or look for someone else. That's usually why they look for someone else.

And unfaithfulness happens is because either side, they're not walking with the Lord, they're not in His Word, and they've kind of drifted. And now they're being treated a certain way and demeaned, and it's like, I can't keep going on like this. And then they meet someone who listens and respects them.

And it's so important, guys, to not only be tough, but tender. Statistically speaking, when a man is not willing to share his power with his partner, there is an 81% chance that the marriage will self-destruct. It will either break up in divorce or settle into long-term unhappiness.

So many couples are unhappy. They stick together, and I hear this, so do you, because it's the right thing to do. I can't divorce.

I have no grounds. But I will have to stick it through. And so His goal is not to scold, bash, or insult men.

It's likely that many men resist their wise influence without realizing it. That is true. They are following the secular script that they were raised with, a narrow, one-dimensional script for masculinity.

As a result, many men are well-meaning and well-intentioned, but baffled as their marriage falls apart. Isn't that amazing? And I can attest to that because many times we're well-meaning, we're well-attentioned, right? We've got to get things done. We've got to protect the family, but we don't take others into consideration.

So that was for you that are married. I know some of you are beyond that. Some of you maybe aren't married yet, but always remember that, that you've got to stay very tender and broken in marriage.

Sadly, being broken and tender do not come easily. Right now, don't raise your hand, but how many of you are fighting what I'm talking about? Yeah, but you don't know my wife. And it's tough.

It's tough for me to read this and put it together because it's absolutely correct. So being broken and tender does not come easily. And that's why often I'll open up about my past and I'll tell you how God has broken me and God might be breaking you.

And during the breaking process, it's so important to turn to Him instead of becoming bitter and resentful. 1 Corinthians 3, I shared this Sunday, but it was for you guys actually. Do you not know that you are the temple of God and the Spirit of God dwells in you? Just, I mean, just let that sentence sink in.

Is that crazy? Because a lot of times we don't think that, like I'm just, you know, me, I'm a failure. My past, man, I wish I could serve God but this body, this physical body is actually the temple, meaning that's where the Holy Spirit resides. So you can quench and grieve the Spirit or you can fully surrender and allow His influence to guide you.

And that's really what the Holy Spirit, the triune nature of God is within us. And it's all about what's going to guide me. Is the Holy Spirit going to guide me? Lord, and as He's guiding you, what does He do? He convicts you.

He shows you. Don't get the last word in. Anybody have a lot of time with the last word? Three out of this many? There we go.

There we go. There we go. And He'll show you, right? And then you have a choice.

And there's filling with the Holy Spirit and life and you're bold and broken, tough and tender, but you're a good listener. Don't you love those times when you can tell you surrender to the Spirit? And man, I just love this. That's why if possible, if possible, I try to set up hard meetings right after the second service.

Because I'm so full of God's Spirit and love and grace. Good listener. Whatever.

Call me mean names. Man, isn't it? It's much better. Try going home and talking to your wife after worship concludes.

Much easier. There's something different. Somebody cuts you off at the road.

Hey, no problem, man. Good job. No problem.

By midweek, it's a different finger for some of you. I haven't done that a long time. Now, I felt it, but that's where this influence of the Spirit, you either surrender... That's why Paul said, do you not know that your choices... Read Romans 5, 6, 7, right in there.

Galatians, actually. And do you not know that your choices are never free from this conflict? Choose to walk in the Spirit. And you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

So I have to make a choice. Don't tell my wife, I don't think she'll watch this, but I have to make a choice daily to keep my mouth shut. Don't you? Just not going there.

Is it hard? But then you thank God later. How many of you have had to apologize for text messages? Guys, if we can't be real, why are we here? And I've learned now just to not do that. Just wait.

But we have the Holy Spirit in us. So if anyone defiles the temple of God, what is defilement? I mean, I wanted to, but it's a 30 minute study. It actually originates in the Old Testament when you defile the temple of God.

The strange fire that those two priests offered and God consumed them, they defiled the temple of God. The way Uriah, no, not Uriah, Uzziah, I think, held the ark wrong. And it's a defilement of how God, it's basically mocking when a king would go in and offer incense like a priest is supposed to do.

They defile. It's an out of order, haughty, arrogant attitude that disregards the holiness of God. So now he says, when you defile the temple of God, and of course, many of us, as I have over the years until I really studied it, thought mainly sexual sin.

And of course, that is at the top of the list. But defilement is not just sexual sin. Peter actually said, if we don't treat our wives correctly, our prayers are hindered.

And arrogance is a defilement. Arrogant, God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. So attitudes can be a defilement.

The Bible talks about idolatry, you know, a defilement. And so he says, if you defile the temple of God, now let me just, before I get deep here, as a word of encouragement, there's a difference between this attitude, oh, Lord, that was, why did I do that? I defiled you. And God, I need to repent.

I want to get back on track. God, help me. I'm repenting like the Christ of David in the Psalms versus the person that just continues in their defilement.

I don't care. God forgives me. And they just keep, yeah, whatever.

It's who I am. I was born this way. I need an outlet.

I need an outlet. And we keep caving into that. Then God has to say, oh, I need to wake you up, son.

I need to wake you up. I don't know, I wasn't going to share this with you guys, but I just remembered it. Over the years I've counseled, this is probably 12 years ago now, but it was one of the saddest things I've ever seen.

And I knew this couple. I haven't seen them probably in that long either. No grounds for divorce.

And they're separated, possibly real close to divorce. He starts seeing someone new during this process. And I had lunch.

I'm shooting him straight. And he's like, but man, she's so attractive. And her stomach's flat with abs.

Holy cow. God, help us. Christian man.

Defilement. And we see just the ridiculous things we say when we get off track or do or pursue the lusts of the flesh. Yeah, I bet Delilah looked good too.

But what happened? And so he says, when you have that unrepentant, defilement heart, I know God's done this to me over the years, God says, I will destroy him. And initially you might think, oh, wow, that results in God's going to kill me. Now there are situations where Old Testament and new, where God chooses to do that.

Ananias, Sapphira, you know, and then I think it was Ur, his name was in Old Testament, that God just didn't like him. But this word is actually, and sometimes I don't know why translators, it's interesting to look at translations of the Bible because some translations, it's hard because a Greek word, it's hard to, you know, they have seven different words for love from agape and phileo and we just have love. So sometimes it's hard, but what it actually means is if you look it up, it means if you begin to live this life of defilement, unrepentant sin, God will injure you to get you back on course.

God will knock you down to get you back on course. God will pull you down maybe from some position to get you back on course. He might dismantle or impair you to wake you up.

So that's what that word means. Injure, knock down, pull down, dismantle or impair. So it's almost like a spanking from God.

If we're defiling the temple, defiling the temple, defiling the temple, God might, and he knows how to wake us up. You might be just thinking you're doing great and then you get that email. This is a two week notice, two week notice.

What am I going to do for work? Might want to see God. You know how many people we see? Usually it's not until something happens, correct? Then they're at the altar, then they're in the prayer room, then they're here on Wednesdays and Sundays and can't get enough of God. Then they're around the heaven.

And then when everything's good, we don't see him. But it's that knocking down. I just found out I lost my job.

How many people did we have from Hollywood when the studios closed down? I prayed with like a half dozen people crying, my job, my job. What about a sickness? Doctors don't know what to do. Everything's great.

Boom, impairs you, knocks you down, limits you until you wake up. So you are the temple of the Holy Spirit. If you begin to defile that in an unrepentant, continual way, God might discipline those he loves.

And how does God discipline us? It hurts. There's no Holy Spirit paddle coming down from heaven. It doesn't work that way.

It works internally and by life's circumstances. I mean, I don't want to get too deep in here, but there is a possibility. Paul actually says, I don't know if I have it.

Oh, I do. Good. I added it recently.

Hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord. Paul's saying, we're not going to cover this person in church anymore. Pray with them, encourage them as far as fellowship, because they are an unrepentant blatant sin.

Turn them over, what happens? Satan then, we don't know. I mean, you can make a case in any area through Job, the book of Job, that Satan can be given permission to harass the human body. Create circumstances that God allows, of course.

Job is a great example of this. Paul even said, and I don't know how else to read the text, but when Paul said, I've got this thorn. I don't think it was, he ran to rose bushes.

I've got this thorn in my flesh. It's a buffeting of Satan. A messenger of Satan was sent to what? Do something to his flesh.

Sickness, the eyesight, many people suggest. I mean, some of you, you know that sometimes you're doing great in a certain area. How many of you, you're doing great in a certain area, you've conquered, man, it's been a while, and here comes that desire again.

It's like you're being harassed. I haven't thought about that in a year. And here it comes again.

That harassment, that messenger of Satan. And in 1 Corinthians, it's what? It's to destroy the flesh. In other words, mercy.

God's the best MMA fighter out there. Mercy. I give up.

And so it saves, again, depending on your view of salvation, different things, but it saves that soul from going in the wrong direction because of God turning him over to Satan and Satan being allowed to buffet his flesh. It's an incredible verse. And it really resonated with me because God will not allow us to defile the temple of God very long.

It could result in exposure. One lesson I've learned, that expose your sin before your sin exposes you. It doesn't stay in the darkness very long.

And if you're going through the fire, if you're going through the fire, could it be that you lit the flame? Hmm, I might want to take a picture of that one and remember it. If you're going through the fire, could it be that you lit the flame? The reason I say that is so many, I mean, I'm sure I'm guilty of this too, but so many people going through the fire, going through challenges or obstacles or difficulties, they don't realize that they themselves lit the flame. Here's why this is so important.

If you lit the flame, you got to put water on it. It's not going out on its own. Most run from the breaking process or they blame shift so they don't have to take responsibility.

Anybody relate? I've done both of those. We run from the breaking process or we blame shift. And it's so easy.

And I've seen, I mean, anytime even a Christian, you know, you see it in the media, these Christian leaders, they fall. Sexual immorality or different things, you know, over the years, I've seen it, you've seen it. Many times they'll blame shift first.

They get out of it. You know, remember Ted Haggard, that guy or Jimmy Swaggart or, you know, Baker and just even recently Robbie Zacharias and Mike Bickle and what's that big church in Chicago, Bill Hubble, and it's just this blame shifting. And if you would have dealt with that initially, deal with it with God.

God doesn't have to expose. But we blame shift. It's part of our human nature.

That's why I call it the defense attorney within. We have a defense attorney that defends us. The flesh loves to defend us.

Because why? Well, that's not really my fault, so I don't have to take responsibility for my actions. And then there's a wonderful principle found in Ezra 10.4. The context is, if we have it, we can put it up there next. Ezra 10.4. Arise, for this matter is your responsibility.

We also are with you. Be of good courage and do it. Be of good courage and do it.

Now, this had to do with marrying pagan wives and getting rid of them and things like that, so don't take this too far. But that really stood out for me. Because this is your responsibility.

Do it. And then I just got a devotional this morning. I want to read to you.

It's from my utmost to His highest. We are to add to our lives all that character means. Listen to this.

This is going to be so helpful. No one is born naturally or supernaturally with character. It must be developed.

And we're not born with habits. We have to form godly habits. We are not meant to be seen as God's perfect, bright, shining examples, but we are seen as the everyday essence of ordinary life.

Drudgery is what he calls it. It's about drudgery. It's the test of genuine character.

Here's where it gets good. The greatest hindrance in our spiritual life. The greatest hindrance? And I thought about that.

I just read this this morning. I'm like, I wish I knew this 20 years ago. The greatest hindrance in our spiritual life is that we only look for the big things to do for God.

Yet Jesus took a towel and began to wash feet. We all have those times when there are no flashes of light, no apparent thrill to life, where we experience nothing but the daily routine with its common everyday tasks. The routine of life is actually God's way of saving us between our times of great inspiration which come from Him.

Don't always expect God to give you these thrilling moments, but learn to live in those common times of drudgery of life by the power of the Spirit. And why that's so important, John, you probably know too, as believers we go, man, I just want to feel your power today in worship, in your presence. I want the goose pumps.

I want just, oh Lord, I just love that spiritual high that comes now and then, and I don't want to stop worshiping, and it doesn't happen. I'm having a hard morning. Sound's not working.

I don't feel anything. I didn't get enough bacon. And I have to do that way more often, push through when I don't feel like it than when I do.

Lord, what's going on? Even at church we pray, God, bring a season of revival. Wake us up, God. My prayer has always been that we would just feel like the upper room.

This incredible moving of God's Spirit, and the whole church feels its dynamic, and we get out here at three in the afternoon. Where's that? Just change. Just get through the everyday drudgery of life.

Be disciplined in what I've called you to do. Build the character. Build the godly habits.

And not always looking for that high. I've been guilty of that. Have you? You're always, and I even pray, you know, Lord, please show me, please show me, please show me, please show me, and He doesn't.

And I get frustrated. I'll tell you a recent example. Here we go.

You guys ready? That's why you got to come to these men's breakfasts. A little embarrassing, but it's transparent. Okay, long story short, about January, I noticed I was back like 220 pounds, high blood pressure, cholesterol, LDL.

My doctor, you've probably watched a podcast with him. He's in Oklahoma, and we talk a lot. And I was stuck for months and months and months and months.

Like, Lord, what do you want me to do? Daniel fast, another fast. Lord, show me. You got this carnivore debate, and plant-based debate, meat debate, and keto debate.

And what's my ideal weight? I got to get more healthy, Lord. I'm getting, I'm feeling my joints. I'm getting older, my kids, my eyesight.

Like, Lord, and months and months and months and months and months and months and months until Ezra popped out that I just shared. This is your responsibility. Do it.

He never told me anything. Nothing. It's your responsibility.

Do it. And maybe that applies to you in other areas. What do I do with my wife? What do I do with my kids? And we just wait and wait and wait and wait for that great inspiration, for God to just show me this thing, what to do.

And many times, we know what to do. We have to form the habits, discipline ourselves, and do it. So when I finally did it, dropped 15 pounds, blood pressure's 118 over 78 this morning or whatever, and feeling better and still in that process of just taking control.

And that's just a little thing. It's not really a spiritual thing. But I'm just telling you how I sometimes with God, I'm waiting for that, come on, Lord, give me some direction.

How many times have you been there for months and months and months? Lord, what are You doing here? It's your responsibility. Do it. And we run from problems.

Lord, what do You want me to do with this problem? We know what to do. Go to them. Talk to them.

Work it out. But we often pray. And I love those moments.

There have been times where God, it's been so clear that He gives you something and you've got orders from headquarters. And you know, especially when God called me to pastor, it was without a shadow of a doubt. No question asked.

But there's other times where you know, you have to just do it. So arise. For this matter is your responsibility.

We will be with you. Devotional, I read. Faith doesn't say, I won't go until God tells me to.

That's where I was hung up. I won't go until God tells me to. Often, we don't feel like it.

There's no glorious moment. It is simply trust in spite of the darkness. I'm going to end with this.

You guys ready? The dangers of pride. The dangers of pride. Tough and tender.

I'm talking about this tomorrow too in more detail. But number one, pride and not being broke and not being tender. It will deceive you.

It will deceive you. Guys, some of you might be living in deception this morning. Thinking you made the right decision.

Thinking you're the right one. Not knowing that you're hurting your spouse and your kids or grandkids. Again, I've been there.

You don't think pride comes in my heart as well? That's why I have to have my time with the Lord. I mean, I'll leave events early and go to bed early just so I don't miss that time in the morning. I learned that early on.

Deceived. The pride of your heart has deceived you. You will be detained.

I'm going to go through life of David tomorrow. But you will be detained. God opposes the proud.

He detains them for a season, but shows favor to the humble. You will be defeated. But when his heart was lifted up and his spirit was hardened in pride, his kingly throne was taken away from him until he repented.

And it can lead to destruction. Before destruction, a man's heart is what? Haughty. Haughty.

What is haughty? It means you don't want people telling you what to do, and when they do, you have an attitude about it. You don't like to be challenged. You don't want to be given a second opinion.

Somebody says, well, I don't know about that. Have you thought about this? It's a very, very big sign of pride. A fresh touch from God.

This is my encouragement this morning. A fresh touch from God can lead to breakthrough, healing, deliverance, purpose, peace, and more. Let's flip over the next slide.

I want you to see this. A fresh touch from God can lead. Men, you can have a breakthrough.

I'm not just a motivational speaker. I've seen it. You can have a touch from God through repentance, and at least to break through that thing that's been holding you back, you can have that breakthrough.

There can be healing. There can be deliverance. There can be purpose.

There can be peace. There can be more, but we have to admit, and we have to amend our ways. We have to pursue God, and then we have to position ourself correctly underneath that fountain of living water of the Holy Spirit, getting into church, getting into fellowship, getting in the men's group.

And as we pursue God, it's all about positioning, isn't it? Positioning matters big time, because I know I could have met my wife at a bar or church. I was going to both. Trying to juggle schooners and church is not easy.

No, wherever I position myself, where you look is what you find. Repented of that, and I realized if I missed right, you've got to be Mr. Right. Repented of that, and I was no longer looking in those places.

I mean, I'm going to the biggest bars in Bakersfield, country bars back then, Brooks and Dunn, dating myself. Crystal Palace, yes. Buck Owens, Dwight Yoakam.

I'm going to Laughlin. I'm hitting some clubs in Palm Springs even. Palm Springs is a busy spot in Southern California for spring break.

Not a good place to be. That's where I'm looking. Repented.

God, I'm just seeking you. Months and months went by. Back in the church now, I positioned to receive God's best.

Positioning matters. Where are you looking for friends? You're on the internet all the time? Watching YouTube all the time? Where are you positioning yourself? I'd rather position myself right here at 6 a.m. than sleeping tomorrow. A little conviction.

But isn't it all about positioning? Where you put yourself. So pursue God and position yourself correctly. Number three, apply.

Apply the Word of God and repeat it again and again and again. You have to build those habits into your life. And I love when people come to me saying that your life seems so rigid and not fun, you know, from everything, from eating and diet.

But you have to realize I love it. It's a habit now. It's a habit to eat correctly, to exercise, to do these things.

These are habits that I love. It keeps the boundaries. So I'm having a wonderful time.

You look like a sourpuss, not me. Because when you're constantly in bondage to your addictions, that's not fun. And these habits, oh man, that's so boring.

You got to get up in the morning, read God's Word. Man, where's the fun at? That's fun because I like boundaries. I like boundaries.

I like God's principles. They're guardrails through the canyons of life. Aren't you glad you have those guardrails over that mountain? Can you imagine if it was just you're driving and right there the road ends and right there's a mountain? Cliff.

Guardrails. So when you begin to form habits, it becomes who you are. And discipline fuels more discipline.

The more you discipline yourself, in this area, it falls over into other areas of life. And to me, it's a joy. Absolute joy.

So our prayer today is going to be this. And you can even just pray it in your heart. Lord, any place that has become tough, make it tender.

Any area that is hard, make it soft. If we've become critical, God, help us become caring. If our pride is causing pain, help us repair the damage.

Even tell your spouse or your kids or grandkids later. And I love this key to remember. I heard this a couple of months ago.

I've been waiting for this. If your eyes leak, your head won't swell. Wouldn't that be a great t-shirt? And I'm not talking about men going around crying.

We have enough of that. But where's the brokenness and the tenderness? I only saw my dad cry twice that I can remember. And I wish there was a lot more tenderness and brokenness, but that's just the way it was back in the day.

And the first time I remember, tears in his eyes, and he actually had to let me go as an employee. We had a lot of heavy equipment. We owned three backhoes and drilling rigs.

It was down to just me and him and another guy. And when construction tanked in 1989 or so, he just said, son, I have no more work for you. I have nothing we can do.

He's going to have to start selling off equipment and things. I'll never forget that. It stuck with me because I thought, well, this must be pretty important.

So I started laying block building. You want to talk about a hard job? I was a laborer for a block masonry company. And then that's when I started 24-Hour Fitness.

Because of that, that was a turning moment that got me out of that. And then the last time was around probably before that actually, was when he found out he had to go back in for heart surgery again. He wasn't even 50 years old.

And he didn't want to go through that again. And just seeing those tender moments, I'll never forget them. And why? Because it made me tender.

And even as a father, seeing how those tender moments really make a difference. So what I'm going to do, instead of going right into worship, we do have a few minutes. I don't know, is there anybody who has any questions on this topic? You can grab the microphone right there from Rick.

If not, that's fine too. We're just going to give it a minute or so. So go back there.

We can have just a few people asking questions. If there are any, if not, we're going to go right into worship. But let me pray.

And if you do, just go back there. So Lord, as we conclude, Lord, my prayer is that if there's any place that has become tough, any place that has become tough, make it tender. Any area that is hard, Lord, make it soft.

And if we become critical, help us become caring. And if our pride is causing pain, help us repair the damage. So with that said, I'll have John come up.

And if you guys do have questions, you could submit them to Rick. Oh, there's one? Oh, two on my text. Thanks, Jaira.

I guess I should have looked at that first. Because you did say that. John could probably play quietly, right? Two.

Does defiling the temple of God... Oh yeah, Jaira could text it. Our body, host of the Holy Spirit, apply to the non-believer? I would say it does not because the Holy Spirit does not reside in them. So they're not defiling the temple of God, such as atheists, he said here.

So no, they are not yet the temple of God. Does God seek to destroy them for defiling their body through sin? I like what Jesus said, I didn't come to destroy, I came to save. But then when there's a rejection of God, the final end state of that man is destruction.

So I've always looked at it as God doesn't seek to destroy, He seeks to save. But then when the salvation message is rejected, then there is destruction. Yeah, it's called, and you can actually find it online, it's called My Utmost for His Highest.

Oswald Chambers, 1940s. My Utmost for His Highest. And they can actually email you daily.

So I wake up in the morning, I've got that devotional. And there's another one, Streams in the Desert. So you can just find them online, My Utmost for His Highest.

And June 15th. And then Streams in the Desert, also written in the 1940s. These guys were deep before they had phones.

And distractions. It's a big difference. Anyone else? Microphone, okay.

Or is it text? I think I got them both. God defiles the temple, and then the other one is, does God seek to destroy them? So maybe it didn't go through yet. Yes, that one, I think, the tenderness towards our children usually really begins the day they're born.

I remember holding Aubrey in the hospital. And all my kids, I cried, just holding them. And then the breaking starts right there.

Right there. And that's why I'm glad I had even a girl first and some girls, because that's the breaking, the tender. And so it's submitting to that tenderness, right? And not getting bent out of shape and different things.

So, number one, I think God makes us tender through holding that child and then parenting that child. But then it's a process of staying tender. Because you realize, right? I'm like you, if I don't do anything, if I do nothing, I'll become hard and rigid and critical and cynical, because that's the flesh being given permission to do what it wants to do.

Like a river. A river is flowing one way or the other. Throw a piece of wood in it, it's going in the direction the river is flowing.

So if I do nothing, I'm flowing the way of the flesh. Because doesn't that stink though? Like you don't have to do anything. You know what? I'm just going to do nothing today.

I'm not going to get the Word. I'm not going to do anything. And you're going in the wrong direction.

You've got to fight. You've got to put on the armor of God. You make no provision for the flesh to fulfill its lust.

You've got to strengthen yourself. You've got to flee temptation. There's all these action words.

And so tender, staying tender, to answer your question, is one of those words. Like Lord, help me stay tender. And apologizing to my kids more.

And trying to keep that heart of, and also at home, making that quality time last. But it does have to be worked on. That's why I love that verse, don't work for your salvation, work it out.

You have to work out your salvation. So staying tender to me involves brokenness, repentance, seeking the Lord, because tenderness flows from the Holy Spirit working in your heart. Love, joy, contentment, gentleness, all that is fruit of the Spirit.

All the other things are the fruit of the flesh. What are some ways you've been able to serve with your kids to teach them about loving others from the younger years through the teenage years? That's where you have to be creative and find out what are some of the ways you've been able to serve with your kids. Well right now my daughter's doing slides and my son's on camera, so that's one way.

That's a way they also get to listen to what I say. I preach to them every week, so I do have an advantage. One area I've dropped the ball, and it's very difficult, is to try to have family devotionals enough.

It's a tough time to do it. Maybe it's because we have a couple little ones and it's kind of hard to stay. They get real distracted, but that's one thing I'm fighting for.

What are some ways you've been able to serve with your kids? I know we've taken them to different ministries, from homeless to what's going on here at the church. We're serving together at VBS. We do things together.

I never feel that I fully mastered this area, so it's constantly a challenge to do this, but I hope that answers your question. So you have to be strategic. For you, it might mean maybe going with them to the homeless ministry or bringing your son to the men's event, taking your daughter to the father-daughter dance, and then outside of that, doing different things with them.

And how many of you went to the father-daughter dance? All right, the daughters love it. They can't wait for the next one. The guys, you know, it's a little more challenging, but spending time with them and loving them, so I think you have to be very, very proactive.

All right, Rick, is there one more? Two more? I wouldn't say the thorn that's given to us is a sin. I would say possibly the thorn, for example, let's say somebody's struggling with alcohol, and here comes this demonic oppression. Does it turn into sin because they act upon it? So what he's talking about is, for me, all we have is the Scripture, and I don't like to get way beyond it or assume certain things, but Paul said, I mean, the context says he was taken up to the third heavens, right? He saw things that he can't even explain, and because of the excellence of the vision that was given to Paul, he said exact words.

I've looked up in the Greek, and it's real clear. A messenger of Satan was given to Paul like a thorn in the flesh to buffet the flesh. So there's something that this messenger of Satan is doing to keep him humble.

And have you been there where you've got this, Lord, I just, what is this? I should be more godly. I feel that this is really humbling me. Yeah, that's the point.

That's the point. And so I don't think it's a sin per se. It can make a sin, and I don't know if it's, the Bible doesn't make it clear.

I know many said Paul had problems with his eyes because of, look how big my signature is and other areas. I know you'd give me your eye, Paul said, if you could. And so he could be praying, Lord, give me better eyesight.

But God said, my grace is sufficient. So he prayed three times. Take this away.

Take this away. Take this away. Now, that doesn't mean you keep caving into sin because I know some people who do.

Well, God's grace is sufficient. It's my thorn. I got to keep caving in.

No, you don't. But whatever it was, God said, hey, I'm not going to take it away, but my grace is going to be sufficient. So when it gets into the demonic element, I'm going to talk about that more in the book of Acts.

But we do know, and I don't know how else you'd read it, but we are to resist Satan and he will flee. So if I'm resisting him, that tells me there's a pressure. Because to resist something means it's coming against you.

So he's coming against me. Do not give Satan a foothold. So does that mean I can open the door? And so we don't believe in possession, Christians being possessed, but there seems to be an oppression where Satan and demons, what they do is they oppress believers.

And maybe they look for weak areas. I can't go into details. I don't know if there's any here, but helping people through, they're doing great.

They're worshiping. They open the door to alcohol again. And boy, are they bound.

Let me tell you, sometimes seven come back worse than the first. That scripture is out of context if I use it that way, but I think of that sometimes. Maybe I'll explain sometimes or sometime in the future, but you open the door.

What about if we open the door and to pornography and it just becomes a daily habit? Now you've opened this door to the demonic. And that's when it becomes sin. So for somebody here, it might be, man, I struggle with fear.

If you guys only knew the fear, I'm worried about what's going on in our nation. And some sitting here, man, if you only knew, I just got drunk last night and I've got this. So these thorns, this messenger of Satan, this harassment could be any of many.

I'm glad it doesn't say what it is. Personally, John, I hope that answers your question to some degree, but we don't know exactly what it was. Dan, you have a quick one? What I would do teaching kids this topic, and I do with my kids, because we're going to be bold, back to the topic, bold for the faith, right? We want to be bold believers, but boldness, you've got to have some healthy tension with everything.

You know, God's sovereignty, man's responsibility, losing your salvation. I mean, all these doctrines, there's a healthy tension. So if I'm bold, right? I can be bold.

I can get loud. I can call out, but I better balance that out with a lot of brokenness. Brokenness.

Because brokenness reminds us, remember Jake, he had that limp that would not leave? You know, that brokenness helps us stay humble in our boldness. Because I've seen those so of you, and I can go this way. The boldness turns into arrogance, and dogmatic, and in your face, and critical.

And to be honest with you, that's my concern with a lot of the people in the conservative movement right now. I mean, I can name some names right now that tick me off, because they're bold, but they are just as arrogant and mean as the other side. Now, I'm saying that knowing, you know, I can kind of, you know, I look at some of the stuff I post, I'm like, oh, but they need to hear it, right? So that's what I mean.

You teach your kids, yes, be bold, but make sure you're broken. And when God breaks you, you actually come back stronger. And I'll never do it, I hope, but when I was 12, I had arm surgery, and they'd have physical therapy back then, I never really straightened it.

So that's where it stays. Michael knows, he's tried to work on it. Man, this thing is just locked.

Well, I went to, when I went to the orthopedic, they said, well, we can, you don't have to break, re-break the bone and cut the tendons that have shortened, but we can get it back stronger than it was and straight again. I'm like, oh, good, I think, I think this is fine, right? But, you know, that's how they would, they would break it to improve it. The alabaster box had to be broken before the perfume flowed out over Jesus.

The perfume your wife wears, the petals of the flower have to be broken. The olive oil that you use, the olives have to be broken. The grape juice, the grapes have to be broken.

And so teaching your kids, I try to help them too, as far as submit to the breaking process. If people are, you're losing friends, things aren't going well, you're having difficulty, submit to the breaking process and let God humble you. And so that's what I would teach them, is finding that balance between bold and broken.

It's difficult, but it can be done. Let's see, anybody else? Jai, would you send me another one? Is there any advice on setting your kids in the way they should go toward Christ so they grow up fearing God? Well, something before I even had kids, I'm sure my kids will admit this, I'm not a perfect example. They see flaws all the time.

But what do we do with those flaws? Do we repent and work on them, acknowledge them? You try preaching and your kids hear it. It's like, Dad, you said this one day. But Josh McDowell, before I even had kids, I remember him saying he was at a youth conference.

He was a famous speaker at youth conferences. And he said the number one question he gets from teens is, how can I live for Christ when I don't want the Christ my parents have? Just let that sink in. And that sunk in to my heart.

And so I think it's one thing, and it's important, here's what the Bible says, and teaching them the Bible, but then they have to see the Bible lived out. I probably won't give that poem tomorrow on Father's Day because it's worn out. But the one that says, Dad, the lessons you give me may be very wise and true, but I'd rather get my lesson by observing what you do.

For I might misunderstand you in the high advice you give, but Dad, there's no misunderstanding how you act and how you live. And so teaching them, living it out. But living it out, the big misconception is, man, my dad is just like Jesus.

No, they'll say, man, my dad is a broken man, humble man, admits his mistakes, asks for forgiveness, and they see the Christian life lived out. They see the failures and the mistakes. They see the heart of forgiveness and helping others.

That's why I like to take them around, and how do we treat others? They're watching how you treat others. How you treat your spouses is vital, too. And so you train them in the way they should go, not only by your words, but also by your actions.