Marriage Lessons Q&A

The first thing we want to say is after 56 years, we are not experts. We're still slowly progressing towards perfection. One thing we can say is that we don't raise our voices at each other anymore.

We finished with that long, long ago. We didn't start our life like that. Like all married couples, we had disagreements, but we never fought with each other, but sometimes we'd be impatient.

But that's gone down to zero now since some years. Just to give you hope that whatever wretched level you start with, you can come to the place where your home is a foretaste of heaven. Not exactly heaven, but a little foretaste of what heaven is going to be like.

The peace and joy of heaven. We always wanted, Lord, not to just preach, but to be a living demonstration of the reality of what we preach. So we can honestly say that.

You can spring a surprise on us sometime and check up if you want to. No, I'm only joking. I say we must strive towards perfection.

Every one of us. And no matter how low the level of your marriage is right now, I want to tell you, every one of you, in Jesus' name, He has power. You know what it says in, you know this verse in Hebrews 7? Let me show you Hebrews 7. Hebrews 7 and verse 25.

You know, I like the King James Version sometimes. Which says, He is able to save them to the uttermost. I use New American Standard Bible, but this is a very good translation.

He is, that is Jesus, is able to save them to the uttermost. Uttermost means to the greatest height. Because, verse last part, He lives to pray for us.

You like that? Not because we are steadfast and we are determined. No! If it were up to us, we'd say, no, you can't be saved to the uttermost. But it says, whichever pit you're in right now in your marriage, He can save you to the uttermost because He lives to pray for you.

Don't ever forget that expression. He lives to pray for you. Whenever you're discouraged, think of the last part of this verse.

He lives to pray for me. Say that to yourself. Jesus lives to pray for me.

We ask sometimes each other, pray for me. You believe something will happen when a man prays for you or a sister prays for you. Imagine if you recognize that Jesus is praying for you, and therefore, that's the reason you can be saved from the guttermost to the uttermost.

That's how I like to put it. From the guttermost to the uttermost. Jesus can save you from the guttermost to the uttermost because He lives to pray for you.

Praise God. Our confidence is not in our determination. No.

He doesn't say we'll be saved to the uttermost because we are determined to follow Him. No. Because He lives to pray for us.

It's a very important thing that sometimes we don't hear in our churches, that Jesus is actually praying for us. Think of that. He's not just living there.

He ever lives to make intercession for us. It's a tremendous encouragement. You know, even some brother, some godly brother, think of some godly brother you know, came to you personally and said, Brother, I'm praying for you.

I'll pray for you every day. Or some sister. If some godly sister came to you and said, I'm praying for your sister, not once in a while, but every day.

Think of that. Some godly person came to you and said, I'm praying for you every day. Whenever you're discouraged, you'll think, Huh, that godly brother said he'd pray for me every day.

Think if you really believe this, that Jesus is praying for you, always living to pray for you. The devil doesn't want you to think of that, realize that. You'll be encouraged.

You'll get out of his grip, and he doesn't want you to know it. So I hope you'll realize, even if you're in the gutter most, he will save you to the uttermost. Okay.

From the gutter most to the uttermost. That's our Savior. Okay.

It's a good thing to remember when we begin our marriage. Do you have another mic? It's all right. We can keep changing.

We like sharing everything in any way. Okay. The question is, should I allow the elders of my church to bless my marriage even if I don't trust and believe them because they are not showing examples of Christ? You're not compelled to follow the person who's not a good example because he'll lead you astray.

He's going in the wrong direction. We say, don't follow him. You must only follow someone who can say, what did Paul say in 1 Corinthians 11 verse 1? Follow me as I follow Christ.

If you see some brother, to the best of your knowledge, at least in his external life, you don't know his private life, following Christ and teaching, following Christ, follow that example. And if you see a good married couple, to the best of your knowledge, seeking to follow Christ, follow that example. And don't follow an elder who is not following Christ.

If you can find a better church, move to a better church. But sometimes for the sake of children, Sunday school and all, you stay in a church. But then, in matters related to the church, they say meeting is at 9 o'clock, you go at 9 o'clock.

Earthly things like that, you can obey because they are the authority, just like you obey the police on the road. You don't find out whether the police is a wholehearted Christian. He's in charge of the roads and he gives you certain instructions, stop, you stop.

So, in external things like what time a church service is conducted, stand up, sit down, listen to the elders, but don't follow his life. He's not a good example. How can he bless your marriage? But you don't have to get such, you don't find anybody else to pray for you, pray for yourselves.

Pray to the Lord. Jesus is living from, just pray for you. Okay, another question is, if trust has been broken between family members, say between husband and wife, how do you mend the relationship or within a family, maybe with parents, is it important to share every detail of your life, I presume with your marriage partner, how to be honest and say no while sharing information without causing hurt.

I presume this is talking about husband and wife. I believe that a husband and wife must be open with each other, not conceal things which could hurt one another, but at the same time, don't reveal things which will hurt another. For example, if your parents have said something evil about your wife, don't go and tell her that.

That's not being honest, that's being stupid. Because it will bring a distance between your parents and your wife. So there are certain things you must conceal because that's wisdom.

So you must always see in everything that you share, remember the aim is to build fellowship. If it's not building fellowship, don't mention it. You don't have to tell a lie, but just don't talk about it.

So you have to be careful there. Honesty is not the goal. Our goal is fellowship, remember this.

Don't think honesty is the goal. Honesty is a route to fellowship. So if one particular route is not leading to fellowship, ignore it.

Ultimate goal is not honesty, ultimate goal is fellowship. That's the purpose, you know, the Lord wants husband and wife to become one. That's the important thing.

When do I know I'm ready to get married? How do I know if I found the right person to marry? I'll talk to the girls about this matter. First of all, my two penny worth advice is for a girl it's good to get a little bit of education because when we get married and we have children, we must have some knowledge to help them with their studies. Because nowadays some schools, we don't like to send our children to such schools where they learn all kind of wrong things and they mix with wrong kind of children.

So many parents nowadays are opting for homeschooling. So it's good for a girl to have a little bit of education so that she can teach her children growing up to read and write and mathematics and science and things like that. So, first of all, we must have an education.

And secondly, we should have some goal. Like it's good to have a career. Even if it's not a big thing, at least something because suppose we get married and the husband gets sick, we should be able to find some occupation which we can do.

Maybe some sewing or cooking or catering. Anything like, you know, maybe a lady can be a lady hairstylist, something like that which you can do and you can help people. And some people can go for nursing, paramedical sciences, so many things which they can do and things which they can do at home.

So it's good to have a good education. So don't stop with just a minimum education. Try to study as much as you can and that will keep your mind also occupied instead of daydreaming about boys and getting married and romantic stories and movies and videos and all education.

Put your mind to educate, have some education. Then all of us girls, as we grow up, we have a thing called hormones. You know, our body produces substances which make us develop from being a girl to a woman.

So those hormones will work in us and make us have kind of weird thoughts and ideas about getting married and sex. Those are all natural for all girls to have. But it doesn't mean that we should be a slave to that.

We should ask the Lord. First of all, accept Jesus into our heart. That's basic.

Ask Jesus to come into our heart and surrender our lives to the Lord and ask the Lord to fill us with the Holy Spirit and we must ask the Lord to help us not to be a slave to those passions but to be a master. He must be the master of that. And then when we get... We must get the advice of our parents, godly parents, elders in the church and good friends about marriage.

Like suppose there is somebody you are interested in. Don't think that you must follow your heart and say, yeah, he is the person for me. The first person you like may not be the person for you.

So get the advice of godly people and ask the Lord, Lord, show me your will and pray and He will guide step by step. But don't make the wrong decision. Especially to young girls, I can say if you have a cell phone, that's your private possession.

Don't give your cell phone number to anybody who asks you for it. And don't give your photograph to anyone because people can misuse it and distribute it. So be wise about all these things and keep all these things to yourself.

That's for the sisters. Yeah, you know, if you want to know the right type of girl to marry, when we read Proverbs 31, the last, from verse 10 onwards, there says what a woman should be. One who is hardworking at home, very, very important.

One who has a, you know, 1 Peter 3 is another great chapter. Proverbs 31 and 1 Peter chapter 3, where it says, the woman whom God values is one who's got a gentle, quiet spirit. Now all of you sisters, if you follow the spirit of the world, you want to be smart and outgoing, be all smart always and outgoing and all is okay, but don't come across as one who's got a harsh, stubborn spirit.

Nobody will want to marry you. And I won't blame them. The Bible says, have a gentle, quiet, those are not my words, Holy Spirit's words in 1 Peter chapter 3. Read it.

A gentle, quiet spirit, which it says, God values very highly. And every one of you is already married. God values very highly everyone who's got a gentle, quiet spirit.

So that's, if you look for, if you're like that person, you say, Lord, give me a man who can be my leader. You know, I sometimes wonder how Jesus could speak to 5,000 people without a mic. We're all weaklings today.

Imagine speaking to 5,000 people without a microphone. Anyway, we are weaklings today. So it's very important that we pray and say, Lord, please lead me to the right person.

Seek the advice of godly people. And pray much that, Lord, don't let me make a mistake. You know what I used to pray? Even though I was sure God had led me.

I said, Lord, I want to say one thing. I submit to your will, not just my choice. And you must pray like this.

Lord, I pray, Lord, if I'm marrying the wrong person, please send an earthquake at the time of the wedding so that the whole marriage will be interrupted and the earth will be swallowed up or something. I just do not want to marry the wrong person. And I think Annie also felt that way.

So God brought us together. And today, after 56 years, I can honestly say our home is a little foretaste of what heaven is going to be like. And that's a tremendous encouragement to us.

Our children come see us, and they can see what their life can be if they go this way. Okay, the next question is, my spouse is not interested in new covenant teachings. What can I do? Well, first of all, be an example by your life to show what the new covenant has done in your life.

See, there's nothing like the power of an example. If you say that following this way has made me like this, some people will still not be interested because they have no desire after God. Then, that's number one, be an example.

And the second is, you must pray. Prayer is a great force. I know people who were converted and whose partner was not at all converted.

They prayed and prayed and prayed. Ultimately, the partner was converted and became godly, more godly than the person who prayed. So, see what God can do.

So, that's what I would say. Don't give up. And when I say they are not interested in new covenant teaching, it means probably they are born again, but they don't accept the radical stance we take in our CFC churches, which some people think is extreme.

You may think it's extreme, but look at the fruit. Look at the type of marriages we have. Look at the type of children we are bringing up in our families.

Come and see our children. I say, come and see my children. I have 17 grandchildren.

Please come and see all of them. See how they are being brought up. And then decide whether new covenant teaching is good or not.

So, it's by the life that we shut the mouths of people. Not by preaching, not by arguing and saying, no, this is right. They may argue as much as they like, but when they see a life, that will shut their mouths.

Your children and your grandchildren can shut the mouths of others who criticize your teaching. That's the best way. Okay.

What are good disciplines to teach children when they are small? I was traveling a lot, preaching here and there. Very often, most weekends, which are the time when children are free, I was away from home. Because weekends are the time churches have meetings.

So, my wife really did most of the work bringing up children. And if you ask the children, they will tell you that. You go and ask any one of my four boys, who is your hero? They won't say daddy.

They'll say mommy. And I agree 100%. So, I will let her answer this question.

What are good disciplines, number five? Yeah, looking back, I can say it's only the grace of God. Yeah, it's okay. Yeah, looking back, I can say it's only the grace of God.

First of all, I can say that my husband and I, we learned to depend on the Lord and be united. We prayed together, and our goal and our aim was the same. We were united.

Like I found, if I don't pull in the same direction my husband is pulling, our family, if I pull in the way I want to go, like my own pet ideas of maybe keeping the home in an impressive way or other things like that, and I don't agree with him, the children can sense that mom and dad are not united. And then the devil puts a wedge in it, and it's difficult to work with the children. So, first of all, as a wife, I have to do my part in submitting to the Lord and submitting to my husband and cleansing myself, whatever the Lord shows me.

If I do something wrong and the children see it, I tell them, yes, mommy was wrong, I did something wrong, I shouldn't have said like that, I shouldn't have spoken like that or I got upset with you. And they see that I have an attitude of apologizing, apologizing, that speaks to them. They see mommy as a normal person, who is also struggling to walk with the Lord and to please the Lord.

So, I say, first of all, I have to work, discipline in my own life, to judge myself and love the Lord, reverence His word. These are the things which I should do in my own life. Then regarding the children, most of the time when my husband was at home, we had a set pattern, we had a discipline of getting up in time, because the school starts early in India, so get up in time and get ready, go to school.

So, before they leave, we'd have a short prayer. After they come back from school, most of the time I am at home. So, then I try to finish all the work which I have to do during the day and be ready for the children.

So, when they come home, I am so happy to see them and they come and tell me what happened in school and some friend was not nice to them or some teacher was not nice to them or whatever was there. And I can see from their behavior, if they are a little sad or upset or something, there is something wrong going on. So, I worked hard, by God's grace, to build that communication with my children and they were open to me, felt free to tell me whatever was happening in their life.

And if it was something sad, I'd say, it doesn't matter, it's not so important. I'd give them a hug and say, yeah, mummy and daddy are here for you, don't worry. If so and so is not your friend, we are here for you, we are your best friends or something like that and they get over it.

It is not like a big fight or something. And then at dinner table, we would read a portion of scripture. My husband is there, he'll explain what it is and encourage them also to ask some questions and then we'll have prayer.

And then they do their homework. On the Saturdays and Sundays, I didn't want them to spend the whole day doing whatever they want. So I said, morning till noon, you have to do something, you can read or something quietly in your room.

Catch up with your homework or something like that. And in the evenings, you can play. And of course, during the week, every evening, they would come back and play cricket in our outdoor.

Our street was the playground and they'd have piano lessons which they had to do before they played. So half an hour piano practice and then they play. And then in the Sundays and the meeting days, I tried to make them realize that meeting is not optional.

Daddy and Mommy are living for the Lord and we want you also to be one with us. If you have something to study, you have the whole week to study. So you have to come for the meeting and sit there and listen.

So when they were small, I'd have like one child on my lap, one sitting next to me practicing some coloring or writing, and the older one maybe taking down some notes like writing the verses or something. And when the singing time, I'd encourage them to look at the songbook. So very soon they learned to read because they could learn the singing and they could read the words.

So they learned to read so quickly. And that was also a big help for me. So those were the things.

Then, of course, a few things we were very strict about that they should tell the truth. Whatever happens, they must tell us the truth. We shouldn't have to ask them again and again, did you do this, did this.

First time itself, you must tell the truth. But we know from there that if they are not telling the truth, we could make out. So we know.

We tell them we know what happened, so you have to tell the truth. And sometimes they had to have the rod of correction, but for me it was not so bad because it was like a fly swatter, you know, just a little. But they didn't want Daddy to get it from Daddy, so then most of the small things I would deal with it.

And when they were old enough, and especially when my husband was away and I thought I can't deal with every time whacking them with a stick or something. So I'd say, okay, you write 100 lines that I won't do this again. You write it 100 times or 10 times or whatever it is.

That way their handwriting also improved. And I collected all the papers and I kept it there. And I'd have a little journal and say on such and such a date, so and so did this, and have a little.

And they knew that I had written it. So then I'd keep it in these piles of these papers which they had done. And before my husband came back, I'd call them.

They knew that this was going to happen, but I'd call them, and I'd tell them, see, on this date you did this. And they'd say, we are really sorry, Mommy. Okay, don't do it again, and I'd cut it off.

Then, like that, everybody's list would be cancelled out. So when Daddy came, there was nothing to deal with, and then we were having a good time together. But sometimes they knew.

If it was serious enough, I would tell my husband, this is what is happening, and he would have to deal with it. So they knew they couldn't get away with it. Most of the time when I came back, it looked as if my children were perfect children because they made them apologize for everything one by one.

So sometimes we would play some indoor games with all four of the children, and most of them wanted me to be on their side because they'd help me to win. They'd say, do this, Mom, then do this, then they'd win. So we had lots of fun together growing up.

Lots of fun is very important, playing with your children. I would sometimes play cricket with them, but as I said, weekends very often I'd be away. But one thing I insisted, you must attend church on Sunday morning.

Absolutely important. Even if you've got examination on Monday, whatever there is, one day we have to go to be with God's people. And the weekday meeting, if you're free, come.

If you're not free, it's okay. You've got homework or something to do, we'll leave it. But Sunday was essential.

And as I said, as Annie said, I was very insistent that you should never tell lies. Never speak rudely to Daddy or Mommy. Very serious.

I'd say, whatever important work you're doing, drop it, go and apologize. If they spoke rudely, even anyone, I'd say, don't even speak rudely to a stranger. We used to have beggars coming to our gate, begging.

I'd say, never speak rudely to a beggar. There's a poor man. The Bible says all human beings are made in the image of God.

We must respect all human beings. The poorest person in the world, you must respect. Whatever the color of their skin or whatever it is, respect human beings.

It's one of the things we taught our children. Be careful with things, but if you accidentally break anything, I will never punish you for breaking things. I don't love material things.

So I taught them that from childhood. Be careful, but accidentally we may break anything. But never tell a lie.

And never be disrespectful. These are the two things which are very, very important for me. I wanted to say that also I wanted them to read the Bible.

And so the best way was I gave them a picture story Bible. And dinner time was a time we were all relaxed. So that's the time we had our family prayer.

We'd read something from scripture. Not too long, just two, three minutes, read something from scripture. We had a book called Daily Light.

We'd read scriptures. And then we'd share together around the table while we were eating. And then I would ask them some question from the Bible.

Simple ones like who Jesus' mother was Mary? Whom did she marry? Or from the Old Testament, who was the one who led the Israelites out of Egypt? Things they knew. And then I would go on to a little more difficult questions. Like who was Moses' mother? And they had the picture story book.

And next time they would read it so it would come back to me. And you know what they did? They began to ask me questions which I didn't know. And they'd be so excited when they caught me in a question I didn't know the answer to.

Like, you know, I'll give you one example. I don't know who it was. One of them asked me, Dad, you know that David's general was Joab? Yeah, that I knew.

He was related to David. How? Any of you know the answer? I did not know. And they said he was David's sister, Zeruiah's son.

I said, wow, I knew he was the son of Zeruiah, but I never knew that Zeruiah was the sister of David. All of you know that now. And they were delighted that they caught this Bible teacher in something he did not know.

So that encouraged me. And like that they caught me in a few things. But it stirred them to read the picture story Bible to catch me in something.

Whatever it is, they got to know the Bible. So I was very happy. I was very keen that they should go through that whole picture story Bible before they go to college in all the years that they were at home.

That is very important for me. You were going to say something? I was just going to say that we encourage them to play with the poor children in our church. There were some children who were from very rich families and who could speak English well.

And there were a lot of children who were average and poor. We encourage our children to mix with those children and love them and play with them. So even now when they come home, like Santosh and Megan, they come to India, they mix with all the children who can't speak English.

And these children can't speak any Indian language. But they get along and they play together. So that was one thing the Lord showed us.

Don't teach them to be partial or to look at the people differently, their color or their riches or anything. But be nice to everyone and play with everyone. Very, very important.

You may think Indians are all the same. No. There is more differences among Indians than there are in the United States.

If you come there, you'll see. Because even the language is different. We've got 22 major languages in India and 22 different cultures.

And some are extremely poor. And so in our church we had people who were rich and poor and we made absolutely no difference between them. It is very important for me to teach my children to mingle with all of them equally.

Fellowship with the poorest children, even if their English is not good, it doesn't matter. Fellowship with them, love them. And that helped them so much when they grew up to see that all Christians are the same before God, to value them.

It made a tremendous difference to them when they came to the United States. And I'd encourage all your children to value all of God's people. Can a divorced husband and wife come together again, be resolved of their conflict and remarry? Sure.

Why not? Since Jesus said that whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. No, but if it's your own, if you divorced your own wife or husband, definitely you can come together. It's marrying somebody else's wife who was divorced, which becomes adultery.

So it's not referring to your own husband. Are you divorced and you made a mistake, you repent and you come back. Definitely you should come back.

I encourage in the Old Testament, there was a law that if you divorce somebody, you cannot marry her again. But there were some laws like that in the Old Testament where, which are not, they are abolished in the New Testament. In the New Testament, the standard is much higher.

Okay, what should a husband do when his wife is not submitting to him? Especially if she rebels against her husband in front of children. Well, it depends what the area of submission is. I believe primarily a husband must earn the respect of his wife by his conduct, his behavior, and the dignified way in which he conducts himself and speaks respectfully to his wife, especially in the presence of his children.

If a husband is rude and arrogant towards his wife, that's not a good example to the children. Because you're teaching children habits. We're not supposed to be rude and arrogant towards anybody.

Even if people work under us. In India, many homes have servants working in us. I always say we speak respectfully, even to people in a lower social level.

And so if a wife is not submitting to the husband and what he's asking for is right, first of all, whenever there's a problem in a husband and wife, number one, whether it's husband or wife, you must pray. Pray and have the habit of praying together, at least once a day to pray together. Even if it's a brief time of prayer, it just means that you are in fellowship.

But the question is, what does it mean when she rebels against her husband in front of the children? I would not say you should rebuke her in front of the children. I always say if you have a disagreement or a quarrel, let the children go to bed and at night before you both go to bed, in a calm spirit, talk about the matter. At least one person should be calm.

I always take the example of clapping hands. If both are angry, there's a noise. It requires only one person to be peaceful, there's no noise.

However much the other person is angry. You have to have both people to be angry to make a noise. And if one person submits, no anger, and if both submit, it's fellowship.

So that's the example I use. At least one of you should be willing to yield and then pray. That's what I say.

Next question is, is it okay to share about my spouse's spiritual condition or weakness with a godly elder brother? Yeah, it depends on whether that godly elder brother is one who can keep secrets or whether he'll go and tell his wife. Don't go and tell such an elder brother. You've got to have confidence.

I made it clear, for example, in my church that what you tell me, I will not tell anybody. I will not even tell my wife. And she's a medical person.

People come to her with medical problems. I say, don't tell me. I don't want to know it.

If you can help a sister, please help her. I don't want to know anything about what any sister tells you. So people must have trust in us that we keep confidences.

So you have to be careful about elder brothers who are gossips or who talk unnecessarily. So you have to be careful about what you say. Now if you're having problems with your wife and you need help, then ask the elder brother to come and counsel both of you.

And if you do tell your elder brother, I think you should do that without your wife's knowledge so that you can tell him and ask for advice what you should do. But don't blame your wife. What you should go and say, brother, how can I help my wife? It's like saying, my wife has a sickness and you go to a doctor and say, how can I help her to be healed? The aim is fellowship.

If your aim is not fellowship, don't seek counsel from anybody. If your aim is to find fault with your wife and to say, I'm right and she's wrong, you're not fit to seek for counsel from anybody. But if you're willing to say that, well, I could have made mistakes which made her very often.

There's never a case, I think, where 100% wrong is on one side. So if one partner is willing to acknowledge there could be some fault in me that for so many years I behaved in a certain way that made her or him like this. So if you're willing to acknowledge this, first of all, go to a godly elder brother and ask him, do you think there's something wrong with me that my wife is behaving like this or my husband is behaving like this? That's a good way to start.

Okay, how to instill a love and passion for God in our children, especially as the world gets louder and can look more and more attractive to our children. See, I feel one of the great dangers we have today is the cell phone. Fortunately, when our children was growing up, there were no cell phones.

But I see that today and it's extremely dangerous. Children get into the teenage years, and even before, or just as they get into the teenage years, they get the cell phone and it's havoc. You've got to be extremely careful in giving it.

I'm not sure about it, but I think there are cell phones now with which you cannot access the Internet, etc. So you've got to be very careful in the type of equipment you give and the type of things they see in a computer. Also, I know married couples who sometimes tell their children, you must give me your cell phone before you go to bed.

Pick it up in the morning. Very wise, if you say that to your children. You've got to decide how to do it, but be very careful in that area.

As the world gets louder and louder, you've got to. See, one good thing that Annie used to do most of the time, I was not at home traveling. Every day that the children came back from school, we don't have homeschooling in India.

We go to school and come back. She would sit down and talk to them, how was your day in school? And they would tell her everything. I feel that many parents don't ask their children what happened in school today.

They don't show an interest. And so then after things get really bad, when the parents wake up, oh, something happened. It wouldn't have happened if you had talked to them every day and earned their confidence.

Are you getting friendly with somebody of the opposite sex? You boys, are you getting friendly with a girl? Are you getting friendly with some boy there? And don't act as if, oh, that's a horrible thing. It's a natural thing when boys and girls get to teenage years to find an attraction towards the opposite sex. That's normal.

God has made it. I asked the Lord once, Lord, why didn't you, you know, little children, four or five-year-old children, there's no attraction necessarily to the opposite sex. It comes as you grow into 10, 11, 12.

I asked the Lord, Lord, why didn't you allow us to be like little children till we are about 24? You know, just like little babies, no temptation, nothing. And 24, all of a sudden, these desires come up and in one or two years you get married. And the Lord said to me, He has allowed these desires to come up when they are 11, 12, 13 because He wants us to, these children, to conquer these desires before they get married.

12 years of fighting these desires, conquering it, and they've conquered sexual urge before they get married. They'll have a wonderful marriage. That's why God has allowed these things.

God doesn't make a mistake. So we have to encourage them and help them and be open with them about sexual matters when they get into the teenage years. I used to get them to read a little booklet on sexual matters and say, please ask us anything you want to ask.

We want to help you and guide you. If a boy, we are only boys, if one of them came one day and said, you know, there's an attractive girl there, mom, he would tell her, because he would ask them every day. And mom would say, let me see her the next time I come to school.

Then what else would you do? Then he would show that girl to me and say, this is the girl I was talking about. So I said, oh, that other one is better. Then maybe there was nobody, but I'd say, oh, the other one is better.

Then they would. That is just to turn their attention away. No way to be wise and not say, oh, I never thought you would be.

If you act like that, they'll hide everything from you afterwards. But when they see that you are so normal. And I wanted to add one more thing.

I find nowadays in most of our families, in our churches, parents are getting missionary biographies and good story, Christian stories and audio books. Those are all very good, which we didn't have in our days. I mean, we couldn't afford.

We had a few books, but now there are so many books in the Internet, good books, which we can get and audio books, which we can read together with our children a little bit at a time. And so they get the values and the godly people are their heroes. Missionaries are their heroes.

So they grew up like that from childhood and that's all they hear. And then when they go to school and they hear all this other stuff, you know, the gender things and all. And they come and ask us, like, so and so, she was a girl last year and now she's become a boy.

And then we don't want to act shocked because they go to the teacher and say that. And our children may get into trouble saying, oh, what's your dad and mom telling you? And they put a question mark in that family. So I tell them, let them be if they want to be a boy.

Let them be a boy. If they want to be a girl, let her be a girl. But you are a boy and you always be a son to us.

You are a daughter and you'll always be a daughter to us. And we love you as you are. And God has made you beautiful and we appreciate them.

So they and we tell them, don't go judging them. Just love them. Jesus loves them, whatever they are, boy or girl or neither.

Jesus loves them. So just be. But you don't open your mouth and say things which you hear at home.

Be wise what you say. So we have to tell them things like that these days. Yeah, we also have to warn them that the world is drifting away from God.

So there are values coming up. And so be careful. You don't have to go in.

Because nowadays teachers themselves in schools are going the way of the world. So we don't want our children to argue with the teachers. I say don't get into argument with anybody.

When you know people come to my house to argue with me and the children see that I don't argue with them. I say listen, I can share with you. If you disagree with me, God bless you, go your way.

But I will not argue. So tell them not to get into arguments with others about political matters. Or even older people, I say don't get into arguments about political matters.

You believe what you like. Our main goal in life is not whom you are going to elect as president. That's not our goal.

Our goal is to live a godly life and to be an example. You know here people argue about Christian and non-Christian. In a country like India, everybody is a Hindu.

You have a choice between this Hindu or that Hindu. I say I pray in the time of election. Lord, you determine who should rule our country and that the Christians can have freedom to preach the gospel.

That's all I pray. So be wise and advise your children to steer clear of controversial discussions with other children. Not only in school, in church or anywhere.

There are certain things we don't want to talk about. Let's talk about things in the Bible. There are many things which are too big for you, we tell children.

Don't discuss all that. Let's talk about Jesus and how we can follow him better. What should a married couple do when we are both weak and compromised in the area of money? Well, if both are weak, you got to be careful in the area of money because it's going to be more and more difficult as time comes on to manage within our income.

So we must be disciplined. And the best is to cut down unnecessary luxuries. See, we were trusting the Lord for our needs and we didn't have much money as our children grew up.

So we could not afford many things. And I don't tell other people who earn more than us to do that. But we were very disciplined.

And if we couldn't get new clothes for a younger boy, we'd say, please wear the clothes your older brother used. There was no other way. We're not going to throw it away.

And if we could not take them out to a restaurant, we'd say, we'll make food at home and eat. We can't afford to go to a restaurant. They realized that we try to live within our means because we had a policy that we will never borrow, we'll never get into debt, we never have this buy now, pay later.

No, that's debt. Certain things we can't have. So we've got to tell our children, we can't buy certain things for you.

I remember when one of my sons said, Dad, I want a pair of Nike shoes. I said, that's very expensive in India. I said, I'll get you a Chinese shoe which is almost exactly the same.

And they know the difference. I said, listen, Dad's not rich enough to get you the original. This I can get you.

If you don't want it, you better grow up, earn your living and get whatever you want. But I can't give it to you. They may cry a little, but they'll gradually realize Dad's not such a rich man to afford all these things.

And we don't need all these unnecessary luxuries. A little cheaper thing is better. And it's of great help to them if they realize that Dad and Mom are very frugal.

Do you know the meaning of frugal? F-R-U-G-A-L. It means very careful in spending money. There's one translation of 1 Timothy 6 in another translation.

It's a Norwegian translation of 1 Timothy and Chapter 6. I liked it so much that I've never forgotten it. 1 Timothy and Chapter 6. It says here, verse 6. Easy to remember. 1 Timothy 6, 6. Godliness with contentment is great gain or profit.

In the Norwegian translation read, godliness with frugality is great gain. So that means godliness with a simple way of living is a tremendous profit. So that's what we taught in our home.

So those are little lessons that we can teach our children in the area of money. Be an example and don't buy expensive things for yourself as father and mother. They'll see whether you're wasting money on yourselves.

When I'm battling some secret sin in my personal life, will my sin have a negative effect on my wife's and children's spiritual, physical life? If you're battling a sin and you're sincerely battling, God will give you grace. That will not have a negative effect. But you know, if it's something like pornography, that is such an evil in this day.

Let me tell you what it's like. It's like taking a little bit of poison. There's a poison in the world called potassium cyanide.

I'm almost afraid to mention it. Because it kills people immediately. There are some other poisons which act very slowly.

Alcohol is one type of poison. It slowly destroys you. So if we allow a little bit and say my weakness is a little bit of drinking, you're going to ruin your children one day.

They'll pick it up. You can't tell your children not to do that. So if any of you are tempted, men particularly, to watch pornography, ask yourself, would you like your children to see this? You don't want your children to see it? You shouldn't be seeing it either.

Battle it. It's so easy to turn off the computer, switch off the phone. It doesn't take long.

Keep your mind clean. Just like you want to keep your body clean. You won't go and jump.

You know, I say pornography is like jumping into the sewer. You know where your toilet gets flushed into the sewer? That sewer line where your toilet gets flushed into you? If you like to jump into it, that's what watching pornography is like. And you say, I just like this.

I like the smell around here. You've got to be crazy. Then you come out, say, Lord forgive me.

Go and have a shower. And tomorrow you want to go and jump into that sewer again. It's terrible.

It will definitely have an effect on your children. Fight it and battle it. Don't ruin your children.

They are innocent human beings that have come into the world. And so, don't just battle it. If you are married, you know, you can go to your wife and say, listen, this is an area, please help me.

I want to be, fight this together. It's so easy to turn off a switch. So easy to close the laptop.

So easy to switch off the phone. That's why people watch all this rubbish. Is it so difficult? Or I say, get out from that room and go for a walk.

Get out of the room and run away from there. You know, I want to show you a verse which is very, very important. Two verses.

The Bible says, if you resist the devil, he will run away from you. Do you know that verse? Always remember it. James chapter 4. When you first got to submit to God, James chapter 4 and verse 7. Submit to God, then resist the devil.

He will definitely run away from you. Imagine the devil running away from you. Scared.

If you submit to God, the devil is scared of you. I like to have a reputation that the devil is scared of Zak Poonen. You can have that reputation too.

Your name is there. He'll run away from you. Isn't that in your Bible? Submit to God and resist the devil.

Now I'll tell you something else that you have to run away from. 1 Corinthians. In chapter 6. Like the devil runs away from you, he'll run away from you if... How do you submit to God? Here's one way you submit to God, by obeying his word, which says, in 1 Corinthians 6.18. Run away from immorality.

Run away from fornication. Run away from watching pornography. Run away and the devil will run away from you.

If you don't run away from pornography, the devil won't be afraid of you. You're running right into his lap. So there's one thing the Bible says, don't fight it.

It doesn't say fight it. It doesn't say fight immorality. You lose.

It's too strong. You cannot conquer it. Run away from it.

Lead us not into temptation that is too strong for us, but deliver us from evil. It's part of the Lord's prayer. Very, very important in these days.

Be a good father, be a good husband, and you can have a godly home. What does it mean to have practical life, that my wife and I are fellow heirs of the grace of life. 1 Peter 3.7. Okay, there are couple of things I want to say in relation to that.

1 Peter 3.7. 1 Peter 3.7. Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, because she's weaker, show her honor as a fellow heir of grace, so that your prayers may not be hindered. What does it mean to be a fellow heir of the grace of life? The word heir, h-e-i-r, speaks of a throne. Throne, the heir to the throne.

So it means it's a throne, where the throne of the king and the queen, the husband and the wife, are on an equal level. That's the meaning of fellow heir. Your wife's throne is not six inches below yours.

It's the same level as yours, number one. She's an equal heir of the grace of life. And the wife's responsibility is written in verses 1 to 3. The husband's responsibility in this verse is, live with your wife in an understanding way.

What is the thing you should understand? That's written in the next verse. Number one, that the woman is weaker. Don't ask her, why can't you handle that? I can handle it.

I'll show you why you can handle it. You're stronger. It's like asking her, why can't you lift that suitcase when I can lift it? Because you're a man.

You're stronger. There's certain things a woman can't handle. Recognize that, that she's a weaker vessel.

That's number one. The second thing is, show her honor. As recognizing your throne is at the same level.

How many of you have shown honor to your wife, as one whose throne is equal with yours? She submits to you, yes. But her throne is equal. Do you know that the throne of the Father and Jesus are equal? Father, Son and Holy Spirit, all eternity they're equal, yet Jesus submitted to the Father.

That's a wonderful example. Husband and wife are equal, but the wife submits to the husband. So that's the meaning.

Next question. How do we ensure that we are loving God first and not our spouse first? Well, that depends on, in some situation, you have to say, well darling, I don't think we should do that. Because that will dishonor God.

Because you have to, to your husband or wife, we are fellow heirs, means we must be willing to help one another. Some decision that you take, allowing your children to do something. Husband and wife discuss, and then as you discuss, you must come to an agreement as to what you should do, and put the Lord first.

That means, don't allow your husband or wife to just let your children do something, or decide that you'll have something in the home, which will bring ungodly influence. I'm not against watching good children's movies, or good Christian movies, but I always say to parents, please watch it first, before you let your children see it. Because even in so-called good movies and children's movies, there's sometimes five seconds of not something absolutely clean and good.

And you know what will happen? Your children will remember that five seconds and forget about all the rest. Even the adults will remember that five seconds, and forget all the rest. You know there are movies which have got 99% good, and 1% there's a little bit of impurity.

I guarantee that 10 years later, you'll forget the whole story, but that 1% will remain in your mind. And it'll never go. It'll be there in your mind forever.

Why you want to unnecessarily put one bit of garbage into your mind? Avoid it. So never see a movie which you have not seen yourself first. Don't let children see it.

Be very, very careful in this area that you don't, that you love God first. Anything you want to add to that? Okay, 14. Question, the Bible speaks about against remarriage outright.

But since each case is different, could there be a situation where it could be allowed under exceptional circumstances? If you can show it to me from Scripture, I will accept it. In the Old Testament, it was permitted. In the New Testament, remarriage after your partner has died, perfectly right.

Godly. But while your partner is living, remarriage is not 99% wrong, it's 100% wrong. You have to seek to be united with the one who separated, otherwise ask God for grace to continue.

That is what Scripture says. You see, that's tough. There are many things which are tough.

Go to any man and ask him. And the Bible says you should not lust after any woman. Ask him if it's easy.

Ask any normal man in the world. Anybody. Even Christians.

Then say, that's tough. So what do you do? Don't do it. Disobey it because it's tough.

Lusting after women is one of the most difficult sins to overcome for any normal man. And if you teach that if it's tough, okay, it doesn't matter, you yield in some point. It's like a chap says, I hate some people, I feel like murdering them.

Okay, don't murder too many people, just one or two. Not too many. Is that what you would advise? What would you say? Yeah, you can once or twice lust after some woman, but not too frequently.

What's the difference in that and murdering only one or two people? If you hate somebody so much, you want to kill him, fight it. Fight it. No matter what he did to you or to your family, fight it.

It's the same way with some of these things. We have to say, we got to fight it. You want to get married, but sorry you can't.

If any conflicts with my wife, how can I die to myself at the same time to be the spiritual leader of the home? See, you can't die to yourself and be the spiritual leader because you're dying to yourself in your attitude towards your wife. You're not going to be rude. You're not going to be unkind.

You're not, if she's very angry with you, you keep quiet. That's not giving up headship. In fact, you're acting like the head when you don't get angry, if she's angry with her.

For example, some pressure came up in home and your wife got very upset with you. You have to behave like Christ who would not get upset. You're not giving up your headship there.

By dying to yourself, you're manifesting the spirit of Christ as the head of the home. You're setting an example. So, dying to yourself is the best way you can be an example to your wife.

Not giving up the headship of the home. Of course, if she wants some type of bad thing to be brought into the home for your children, say, sorry, we don't allow that in this home. I don't want children to watch that type of game or watch that type of movie.

For your husband, for example, if your wife is unconverted and she sees some useless movies and wants the children to see it, put your foot down and say no. I won't stop you from seeing it, but I don't want our children to see it because children are our joint responsibility. There are situations like this where a man's got a wife who doesn't have the same values.

So, he must be firm. Okay. My wife and I are believers from childhood.

I have been more timid in nature and my wife has a more dominant temperament. How do we find the right balance? See, temperament does not mean you can't be the head of the home. If your wife is very strong, capable, that's fine.

But she should submit to the one who is the head of the home. And you can still be the head of the home even if your wife is post-graduate degree and you're not even gone to college. You are the head of the home.

The man is the head of the home. And you must say, listen darling, I don't want to rule you, but the Lord has said, our home will be blessed if we follow His laws. Our children will be blessed if we follow His laws.

One of His laws is the man, the husband must be the head of the home. I don't want to rule you, but I want to obey God. If you put it in a nice way and explain to your wife and show her that you're trying to obey the Lord, and the fact of your being timid does not hinder you from being the head of the home.

You can be a very gentle head. Want to add something? Sometimes, sometimes the wife may be, the wife may be the one who's causing the husband to be timid. Because I have found in many cases, some of us, we women, we are very capable and smart at doing things.

And we, practical things we are good at. And then we can intimidate our husband and say that, oh, I know it. You keep quiet, I know it.

So, we should do our part in taking a low profile. Even if we are capable of doing something, because we grew up taking care of children and taking care of homes which our husbands may not have. And we may be good at doing that.

But we shouldn't have that, as wives, shouldn't have that attitude where we are smart and capable and intimidate our husband. That can come in an unconscious way. So, and the children can sense it.

Oh, mommy can do it and oh, daddy doesn't know. They shouldn't sense that at all. So, we have to, as wives, we have to do our part every day, in every situation that we don't have that dominant spirit, even if we know what has to be done.

Like things like cooking. We are always cooking food. Husbands don't know, may not know how to do it properly, or may not even know where to find the things what we need to cook.

So, we shouldn't act in that way that I'm smart and you're nobody. We have to actively take a lower profile in things and let him do, try and do it and after he goes, okay, rectify it and correct it in a, and it's done. Without making him feel inferior or put down.

That's something we, as wives, we can do. And there's plenty of opportunity in the home. And the children sense it.

The children can sense when the wife is like that and they turn out and the way they talk, we can say yeah, my child is talking just like how I used to talk. I don't want that. I don't want the children to learn that habit.

So we have to keep on judging ourselves, cleansing ourselves and that's why we are so thankful to be in the church to be reminded about taking up the cross and denying ourselves and what a place of a godly wife should be. The conduct of a godly wife, we don't hear that anywhere in any church but thank God in the new covenant we can hear that and we can work in our lives in a secret way, die to ourselves and bring good results in our family. We have a very, next question.

We have a very small circle of fellowship, number 17. Now children don't really have friends besides each other. We like to have another child but considering the risk of child bearing age, do you have any guidance for us? Do you want to say that? I think if it's a medical reason like usually as doctors we say that it's risky for a mother to have a baby after the age of 40 because there are sicknesses but nowadays there are techniques like a woman can get her eggs frozen I mean so many so in such matters it's good to consult a good doctor a Christian doctor for advice but definitely I'm so happy we had all four of our sons and I'm happy with all my grandchildren and they brought so much joy to our lives so don't limit with just one child or two children if you can, it will be such a joy and now our four sons, they take such good care of us and we have four daughters because they married and we have four daughters who take such good care of us.

My husband was saying that he bought fake Nike shoes he wanted to buy for our son fake Nike shoes but our son bought him a real Nike shoes and he was very reluctant to wear it and they said dad you must wear it this is good for you so so it's a blessing, it's a real blessing to have godly children and see the reward they enjoy they give us I don't refuse a gift given to me ok what are your thoughts on organic food when it's difficult lifestyle to pay that much for better quality food yeah organic food is always the best in India growing up we didn't have that concept of organic food because everything was grown naturally and in the farms it was not hybrid but nowadays I think in India also all these unhealthy foods are coming I feel if I were to give a chance I would deny other things like unnecessary things and choose for organic food my daughter in law Megan is very good at finding these good deals and she looks up the internet and she looks up and she sees where these good sales are and organic food is there so you know definitely I would choose for organic food and cut down unnecessary other expenses we don't need to get new clothes every time there is a conference last time I wore the same I don't want to wear the same clothes this time no it doesn't matter if every time we wear the same clothes we cut down unnecessary things and we buy healthy things for our children yeah learn to live within your income one of the most important things in these days everybody's income is limited it's determined by God so when God gives you more you can spend more I remember the days when we had very very little we'd give good food to our children and Annie and I would live on very very simple food for years we just couldn't afford it we never took them to a restaurant we could not afford it all those who can afford it can do that we never could take them on a vacation we couldn't afford it other people go I say we tell our children they can afford it but daddy and mommy don't have that much money we can't afford it now our children grown up they can go on vacation so I say live within the circle of your income and don't envy somebody else who's got a bigger circle God has blessed them with a bigger circle they can move there teach your children also not to envy them and to be thankful for what you have and if you have plenty bless those who have less that's fine those are some things we can teach our children and what about adult children who have heard the good news but still haven't turned to God we must pray for them that's all we can say and sometimes parents have accepted Christ after their children have grown up and gone away from the Lord so all such parents I have given one bit of instruction your children you brought up your children in a wrong way because you yourself did not know the Lord at that time, never mind there's nothing impossible with God, remember this with God nothing is impossible that's written in the Old Testament in Jeremiah it's written in the New Testament in the Gospel of Luke that's what Gabriel told Mary so with God nothing is impossible so believing that we can say now Lord it's not impossible for you to bring us, we did not know you brought up our children in a wrong way now we know you but our children have gone astray this is my advice to all such parents if any of you are like that here your children are away from the Lord can you spend five minutes every day husband and wife kneeling by your bed praying for each of your children specifically don't miss any day Lord you have got to bring this son of mine by name this daughter of mine this married son and his wife you have to bring them to the Lord we are sorry, we were foolish we did not bring them upright, forgive us but we want you to, there's nothing impossible with you claim that promise Lord bring them to you, bring them to you we are trusting you, we are putting this paper before you and we know you will answer it every single day don't give up praying you know the stories Jesus said of a widow who went on banging at a judge's door day and night and Jesus said that judge finally got fed up and answered her prayer you know how that passage concludes in Luke 18 verse 7 an ungodly judge did something for that widow because of persistence and you think your heavenly father will not do more for you and another instance he said about a man who went to his neighbor's house at midnight saying somebody has come, I want some food for that person and the poor said don't disturb me all my children are asleep, he wouldn't stop knocking knocked and knocked and knocked and Jesus said how much more your heavenly father will do for you so there's a tremendous power in persistent prayer those two parables remember that Matthew 18, Luke 11 if you want to remember them two parables on persistent prayer lay hold of that and say we are going to do it and you will get an answer to your children sometime back in this church we sang a song build bridges not walls I don't know how that the one line in it goes build bridges not walls and that line has always stuck with me in dealing with our children when we build some kind of wall between them and they don't want to contact us or have anything to do with us the teenagers go through spells of that and even grown up children with the parents they may have that but those are walls which are maybe built by them but God has given us the opportunity to build bridges to reach towards them so I always think of that build bridges not walls that leads on to the next question how to deal with teens who are not interested in praying to God or trusting him pray for them don't force them into something when family prayer ask them to sit with you if they are rebellious don't force them God himself doesn't force people to submit to him but pray for them keep on praying Lord bring them into some need in their life something that will make them helpless and will make them turn to you there is nothing wrong in praying I would even say pray that something will some type of mini calamity some problem if you have a little accident break a leg something not too serious which will make them feel hey I need God's help I need my parents help here the aim is to bring them to Christ if a broken leg can lead to salvation I pray for that any day and pray that God will do it in his way he knows what's best what advice can you give us about raising teenagers in the home for Christ we have covered most of that in this session there is nothing more to say I would say the greatest thing is be a good example tell them give them your testimony how God provided for you at different times in fact I have told parents who are born again whenever you must keep a little diary now you can keep it on your computer in a folder any significant event that happened where God miraculously answered a prayer make a note of it with date just a few sentences and at the end of 20 years that folder will be pretty thick print it out and give it to your children when they get married and say here is a second bible for you you have one already the holy bible and here is another one full of living testimonies that happened in your home when you were a little kid what God did for us build that second bible that you can give to your children I regret that nobody gave me that advice I would have had quite a thick folder by today we had no computers I could have written it down in a book but you have the opportunity do it now it will take you only 5 minutes in some amazing way God answered a prayer put down those details with the date so that it doesn't look like fiction not that in general way God helped us here is a specific example 1,2,3,4,5 imagine what a record you will have what a wonderful wedding gift you can give to your children when they get married last question what did Jesus mean by saying greater things than these will you do he said that in John's gospel chapter 14 if you don't know there was such a verse and you wonder what is the greater thing that we can do that Jesus never did we think the greatest thing is raising the dead you read in John's gospel chapter 14 the things that I do shall you do and greater things than these shall you do John's chapter 14 and verse 12 truly I say to you he who believes in me works I do he will do and greater works than these he will do because I go to the father what will happen when I go to the father verse 16 I will ask the father to send the Holy Spirit the Holy Spirit has come he will do something greater than what Jesus could do what is it Jesus could not do he could not build the body of Christ he could not build people becoming one on his last day on earth the twelve disciples were still arguing who is greatest are you greater or am I greater even I have built more than twelve people who don't ask that question more than twelve people who have no desire to be greater than the other it's a greater work than Jesus did but it's not me because I go to the father because the Holy Spirit has come the Holy Spirit was not in those disciples on the day of Pentecost sorry at the last supper that's why they were arguing on the day of Pentecost you will become one one with each other the greatest miracle that God has done greater than what Jesus could not make even two people one when he was on earth because the Holy Spirit did not come thank you for listening patiently I don't know what time the next session will be but let's pray Heavenly Father we pray that all that we have heard in this session will remind us of it when the time comes that we can be better husbands and wives better parents bless every family here we pray in Jesus name Amen thank you for your patience in listening to us