Building Your Home in a Godly Way

We want this session, to talk in this session about family life. You've probably noticed that in the Old Testament, there's almost no emphasis on family life at all. And among its leaders, a lot of the prophets were single, like Elijah and Elisha.

And the great leaders, Moses had a bit of a messy family life, and David's family life was a mess. And there's hardly any example, and Samuel, one of the greatest prophets, his children are all wayward. It's amazing, you look at the Old Testament, there's not even a single case of a person who had a godly family life.

All the great leaders, whether you think of, I don't know how many concubines Abraham had, and Jacob, and all those people. Isaac, he was throwing favoritism to one of his children. Right through the Old Testament's like that, yet we know that was not God's perfect will.

Just like many other things in the Old Testament were not God's perfect will, but because the Holy Spirit had not been given, that's why God permitted it. He permitted them to have many wives, and concubines, and all types of things in the Old Testament. But when you come to the New Testament, you find a revelation of God's perfect will.

And there, in the New Testament, one man must have only one wife, which is not at all true in the Old Testament. And a man cannot be a leader, or an elder in a church, if he's not brought up his children properly. And that would also imply that he has a good relationship with his wife, but mainly bringing up children.

Because it goes on to say, if you don't know that verse, it's a very logical argument in 1 Timothy and 1 Timothy chapter 3. The logical argument is that if a man cannot take care of a few children at home, how in the world can he bring up so many people in a church? Church is like a family. 1 Timothy 3 and verse 5. If a man does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of the church? Because an elder is to be like a spiritual father to a church. And if he can't be a father in his own home properly, so therefore it says one qualification for an elder is, he must be one, verse 4, who manages his own family well, keeping his children under control with all dignity.

Moses and Samuel failed completely, and they are supposed to be the greatest prophets. So we see a tremendous difference between Old Covenant and New Covenant in this area. And so we see the importance of family life here.

That's why we've often stressed in the church that the New Testament church is built on three floors, three stories. Foundation is God's perfect love for us. We know Him as Father, and Jesus is our Savior.

And then the first story or first floor is walking with a clear conscience before God in every area. It's a personal walk with God. And on top of that is bringing up a godly family, and on top of that is building the church as the body of Christ.

And it's very rare to find that in Christendom today. You look all across America, even in India, it's rare to find a godly man whose children are all born again, and who's manifesting a good home relationship with his wife, and who's also building a church. So there are many things we find that are missing in a lot of Christendom.

And I believe in every generation, God raises up different movements to restore the church to the original New Testament pattern. When Paul was in Ephesus, he taught certain values there. But 30 years later, that church in Ephesus has gone to the dogs.

So bad, the church which Paul stayed three years with and built up, 30 years later, the Lord says, I'm going to remove the anointing from your church. Can you imagine? 30 years later, it's gone. So is a church supposed to last only 30 years? I mean, we've been going, CFC has been going on for 50 years, but we've tried to maintain the same standards.

And why is it like this? The devil is out to attack the Christian family. And that's why you find so many pastors who are divorced, and so many pastors' children are wayward. And yet that is not God's perfect will.

So in our churches, we emphasize the second floor, the second story very much. He says it's very, very important that we manifest in the a good husband-wife relationship and bringing up children who are respectful, who fear God. See, take a simple matter like teaching our children to speak to older people with respect.

That is a very rare thing in American society. But in the church, we must manifest that. It's a it's very important for children to learn to respect older people.

It's one of the fundamental requirements of a good Christian family. So when God made man, he had a wonderful plan for man and for his family. And yet we know the devil came in and separated Adam and Eve, made them accuse each other.

And the first son that was born to them became a murderer, killing his own brother. So this is how the human race started. And Jesus has come to redeem us from all of that.

So it begins with the husband-wife relationship first. I personally believe that God wants the family to be a small foretaste of what heaven is like. And going on from there, the church, the fellowship in the church must be a small foretaste of what heaven is like.

Not perfection, but that there is peace. I believe we should strive for peace. The reason I say that is, when Jesus rose up from the dead, turn with me to John's Gospel chapter 20.

And he appeared to his disciples a few times. He always used to come with these words. John 20 verse 19, peace be unto you.

And then that is in John 20 verse 19. In fact, if you were to ask me, what are the first words that Jesus spoke to his disciples after the resurrection? Here it is, John 20 verse 19, peace be with you. And then he showed them his hands and feet.

And then verse 21, again a second time, peace be with you. I say, Lord, you already said it once. No, I have to emphasize it.

And then after eight days, verse 26, he comes again in the midst of his disciples. And he says in the latter part, peace be with you. You see this tremendous emphasis on peace be with you, peace be with you, showing that this is the type of family God wants.

And this is the type of church God wants, where there is peace. So what is the primary thing God wants to see in your home? Peace. You see in the short passage, three times it comes, peace be with you, peace be with you, peace be with you.

There are so many other things that are important also in the family, but peace is the primary thing. We make so much effort to make sure that our family life is comfortable with all types of gadgets and comfortable home to live in and many, many other things. But if peace is not there, we are missed out on the main thing.

So a husband and wife, when they get married, when a couple get married, they must strive to enter into this life of peace. And I've often used the illustration of two hands. Think of this as a husband and wife, whichever hand is stronger.

Husband may be stronger, sometimes a wife is stronger. And so many homes is clashing, clashing, clashing, noise and sound and fighting. Now, what is it that could stop the sound from coming? One of these hands must say, I refuse to fight.

Then however much the other one is trying to fight, there's no noise. This is an example of how it must be in the home. There's no strife, no noise, because one person dies to himself or herself.

And so taking up the cross is the fundamental requirement in every Christian home. Taking up the cross means dying to self. So here's the picture.

Clash, clash, clash and one dies to self. It's no more sound. Or the other one dies to self.

No more sound. And if both are willing to die to self, it leads to fellowship. This is the ideal picture of family.

Second best is at least no clash. Either one fighting doesn't make a difference. So peace be with you.

Peace be with you is something that the Lord emphasized and that we must strive for that at our home at any cost. Fellowship is one step higher than peace. Fellowship is the two working together.

But till then there must be peace. So all who are married, I would urge you to take those words of Jesus seriously. Peace be with you.

And say, Lord, I want to do my part to bring peace in the home. So every one of you whose husband or wife, you need to ask yourself, what can you do? Not what your partner can do. What can you do to make sure there's peace in your home? And you know what they write on the many coffins? When they make a coffin, they write on it, rest in peace.

That is the way to peace. Death brings peace. And that's a wonderful message that Jesus came with.

That while you're alive, you can die and bring peace in your situation. Even inward peace comes if you're willing to die. If you're not willing to die, even if you outwardly control yourself, there'll be constant unrest in the heart.

I'm never satisfied with outward peace. That's a good thing, but it's not enough for me. I must have an inner peace that I'm not in unrest in my heart about what's happening in the home or what's happening in the church.

If I'm always in unrest and disturbed, there's no peace inside. I'm just a strong personality suppressing it all and giving the impression of smiling and happy, but it's a deception. When the Lord said, peace be with you, it must be in the heart.

And it begins in the heart and then outside. And as I said, what is written on the coffin is the secret. When you die, you rest in peace.

Like it's written on the coffin, rest in peace. Now, the wonderful message of the Christian gospel is that before I get into a coffin, I can rest in peace now as I die inwardly. And that must be the goal of every single believer in your personal life, in your office life, when things apparently go wrong all over, to be at rest, be at peace.

And this is so important that the Bible calls this the land of Canaan. You know, in the Old Testament, the whole story of Israel being redeemed out of Egypt is a picture of our salvation. Israel was slaves in Egypt.

We were slaves to sin. And they were under the whiplash of the Egyptian masters and we were under the whiplash of the devil. Whatever he told us to do, we do.

He told us to get angry, we would get angry. He told us to lust, we would lust. That's how a slave obeys his master.

Come on, construct that building. He'll go and construct it. Make those bricks.

That's what the Israelites did, they had to make bricks. So the devil says, come on, lust after that woman, watch pornography. Immediately I go and do it.

And if I don't do it, I get whipped. This is slavery. Whatever the devil wants, yell at that person, fight with this person and cheat in this money matter.

And we are under the whiplash of this Egyptian taskmaster called the devil. And we do what he says. Then one day the Lord delivers us out of that.

With the blood of Jesus on the door, we are out and we go through the baptism in the Red Sea and come out. And now after that, the pillar of cloud, the Holy Spirit should be leading us. But in the lives of many Christians, it is not like that.

It's exactly like the Israelites. Outside Egypt also, they are worshipping idols and doing so many things wrong. But that was not God's perfect will.

God wanted them to enter the land of Canaan where the giants are finally defeated. And that is God's perfect will for the family. Don't believe that God's perfect will for your family is living in Egypt or even wandering in the wilderness.

Even though you put the blood of Jesus on the door, you're baptized in water, that's not enough. You have to go through Jordan. Jordan is a picture of death to self.

They cross the river Jordan and come out. And symbolically, that is the way to enter into a life of rest. So if you turn to Hebrews and chapter 4, we read there, Therefore let us fear.

What is he talking about? He's talking about the previous verse, the Lord was angry, verse 17. Chapter 3, verse 17. With the Israelites for 40 years in the wilderness, that was not God's perfect will.

But they did not enter into rest, verse 18. The land of Canaan is called a land of rest. Rest from what? Rest from strife with one's enemies.

The enemies are defeated. That's called a life of rest. And he says, Let us fear, chapter 4, verse 1. They did not enter Canaan.

They came short of that rest. Let us fear that one of you should also come short of that spiritual rest God has promised us. So verse 9, 4, 9, chapter 4, verse 9. There remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God.

The one who has entered his rest has rested from his works as God. So verse 11, let us be diligent to enter that rest so that no one will fall through the same example of disobedience. So a life of rest is what Canaan's land is a picture of, where the enemies are all defeated.

Rest means peace. Just like Jesus said, Peace be unto you. Here it is called rest.

That is God's perfect will for our families, where the enemies are defeated. And whatever enemy we see, you know, the children of Israel could only defeat the Canaanites they saw. They saw a Canaanite, they killed them and over occupied that land.

But there were still Canaanites in other parts they were not seen. When they saw them, they would kill them and they would occupy more territory. Then there'd still be more.

So this is a picture of our Christian life where there's conscious sin and unconscious sin. I can be completely free from conscious sin. That means knowingly, I'm not doing anything wrong.

To the best of my knowledge, I've got victory over anger. I've got victory over bitterness. And I'm not losing my temper.

In other words, I'm overcoming all the Canaanites I can see. But still, there are unconscious areas in my life where I'm not Christ-like. But it is God's will that little by little, we possess those areas and drive out those Canaanites too.

That is called Christian growth. So our spiritual growth must always be from rest to greater rest to greater rest to greater rest to greater rest. That is the definition of the land of Canaan.

In other words, more and more peace in our home. So when it says, let the peace of Christ reign in your midst, this is what we must strive for in our homes, more than anything else. Many of us strive to improve our standard of living.

Good. But it is not even 1% as important as being at rest in your home. That peace in your home must be your primary desire.

So I want to ask all of you, my dear brothers and sisters, do you earnestly desire that you should have peace in your home as much as you desire for a better house, for a more spacious house? You know, people live in a certain house and then they say, okay, we are earning more, we can move into a better house, a small spacious house. Good. What about entering more into rest in your life from conflict and strife? That should be your primary goal.

You can have a bigger building if you can afford it, but it's no use having a bigger building if you have strife and all that between husband and wife. So I would say to you, my dear brothers and sisters, determine with all your heart that you're going to have your home as a life, as a place of perfect rest in one area that you never raise your voice at each other at all. I mean, raise your voice in anger.

It's a battle that you must fight. You must come into a battle. Because, you know, we all say we want Jesus in our home.

Lord, be the head of our home. But think of it practically. If Jesus Christ were physically in your home, would you raise your voice at your husband or wife? No.

You'd say, I can't control it. You would control it if Jesus were physically there and you could see Jesus. If he was in the next room and he came out, I guarantee none of you, even those who have got no self-control, you would not raise your voice at your husband or wife because you respect the physical presence of Jesus Christ.

Now, let me ask you, don't you believe that the Lord is there even if he is not visible physically? We must, like that title of that old book says, we must practice the presence of God. Practice the presence of the Lord in our home. We're not imagining.

Just because I can't see, I'm not imagining. I know if both of you are born again, Christ is there. The only thing is you're not recognizing it.

You're not acknowledging it. He's there and all you're fighting is in his presence. The angels are there and more than that, the demons are there.

And think of this, the delight that the demons have when they see a husband and wife fighting. They say, ah, exactly what we wanted. That's what the demons say.

You realize that the demons are rubbing their hands in delight when you and your partner raise your voice at each other or refuse to talk to each other or something like that. How the demons, just think of the presence of demons there. Think of the presence of angels there who hang their head in shame when they see, Lord, these are supposed to be your children, this husband and wife, but see how they are relating to one another and the angels hide their heads in shame and the demons are full of delight.

Yeah, and they instigate one to come on, say something more. That's not enough. Give that person a piece of your mind.

Where do you think those voices are coming from? Do you recognize the voice? Many believers cannot recognize the voice of the devil telling them, give your wife a piece of your mind. Give your husband a piece of your mind, otherwise he'll take advantage of you. Who is saying that? Is that Jesus saying that? Is that the Holy Spirit? See how insensitive we have been to the voice of the Holy Spirit.

We come to the meeting, we hear so many things, but if we want the Lord to be glorified in our home, if we want to say we are a New Covenant Christian home, only New Covenant Christian homes can build a New Covenant Christian fellowship. That's the second stage. Here's a New Covenant Christian life with a good conscience.

First floor, New Covenant Christian home. Second floor, New Covenant Christian fellowship. Third floor, we call ourselves New Covenant Christian fellowship, but it must be built on a New Covenant Christian home and a New Covenant Christian life and the New Covenant Christian foundation.

So please remember this, and next time you are tempted, please remember what you heard today. The next time you're tempted to even think something which is unloving about your partner or about your partner's parents or something that your partner's parents said or did to you, you bring that all up. What is it going to do to your home? I'd say to you, my brothers, die.

Die. That is the secret of the Christian life. Turn with me to John's Gospel chapter 12.

There were some Greeks, John 12 verse 20. They had heard about Jesus, and they came all the way from Greece, and they say we want to see Jesus. It's a very interesting answer Jesus gave.

John 12 21. The Greeks came and said, Sir, we want to see Jesus, and Philip came and told Andrew. Andrew and Philip came and told Jesus, Lord, you know the Greeks are supposed to be a very high class of society.

There were the Romans and the Greeks, and the Greeks ruled the world before the Romans ruled the world. So they were high class people like the Romans, and this is like some important people coming to see you, and they came to Jesus and said, Lord, some important people are come. They want to see you, and Jesus did not have the slightest interest in getting excited.

Oh, these foreigners are coming to see me. He was not at all interested in that like we might be, and Jesus said, tell them if they want to see me, this is what I'm paraphrasing his words, verse 24, must fall into the ground and die. This is his answer for what? The question is, the Greeks have come to see you, and the Lord's answer is, you really want to see me? Fall into the ground and die.

Remember the context in which this comes. We know that verse by itself. A grain of wheat must fall into the ground and die, otherwise it will be alone.

But in what context did Jesus say it? He said it in the context of people who are so eager to see him. Today we are eager to see Jesus like the Greeks. We say, Lord, we want to see you.

The Greeks said, Lord, we want to see you. Today we say, Lord, we want to see you in our home. In my home I want to see you, and he doesn't appear.

He says, a grain of wheat must fall into the ground and die, then you will see me. That is the meaning of that. So don't love your life in this world, hate it.

So that is the secret. If you want to see Jesus in your home, because remember these Greeks came to see Jesus. If you want to see Jesus in your home, the answer Jesus gives is, fall into the ground and die, and then you'll see me.

You'll see me very clearly. And I've seen this to be true in different situations, not only in the home, in the church or anywhere. If you want to see Christ manifested, fall into the ground and die.

Don't forget the context in which Jesus spoke these words. Sometimes we know that as a verse. Jesus said, fall into the ground and die, and you'll bear much fruit.

See the context in which it was spoken. It was spoken in the context of people wanting to see him. And the Lord is saying, this is how you will really see me, if you will fall into the ground and die.

And I have experienced this again and again and again. In a complicated situation, you say, Lord, I want to see you. Your presence here only will solve this problem.

And the Lord says, you'll see me if you fall into the ground and die. So to all of you husbands and wives who are eager to have Jesus manifest himself in your home, and you pray, Lord, we want to see you in our home, just like the Greeks said. He'll say, fall into the ground and die, and you will see me.

And I proved that again and again in different situations with different brothers in the home. I believe we should aim for a life of perfect peace in our home. You won't reach there overnight.

It takes time, but I would urge you work towards it. Work towards it. Work towards controlling your tongue, first of all.

Then you can control your thoughts. First, control your tongue and say, Lord, please help me to control my tongue. Turn with me to James, the letter of James chapter 3 and verse 2. We all stumble in many ways, but if a man does not stumble in his speech, he's a perfect man, able to control his whole body.

The most difficult part of this body to control is the tongue. And so he says here, if you can control your tongue, you can control the whole body. And we know that it's the tongue that has caused maximum damage in many relationships and in the home.

So I would encourage you to work on it in the coming months, weeks and months. And you say, Lord, please help me. Give me the power of your spirit.

And controlling it to keep quiet is one thing. First step. The second step is to use that tongue to say something positive and good.

So that some fellowship can be built over there. Keeping quiet is second best. But if we can speak forth in a loving way without getting offended, you know, some people when they get offended, they just keep quiet.

And the silence itself is a way of punishing you. Have you seen that happen? Your partner keeps quiet as a way of punishing you. I'm not going to say anything.

And they think they've got victory. Rubbish, absolute nonsense. They're just trying to make it difficult for the other person by keeping quiet.

Open your mouth and speak. We can bring peace into a situation by speaking and it requires an inward death. That's essential.

If you're not inwardly died, then keep your mouth shut. Definitely. Otherwise, you'll say something stupid.

Or you'll say something to hurt the other person. We have to concentrate on, Lord, I want to take up my cross inwardly so that I don't get offended. I don't feel hurt.

I don't feel that my ego has been hurt. If a person who's dead with Christ, there's no ego. He doesn't bother about.

He himself is dead. Lord, I want to die so that Christ lives in me. And I want to ask myself, is Jesus going to be offended here? No, Christ is the one who's living in me.

So I believe if you do this, my brother, sister, it'll have a tremendous effect on your children. Because they will see what is happening in husband, wife relationship that will bless them as children. And not only that, years later, when they get married, your children will be able to follow your example of how they had it in your home.

What a wonderful thing if we can give an inheritance to our children, not in terms of dollars, not in terms of earthly property, but in terms of having experienced a life of peace and fellowship at home. The greatest inheritance that you as parents can give your children is not money, but is a demonstration of a heavenly life in an earthly home. And that requires cooperation from both husband and wife.

So the secret of every aspect of the Christian life is death to self. That's why we speak about the centrality of the cross in every area of our relationship. And in that atmosphere, husband and wife can unitedly work to bring up children.

So often there are differences of opinion between husband and wife. How should we bring up our children? Should we discipline them or should we punish them? Many, many conflicts, because one partner is strict and one person wants to be lenient. But if the goal of both is we want our children to grow up in the fear of God, I personally, I'll give you my own testimony, I follow the New Testament teaching on bringing up children.

People sometimes you go to the Old Testament, they say, oh, that was Old Testament. Okay, I'll give you a New Testament. And not only New Testament, I'll give you the example of God Almighty Himself.

We must bring up our children the way God brings up His children. You can't beat that. That is perfect.

Okay, here's the answer. Hebrews chapter 12 and verse 6. Hebrews 12 verse 6. Those whom the Lord loves, He disciplines. If you ask me, how do you know the Lord loves you? The baby Christian will say Christ died for my sins.

I also say that. But the mature Christian will say, the Lord disciplines me, according to verse 6. How do I know the Lord loves me? Hebrews 12 verse 6. The Lord disciplines me. Can you give that answer? Or is the only answer you give, Christ died for me, that's how I know God loves me.

Can you also say, I know God loves me because He's disciplined me. And He scourges every son whom He receives. Read it.

Every son, and you are no exception, every son or daughter, He scourges everyone because we all have a flesh. There's nobody without a flesh, so we all need scourging. And it is for discipline that you endure.

Hebrews 12 verse 7. God deals with you as with sons. When God disciplines you, He's dealing with you as with a son or a daughter. And then listen to this question.

What is the answer to this question? You tell me. What son is there whom his father does not discipline? I'll say, Lord, I'll show you numerous sons and daughters who are not disciplined by their parents. In answer to that question, the question is the Holy Spirit asking, which son is there who's not disciplined by his parents? I'll say, Lord, I'll show you so many.

In Christian homes, I'll show you children who are not disciplined by their parents. In answer to that question. And that is absolutely shameful that people try to be holier than God, not holier, more loving than God, more loving than Almighty God.

Oh, I don't spank my children. I love them and kind to them. Brother, sister, you're kinder than God Himself.

Because it says God scourges every single child whom He receives. And verse 8. If you are without discipline, you are an illegitimate child. Did you read that? Verse 8. If God has never disciplined in your life, you're not really a child of God.

That's what it says here. If God has never disciplined you in any area in your life, you, God says, you're not my child. And if you treat your child, if you don't discipline your children, you're saying, these are illegitimate children.

These are not really my children. They are born out of wedlock. What to do? You know, illegitimate means in a wrong relationship, I produce these children.

They're not really my children. In a wrong, adulterous relationship, I produce these children. That is why I don't discipline them.

You know, that's what you're saying when you don't discipline your children. These are not really my children. That's the Word of God.

Meditate on it. And look at what the Lord has written here about it. We had, verse 9, earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them.

Shall we not respect more the father of spirits? Earthly fathers disciplined us for a short time, as seemed best to them. But our Heavenly Father disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems to be not to be joyful, but sorrowful.

But those who have been trained by it, afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. My dear brothers and sisters, please meditate much on verse 5 to 11 as to how to bring up your children in this day and age. And God says, look at My example.

God is putting Himself up as the example for you to follow. But I'm sorry to say, please listen, there are many parents, many parents probably sitting here, you think you're more spiritual than Almighty God Himself. You think you're more loving than Almighty God Himself.

Well, I'll tell you honestly, I feel sorry for you. I don't know how your children will turn out. I hope God will be merciful to them.

But if you don't follow this practice, the prospect is bleak. It's not a good thing you have to look forward to. You're going to face a lot of sorrows in the days to come if you don't follow Scripture.

Your children may think that you don't love them, that you're punishing them. One day they'll understand. They won't understand it now.

One day they will understand it. I'm not speaking something which I've not practiced. All four of my children as they grew up, I disciplined them, and they've all accepted Christ.

Even if you had differences of opinion after they've grown up, they've accepted Christ. That's the main thing. Don't you want all your children to accept Christ and be born again? So follow the ways of the Lord.