A religious woman’s hypocrisy is revealed in her fearful death, exposing the danger of outward religion without true faith.
The following fact is related by the author of Pastoral Letters. N— was a branch of a pious family, some of whose ancestors were martyrs. She was religiously educated by her pious parents; and her education, particularly her knowledge of history, was extensive. In her study of history the progress of religion had attracted her chief attention. Religious topics were her element; her remarks often evinced the correctness and vigor of her judgment; and she often delighted the social circle by her striking application of the current matters of conversation to the subject of religion. Like the rest of the pious family, she seemed devoted to all the duties of a Christian, with only one exception, and this they wondered at; that she did not attend with them at the Lord's table. All regarded her as an ornament of religion, and urged her to take a part in this ordinance.
In one year N— lost both her pious parents, and she had just put off mourning, when she was taken desperately ill. Having been on terms of intimacy with the family, I was sent for at her request to visit the dying sister. I certainly went prepared to see a Christian die: but what was my astonishment to behold those features, instead of smiling in death, as I expected, clothed in all the horrors of mental agony! Bidding me sit down, and ascertaining there were no witnesses, she addressed me in nearly these terms: I am glad you are come: I cannot bear to go out of the world a deceiver, but I am unable to tell the sad secret of my heart to those about me, it would be too much for them to bear. I am not the character my friends have supposed. I am not religious—do not interrupt me—I have talked about religion, my passions have often felt the powers of the world to come, and my imagination roved at large among things unseen; I have amused myself with these matters, and regarded with the interest of an amateur their effects upon minds whom I reckoned of an inferior order, though ennobled by a birth from heaven. But amidst all, my own heart has never loved religion as a personal thing: indeed, I have never concerned myself about it for myself, and now I must die without any of its prospects, and be shut out forever from all its enjoyments."
I paused a moment and began to observe that "Life is the season of hope," and admitting all I heard to be correct, still the Savior's saying, "Whosoever cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out," is equally entitled to credit. But she cut me short, observing, "The vigor of my youth and the strength of my intellect I have wasted in living to myself; I never cared for the divine approbation; and God is justly my adversary. Cast down as I am, I cannot go with a piteous tale of misery to petition for mercy for which I can plead no services, nor live to show any gratitude. I know already what you would say to these sentiments—you would hold out mercy as yet attainable; but my heart revolts at it. Heaven would be no heaven to me on the terms I can only enter it. I have been a worthless idler, and cannot endure to receive the reward of a faithful soldier."
Surprised as I was, I endeavored to enforce the necessity of renouncing such sentiments, and was urging that a good confession, though late, would find acceptance, when she interrupted me with some energy: "No, sir, spare me, spare yourself, my character is finished; what I am that shall I be forever. The tree is even now falling: it is too late to direct where its trunk shall be extended on the earth."
The doctor coming in, I soon after took my leave, intending to renew my visit, but in the morning learned that N— had expired in the night.