96-Pro_31:10-31 (A)
LECTURE XCVI.
"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life. She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengthened her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and be praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." This is the remainder of "the words of King Lemuel"-of "the prophecy which his mother taught him." We learn from it on what correct principles that mother estimated the happiness of her son:-how sound, how judicious, and how fully in accordance with the revealed mind of God, the counsel which she thus gave him.-I say, the counsel: because, although the passage contains only a description, yet nothing can be more manifest,-especially when the verses are taken in connexion with the negative and prohibitory admonition in the third verse,-than that counsel is meant to be conveyed. And when we recollect that the passage forms part of an inspired communication, we must regard it not merely as the counsel of Lemuel’s mother, but of Lemuel’s God. As introductory to the illustration of the verses, we may observe, that the counsel proceeds upon the assumption of the original state of things,-of the primary and divine constitution of the marriage relation, when "God made a male and a female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh:"-that is, upon the great general principle, which alone has the authority of Heaven, that "Every man have his own wife, and every woman her own husband." We do not deny that the same legislative authority which fixed the principle may, in particular cases, grant the suspension of it. But has this ever been done? That good men have acted in violation of the original constitution, is true; but that they had, in any instance, the divine sanction in doing so, is another question. I more than doubt it. Every instance of the kind I believe to have been sin:-nor does there seem ground to make a single exception in affirming, that they who sinned suffered for it; that every departure of the kind brought with it a greater or less degree of unhappiness. In the passage before us, the "virtuous woman" is, beyond question, represented as the one wife of one husband. The description, it may be remarked, is a regular poem. It is composed on a similar principle with that exemplified in the 119th Psalm. Each verse begins with a different letter, and according to the order of the letters in the alphabet. This, amongst other advantages, was fitted to assist the memory;-and the poem was one well worthy of being committed to the memory of every mother and every daughter in Judea.
Whether the picture was drawn from real life, or merely by the mind of the artist under divine illumination,-the Spirit of God guiding her hand in the sketch,-is a question which we need not be careful to settle. The latter is probably the truth. And the portraiture is a lovely one. It is arrayed, it is true, in the appropriate costume of the country and the age in which it was delineated; but in every country and in every age the features are such as must command admiration. The character, I mean, is sketched with a reference to the peculiar usages of the place and the period; but the great outlines of it, divested of those local and temporary peculiarities, are of permanent and universal excellence. A "virtuous woman" (verse Proverbs 31:10.) must not, in this connexion, be understood merely with respect to the single point of honour and chastity. The word here is very comprehensive. It is to be interpreted from the description. It means such a woman;-a woman rightly feeling the various and interesting obligations under which her situations and relations have placed her; and conscientiously and perseveringly discharging the duties arising out of them, under the predominant influence of "pure and undefiled religion"-the fear and the love of God.
What means the question-"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies."-1. Rarity. There are comparatively few who come up to the standard which the mother of Lemuel had conceived in her mind. Many may approach to it, in nearer and more remote degrees; but there are few-we might ask, perhaps, are there any?-who have not their peculiar defects and failures. Thus the happy husband of such a wife as is here described, is represented as saying-verse Proverbs 31:29, "Many daughters have done virtuously; but thou excellest them all."-2. That it is not by purchase that such a wife is to be obtained. "Her price is far above rubies." Her principles and her character are such as place her above being purchased. Solomon and other Eastern princes might get their seraglios filled with beauty, by the temptations they could hold out to vanity and to worse passions by the bribes of wealth and splendour. Solomon might thus have his hundreds of princesses. But well might it he said, Who can by such means find a virtuous woman? What virtuous woman would have her place there? A thousand was the very number of Solomon’s seraglio:-and when he says, "One man among a thousand have I found, but a woman among all those have I not found;" who can wonder? The wonder would have been if he had. It is slander of the female character, to take an estimate of it from such a quarter. Buy a virtuous woman!-buy such a woman as is here depicted!-the very imagination of her consenting to be so bought-were it even to be, not the associate of hundreds more, but the wife of one-spoils the character,-robs it of its prime attraction.-3. Preciousness. This unbought and unpurchasable excellence is, in the eyes of the man to whom it is spontaneously, and in conjugal faith and love, surrendered, of inestimable value:-and she becomes the happiness of his life. It is the first of earth’s blessings; and it never comes alone; it brings a thousand with it. Truly and emphatically might it be said of the man who found such a wife-"He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing: and shall obtain favour of the Lord."-4. The question suggests the reflection, which, from its importance, can hardly be too often repeated-that the forming of the marriage union should be a matter of serious deliberation and inquiry; not a matter of hasty, capricious, thoughtless resolution,-the resolution of momentary fancy or sudden impulse. It should be an endeavour to find a suitable character,-a careful looking out and searching for such a one. And allow me to say-for it is a true saying-that if this were more attended to by those who seek wives, the character, in its various features of excellence, would be more sedulously cultivated by those who are destined to be wives. The character of the one sex will ever tell reciprocally on the other.-5. Lastly, and above all, this connexion must never be a matter of barter, or of pecuniary calculation:-"Her price is far above rubies." It is an infinite degradation of this first and highest and most hallowed of earthly unions, when, on either side, it is reduced to a balance of sordid worldly interests. He who gets such a wife gets what is, in its own intrinsic worth, incomparably better than the greatest amount of wealth,-than the richest precious stones and jewels. It would be a rare act, (but, were it possible, it would be a far more rational one,) for a man to part with the largest fortune for the acquisition of a good wife, than to obtain the largest fortune by wedding a bad one.
It would unavoidably lead to a good deal of repetition,-while it would not, in the end, leave in the mind so distinct a conception and estimate of the character described, and the benefits arising from it in conjugal and domestic life, were we to illustrate the verses in the order in which they He before us. I shall rather endeavour to classify the particulars under the two heads at which I have just hinted;-THE CHARACTER:-AND ITS HAPPY EFFECTS.
1. We have, then, as the first feature of this lovely character, inviolable fidelity:-Verse Proverbs 31:11. "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil." This implies, first, the faithfulness of pure, virtuous, undivided attachment. Her husband has no ground for any restless, uneasy jealousy of wandering affections. He has perfect reliance on her plighted troth, and on her undivided love; assured, and happy in the assurance, that her heart is his, and his alone. In proportion as the spirit of jealousy, when it finds admission into a man’s bosom, is a spirit of disquietude and agony, the experience of this unshaken unsuspecting assurance of the heart’s entire appropriation must be precious and delightful. Then, secondly, the faithfulness in which "the heart of her husband trusteth," relates to the entire management of her domestic affairs. He can entrust everything to her. He can put his purse into her hands, in the full confidence that not one farthing will be alienated by her to either selfish or foolish ends,-but all held sacred to the good of the family; that nothing will be unprofitably squandered, and nothing secretly kept back,-but all applied faithfully, and wisely, and well; so as to leave her husband, in regard to all domestic concerns,-all the transactions that relate to the supply and regulation of the household-"without carefulness." That this second department of fidelity is specially meant, is clear from the latter part of the verse-"So that he shall have no need of spoil." While he trusts, he "safely trusts." He feels no temptation to have recourse to any unjust, oppressive, and unwarrantable means for recruiting his lavished resources,-for supplying his exhausted coffers,-spoiling others, in whatever way, to get means for himself:-a temptation which many a man has been made to feel by the extravagance of either a selfish, or an imprudent, rash, miscalculating wife,-a wife whose sanguine temper and fondness for personal and family display, destroy all providence, shutting her eyes both to the past and to the future. It may be right to notice here, the imperative duty of every husband, in order to his wife’s being in a condition to "deal prudently," and to be faithful in her management,-to put her in possession at all times of a correct knowledge of the true extent of his means. If in this she is deceived by him, and made to fancy the resources at his disposal greater than they actually are, she may get the blame which is due not to her but to him. And when the means are narrow and scanty, it is a vast comfort to the poor man to have full confidence that his wife will keep within them-that she will not run accounts, and contract debts, and disgrace and ruin him. For the principle of the character must be cherished and displayed among the wives of all classes of society. The poor man needs the comfort of this confidence as well as the rich.
2. Next after her duty to her God, the first desire of her heart, and the constant and persevering endeavour of her life is, to promote the comfort and well-being of her husband and family:-Verse Proverbs 31:12. "She will do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life." No doubt this implies that she studies his character,-makes herself aware of his peculiar tempers and humours, his likings and his dislikings,-in order that she may, as far as possible from ability and from principle, accommodate herself to them; seeking in all things to please and gratify him. But while I make this remark, let it not be abused by husbands, as if it held out any toleration to them to indulge humours that are capricious, wayward, and unreasonable. Even with such humours the truly good wife will do her utmost to bear,-and more than to bear. But because servants are enjoined to be subject not only to "good and gentle" but also to "froward" masters, this is no vindication of the masters’ frowardness. We must not allow husbands to lose sight of their own duty, while we are speaking of that of their wives. Yet the good wife will remember that to make a froward and capricious husband sensible that she is ever desiring and aiming to "do him good and not evil," is the most dutiful way on her part, and the way most likely to succeed with him, of subduing his waywardness, and winning him to greater reasonableness and right temper. But that which the words before us specially imply is-that she devotes herself to the advancement of her husband’s honour and reputation-his health of body and of mind,-his substantial interests,-his temporal and spiritual benefit, and of course the benefit of his family:-that she does this with cheerful delight, from the prevalence of real affection,-her heart being in it all. And this she does-"all the days of her life." She does it constantly:-not by mere fits and starts; not after the manner of some women, who are the subjects of shifting tempers and capricious humours; who are wonderfully fond-passionate in their endearments, while the fit chances to be upon them, but as cross-grained and ill-natured as possible perhaps the very next hour.-And she does it perseveringly. Her engagement being for life, she keeps to it till the end. She does not "weary in well-doing," but pursues the one object of her wedded state and her plighted conjugal love, to the very last. Her course of attentions, and active promotion of her husband’s well-being is not the result of the mere fervour of a first love, but of a firm, faithful, principled attachment, and, along with it, a paramount and imperative sense of duty. That duty is-"till death us do part."
3. The next feature is assiduous and cheerful industry;-diligence in every useful occupation opposed at once to laziness and to pride,-to sloth and to vanity; and accompanied with wise, considerate, prudent management. This embraces a number of verses, in which it is presented under various aspects:-Verses Proverbs 31:13-19; Proverbs 31:21-22; and Proverbs 31:27. In the first of these verses, she is said to "work willingly with her hands;" that is, cheerfully, without sighing that she has it to do, and wishing she could but be exempted from either the exertion or the degradation. She does not consider it as either; but puts her heart where she knows her hands should be. I have said that this is in opposition to both laziness and pride, sloth and vanity. The description, remember, was addressed to a prince, and therefore has reference to such a wife as he should choose, for the inmate of his palace,-for the partner of his royal dignity. Yet the mother of Lemuel does not regard manual labour as beneath respectability and high station of the wife of a king. She says, Verse Proverbs 31:19. "She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff." It was customary among the Jews to bring up all their youth to some handicraft occupation. It was an excellent rule, both as respected the cherishing of right dispositions, and as respected a prudent anticipation of the future, in which so many and so great alternations of condition might await the rising generation. And we may suppose the inculcation of practical industry was not confined to the one sex alone, but extended, and that in all classes of the community, to both. But the lesson before us is a good one in all places and times. Those who are in superior stations in life ought never to be ashamed to put their hands actively to household affairs. If the mother of king Lemuel had any daughters, it will not be doubted that she would inculcate upon them the habits which she commends in a wife for her son. She would train them to be such wives as the one she here describes. The qualities she would have Lemuel seek in a daughter-in-law, she would desire to see in her own daughters. Wives in high life need not have their hands hanging listlessly down, or think it beneath them to apply themselves to any useful and becoming occupation. There are those at times to be found who would toss their heads at the very idea of their being supposed even to know anything about the management of a household. To name a spindle and a distaff to them, would be an insult never to be forgiven! What would Lemuel’s mother have said of such? She would have warned the young prince against them-as not fit wives for him! Women in such stations should even have an honest pride and pleasure in showing as much as they can of the fruits of their own industry-doing all in their power for the internal comfort and well-being of their households. It does not become any to regard industry as a vulgar virtue, and so to sit at their ease with their hands folded, as if it were the privilege and the honour of their caste in society to be idle. If they have not enough to keep them busy with the concerns of their own families, need they, on that account, be unemployed? May they not be Dorcases? How many families around them who would bless them for the product of their industry! Was it any discredit to Dorcas, was it not, on the contrary, her enviable honour, when "the widows" stood around her corpse "weeping, and showing the coats and garments she had made while she was with them?" She who is too proud to "lay her hands to the spindle and the distaff"-that is, to apply herself actively to such employment as her husband and family and the good of others may require,-has much yet to learn of the spirit of the religion of Jesus, and of the character of a "good wife." We have still many examples, even in superior stations, of active housewifery,-of minds vigorous in common sense and sound principle, and far above the pitiful affectation of sentimental idleness. Spinning-wheels, however, were more in fashion in the days of our grandmothers, than they are now;-and I am not sure if the change has been for the better. The industry, I have said, is associated with considerate prudence and propriety. She rightly keeps her place and station. While always busy, and usefully busy, she still holds her proper position as mistress and superintendent of her household: she sees that all are at their proper employments, and that these are all suitably and seasonably provided for them; that they have their morning meal and their means of work in due season:-she is the general directress and provider. Such is the spirit of verse fifteenth, "She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens." And it is the spirit of the passage we must seek to extract:-the minute illustration of particulars in detail would be tedious and unprofitable. Hence we notice further, that she studies to preserve a discreet and happy medium-maintaining an equal distance between mean penuriousness and wasteful profusion and extravagance. First of all, she procures abundance, and that at the best markets:-verse Proverbs 31:14. "She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar." It would be no recommendation to get from a distance what could be got equally well at hand-as good, and as cheap. The meaning therefore is-(and it were not amiss for statesmen sometimes to learn the lesson as well as wives) that she does not satisfy herself with getting at hand what she can get better and cheaper from afar. She spares no pains to provide what is good-what is suitable and wholesome-for all her household: and, as her industry enables her to go to the best markets, she is never at a loss for the requisite supplies. This is one part of her prudence. Then, with regard to the laying out of what she still has to spare, there is equal discretion. She lets nothing go to waste; but makes the most of every thing. She "gathers up the fragments that remain, that nothing be lost." And what does she with the surplus?-what does she with the produce of her industry? Does she spend it in what is trifling and useless-in what serves no purpose but the gratification of vanity? The answer is-verse Proverbs 31:16. "She considered a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard." Here is something valuable-something of real permanent use to the family:-and even with regard to this, observe, there is consideration before purchase: the field and the price are carefully looked to, that she may not buy land that will yield no return; and that she may not give more for it than it is worth. And then, when she has made the purchase, she turns it to the best account:-in the field, "with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard,"-the wine of which may at once supply the family and bring a profit from sale.
4. A further feature is liberal and kindly benevolence,-open-hearted, open-handed, practical charity:-ver. Proverbs 31:20. "She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy." This implies, first, The spirit of tenderness and compassion:-a spirit lovely in all; and especially attractive in the female character. And the modes of expression used respecting the practical working of this compassion indicate two things-readiness, and liberality. Without doubt, charity, both in men and women, should be regulated in its exercise by judicious discretion; and in the previous parts of the character this has been well provided for. It is right and necessary that sound judgment should be united with sensibility. To give way to every impulse of the latter without the intervention of the former, would often do harm instead of good. This is all true. Judgment must preside over the practice of charity. And yet, in woman especially, the sensibility of charity is better than the philosophy of charity. I would rather see a woman give, under the impulse of feeling, with a full heart and a melting eye, even in a case which to judgment might be somewhat questionable,-than hear her, in such a case, discuss with acuteness and zeal the principles of political economy, and freeze up her heart in the coldness of clear but icy calculation. It implies, secondly, the spirit of obedience to the divine will. We have that will beautifully and briefly expressed in the words of an inspired Apostle-"Let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth." The principle of labour is thus the spirit of benevolence as well as of self-love. The latter of course is first:-the supply of our own need and that of our families. But we are not to stop there. We are not to think that we have laboured enough when we have made out that object:-there is still an ulterior one. The wife here portrayed, while her husband and family have the prior claim, still looks, with the eye of benevolence, beyond them, and stretches beyond them the hand of charity. And I may notice, further, That such a wife-thus faithful, thus active, thus prudent, thus kind,-is well entitled to full liberty in the exercise of her charity-in the delighted indulgence of her benevolent affections. She will, without doubt, in all cases of importance, seek to go along with him who is, or ought to be, the partner of all her feelings and all her wishes. But it would be harsh and cruel to stint and restrain such a disposition in such a bosom. Where feeling has so complete an ascendency over judgment as to dethrone it altogether, and to produce a reckless, indiscriminating and really pernicious prodigality of almsgiving, greater restraint may be necessary. But this is no part of the character here depicted.