02 What is Christian Marriage
What is Christian Marriage
What is Christian marriage? Is it fundamentally different from marriage between non-Christians? We hear words related to marriage, such as headship, submission, and love: What do these terms mean? Are these cultural relics of the 1st century? Are they western cultural patterns? Or are they vital for our understanding and practice of marriage today among all Christians? The most extended treatment of marriage in the Bible is found in Ephesians 5:22-33; these verses are followed by 6:1-4 on parents and children. These sixteen verses form the outline of our course. Paul grounds none of his teaching concerning marriage and family on cultural grounds, or on the specific circumstances found in Ephesus in the 1st century. Instead, all that he says is grounded on theological truths, particularly on the teaching that he has given the Ephesians in the first four and a half chapters of the book, as well as the relationship between Christ and the church. We consider these two topics in turn. The Context of the Passage:Ephesians 1:1-23;Ephesians 2:1-22;Ephesians 3:1-21;Ephesians 4:1-32;Ephesians 5:1-21
Many discussions of Ephesians 5:22-33 in courses on marriage take these verses out of context, considering them by themselves. But these verses are intimately related to the first section of the book, and build upon what Paul has said in the earlier chapters. In order to understand these verses rightly, we need to understand why Paul brings up this topic at this point. These verses are intimately integrated with all that precedes them in this letter, and our insights into marriage are improved by considering the relationship between these verses and the preceding chapters.
Recall that Paul begins this letter by praising God for the spiritual blessings that we have in Christ:
·God has chosen us in Christ before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight;
·God has redeemed us, purchasing us from slavery to sin, through Christ’s blood;
·God has revealed to us the mystery of his will: that He is in the process of summing up all things in Christ;
·God has sealed us with the Holy Spirit, as a guarantee that we have a part in the summing up of all things in Christ.
Furthermore, all of these spiritual blessings, great as the benefits are to us, are to the praise of God’s glory; they reveal His character, so that all creation will praise Him.
Given that all this is true, Paul then prays that while we are here on earth, we would know three things:
·the hope of our calling, ·the riches of the glory of God’s inheritance in us, ·and the resurrection power which is ours.
Paul concludes the first chapter by saying that God: gave Christ as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all. (Ephesians 1:22-23) So this entire passage concerns the relationship between Christ and the church. We, the church, are in Christ, purchased by His blood; He is summing up all things in Christ according to His eternal plan, and he involves us in that process; God gives us Christ’s resurrection power to enable us to play our part in that process; we are Christ’s body, intimately related to Him, created to do His will; we are his fullness, glorifying him in what we are becoming. In chapter 2, Paul notes the astounding nature of this relationship between Christ and the church. There were two powerful barriers that would seem to make such an intimate relationship impossible. The first barrier is our flesh, our sinfulness. We were dead in our trespasses and sins, helpless, hopeless. We were by nature objects of God’s wrath, deserving his just punishment. The perfectly holy God could have no partnership with such sinful creatures; the perfectly just God must punish such creatures.
Chapter 2 verse 4 begins with two powerful words: BUT GOD. We were dead and without hope, BUT GOD made us alive together with Christ, BUT GOD raised us by His grace, BUT GOD seated us with Christ in the heavenlies, and prepared in advance good works for us to do. By identifying us with Christ instead of looking at us on our own, God makes us righteous in His sight. Our union with Christ, our intimate identification with Him, is what allows God to take us, sinful creatures as we are, to Himself. In addition to our individual sinfulness, the second barrier is that many of us are Gentiles, and therefore excluded from the promises God made to the people of Israel. BUT GOD now has brought us near by the blood of Christ, reconciling both Jew and Gentile into one body through the cross. God had pictured his relationship to Israel as a marriage in the Old Testament; now not only the Jews but all who are in Christ are reconciled to each other and to God through Christ Himself. In chapter 3, Paul says his particular calling is to reveal the mystery of God’s redeeming both Jews and Gentiles. Verse 10 highlights one of God’s purposes in this plan of redemption: to show the greatness of His wisdom even to angels and opposing spiritual powers. Paul then prays that we might be strengthened through the Spirit so that Christ might dwell in our hearts, and that we might be able to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge.
Thus ends the first half of the book. Why didn’t Paul simply stop here? He doesn’t stop because Christian doctrine always has logical consequences for Christian behavior. Our faith has implications for how we live. So, in chapters four through six, Paul builds on the truths concerning the blessings, privileges, and power which are ours, arguing that if all this is true, we have a glorious calling - a calling to display the wisdom, love, and power of God in our lives - and thus must walk in a manner worthy of that calling.
Consider three implications of this latter section of Ephesians:
First, note that Paul does not here give us a list of moral do’s and don’ts; he is not laying down a standard and then saying, "Live this way." Instead, he is basing his commands on the doctrine he has taught in the first part of Ephesians. The New Testament always does this; morality is never divorced from doctrine. These days we often hear someone say, "Oh, I don’t believe in the Bible’s teaching about Jesus as the Son of God, and all that, but I admire and try to live up to its moral teaching." Nothing could be more antithetical to the biblical position. Indeed, nothing could be more foolish. In all of the New Testament, behavior is a logical consequence of doctrine; morality does not stand alone.
Second, God gives us the power to live lives that are pleasing to him. Christian morality is not a matter of our using our own power to live up to God’s commands. Paul has already said in chapter two that on our own we are dead in our trespasses and sins, without hope. Yet God’s power has raised us and seated us with Christ, and this same resurrection power is available to us to accomplish His purposes in us. So Paul in this last half of Ephesians reminds us that it is not only logical for us to behave this way, but it is also possible for us to behave this way because of the power of God within us.
Third, note that Paul still finds it necessary to give us these commands. Thus, it must be possible for us to be Christians and yet not live in accordance with God’s desires. So this process is not automatic; we can be chosen by God and sealed by the Holy Spirit, yet still live lives that are unworthy of our calling. Thus, living lives worthy of our calling is not a simple, one-time event, not a decision we make once in our lives, but a battle that we must fight day by day.
Note three aspects of our salvation: (1) God promises that we are saved from the guilt of sin, we are justified - that was accomplished on the cross, and becomes effective for us by God’s grace the first moment we exercise saving faith. Justification is indeed a one-time event.
(2) We are saved from the power of sin -- God has made us alive in Christ, we are united with Christ both in His death and in His resurrection. Alive in Christ, we are no longer slaves to sin. This, again, is a one-time event; God frees us from slavery to sin at one point in time.
(3) God also promises that he will make us Christlike, that he will perfect us -- but this sanctification does not happen immediately. We continue to fight the fight of faith for our entire lives. This concept is central to our understanding of Christian marriage, so let’s delve into it a bit more deeply. Consider Galatians 2:20, which I hope many of you have memorized:
I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Paul is saying that we who are Christians have been identified with Christ’s death, and that we have died to self. But note that we still live in the flesh, we still live in our old, fallen bodies. The habits we have developed, the patterns of reacting to life’s circumstances, persist and continue to influence us. Furthermore, although Satan has lost his control of us, he continues to fight against us, as Paul will remind us in Ephesians 6:1-24. And Satan still influences the world around us, so that to our eyes it looks as if God is not in control. For all these reasons, we must live by faith -- faith in God’s sovereignty, faith in God’s power, and faith in God’s promises. While we remain in this world, then, we must exercise our will minute by minute and hour by hour, turning our thoughts to God in active dependence on Him. When we fail to live by faith, we stumble, and live lives that are not worthy of our calling.
So, in this last half of Ephesians, Paul finds it necessary to exhort us to behave in a manner consistent with our calling by the power of God within us, through living by faith minute by minute. Let us, then, consider how he organizes these exhortations in chapters 4 and 5. In the first 16 verses of chapter 4, Paul asks the question, "How should we live within the body of Christ? How should we relate to other Christians?" His answer: we should be humble towards each other, we should build each other up, especially via the gifts that the Spirit gives us. This leads to our growing together to maturity.
Beginning in 4:17 Paul turns his attention from our lives as part of the church to our lives as individuals in relationship to others. Here, in effect he is answering the question, "Does the way I live matter?" If it is true that God will forgive whatever sins I commit if I am a child of God, then why not sin? Paul here shows -- as he shows via a somewhat different argument in Romans 6:1-23 -- that anyone who asks such a question simply does not understand the fundamental change that takes place when one is saved. The old life is darkness, ignorance, corruption, and slavery. There is no benefit to living that way -- rather, it leads to death. As he says in 5:5, no immoral, impure, or covetous person has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ -- and anyone without such an inheritance has no hope whatsoever, but will be subject to God’s wrath. So since you are children of God, act like it! Imitate him! You were once darkness, but now are light! Walk in the light, not in the darkness! Take care, consider the way you walk -- it indicates who you are! This is the will of God.
Beginning in 5:18, Paul emphasizes our need for the Spirit’s power in order to accomplish this. We must be filled with the Spirit if we are to live worthy lives. We must let the Spirit control us, let Him fill our minds and thoughts, let him infuse all our relationships with His presence, as he stands alongside us, encouraging us, enabling us to be Christlike. As Paul points out, when we are filled with the Spirit, He will affect our speech ("speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs"), our inner attitudes ("singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father"), and our interactions with others ("submitting to one another in the fear of Christ"). In the next lengthy section, Paul elaborates on what it means to submit to each other in our most intimate relationships.
It is absolutely vital to see that submitting to one another is a result of being filled with the Spirit. Submission is neither natural nor easy. But because we as Christians are a new creation on the inside, because the Holy Spirit lives in us, we CAN live a new life, we CAN put off the old self, we CAN live as children of light, submitting to one another.
Paul highlights three intimate relationships:
·between husbands and wives, ·between parents and children ·and between employees and employers.
He selects these relationships because this is where “the rubber meets the road”, as we would say in the US. It is in these relationships that we reveal the true nature of our hearts. Most of us can become pretty good at play-acting on Sunday mornings, pretending that we are good Christians. We can do the same in our occasional, casual relationships in civic organizations. But it is much harder to fool our employers and employees, and it is virtually impossible to fool our wives, husbands, children, and parents. Whatever we are on the inside will come out, at least occasionally, in these close relationships. If Christianity does not have an impact on these most intimate relationships, it is not worth very much. But a relationship with God that will transform these relationships is exactly what so many long for!