98-Pro_31:10-31 (C)
LECTURE XCVIII.
(Third Lecture.) Having illustrated the Character of the good wife, we must now survey its Happy Effects. There is-
1. The blessing of entire mutual confidence. We found this on verse eleventh (Proverbs 31:11). It is true, that it is only the confidence of the husband in the wife that is mentioned:-"The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her." But it is quite evident that the good character of the husband is to be considered as assumed. He is one who is supposed to abstain from the licentious vices warned against in the previous part of the chapter; one who is capable of appreciating and duly admiring and valuing such a wife as the passage describes; one who is at the head of a happy family who in their estimate of excellence and in their love of it in one another have entire sympathy of soul. This appears from verses Proverbs 31:2-8; Proverbs 31:29. "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all." Thus they are all one,-one in character and one in social feeling-husband, wife, and children. And what a blessing, in conjugal life, is mutual confidence-confidence entire and unshaken,-of the husband in the wife, and of the wife in the husband! It is a blessing precious in proportion as the relation between two parties is close and permanent, How inexpressibly precious, then, in this relation-the closest and most permanent of all that belong to time! The relation was intended by that God whose name is Love, for mutual happiness; and, when formed and maintained on right principles, it most effectually answers the gracious end. And of all principles none is more conducive to the result than the reciprocal exercise of unsuspecting confidence. Where this exists; and where there is the interchange of fervent and faithful love; where there are hearts beating in unison,-each reposing on the other, and finding a ready and unequivocal response to every act and word and look of affection, and undisturbed by any apprehension of indiscreet or faithless disclosure of what the one intrusts to the other; and where, along with this, there is the union of spiritual feeling, and desire, and prayer, and practice,-the bonds of piety being superinduced upon, or intertwined with the ties of nature,-and all the intercourse hallowed by the fear, and sweetened by the love, and enriched with the jointly and daily supplicated blessing of a covenant God;-then is realized the purest and highest earthly enjoyment-the perfection of domestic happiness.
2. There is enjoyed family comfort;-in food, in clothing, in regularity and order,-every thing in place, and time, and measure:-Verses Proverbs 31:15; Proverbs 31:21. "She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet." Need I say that this is a blessing? All feel it to be so;-the poorer as well as the richer. All like to have "their portion of meat in due season," and not a stinted but an adequate and suitable supply; and all like clothing proportioned to the cold. But let me remind husband and wife, that to this both parties must contribute. We have, in the passage, an industrious and economical wife. But what can any wife, with her utmost industry and economy, do, if her husband is an idler or a spendthrift-making nothing for the family, or squandering, in folly or in profligacy, what he makes?-and on the other hand, what avails a husband’s utmost industry, if on the wife’s part there is the absence of management and economy? It is a very sad thing when the influences of husband and wife are in opposite directions,-the one undoing and counter-working all the salutary efforts of the other:-when the wife misapplies what the husband has laboured to obtain; or when the "virtuous woman" does all that can be done for domestic order and comfort and enjoyment, and her attempts are frustrated and rendered abortive by the folly, the extravagance, the selfishness, or the dissipation of her husband.
3. The acquisition and maintenance of personal health and vigour:-Verse Proverbs 31:17. "She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms." This, indeed, may signify no more than that she puts forth all her energy:-that, as it is expressed verse 13th (Proverbs 31:13), "She worketh willingly with her hands." Yet it may be considered as implying, that the very exercise contributes to her vigour. There are few things more enervating than a life of sloth. The sluggard, whether man or woman, soon becomes unfit for exertion. The frame gets relaxed, enfeebled, nerveless. It is not among those who sleep much and work little, that energy either of body or mind is generally to be found. It is among early risers and hard workers. I mean not, of course, workers beyond strength; for that never can contribute to health and vigour, but workers that do not grudge and spare their strength-willing workers.
I am well aware, that there are qualifications to be made here, both as to sleep and as to work. God has not given to all the same bodily constitution. And he would be a most unnatural husband-heartless and cruel, who would-I will not say require, but even expect or allow, a wife of delicate and feeble frame to apply herself to any description of labour beyond what she can bear. There are cases, in which the will outruns the ability, and in which disease and death have been the consequence of over-exertion. Still experience bears out the position, that activity contributes to health and strength; and especially morning activity. The wife before us, we have seen, is an early riser. But as to sleep, just as in regard to work,-it must be regulated by circumstances. Yet not a little depends on habit. Sleep is one of the most wonderful, and wise, and merciful provisions of the God of nature:-but it is one in which we must beware of over-indulgence. It is not intended as a mere luxury. It is designed to recruit our weary frames for fresh service-to promote health and vigour, and renew our ability for daily work. Let dutiful wives, then, see that they never make a plea of natural inability, when the ability is in reality moral,-when it is want of will more than want of power,-ever complaining of weakness, when the true object is the luxury of folding the hands together, and sitting at ease. And let husbands beware of oppression,-of overstimulating the willing spirit, and bringing the wives whom they should cherish in love to an untimely grave by excess of application.
4. We have the increased respectability of her husband from his connexion with her:-Verse Proverbs 31:23. "Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land." In this there is something quite natural. The connexion is close-the closest on earth. Every thing, in consequence, that affects materially the character and reputation of the one side of the house, has an unavoidable, though indirect, bearing on that of the other. The wife may be honoured and respected for her husband’s sake, as well as the husband for the wife’s; and, on the contrary, whatever lets down the dignity and respectability of the one, operates-unjustly it may sometimes be, but inevitably-upon that of the other. In the case before us,-it is quite manifest, the husband is a man who has respect and honour on his own account. His sitting among the elders of the land,-his holding a high judicial function, "being known in the gates," could never be meant as the result solely of his connexion with her. We should rather, I apprehend, take the twofold view of the case:-First, that in consequence of her rare combination of excellencies, she becomes the wife of a correspondingly eminent and deserving husband;-a husband worthy of such a wife, and one whom prince and people delight to honour:-And then, secondly, that her excellencies, thus united with his, tend to the enhancement of his respectability and admiration. He is known-not only as an elder and a judge,-but as her husband. There is an addition to the respect with which he is regarded, on her account-as the husband of such a wife. Thus the influence is reciprocal. People say, Ah! what a couple! how admirably adapted for each other! the husband is worthy of the wife, and the wife of the husband.-But it is of the wife’s influence we are now speaking. Not only does a portion of the respect felt for her attach to him; but she contributes essentially to the respectability of his very appearance,-to the happy cheerfulness of his countenance and manners, and not a little, it may be, to the sober soundness of his judgment, and the judiciousness and prudence of his counsels.
Let wives bear in mind how much they have, in this respect, in their power. They necessarily appear before the world as having been the choice of their husbands. It inevitably follows, from this consideration alone, were there no other, that the characters of their husbands should, to a certain extent, be tested by theirs. If they are silly, senseless, and vain,-if they are idle untidy slatterns,-if they are scolds, or tattlers, or gossips, or given to wine,-there arises from their character a sure deduction from the respect which their husbands are themselves entitled to, and, but for them, would receive,-and a corresponding deduction from their influence and their usefulness. Yes, and the effect is not confined to the husband; it extends to the family. The very house ceases to be resorted to by those whose company would add both to its enjoyment and its honour,-who are scared away by the unamiableness and disreputableness of her who, conducting herself as she ought, should be the fond pride of her husband and her children.
5. We have as a further happy effect-pleasant reflections on the past:-Verse Proverbs 31:25. "Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come." It is the latter part of the verse especially on which I found this particular. The terms of it may simply mean, that while the idle, the extravagant, the vain, the worthless may for the time attract personal admiration, and draw about them parasitical and pretended friends, who find it their present interest to enjoy the sunshine of their favour, or who like to while away their time in frivolity and indolence,-yet are they laying up for the period of age, desertion and contempt. They have neglected those accomplishments which alone are lasting, and given themselves to what, at a later season, when the gay days of youth have gone by, can yield them no springs of inward satisfaction and joy in their own bosoms,-and can attract towards them, in the time of their decline, nothing of the respect or veneration of others. A youth of folly is the precursor to an age of fretfulness and sorrow. On the contrary, the woman of the solid, substantial, permanent excellencies here described, "shall rejoice in time to come." Her sources of enjoyment are such as will stand. They will serve for age as well as for youth. The "light which is sown for the upright," is not the light of a passing meteor, that flashes and fades; it is light that "shineth more and more unto the perfect day." Or if, so far as this world is concerned, it must sink and set,-its sinking will be tranquil and its setting joyous. The "virtuous woman" shall "rejoice" even to the last. Her "yesterdays will look backward with a smile." The course she has in retrospect, contains in it the proofs of the reality of her religion. It has been consistent practical godliness.
There is one kind of delight in reflections on the past to such a character,-which is exquisite in proportion as the opposite is agonizing. The wife may be a widow. And I can imagine few things more pregnant with distress, than, when a husband is no more, to have busy memory ever bringing back to the heart recollections of unkindnesses and neglects; of words and looks and acts of passion; of duties which should have been done, and comforts which should have been provided, but which can now be done and provided no more; of words and acts and looks that cannot be recalled; and of neglects and unkindnesses that cannot be remedied, that cannot so much as be confessed, and forgiveness obtained. Even a kiss of proffered reconciliation refused will, in the recollection, have in it "the gall of bitterness."-How pleasant, on the contrary, to reflect on a course of conjugal endearment that leaves no such remembrances behind it;-no stings and venomed barbs for the spirit of widowhood;-on which "she who is a widow indeed and desolate," can look back, only with grief that what, through the divine blessing, was so very sweet, has come to a close!-And let not husbands forget, that the very same principle applies, in all its force, on both sides of the relation. On the one side and on the other, it ought to operate as a motive to self-vigilance,-to a jealous guardianship of the passions,-to a careful abstinence from every unkind word or look or action, to the affectionate anticipation of every wish, and avoidance of whatever might leave a painful feeling or a mistaken impression;-to the mutual cultivation inwardly of the love that should bind conjugal hearts together,-and of the outward manifestation of that love, as it flows, in word and act, sweetly and spontaneously from the heart, in all the daily intercourse of life.-Let both parties so dwell together in this daily intercourse, as that, whichsoever is taken away first, Memory may be to the survivor a whisperer of consolation, and not of woe-that, together or apart, both may "rejoice in time to come."
6. The next thing in order is-the delight afforded by the approval, the smiles, the commendation, the blessings, of those she most loves and values:-verses Proverbs 31:28-29. "Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all." Ye wives-ye mothers!-what a lovely, what an enviable scene is this! How earnestly should each one of you strive to realize it in your own happy experience! Your children-affectionate, grateful, pious,-united in love to one another, and to you:-owning and commending with tears of sensibility and delight, their loved mother as the guardian, all kind and fond and faithful, of their infant years-blessing her, speaking well of her, praying for her, praising her; growing up into life a credit to her early care, and requiting that care in every kind of practical attention to the well-being of her declining, perhaps her widowed years!-And then your husbands, while they live-during your life or after your death-standing up on your behalf, with a glowing heart and a glistening eye, and pronouncing your eulogy-"Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all!"-the language of affectionate admiration-captivated by the excellencies, and forgetting the defects,-the one so outweighing and outnumbering the other, as to throw them out of the mind’s sight altogether; and a commendation specially precious, as coming from the very quarter where the opportunity was the closest and most incessant of descrying and estimating both.-Such is the picture here brought before us. It is one on which the eye dwells with unsated and growing delight;-an affectionate and pious pair, one in the bond of nature, and one in that of grace,-hand in hand, and heart in heart,-surrounded by a group of happy children;-husband and wife, father and mother, parents and children, brothers and sisters,-all loving and loved,-all blessing and blessed,-every countenance beaming with mutual complacency,-every eye gleaming with cheerfulness and melting in love. And the chief contributor to this scene of affection, piety, and joy, is the "virtuous woman." It is the influence of the character described that in such a scene is most prominently apparent. Let every christian wife emulate the character, that she may possess and communicate the joy.
7. The last here alluded to is of the happy results-solid, substantial, lasting happiness and honour-contrasted with what is vain, deceitful, and transient:-verses Proverbs 31:30-31. "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hand; and let her own works praise her in the gates." The "favour" here spoken of seems, from the connexion, to be the favour which is won by mere beauty or personal appearance; and the "beauty" of course is that by which the favour is attracted. The one is "deceitful," the other is "vain:"-that is, on the one side, the woman who trusts in the steadfastness of the favour that has been obtained by no better qualities than the symmetry of her features, the delicacy of her complexion, or the elegance of her person, will find herself disappointed-that the love on which she relied was eye-love only, not heart-love. The love that wears well must be obtained by qualities of a higher order. On the other hand, "beauty is vain." Of course the beauty here spoken of is not the beauty that consists in the expression in the countenance of mental loveliness,-of the beauties of the mind and heart. It is the beauty only of feature and of form. The man who is attracted by it, and who unites himself for life with a woman in whom he has nothing else, will ultimately discover its vanity. It is itself but a fading flower. It cannot always retain its bloom:-and circumstances may produce a fading more rapid than nature and time, in ordinary course, must do. And unless there be something more deeply-seated than "the blooming tincture of the skin," that has drawn his love, all will quickly become insipid enough; and he will sigh over the vanity of his bewitched fancy and his foolish anticipations. When he comes to feel that in a wife and a mother there are other qualities indispensably necessary, both for conjugal companionship and for the training of a family, than such as are merely external, he will despise himself as a fool for his pains, for having allowed his eye thus to mislead his better judgment. He has his reward. And while beauty may draw general attention, and obtain many a passing tribute of admiration, what is such admiration worth? How poor the praise that goes no further than the features and the complexion!-"She is certainly beautiful; every feature turned with exquisite symmetry, and all in harmonious proportion:-but (with a shrug) there’s wonderfully little in her; she has neither heart nor mind."
One quality there is which, in the eye of Lemuel’s mother, stood prominently forward, as first in the attributes of character entitling to the commendation which is here bestowed-namely true religion-"the fear of God:"-"THE WOMAN THAT FEARETH THE LORD, she shall be praised."-This is a quality neither "deceitful" nor "vain." It is the germ of all the excellencies here enumerated;-the indwelling, living principle of them all. "She shall be praised "-praised by all that know her, and by all that hear of her:-yes, and by Jehovah himself. This is God’s word; and here is His recorded eulogy. It is His commendation of every one who bears the character. And when "the judgment shall be set, and the books shall be opened," the owner of this character will be praised before the assembled world, by the God whom she feared, and loved, and served.-It is the duty of all to praise her,-and in thus commending, to "give her of the fruit of her hands." It is no more than her just due,-no more than what she has wrought out and earned for herself. If tongues were silent, her works would speak for her. They "praise her in the gates"-praise her publicly, to the view and the admiration of all. Let her have the praise; and let the praise be coveted and emulated by women of every degree. Such women are, to a great extent, the formers of the character of a community. They frame the character of the nursery; and the character of the nursery, rising into manhood, becomes the character of the future generation. Besides:-it has become a trite and common-place remark, to what an extent the character of one sex affects that of the other; and how powerful, especially, is the influence of woman upon man. According to the place which woman holds in social life, may the character of the community, for meanness or for dignity, for hard-heartedness or sensibility, for coarseness or refinement, for sensuality or for intellectual and moral elevation, for the lightness of irreligion or the seriousness of piety, be estimated. Women in such a country as ours are little aware, in general, of the amount of their obligations to Christianity for the position in society which they occupy. O! would they but pay back to Christianity what they owe to it, by embracing its truths, imbibing its spirit, exemplifying its influence, and thus leavening domestic and social life with its holy and happy effects! Much have they in their power; for though their immediate influence is in the domestic circle-their proper and legitimate sphere,-yet thence it spreads upwards, around, and onwards,-and the whole mass of society becomes impregnated by the influence of the wives and mothers of the land. And thus, in the most enlarged acceptation of the words, "their own works praise them in the gates."
Let the children of godly and exemplary mothers think of the obligations under which they lie to providence for the privilege,-and beware of the wrong they must do to God and to society, if they fail to catch and transfuse the holy influence. Many have been the men-eminent in devotedness to God and in usefulness to the generations in which they have lived, who have imputed the germ of all their excellence and of all their beneficial working, to a mother’s instructions and example. O! let race unto race praise the Lord, and one generation tell of his wonderful works to another, while sun and moon endure!