Our Minds and our Helpfulness

We read some of these verses, but we'll take a moment to read them again. Ephesians 4 and 25. In our last meeting we emphasized the link with verse 23 and 24, marks of holiness, but now I want you to see again the practical reasons that the apostle gives for the behavior of verse 25 on.

Wherefore, putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor, because, for we are members one of another. Be angry and sin not. Let not the sun go down upon your wrath, neither give place to the devil.

Let him that stole steal no more, but rather let him labor, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may give, that he may have to give to him that needeth. Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice, and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Look in the epistle to the Philippians, please, and chapter 2. Philippians 2 and verse number 2. Fulfill ye my joy that ye be like minded, having the same love, being of one accord of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vain glory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

Look not every man on his own thing, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God, but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men. And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

Now it's not our subject, but it is remarkable to think that Paul was writing to Roman citizens. Remember that Philippi was a Roman colony. He was writing to people for whom it was impossible to ever know a cross death.

Romans could not put another Roman to death by the cross, and he writes of them of one who endured something that at the very worst none of them would ever know, even a cross death. Now turn back to just 1 Corinthians in chapter 13 for just a couple of verses. Look at verse number 4, 1 Corinthians 13 and 4, charity suffereth long in his kind, charity envieth not, charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, and endureth all things.

Now this chapter was not written to a married couple. It wasn't even written to a couple that were engaged. This chapter was written to an assembly.

So its first and primary application is to assembly relationships, believers within an assembly. Now with that before us and with the help of God, we'd like to look at the subject of our minds and helpfulness or harmony in an assembly subtitled the clout of reaching out. I think discerning God's will, well I am a loner and I don't do well with people and I don't have a lot of social graces and I'm not good mixing with people and so this really kind of leaves me out.

I'm not responsible. I just come to the meetings and I go home because I just don't interact well with people. Is that God's will for you as a believer? I think it's obvious if nothing else, we read in Ephesians chapter 4 that the Christian life was meant to be lived in a community of other Christians.

I don't mean that we should all be living in little colonies but I mean it was meant to be lived with other people. Be kind one to another, giving to those that have need and it's always with a relationship in view. Believers and their relationships, God intended us to be together, living together as a fellowship, as an assembly and relating to one another in positive ways.

There are people who naturally are more people oriented. We call them people persons. They just like social butterflies, flit around a room and they're just there and they light up the room and they know everybody and just other people are quieter, more retiring.

But that does not excuse, again we spoke last night about personality issues and a personality should never interfere with spiritual growth. Now that doesn't mean you have to become a social butterfly and it doesn't mean you have to become the social hostess of the assembly. But there are things which God expects of every believer in his or her dealings with other believers and I should never allow my personality to interfere with that or to go beyond it.

As we'll see in a few moments, some ways in which some of our personalities can go well beyond what God wants us to do. So there is the discerning of God's will. It is the clear command of scripture, if nothing else.

Bear ye one another's burdens and what? So fulfill the law of Christ. Romans 15, let no man seek his own good but every man another's. We are responsible to be seeking the blessing, the welfare of others.

The clear command of the word of God. Philippians chapter 2 we read together, look not every man on his own things. Well, you know, that's just my personality.

I tend to not want to get involved with other people and I... What does God say? Yeah, that's your personality, that might be my personality but that's the problem. God is in the business of trying to mold us to be like his son in every way. And he says, I'm not just telling you what's nice.

I'm telling you what is Christ like. The one that looked not on his own things but looked on the things of others. And so it is the clear command of... The example of the Lord Jesus is given to us as well.

The response of indwelling love. The response of indwelling love should be a desire. A desire to be a blessing to others.

A desire to be a help to others. Ephesians 5, walk in love. What does that mean? That means to always be seeking your welfare.

And we'll look at that in a moment. So it should be the response of indwelling love. And it is an appreciation for other believers.

So discerning God's will should not be that difficult for us. Because if I appreciate you, that's how I will declare your worth. You see, the way I treat you, whether you want to believe it or not, the way I treat you and the way we treat each other is eloquent testimony to how much I value you and what I think of you.

So if I appreciate you the way God appreciates you, then that's going to affect how I treat you. First of all, I learned in Ephesians chapter 4 that there should be a respect for every believer. A respect for all.

No thinking down. Paul says in Ephesians chapter 4, let me just read it again. Put away lying, speak every truth to his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

Do I really recognize you as being a vital part of the body of Christ? Members one of another, that we are together in the body of Christ? And as a result, I have a respect for you? Now, it's not a matter that I walk around saying what a poor Christian I am, and, oh, you're better than I am. It's not a matter of bad thoughts about myself. It's a matter of not thinking of myself.

It's a matter of thinking of you. It's a matter of having a respect for you. And so the way I treat you is going to reveal how I view your worth before God.

Some of the older men here, women likewise, will remember a man, I think he came to Iowa some. He was a tremendous help to me as a young Christian, a tremendous help. I marvel sometimes at his kindness and goodness and grace to me.

A man named Clay Fite lived in the city of Philadelphia where I was born and raised. Mr. Fite used to like to go to small assemblies. He would visit small handfuls, just a dozen in fellowship, and he would go there and he would give some of the richest ministry I can remember.

And I once asked him, you know, how do you do it? Getting up before just a handful of believers and giving literally the fruit of years of study to just 12, 14, 15 people. He said, I just look out over the audience, and it's like I see written over them for whom Christ died. That makes it all worthwhile.

If I could look at you and just say for whom Christ died. That brother for whom Christ died. That's how Paul viewed believers.

That's how Paul viewed the weakest of believers. A brother for whom Christ died. A sister for whom Christ died.

Listen, away with the idea that there are believers we don't need in the assembly. And believers that are better going somewhere else. God forbid.

We should value every believer for God and value that life for God. An appreciation, a respect for another's worth. But then also I should have an appreciation for relationships which need to be preserved.

Paul says, make sure you don't give any place for Satan to come in in a relationship. Be angry and sin not, let not the sun go down upon your wrath, neither give place. Don't give Satan a vantage point.

Don't give him a ground at which to attack and bring in division. Peter really does the same thing in 1 Peter 5. When he speaks about that roaring lion walking about seeking whom he may devour. You go back over that chapter and you get the imagery.

You'll forgive me for just a moment. When I was a kid growing up, the days of cowboys and Indians. And the wagon trains would make a circle and the Indians would be riding around looking for an opening.

That's the picture there. And he touches on the leadership and the danger of division among the leadership. And he deals then with older and younger and the possibility of division amongst them.

And he deals with someone who thinks no one cares and says, if nobody else cares, cast all your care upon him. Don't give an opening for Satan in the assembly, he says. He's walking about.

He's stalking the camp. He's stalking the flock, looking for an opening to get in. Paul says as well in his words in Ephesians chapter 4, be careful in relationships.

Don't give Satan a toehold in relationship difficulties. So you see, I've got to have a tremendous concern. That in all of my relationships with my brethren and sisters, there's nothing that gives Satan an opening.

To come between us, to drive a wedge, to make a way into the assembly because of how I have treated someone. So I need to have a regard then for relationships being preserved. But Paul says, not only is there the issue of respect and not only is there the issue of relationships, but what about responsibility for material welfare? He says, let him that stole steel no more, but rather let him work with his hands, that he may have to give to him that hath need.

Now I know that giving to other believers is a very, very delicate area and very difficult at times, pride and embarrassment and so on. But still, having said all of that, having recognized all of that, Paul says we have a responsibility for each other's welfare. John says the same, doesn't he? Seeing your brother have need.

Needs to be done wisely, needs to be done carefully, but I bear that responsibility as well. And then he says as well, how about having a regard for their spiritual welfare? Don't let corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but rather that which is good to the use of edifying and so on. Do I leave a believer? Now I don't just mean in walking in at a hello, goodbye, how are you, nice day.

I don't mean in that measure of relationship. But you'll understand then when I say the issue is do I leave a believer better than I found him? Does my speech edify? Do I have a concern? Is it something that really is important to me that I should be able to edify others? Not preach to others, not a matter of preaching, not even a matter of having verses when you meet. It's a matter though, is my speech edifying or is my speech destructive? What am I doing? He says you've got a responsibility in this area too.

You've got a responsibility in your relationships to build each other up, to help one another, ministering grace to the use of edifying. So when you are with believers, when you go for a weekend, when you get together, are believers better because of you or are they weakened because of you? Which way? It's a searching thing because we all become so careless. And then he says also, he says I want you not only to be concerned about material needs, spiritual needs, physical needs, but what about emotional needs? He says I want you to be tender-hearted.

I want you to be kind. Forget malice and envy and all those. Put those things away.

Forget that in your relationships among believers. I want you to be aware of emotional needs. There are believers carrying heavy hearts.

There are believers with tremendous burdens that some of us know nothing about. There are families that are grieving and there are homes that are filled with sorrow. He says be tender-hearted.

Not wishy-washy. That's not the idea. Not a matter of being wishy-washy and being, it's a matter of being tender-hearted, being kind.

Not being marked by malice. Not being marked by guile. Not being marked by evil speaking and anger and bitterness and clamor and all of that that marks the natural man.

He says be kind, tender-hearted, forgiving one another even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. So there we have very simply then that the way I treat you in those areas is going to be an indicator of what I think of you. My need to appreciate.

But then the need to be available. All of these are nice sentiments but I've got to be available. So if nothing else, if there were no other principle to draw upon that tells me I should be at the assembly gatherings, every gathering, it would be this.

God expects me to be a help to each other. He expects us to be a help to each other. Well I can't very well be a help if I'm home watching the Super Bowl.

I can't very well be a help if the soap opera that I'm watching is on tonight and they won't miss me at the prayer meeting. Really? Who are you helping? This is very practical. This gets down to attendance at assembly meetings.

It gets down to how I act when I'm there. Anybody that you know that it's like walking on eggs around them. You daren't say anything or do anything or ruffle them because it's goodbye for you.

God wants you not to be a fragile eggshell. He wants you to be helping. He wants you to be looking out for the welfare of others rather than self-centered, self-occupied.

So you need to be available. It's going to take time. It's going to mean sacrifice.

If you have never lost anything because of helping Christians, you've never helped anybody. Never lost. Another way I have put it somewhere else is if you've never been abused, you've never been used.

There's no one who was ever used for God that was never abused by men. And I'm sorry to say sometimes the abuse is by believers. I'm not airing our dirty linen.

But use for God means abuse by men. They go together. Can't help it.

So if you've never lost because you've served, you've never served. It's going to take time. And I've got a big discovery to give you.

It may take money. It might just cost you a few of those precious dollars to be able to be a help to God's people. I have found that this doesn't work everywhere and it doesn't work with everyone.

But I have found that it's a lot easier sitting with a young brother or a young brother and sister. And if I want to try to be a help because of a need, I have found that a little advice goes down a lot better with bacon and eggs for breakfast or with a dinner at night just in some little restaurant. It costs money.

It does. But it's a lot better than confronting them at the back of the hall and saying, now listen here, I've got to tell you, put you straight. It may cost money just to act in that way.

Now, that's just individuals, how they do it. Let me just tell you about dear Fred Hill. He's from Iowa, so you all know the name Fred Hill.

Dear Fred was a gem, and I don't know what else to say other than a gem. The young men in that assembly as they were growing up all thought they were special because about once every week or two, this young brother went out to breakfast with Fred Hill. What they soon discovered is they were all going out to breakfast with Fred Hill only on a different morning.

He was taking each one of them out, trying to help them. I used to think I was special to Mr. McBain because every month there'd come a letter from Mr. McBain with some words of encouragement, with some words of wisdom, asking how I was doing. And I thought, boy, really special to Mr. McBain until I found out that everybody who had been saved through Mr. McBain kept getting letters, just his way.

It took time. For some it takes money and energy and effort. It doesn't happen just naturally.

It's not going to just occur. You're going to have to be available. It's going to have to be something you'll work at, trying to be a help in God's assembly.

So they need to be available. They need to be active, not just theoretical, and not just a nice idea, but seeking to serve others. Well, now, some may say, that's wonderful, but if I'm trying to help others, who's going to meet my needs? You know, if I'm meeting others' needs, if I'm trying to be a help to others spiritually and trying to be a help to others emotionally and all of these other spheres, who's going to help me? Well, let me just talk for a few minutes about discovering my own wealth, my own wealth.

This is not a matter of how wonderful I am or how great I am or how spiritual I am. That's not where my wealth lies. I want to talk, first of all, about the riches I have in Christ.

You see, we spoke last night, and we'll come back to it time and again, that everything begins with my mind enjoying divine truth in the presence of God, enjoying fellowship with God. You know where my needs are met? My needs are met in dependence upon God. Now, that does not, for a moment, please don't misunderstand me, I am not suggesting self-sufficiency.

God uses others to meet my needs, but I look to God for those needs to be met. I don't go around looking for you to meet my needs. I go around looking to meet your needs, and I look to God to have my needs met.

God uses spouses. He uses brethren and sisters. He uses children at times to meet our needs, whatever they are.

I look to Him for my needs to be met. I don't go around serving you so that you can serve me. That's called not ministry.

You know what that's called? That's called manipulation. So I don't serve you to have you serve me. I don't say something nice to you today hoping that next week it'll be your turn to say something nice to me.

I don't invite you to dinner this week hoping that next week you'll invite me to dinner at your place. That is manipulating. Now, there's nothing wrong with reciprocal enjoyment of hospitality, that's not what I'm talking about.

You'll understand what I'm saying. If the purpose of my serving you is to have you serve me in return, then I am just manipulating you, just using you. The Lord Jesus never served to get anything back.

The Son of Man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister. He didn't come to manipulate. He didn't come to get.

He came to give. So my needs, I look to God, and my riches are in Christ, and from a position of fullness, I give to others. You can't give what you don't have.

And if you're not enjoying fellowship with God, if you're not in the good of divine blessing, if you're not in the good of the riches that Christ has available for us, then you have nothing to give. Now look, we've all been there. We've all been there.

You know the phone rings? The other end of the line is a sobbing, broken heart. There's a tragedy. There's a difficulty.

There's a problem. And not only don't you know what to say, but your own heart is so cold and so far from the Lord that you hardly feel even up to it. You're just at a total loss.

I don't mean that we have the answers when we're enjoying the Lord, but you'll understand what I mean. If you've ever been there, you'll know what I'm referring to, where you just wish, Oh God, I just wish I were enjoying something from the Word of God that would bear upon this right now. Just something to leave them with hope.

Something to leave them as a small ray of comfort in their grief. But I've been so busy with work. I've been so busy with my own life.

I'm just empty. Just empty. It doesn't happen without tears in your own soul that you're just so empty for others.

My riches in Christ. But not only is my wealth related to my riches in Christ, but to my reflecting His fullness to others. He is the head, isn't He? And as the head, His fullness flows down through the members to one another.

So if there's nothing coming from my life for others, then I am failing to reflect His fullness. I am failing to be a channel through which His fullness flows to others. I'm just a dead end.

I'm just a stagnant pool that is not flowing out to others. Colossians 3, you recall that expression, that Christ may be all and in all. Now that's in some halls.

That's a lovely verse. Lovely truth. But of course, in Colossians 3, what it relates to is relationships.

Relationships. Not eternal glory. That's true.

That's verily true and is going to be true. He will be all in all. But he's talking about assembly relationships.

That in every assembly relationship, Christ might be everything. Now what about your relationship in your assembly? What about mine in mine? What are our relationships like? Does Christ permeate every relationship? Does He flow through us one to another? And so Paul says here, the need for discovering my wealth. Well, some may say, but I am just a, I'm not very talented.

I'm not very eloquent. Listen, it's not a matter of your eloquence, your talent, your gift. I'm sure other older believers here will be able to agree with what I am saying.

I have seen believers go through the most severe tests with only a little part of a verse from God. They held on to it like an indestructible chain. Just a little part of a verse from God.

It didn't even have to be a whole huge sermon or five points alliterated with subheadings. None of that. Just a little word they got from God and they grabbed on to it.

And it carried them through the trial. You know what we need? We need the word of God. We need to be able to give each other divine truth from this book.

There was a man and he was a minister of a congregation of a church, of a denominational church, a godly man, a good man, and he lost his wife. Tremendous loss to them and you know what carried him through? Someone pointed out to him in Psalm 23 that in the first three verses as the psalmist is relating about the shepherd, he's talking in the third person. The Lord is my shepherd.

He leadeth me. He maketh me. He restoreth me.

Talking in the third person. When he comes to the valley of the shadow of death, it changes to the first person. Thou art with me.

Thy rod. Thy staff. And he realized that in the valley of the shadow of death, the distant one became the near one.

Just that carried him through it. It's amazing how little of the word of God can carry an individual through it. They were having a Bible reading in that wonderful of all places in the north of Ireland and someone asked a question.

One of the learned brethren said, in trying to reply to the question, well, really there is nothing in the word of God about that. And another brother interrupted him and said, Brother, could I just say we don't know what the word of God says about that. In other words, the word of God has everything we need for every occasion.

Our problem is we don't know it well enough. Our problem is its truths and its principles and the God of the word have not so filled us and so saturated us that we face things that we say, well, there's nothing in the Bible about that. No.

There's nothing in us about the Bible that we can answer. But there's something in the Bible about it. There's something from God about it.

This book is not deficient. This is where we find our wisdom. This is where we find what we need to minister one to another in every aspect of Christian living.

But not only discovering my wealth but displaying warmth. How do I go about this business of serving others? How do I go about this business of trying to be a help to other believers? Well, you know, I'm supposed to do it so even though I really don't like you, but I'm supposed to love you so here's my service. Thanks.

I think I can survive without it. Displaying warmth. The way we do things is vital as well.

Our motives should always be out of love. Now, I know that we use that word very indiscriminately and very casually. What is love? Let me tell you.

There are many believers for whom I do not get warm fuzzies. Okay? You know, nothing happens inside when I see them. Mr. Piercey, Frank Piercey, they say, you even like to see the Christian's dogs.

Well, that's okay. But you'll understand what I mean. Well, we're not talking about a mere sentiment or a mere emotion.

We're talking about Christian love. It will surprise you perhaps. At least it will surprise you men.

You women learn this longer. You women are much more tuned into things than we are. Forgive us for our density, but it's just the way we're made, which is our problem.

You will be surprised if I tell you that the loving thing is frequently the hardest thing to do for another. Many of the things that we do that we say we're doing out of love are really self-protection. Well, you know, I don't want to say anything because I love him too much and I don't want to upset him.

We're really protecting ourselves. We don't want to be thought evil of or have an argument or, you know, we just want to be, you know, keep the facade. The loving thing is frequently the most difficult thing to do in a relationship because love will always sit back and say, what is the best thing for this person? What is the very best thing to do for another? It's not always the easy thing.

It's not always the obvious thing. It's not always the common thing. But love will always seek another's welfare.

So God in His love for us not only sent His Son but He awakened us to our sin. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. We had to be awakened to our sin.

We had to be made to realize our guilt. We had to be made to realize our distance. That was divine love that did that.

Just as much love to awaken me to my sin as love to send the Son. No difference. Now that doesn't mean I go around correcting everyone.

But it does mean this. What is the best thing to do for another? But not only that. Love means I will do it not looking for anything in return.

And I will do it without looking to be appreciated. Not a matter of being patted on the back for what I'm doing. It is remarkable.

If you go back to the life of Abraham, one of those seminal lessons of Scripture from that life, I would gather that Lot profited from Abraham on at least three occasions. Number one, Abraham brought Lot out of Ur the Chaldees into the land. Number two, Lot is taken prisoner by the five kings and Abraham at risk of his own life and at risk of his own future goes out to rescue Lot and to bring him back.

And thirdly, Lot is sitting in a city that is about to be judged and Abraham intercedes. Or you say, but God didn't really answer his prayer. Yes, He did.

God remembered Abraham and saved Lot. So that deliverance from Ur the Chaldees, deliverance from captivity, deliverance from Sodom, Lot benefited from Abraham's energies and intercession on at least three occasions. First of all, Lot never seemed to profit.

Now, did you get that? He never profited by all Abraham did. So that tells me that my service is not done. And if they don't listen, I'm not going to go back.

If they don't hear what I say, I'm not going to bother with them. No, Abraham kept serving. He kept serving despite the fact that it seemed like Lot never learned the lesson.

But more than that, you will search in vain for any sense, any hint that Lot ever thanked Abraham for all he did. It's not there. He not only didn't profit, but he never thanked him.

There seemed to be no appreciation that a man would risk his life to save him. All of the trained servants of his household, armed and riding through the night. Tremendous tale of vigor and of strength and of energy on the part of Abraham.

Not a young man by any means. And yet, Lot just takes it all for granted. Back to Sodom he goes.

And Abraham intercedes and he's delivered from the judgment of the city. And he goes to live in a cave and the curtain falls on a sad, tragic picture. And never once does he thank Abraham.

So I don't serve to get results. Well, you know, I told you once. Didn't listen? Hey, you deserve it.

You know? Told you once. That's enough. How many times has God told you something? How often has God had to remind you of something? How often has God graciously forgiven and restored? Once? Just once? And, you know, write you off after that? Thank God.

Most of us, not most of us, all of us are here as a result of a long-suffering God who keeps, keeps going after us, keeps pursuing us. And I don't serve for appreciation. Love serves unidirectional.

Unidirectional. Goes out. So I can't sit back and say, I tried to be a help in the assembly.

I gave out a couple of hymns and nobody patted me on the back. So I'm not going to do it anymore. Or, you know, I tried to take part in the Bible reading and they put me down and, you know, they said it was a stupid question and so what's the use? Looking for appreciation? Is everything, you know, self-centered? Is it all focused back on you? Or are you genuinely serving others? Genuinely reaching out to others? My motive.

My manner. My measure. It's all there.

You can look at it. Ephesians 5, the Lord Jesus giving Himself for us. So we find the measure and the manner and the motive are all there.

But let me come to diligence for the welfare of others. In seeking to be a help and seeking to preserve harmony, let me just suggest three things. Forbearing with infirmities.

Forgiving iniquities. And fostering the increase of others. Now those are all here in our passage.

Those are not made up. What I think of you will determine whether I forbear with your infirmities. What I think of you will determine whether I'm willing to forgive your iniquities.

And what I think of you is going to determine whether I will foster your increase. Forbearing, Paul says, be ye kind, tenderhearted, forgiving one another. And he speaks also there in Colossians of forbearing and forgiving.

So you will just allow me now to just touch on some of these issues. Forbearing with infirmities. Infirmities are not sins.

Infirmities are not evils. So it's not a matter here of putting up with someone's sin, putting up with someone's evil. But, you know, he's got such an annoying cough.

And when he sits there in the meeting, he keeps moving his legs. And, you know, just the way she... You know what I mean. All of those little creature habits that are just part of our makeup.

That have nothing to do with sin, have nothing to do with what we think of each other. But, you know, we just get so annoyed. And someday I'm going to tell her what I think about the way she talks or the way she coughs or the way she laughs.

And on and on we go. The Lord Jesus chose 12 absolutely different men to be around him. 12 disciples.

Now we'll just omit Judas for a moment. So you'll just come down to 11 for a moment. Totally different personalities.

And he bore with them. With all their ignorance. With all their slowness.

With all their frailty. With all their difficulties. He bore with them.

Think of that family in Bethany. A Mary, a Martha and a Lazarus. Three totally different kinds of people.

Three totally different personalities. Mary the pensive and Martha the active and Lazarus the silent one. And yet the Lord was at home in their midst.

We'd like to gather a few special people around us that we get along with well. Usually because they like us. And they think we're kind of nice.

And so they're the kind of people we want around because we feel good when we're around them. The Lord Jesus had all kinds of people around him. And he forbore with all of their weaknesses and their infirmities.

So what I think of you is going to say whether or not I can forbear with the infirmities. What about forgiving iniquities? Thou hast gained thy brother. You see, if I really, really value you, then I will go out of my way to see that any breach between us has been healed.

The Lord Jesus did not give a command when he spoke in Matthew 18 about how often to forgive your brother. He did give a command, but you'll understand what I mean. What he was giving was a principle, first of all.

That if your brother has offended you, if there's a difficulty, go to him. And if he listens, you've gained your brother. That's what you've done.

It's not just a matter that you've carried out a commandment, but you've actually gained him back. He's worthwhile. He's valuable.

He's a brother. If you mean nothing to me, then who cares? But if I think of you the way God wants me to think of you, then I will view every breach of fellowship as something critical, and I will do everything I can to see that breach healed. Do you know what principle I see in Scripture, both Matthew 18, Abraham, Paul, and others? Whenever there is a problem, it is the spiritual man who takes the lead.

The spiritual man goes to his brother, goes to his sister. The spiritual one, Abraham went to Lot. There be strife.

Abraham takes the lead. The older to the younger. The leader to the follower.

The spiritual to the carnal. He took the lead. Paul takes the lead with Peter.

The spiritual man always takes the lead. If your brother offends you, you go to him. Don't sit back and say, well, he insulted me.

He's got to come groveling to me. No, the spiritual man takes the lead. So there never should be a hesitation to try to rectify a difficulty between brethren.

Forgiving iniquities. Listen, this business of human relationships is a very, very vital one in God's assembly. Most, I don't want to pontificate here and make big generalizations, but I think as one of the advantages of gray hairs and being almost 60 is you can talk with some experience.

Most problems in assemblies are not doctrinal. We use doctrine. We use it to try to justify things.

Most problems are personalities. Most problems are personal. And so we want to rebel.

We cloak it in the wonderful garments that we call change and the need to break from tradition and all the rest. Now, I am not against change, but the reality is many times it is personality. And we try to manufacture or we wait for a nice spiritual coating.

And now we claim we're standing for truth and for doctrine when behind it is really a personality issue. And some wrong that's been done or some suspected grievance. And assemblies have tragically lost as a result of this type of thing.

The Lord Jesus says, make sure there's nothing that's not been dealt with between brethren. You've gained your brother. He's valuable.

That sheep, it's in the context of the shepherd and the sheep, in the context of going after the sheep until it was found, what the shepherd thinks of the sheep. See, if I have the same view of you the Lord Jesus does, then your fellowship will be valuable to me and vital. And unity in the assembly will be vital.

We could talk about the games we play. We play games with our minds. Well, you know, I forgive, but I just can't forget.

So don't expect me to shake her hand. I forgive, but the hurt is still there and it still hurts and I just can't possibly look her in the eye. I can't possibly shake his hand.

That's the way God forgave you, wasn't it? I'll forgive them that 20 years worth of sin, but don't expect me to have any fellowship for a few years. I forgive what they did to me in all their unsaved days, but, you know, I'll see when you get to heaven. Don't expect anything in life.

Or what about now when we sin? What about now when we stray? You know, God doesn't have a penalty box. God doesn't have a place where he puts us on the shelf for a while after we've confessed our sin and tells us he's got to get over the hurt. No, you cannot forget.

Can't forget what someone's done to you. Can't forget cruel words and cruel deeds and inconsideration and, at times, open intentional malice. Can't forget it.

Never can forget it. God doesn't tell you to forget it. God tells you to forgive it.

And God tells you to restore that relationship. Now, I know confidence is one thing, but restoration and fellowship is something else. We play games.

We put other names on it because, really, we are waiting for our pound of flesh, waiting for our day in court, waiting for our opportunity to get even, to see another person put down. But linked with the games we play is a tremendous price we pay. I am not going to go into the parable of Matthew 18 and the man that was forgiven the 500 talents and then refused to forgive the debtor that owed him but 10 talents.

I'm not going to go into that. But I do know this, he was tormented. We're going to talk about that a little while later when we come to the issue of anger.

He was tormented. You know what I read when I come to Job? That the Lord turned the captivity of Job. The Lord reversed all the difficulties in Job's life.

When? When he prayed. When Job prayed for those three miserable comforters, God turned his captivity. When Job was willing to forgive men that came with false accusation, with slanderous comments, with degrading insults, at the time of his greatest tragedy.

When Job was willing to forgive them, God said, time to turn everything around again. Wonderful. We pay a tremendous price for an unforgiving spirit.

The tremendous price that is paid personally, corporately as testimonies, as witnesses to the world. There are places where assemblies are afraid to have gospel meetings because their testimony has been marred. Isn't that tragic? Isn't that overwhelmingly sad to think? What's the use of reaching out to the unsaved? We're no different than they are.

Tragic. So the Lord Jesus Christ says, and Paul reiterates here, the need for a forgiving spirit. The need as well then for fostering the increase of others.

Encouragement, enlightenment, elevation. Let me just mention a few things. If you were to take your concordance or your Bible program on your computer and just type in the words, one another, one another.

Be amazed at all the New Testament references to one another. Let me just mention a few of them if I can. First of all, provoking one another to love and to good works.

Have you ever given an Adam's worth of time? Have I ever given a nanosecond's worth of time to how I can provoke another Christian to good works? Paul says, I shouldn't say Paul, the Hebrew writer says, that's what we're supposed to do. To actually consider. That word means to actually use your brain.

Yeah, hey, use your brain once in a while. You don't have to check your brain at the back door when you come in. Use your brain once in a while.

Consider one another to provoke to love and to good works. So have you ever actually stopped and thought, well, how can I help that young brother? How can I help that young sister? How can I help that middle-aged Christian to provoke them to love and good works? The Hebrew writer says, it's one of your responsibilities. But then he says as well in Romans 14, building up one another.

Building up one another. You don't know how weak I am. Me build up somebody else.

Well, Paul says it. The Spirit of God says it. God says it.

It's your responsibility. Building up one another. How can I increase that Christian's usefulness? How can I actually make that Christian stronger to be able to stand for God? Ye which are spiritual.

If a brother be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual restore. Now let me ask you. When a Christian fumbles the ball, is your tendency to go to him and say, told you so.

Got what you deserved. When a person strays, do you go just to set them straight? Do you go just to put them in their place? Or is your goal to see that person restored? Building up one another. Being a help one to another.

We're reminded as well in 1 Thessalonians 3 where Paul is writing to the believers there to increase in love one towards another. Growing in love one towards another. Part of my responsibility is being part of God's assembly.

We read together there in 1 Corinthians 13 a number of things about love. Let me just mention four of them. That verse that is read at every wedding and quoted.

Bearing all things. Believing all things. Hoping all things.

Enduring all things. Yeah, that should characterize your home and your marriage. But it was written first to an assembly.

First to believers in their relationships one with another and how they would deal one with another. So what's involved there? First of all, covering another's faults. Crediting another with the best of motives and intention.

Confidently expecting the best. And continuing despite every obstacle. That's what those expressions mean.

When he speaks there, Beareth all things. What does that mean? It means whatever comes, we're willing to cover it. Not to make a lot of person's weaknesses.

I don't mean covering sin that needs to be exposed. But you'll understand what I mean. Beareth all things.

But has confidence always in change. There was difficulty in Corinth. Weak and strong.

Jew and Gentile. And problems were arising. Were they just to sit back with fatalism and say, What's the use? No.

Confidently expecting God to bring change in His own time. Crediting another with the very best motive. Believeth all things.

That's not gullibility. It's not being stupid. It means believing the best about another.

Putting the best face on something. Well, you say, how do you do that? Well, that's the way you do it when you're excusing what you do. You always put the best face on it, don't you? You always make it look the best that you possibly can.

If you've done something wrong, you always put the best face on it you can if you have to explain it. Well, put the best face on what others do. Give others credit for the very best motives.

Don't be quick to run to judgment. Because you know exactly what happened and why they did it. Give them credit for the very best motive.

And continuing despite whatever the cost. That's what love in human relationships is all about. So we have provoking one another to love in good works.

Building up one another. Loving one another. In honor, preferring one another.

Paul says in Romans 12. The word there really is outdoing each other. Outdoing each other.

Trying to honor you before you honor me. Trying to honor you more than you honor me. In honor, outdoing each other.

My, what a thing it would be if in our assemblies we could begin putting that into practice. Trying to actually outdo each other in honor. And then he says, of course, in Philippians 2. Looking not on your own things but on the things of others.

Serving one another. And finally in Ephesians 4. For be ye kind one to another. And in 1 Peter 4. Ministering your gifts one to another.

God never intended you to be a lone ranger. Never intended you to live in a vacuum. He intended you because of what you value other believers as.

Intended you to be serving. To be seeking to be a help. And to be doing all you can to preserve harmony in God's assembly.

If it is not my goal to help. And it is not my goal to be in harmony. Then there is something radically wrong with my thinking.

I do not think the way God thinks. I do not esteem you the way God esteems you. I do not value you the way God values you.

Because once I do. Then I will do all I can to be a help. And all I can to maintain harmony in God's assembly.

Shall we pray.