03. First Part

03. First Part

I went to bed much encouraged, and rose very early in the morning, blessing the Lord with all my heart that He had spared me another night. After breakfast I set off for Bolton to hear Mr. Jones, beseeching the Lord with cries and tears that I might hear something to comfort my soul. Surely, I thought, this is the time that I shall find Him. As I had sought Him so earn­estly, I quite expected to have had my sins forgiven, and to return home with joy. But oh! how was I disappointed! I thought that Mr. Jones preached to none but the elect, and such as had been born again! Then I again sank into despair and exclaimed with bitterness of soul, "0 that I were one of the elect! O that I were one of those who have been born again! What shall I do? Whither shall I flee? I have prayed and I have begged, I have sought and I have knocked; but I am not born again, I am not one of the elect. O poor soul, poor soul! thou art lost for ever! it is all over. O eternity, eternity! How can I dwell with everlasting burnings!"

O the miserable journey I had home; nothing but wretchedness and misery; and what added to it was, that my eyes were now open to see a little of the evil of my own heart. I saw that evil thoughts were sins against God, as well as evil actions, and God sent home that text to my soul with so much power that I thought I was dropping into hell at once: "Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things written in the book of the law to do them." {Galatians 3:10} Such light shone upon these words that I saw, and felt too, that I was damned completely, without the possibility of escape; and these words, to finish and seal up my certain damna­tion to my own views, came to my mind with no less power than the former: "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all." {James 2:10} I then saw, as clearly as the sun at mid-day, the holiness and justice of God in my damnation, and that it was utterly impossible for either God or man to save me. Now I felt that it was all over, and that there could be no hope for ever and ever. Now I saw that though I might repent and weep tears of blood, all that would not do "all things written in the book of the law."

I was now led to see that this holy law required holy thoughts as well as holy actions, and it came immedi­ately into my soul. "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy soul and with all, thy heart, and thy neigh­bour as thyself." Then again, like terrible thunder, sounded, "Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them." Oh! the "to do them" dashed me to pieces like a potter’s vessel, and struck me dead upon the spot from a glimpse of hope that God could save me con­sistently with justice. I now saw, as clearly as at noon­day, His holiness and His justice in my damnation; and I told Him that when I came into hell, I would tell all the devils there that no injustice had been done me, that I could take all the blame upon myself and clear God of all wrong in executing His wrath upon one so vile, who had gone to such lengths in iniquity, who, having made so many vows, had broken them all, and plunged deeper and deeper into sin, and been so great a mocker of God. Now, however. I clearly saw that my doom was sealed, for these words came Upon the back of the other, "Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled." Thus I saw that God is immutably fixed in His holiness and justice, and that He can in no wise acquit the guilty. In this miserable state I continued for some months. Sometimes I fell into a fit of desperation and thought, "Oh, if I could but have a little comfort here, even if I had hell hereafter!" for of having hell hereafter I felt confident, for "Cursed is every one," etc.; and that I was one who had "not continued in all things written in the book of the law," I knew. Well, thougt I, let me have a little enjoyment here to drown the misery of my present feel­ings; as to hereafter, I can be but lost. The best method of fulfilling this resolution appeared to be by going a hay-making, it being now the hay harvest. I accordingly went to a neighbouring farmer, and inquired if he had need of a hand. He said, "Yes," and bade me go into the fields. Upon joining the men, who all knew me and had heard that I had turned Methodist, some jeered me, others called out. "Warburton is turned Methodist," and all joined in laughing at me. I tried to put it off with a laugh, too, but it was with a heavy heart. Yes, thought I, these are going to hell as well as I, and see how comfortable they are! And again, I resolved to be as comfortable as they; for if I do go to hell, said I they will go too, and I shall not be alone. In the afternoon of the same day there was what we call a wake, held at a place about four miles distant, and my fellow-workmen asked me to accompany them. To this I consented, and seven of us accordingly set out. But oh! what feelings I had at times upon the road! When we arrived there, the first thing was, of course, the public-house, and I felt determined to get drunk and drown my misery, and to enjoy myself as well as others. I had not, however, been many minutes in the house before that text of Scripture sounded like thundler in my poor soul: "Because He hath appointed a day, in which He will judge the world in righteousness by that Man, Jesus Christ, whom He hath ordained." And that other text followed upon it like flames of lightning: "It is appointed for men once to die, but after this the judgment." My poor knees smote to­gether, my very hair began to move upon my head, and I got up and went out with all the horrors of damna­tion in my soul. I hastened as soon as possible from the place, sometimes fearing the devil would seize me before I could reach home: at others, falling upon my knees and crying. "God be merciful to me, a sinner!" But my mouth was stopped by "the prayers of the wicked are an abomination unto the Lord." I was con­fident that a wretch so wicked as myself never before lived upon the earth; and O the torments, the wrath, the bondage, the misery which I passed through! What dreadful and rebellious thoughts arose in my mind against God for having made all the torments of His wrath in hell, where not a drop of water is allowed to cool the scorching tongues of the damned, who are continually crying to all eternity. "The wrath to come, the wrath to come!" How I envied the very beasts of the field. "These poor creatures," said I, "have no souls to be judged;" and O the anger and wrath that boiled up in my heart against God, because He had not made me a dog, or anything without a soul to be judged at His righteous bar.

I had frequently before this time had many powerful temptations to put an end to my miserable life, but now I was fully determined to do it; for a thought struck my mind that the longer I lived in the world the more sin I should commit; and the more sin I committed, the greater would he my damnation. So that I con­cluded that the sooner I did the deed, the less sin I should have to answer for. Several times I went into my bedroom with my razor, being fully determined to cut my throat; but instead of so doing, was always obliged to fall upon my knees and implore the Lord that, if it were possible, He would show mercy to one so vile as I And then again, a fresh sight of the jus­tice of God in a righteous law brought me to believe it was as impossible for God to have mercy upon me as for Him to cease to exist. I think I shall never forget the night before God delivered my poor soul. Fully resolved to destroy myself, I went on Saturday about midnight to a pool of water, making, as I proceeded thither, a solemn vow that nothing should prevent my fulfilling my purpose. When I got to the pool, O the dreadful view I had of the majesty, justice, and holiness of God in a righteous law! I saw, as clearly as the sun at noon-day, that the law was holy, just and good; that God had done me no injustice, and that the whole cause of my damnation was in myself. I had such a sight of God’s grand perfections of holiness, that I knelt down before Him and told Him I could justify Him before men and devils. I said a solemn Amen to my own damnation; and, indeed, I did not want a salvation that was dishonouring to so holy and so just a God. After having been a short time exercised with these thoughts, I rose up to take a leap into the pool, when these words sounded in my ears, as loud, to my thinking, as if a man had called them out to me. "Who can tell?" I made a dead stand and said, "What can that be?" "Who can tell?" The words sounded again and again in my very soul, and something seemed to spring up in my heart and thus interpret them: "Who can tell but God may yet have mercy upon my poor soul? Manasseh, the thief upon the cross, Saul of Tarsus, Mary Magdalene, and many others have experi­enced His pardoning mercy; and who can tell but that that poor wretch, John Warburton, may find mercy yet?" This put a stop to drowning myself. I felt my heart a little softer, and if ever my soul went out to prayer, I believe it was then. I began to feel a little hope shine into me. Who can tell, thought I, but that God will at length hear my cry? I made up my mind that, as the next day was Sunday, I would go in the morning to Manchester and try once more to obtain a little consolation. I had been many times to Man­chester and other places, far and near, in search of a little comfort for my soul, but all of no use. This was the last day I meant to try. After breakfast I set out for Manchester, and O the exercises of my mind upon the road! I stood still and thought I would turn back, for I thought that it was impossible for God to show mercy upon me and be just. I determined to turn back again. Then the words, "Who can tell?" came again into my mind, and hope seemed to rise up within me, with a "Maybe the Lord will be merciful to me, a poor lost sinner." That text was, for a few moments, very sweet to me: "This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief." {1 Timothy 1:15} O how my very soul cried unto God that He would save me, the very chief, the very vilest of the vile! and then with what exceeding sweetness and preciousness did the words come into my mind, "For the vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it shall speak, and not lie; though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry." {Habakkuk 2:3} O how strength­ened and encouraged was my poor soul! and I went on, hoping and praying that the Lord would meet me in mercy. In the morning I went to Mosley Street Chapel, and soon after I was seated a solemn old man ascended the pulpit; and O how my soul trembled for fear lest he should beam a message from God to me of wrath and condemnation, What distress and horror I felt when, in reading the chapter, he came to these words, "Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things that are written in the book of the law to do them." I can never express the thousandth part of all the misery and sense of guilt that I endured. I saw that my soul was doomed to certain destruction for ever and ever. What the old man preached about I could not tell; but this I knew, that damned I was, and sometimes thought that I should have dropped into hell whilst in the chapel. The ser­vice being concluded, I wandered up and down from street to street, until I verily believed that my senses were entirely gone. I looked behind me and saw two men following me, who, I was afraid, were coming to take me to the mad-house. The first place where I could sit down and vent my grief was St. George’s Church; and seeing no person near, I sat down on the steps and wept until I had no more power to weep. After some time I got up, and thought I would go home and put an end to my miserable life. "Yes," said I, "I will come to an end and know the worst at once." On my way home, as I thought, I got into Cannon Street, and observing a chapel there, into which people were crowding, I remembered that it was the chapel of Mr. Roby, to which I had once or twice been in company with my mother. I stopped and said, "Shall I go in?" "No," thought I, I will not. The minister will take that text, "Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things written in the book of the law’ to do them." I proceeded a short distance down the street and stopped again. "Who can tell?" came once more into my mind. "Well," said I, "I can but be damned;" and so I came to the resolution of going into the chapel, and "if I perish," said I, "I perish." If ever I entered a place of worship with the feeling cry that God would, if it were possible, show mercy to one in so desperate a case, I believe I did then. When seated in the chapel all the horrors of hell seemed to come upon me. I trembled from head to foot, and wished that I had never come in. At the conclusion of the first hymn. Mr. Roby went to prayer, and towards the end of it he dropped a few words which I believed were for nobody but me. He begged God that, if there was any one present who had come to make a last trial of His mercy, He would show Himself to such a one as his God. It was with hard work that I could keep from calling out, "Yes, here is poor lost John Warburton. Here I am, come to make the last trial." O how my soul went out to God in prayer that He would appear for me. The prayer being finished, another hymn was sung previous to the sermon. All my little hope seemed dashed to pieces when I saw the minister take his Bible from the cushion to find his text. "0," thought I, "he is certainly seeking for that awful text which has so torn my heart asunder all these months. What shall I do if he takes that Text,"cursed is every one,"etc.? O what will become of me? I must drop into hell if he take that." O the feelings I experienced! I could not imagine why he delayed so long to put the Bible upon the cushion. At last he did so, and I saw that it was opened about the middle. Blessed be God, my soul whispered, the text is not "Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things written in the book of the law to do them." O the expectation that sprang up within me! "Do, Lord, pardon my sins; do, Lord, have mercy upon my poor lost soul," burst from my heart; and when Mr. Roby read his text, O the wonder and the glory that shone into my soul! The precious text was, "Thou hast ascended on high, Thou hast led captivity captive; Thou hast received gifts for men; yea, for the rebellious also, that the Lord God might dwell among them." {Psalms 68:18} O the love, peace and joy that broke into my heart as the words came out of his mouth! They were truly sweeter to my soul than ten thousands of gold and silver. I wondered again. with astonishment, and said in my soul, "What can this mean? Where are my sins? What can be the mean­ing of all this? Where is my burden and the wrath and terror I have had so many months?" And again the text flowed into my soul, "Thou hast led captivity captive; Thou hast received gifts for men; yea, for the rebellious, that the Lord God might dwell amongst them," O I knew not where to hide my poor face! My soul kept whispering, "Surely it cannot mean me; is it a dream? is it a dream?" I looked for my sins, for my burden, for the wrath and misery I had so long carried in my poor distracted soul, and could find neither guilt nor sins, wrath nor bondage; for the Saviour of my soul had taken them all away. Such a sight of His sufferings and death shined into my soul as broke my heart to pieces. O how I looked on Him and mourned! "What have I done?" cried I; "I have crucified the Lord. O my cursed sins, that drove the nails into His hands and feet and thrust the spear into His heart. O wretch, wretch that I am! And canst Thou, wilt Thou save and pardon me, notwithstanding all my cursed sins?" How wonderfully was my soul led to see that the dear Saviour had fulfilled and obeyed that holy law which I had broken in ten thousand instances, that all my cursed sins had been laid upon Him, and that He had suffered in my room and stead. I had so blessed a sight, by faith, of His feet and hands nailed to the cross, of the crown of thorns upon His head, and of the spear entering Hid heart; and His redeeming blood flowed with such peace, and love, and joy, and liberty into my soul, that I hardly knew what or where I was. The poor things who sat in the same seat kept jogging me with their elbows to sit still; but it was impossible for me to sit still or to lie still. O the love I felt to my dear Saviour for such unmerited kindness to one so vile, to the vilest wretch that ever was on the earth! I can never express a thousandth part of the hatred I felt against my cursed sins, which pierced the Lord of life and glory. When the service was over, I went down the street blessing, thanking, wondering, praising and adoring the God of my salvation; for text upon text flowed in upon my soul, one after another, with so much power, that sometimes I was obliged to hold my hand upon my mouth to prevent myself from shouting aloud in the street. On my way home I got into the fields as soon as I could, and when out of the sight and hearing of every human being, I souted, I leaped, I danced, I thanked and praised by dear Jesus with all my might, until my bodily strength was so gone that I fell upon the ground, and there lay, firmly believing that I was upon the point of going to heaven, to be with my dear Lord and Saviour. O what cause of holy wonder I saw in God’s being a just God, and yet a Saviour. That holy law that had been my terror for months, which had cursed me for every thought, word and deed, I now saw completely honoured and righteously fulfille in Christ. And how precious were these words, "For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that be­lieveth." {Romans 10:4} Whilst another text came upon the back of it with so much power, sweetness, majesty and glory, that it overwhelmed me with adoration, praise and thanksgiving: "Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us; for it is written, cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree." {Galatians 3:16} I saw, and believed, and felt that Christ had stood in my law-place and stead; and that all the wrath and damnation which I had deserved at the hands of a just God had been laid upon Jesus. I saw that He had stood as my Surety and Bondsman, had atoned for all my sins, and magnified the law, and made it honourable in so holy a way, that there could be no condemnation either from heaven, earth, or hell. My poor soul was so carried away with the transports of joy, that if anybody had seen me, they would have supposed that I had just escaped from Bedlam; for I shouted, danced and clapped my hands with sweet de­light. It was, indeed, a heaven upon earth. Those precious words of David were the very feelings of my heart at that time: "Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy Name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits; who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies." {Psalms 103:1-4} I was blessing and praising God all my way home. My poor wife had been very uneasy on my account, for it was a very late hour when I reached home. But no wonder, for every tree of the field, every bird of the air, every beast and insect, even to the crawling worm, furnished me with matter of songs, wonder and praise. They were all new to me. In all of them I could see the hand of my Father and my God. I could not help telling my wife the comfort which I had received. God, I told her, had pardoned all my sins, I was sure of going to heaven, for Christ had suffered and died for me upon the cross. Poor thing! at that time she could not endure anything like religion, yet I could not conceal from her the blessing I had received. I told her of the dreadful state she was in, and how awful a thing it would be for her to die in it. I then told her how the Lord had appeared for me, and what He had suffered for my poor soul, and how He had pardoned all my sins. The poor thing thought I was out of my mind; but I told her I was saying nothing but the truth, that all my sins had been actually pardoned and taken away by my Saviour Jesus Christ, and that I desired henceforth to live and die praising and adoring Him for His wonderful goodness to one so vile. In this happy state of liberty, peace and praise I lived for months. In every chapter of the Bible that I read I could see something new, and exceedingly sweet and precious to my soul: "His words were found and I did eat them, and they were unto me the joy and re­joicing of my heart." Nothing could I see in the heavens above, or upon the earth beneath, but His love, power, mercy, grace and lovingkindness. I was preach­ing Jesus Christ and His preciousness to every one with whom I could get to talk; and ignorantly thought that all who went to chapel would be ready to rejoice with me. But, alas! I was wonderfully deceived; for when, at the first prayer-meeting which I went to, I told them what great things the Lord had done for my soul, how He had delivered me from the curse of the law, and been made a curse for me, having died in my room and stead; how He had finished my transgressions, and made a complete end of all my sins; when I told them these things, and how God had made them known to my soul, convincing me that there was now no con­demnation for me, and that I was as sure of going to heaven as that Christ was there; poor things! they could not tell what to make of me. Some laughed, some pitied, some called it nothing but wild-fire, whilst others warned me not to be too secure. I kept them as long as I could persuade any of them to stay and listen, relating to them every particular, how I was, and where I was, and how it came to my soul, and how happy I was. I could have stayed all night, for it was my meat and drink to tell what great things the Lord had done for my soul.

Having left the chapel and got into the fields, I began to think over what they had said, and to question myself whether they might not be in the right, and all they said very true. There are some of them, thought I, old Christians, and have been many years in the ways of God. "They must certainly," said I, "know better than such a young fool as I Yet surely it cannot be all deception. Can I be deceived in losing my burden and feeling the pardon of all my sins? Lord, I am not deceived, am I?" I fell upon my knees under the hedge and cried out to the Lord. "Am I deceived, Lord? Am I too secure? Is it wild-fire, Lord?" And the dear Lord broke in upon my soul with such Divine glory, arid such a succession of promises, that the Bible appeared to me to be nothing but promises from beginning to end, and all mine, all appearing to be made especially to me, and to none else. I had such a view, too, of the faithfulness and glory of God in His fulfilment of them from first to last to my poor soul, that I was completely overwhelmed with transports of heavenly joy, and. for a time, scarcely knew’ whether I was in the body or out of tile both’. Upon arising from the ground, it struck me that it was the very place in which the devil had often tempted me to put an end to my life; and O how I did dance and sing. and banter the lying devil, and dare him to come out of his den! I challenged him to his face, and told him if he did not come out he durst not. I called him everything but a gentleman. I was so happy and comfortable that I felt as if I could walk through troops of devils shouting, "In the Name of the Lord I will destroy them." O how I wondered at the goodness of the Lord to one so unworthy of the least of His mercies! "If this." cried I, "be wild-fire, let me have more of it. If this is being too secure, let me live and die in it. My God and my Saviour, Thou art my Portion, my Rock, my Hiding-place, my Friend, my dear Redeemer. O my dear, dear, dear Jesus, Thou art the chief of ten thousand, the Altogether Lovely." How I got home I know not, for what with shouting, praising, thanking and blessing the Lord, it was morning before I arrived there. The next time I met the same people, I began, after the prayer-meeting, to tell them of my journey home the last meeting-night, and how I had knelt down in the field and asked the Lord whether I was too secure, whether I was deceived, and whether it was all wild-fire. I told them how the Lord had answered my prayers, and had come into my soul with such glory, that He had showed me that all the promises of the Bible were mine, and that I was as sure and as confident of being a child of God, and of having had all my sins forgiven me, and that I should go to heaven, as I was that there was a God. For I insisted on it that He Himself had told me so; and with tears of joy in my eyes, I assured them that even at the moment I was speaking, I felt the pardoning blood of my dear Jesus in my soul, and was confident that I had been delivered from the curse of the law, that the law had nothing to do with me now, for Christ had obeyed all its demands for me. I told them that I felt in my very soul that the law which had cursed me in my coming in and in my going out, in my lying down and my rising up, which had been so great a terror to my poor soul that I dreaded God as my worst enemy, was now removed from over me; for I could now love God, love His law, delight in it, and delight to see it honoured in my dear Jesus. I said that I had asked the law if it had aught against me, and it had answered, with such a smile, "Deliver him from going down into the pit; for I have found a ransom" {Job 33:24} and these were things, I said, to which I was a living witness.

One of them, who professed to be my friend, told me that he was afraid I was turning Antinomian. (See MERCIES Topic 8) "Anti­nomian," said I, "what sort of people are they? I never heard the name before." "They are those," re­plied he, "who deny the moral law to be the believer’s rule of life, which is a most awful doctrine, and leads to all manner of sin." "Moral law! said I,"what is that?’It is that just and holy law of God,"replied he,"in which He commands us to love and obey Him.’What,"asked I,"do you mean that law which Paul meant when he said, ’Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things that are written in the book of he law to do Them?"do you take that law to be your rule of life?" asked I "Surely I do," said he, "and all those who do not are Antinomians." "Then," said I, "I am one of those Antinomians." Blessed be God! He has delivered me from that law. Christ has obeyed it for me, and has been made a curse for me, and has gone to the end of it for my poor soul. I asked him how he felt that law, what it did for him whilst he was under it, and how he had been delivered from it. Upon this subject he could say nothing; but he main­tained that believers were required to be obedient to the law, as well as to believe in Christ; but I insisted on it that there was obedience, and blessed obedience too, in Christ, obedience which did my soul good, which pleased God, honoured the law, pardoned all my sins, con­founded the devil, and made my soul dance for joy. I told him I would not commit a single sin for a thousand worlds if I could help it; for it was my meat and drink to do the will of my God and Saviour who had done so great things for me. "When I was under the law," said I, "I had no obedience, but I was full of anger, rebellion and wretchedness, and sometimes felt such wrath that I could have pulled the Almighty from His throne for not having made me a beast that had no soul to appear before so holy a God, who cannot acquit the guilty. But now, having been delivered from the law, and having the love of the Lord Jesus Christ shed abroad in my heart, I can believe in Him, obey Him, praise him, thank Him, and adore Him night and day." And I insisted on it that I never knew what it was to hate sin, to love God, and to delight in His ways until His pardoning love and blood were enjoyed in my heart, and that I was confident this was not the law, but Christ Jesus, my God and my Saviour, in my heart, obeying the law in my room and stead. But of these things he knew nothing; nor, indeed, could I meet with any who knew much about the path in which I had been led, and the glorious liberty which I enjoyed. And, indeed, how can any man enter into it until it first enter into him? "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." I wondered that they who had been Christians so long did not see as I saw, and feel as I felt; yet whatever I could say to them of the way in which God had led me, the bondage from which He delivered me, and the love and delight I experienced in His ways, had no effect upon them, except that of making them rage and rave against me, and warn the people to have nothing to do with me. I wondered how it was that they kept at such a distance from me, but I could not keep at a distance from them. At all their prayer meetings and preachings I was sure to be present, being quite impatient for the time to arrive to meet the children of God and tell them again what great things God had done for my soul. But some of them could not bear to see me there, and one of them told me one night that he wished I would never come amongst them more, as I made nothing but confusion, and was a disturber of their peace; he therefore hoped I would come no more. I answered him that I did not come amongst them intending to trouble them, or to throw them into confusion, but that my desire was to praise Jesus, and to tell what great things He had done for my soul by suf­fering in my stead, and obeying the law for me; and how precious to me was His blood, and the joy, and praise, and thanksgiving I felt for His mercy to lay under the curse of the law, expecting nothing but damnation. "And was it not wonderful," said I, "that the dear and precious Jesus, bless His dear Name, should come to my poor soul, and pardon all my sins and obey the law for me?" They told me that they feared I was deceived. "How can that be?" said I "I have His pardon in my heart and very soul." I assured them that I had tried to bring back my sins and to feel the guilt and burden of them again, but in vain; for, said I such sweet words as these flowed in upon my soul, "Thy sins are all forgiven thee;" {Luke 7:48} "Though thy sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool;" {Isaiah 1:18} "I have cast all thy sins behind My back;" {Isaiah 38:17} "Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace." {Luke 7:50} I assured them that I could not now think of half the precious texts of Scrip­ture that my dear and lovely Jesus was speaking to my Soul nearly all the day long. "And how," said I, "can I keep my tongue still? Were I to hold my peace, the very stones would cry out." However, the more I talked of the precious Jesus and the glorious things He had done for my soul, the more they hated and shunned me; nay, I verily believe that some of them hated me a thousand times worse than the devil. They told some of the ministers, whom I was in the habit of hearing with them, that I had turned Antinomian, and denied the moral law as my rule of life, which made all the professors with whom I was at that time acquainted look upon me for holding such a sentiment as a very dangerous man.

I recollect there was one minister, a Mr. Ely who preached at Bury, who was in the habit occasionally of coming to one of their houses at Radcliffe Bridge. One time, when he had been preaching there, he came to me to convince me of my error. He went on for a long time talking about things I knew nothing at all about. But I told him that I had been under the law for months, and had felt its curses and terror in my soul in such a manner that I expected nothing but damnation night and day, until I heard Mr. Roby read these words, "He hath led captivity captive," &c. I told him the pardon, joy and peace that entered into my soul and the numerous texts of Scripture that had come with power, and that since that time I was not under the law. I asked how he felt when he was under the law, and how he had been delivered from it. I told him that, as he was a minister of Jesus Christ, he must have known these things. He turned very cross, and said I was got to be a teacher, one too wise to be instructed by my teachers. I answered that the dear Jesus was my Teacher, that He had told me that all my sins were forgiven, that He had died for me upon the cross, that He had shown me His hands and feet, and that I knew that He was my Lord and my God. "I have Him in my heart," said I, "this moment, and He is precious to my soul." Upon this, Mr. Ely said that he pitied me, and that he was sorry for me, and would pray for me, for he feared that I was awfully deluded. After he was gone, I began to think for a few moments, "Am I wrong? All these good people who have been so long in the way, and even the pious ministers too, all believe that I am deceived. They are all determined to have nothing to do with me. Surely I must be wrong!" "O Lord," cried I, "am I indeed wrong? Am I indeed deceived? Was it from Thee? Am I a child of Thine? Art Thou my Lord and my God? Hast Thou suffered, and died, and obeyed the law for me, and in my room and stead?" And O how sweetly did the Lord appear again to my soul! Such a sight had I of His Person, His promises, sufferings and glory, that there was no room for doubts and fears. Indeed, for nearly twelve months it was little else with my soul but joy and peace, expecting, hoping and desiring that the time would soon come when I should die and be for ever with my dear Saviour, to see Him as He is, and to be like Him. Three times, in particular, during the twelve months the love of God was so powerfully shed abroad in my heart, that for a time I really did not know whether I was in the body or out of the body. One of these times, I well recollect, I was returning from Manchester on a Lord’s day after service. I felt very happy and comfortable in soul, but languid and faint in body and exceedingly hungry; and powerfully it came into my mind. "Yes, and you know you have nothing to eat when you get home, and not a farthing will you have to buy with until tomorrow when you take home your work." This brought me for a moment to a standstill. What shall I do? thought I; but in came the Lord with some precious portions of His dear Word and dropped them into my soul like honey from the honeycomb; yea. sweeter were they than the honeycomb, and more beautiful a thousand times than apples of gold in pictures of silver! "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." {Matthew 4:4} "Bread shall be given him and his waters shall be sure." {Isaiah 33:16} "The cattle upon a thousand hills are Mine, and all the gold and silver." {Psalms 50:10} It seemed as if the whole Bible were opened from beginning to end, that God was my God and not one single blessing that I stood in need of whether for body or soul, but that I had in promises, and should have in possession, too, as I needed them. He who had promised was God, and His promises were sure. I was led also to see that all these blessed pro­mises originated in His love; and such an opening had I to my soul of His everlasting love, grace and kind­ness, that I had not power to stand on my feet, but was obliged to lie down upon the ground. How long I lay there I know not but this I know, that the mercy, love, grace and glory of God shone so gloriously into my soul, that I earnestly begged the Lord to take me to Himself or otherwise stay His hand, for I felt the glory too much for the body to stand under. When the glory was a little withdrawn, I got up and went on my way home, singing, praising adoring and blessing His pre­cious Name for such matchless, discriminating love to one so vile as I O, thought I, what a place heaven must be! 0, if these are but drops, what must be the fountain? "0 time," cried I, "fly away, stop not, but waft me quickly to that Jordan of death, where my soul shall be dislodged from this poor clay tabernacle, which is too weak to bear even the drops of my Saviour’s glory. O death, death! when wilt thou come? welcome be thy presence! O happy messenger, haste thy speed, and let loose my longing soul, that it may fly to my God and Saviour, there to drink immortal joys!" 0, thought I, what glory will be mine, when undressed of this body of flesh and blood! I shall dwell for ever with the Lord and never, never sin through all eternity. O the heavenly journey I had home.

Upon arriving there, I found that my wife had bor­rowed several little necessaries, so that we had a cup of tea, and plenty left for breakfast the next day, which enabled me to rise early in the morning to get my piece out, finish my work and carry it home, all of which I had to do before we could have any dinner. "0 bless the Lord," cried my soul, "here is my bread and water, according to His promise." Soon after this the Lord began to withdraw His comforts, little by little, and I began to find that I had not such meltings of heart, nor yet such free access to Him as formerlv. The Word of God was not so precious to me, and darkness began to gather upon my mind. I read the sweet portions of God’s Word that had hitherto been so precious to my soul, but I could no longer feel them so sweet. What all this could mean I could not tell; and such evil thoughts began to work in my heart, that I was quite astonished. "0," cried I, "what can be the matter? Surely my sins were all forgiven. Surely they were taken away by the death and sufferings of Christ. What means this?" I ran to the Bible; again I read the old promises that had formerly been so sweet with all the earnestness and prayer that I could muster up; but, alas! not one drop of comfort could I get out of them all. What can be the cause? thought I Surely I must have neglected my duty, or I never should be in this state. Then I determined to follow up prayer until I should again enjoy the same comforts as before; but, alas this I could not do, for such terrible abominations arose in my heart as made me tremble. The more I determined to keep them down, the more they rose up. Fears also began to arise, whether I had not been de­ceived; whether I had not been too secure, and whether it had not been all wild-fire, Here I was, day after day, and things appeared worse and worse. "0," thought I, "those dear Christians told me that I was deceived, and that it would be shown what I was, and they warned the people to have nothing to do with me; and that dear minister, Mr. Ely, told me that I was in an awful error; and all they said and believed of me is now coming to pass. O that I had never said a word about it to one soul! O if I had never opened my mouth about it, nobody would then have known anything about me, and all would have been quiet! But all the parish knows what I have said about my religion." I really believe there never was such a fool with his comforts, for I scarcely ever entered a house without asking them whether they had been born again, and telling them that if they had not, they were sure to be lost. I could not help telling any person that would talk to me that I was born again, what God had done for me, and that I was sure of going to heaven. Besides which, I used to talk about my afflictions and trials in providence; in short, one thing upon another, until I was almost at my wits end, and was hated by all around, alike professors and profane, worse than the devil. But my greatest grief was the loss of God’s smiles. I had nothing but sighs and groans for days and nights together until I actually began to fear I must have been deceived, and that I must give it all up together. O how my poor soul did cry unto God, "Do, Lord, if I am indeed Thine, appear once more unto my poor soul, and say unto it, ’I am thy salvation’" At last the Lord blessedly spoke again, and with such power and sweetness, in these words, "Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love, therefore with lovingkindmiess have I drawn thee." {Jeremiah 31:3} Then all was right in a moment; joy and gladness entered my poor sorrowful heart, and I could then sing with cheerfulness. "For He hath not despised nor abhorred the afflictions of the afflicted; neither hath He hid His face from him; but, when he cried unto Him, He heard." {Psalms 22:24} O how was my soul led to see a little of His unchangeable love and faithful­ness. I saw that whatever change I might experience, His love and faithfulness were the same. Surely, thought I, I shall never distrust Him who has thus ap­peared to me again. But, alas! this state of mind did not last long. I soon had fresh exercises in providence and in grace. At this time I had two small children, and my wife was near her confinement with the third. Trade was very bad and provisions dear, flour being fivepence or sixpence a pound, and other things in proportion. It was what we called "barley times," for there was scarcely anything for the poor except barley; so that our table was very scantily provided. Indeed, at the very time my wife was taken in labour we were without a single sixpence, and had not in the house two shillings worth of provisions. Off I was obliged to go for a doctor; but what to do for a little money, or where to go and borrow it, I could not tell. On my way to the doctor’s I did nothing but cry. "0 Lord, what shall I do? Where shall I go? Thou, O Lord. knowest how we are situated. Do, dear Lord, direct me what to do and whither to go." As soon as I had sent off the doctor, it suddenly struck my mind that I should go to the master for whom I worked and ask him to lend me half-a-guinea. He lived in Manchester, and for that place I accordingly set out, praying all the way to the Lord that He would open the man’s heart to lend it me, telling Him that the hearts of all men were at His disposal. When I arrived at my master’s house, and asked him to do me the favour, he fetched me the half-guinea without either a frown or a cross look, for I watched him closely and saw that he did it pleasantly. Then I knew that the Lord had been before me, for he was not in the habit of lending money to his weavers. I saw that it was all the Lord’s doing, and O what thankful­ness I felt to Him for opening the man’s heart! As I was walking down the street from the warehouse on my way home, blessing and praising the Lord for His unmerited kindness to one so utterly unworthy of the least notice of either God or man, I suddenly met, as I was crossing the road, a man whom I knew by sight, from having often seen him at the chapel that I attended, which was in Mosley Street. I did not know the man’s name, but in passing he blessed me in the Name of the Lord and held out his hand to shake hands with me. "God bless you," said he and ran off, leaving me in the middle of the street, utterly astonished to fnd that he had left half-a-guinea in my hand. There I stood for some time, admiring, praising and blessing God, and should have stayed longer had not a coachman, who was driving a coach up the street, called me a fool and told me to get out of the road. Upon looking round I perceived, for the first time, that there were a number of people collected together to gaze at me, in doubt, I dare say, whether I had not made my escape from the mad-­house. On my return home, I got out of town as quickly as possible, and O the blessed journey I had! The very trees appeared to clap their hands! "0," cried I, "can I ever cease blessing, praising, thanking, extolling, trusting, and loving my dear Saviour! 0," cried I, "Thou hast done great things for me, whereof I am glad." When I reached home I found that my wife had been safely delivered and was doing well. I had now plenty of money for present circumstances, and plenty of faith to trust God for more when we needed it; for I really did believe it impossible for me to distrust God again, seeing the very great things He had done for me, and the wonderful way in which He had done them. I soon, however, had plenty of work for my stock of faith. My landlord insisted on my quitting the house and going into the ground-ceI1ar where I then kept my loom and used to weave, as he wanted the apartments in which we lived for himself. As I owed some money for rent, I complied; but my wife, having been so lately confined, was so much affected by the dampness of the place-and, indeed, it was a sad place to sleep in-that she, for a time, nearly lost the use of her hands, for she was taken with the cramp in her hands and fingers, so that she could but seldom either dress or undress herself or child. Work was now very bad, and provisions immensely dear. We had three small children, and had lost one about six months before. One circumstance that occurred about this time I think I shall never forget. One week we had a very scanty allowance of food, not sufficient to last us through. In the hope of getting my piece out, if it were possible, by Saturday, I worked very hard; but this hard work, and the want of nourishment, our food being principally barley, so exhausted me, that I was obliged, through weakness, to leave off on Friday at the very time when we had not one morsel of food remaining. Here was a gloomy scene, not a morsel of food for husband, wife, or child; the wife, too, with an infant at her breast. If ever I prayed in my life, I did that night, that the Lord would take away our appetite and send us to bed satis­fied. And, I believe, the Lord heard my cry, for the poor children wanted to go to bed, and said not one word about anything to eat, for which I felt thankful. But my trouble was about the morning, for I could not leave the morrow to take thought for the things of itself. I rose very early the following morning, and worked till I was obliged to leave the loom, and could scarcely walk or stand, I was so faint and weak. My poor wife, who was as weak and as sickly as I, burst into tears, and cried, "0 what shall we do? I cannot live; I am sure we shall die of want!" and I was sunk so low both in body and mind, that I verily believed it would be the case. But what was the finishing stroke to my feelings was that my eldest child, who was about five years of age, looked up to me with tears running down its little cheeks, and cried, "Father, give me some bread; O my father, do give me some bread." I thought my soul would have burst of grief. "0," cried I, "are my children to die of want before my face, and I cannot helpp them?" I ran into a little place under the cellar stairs, fell on my knees before God, and entreated the Lord with all my soul to take away my life. "0 Lord, do take away my life; let me die; how can I behold the death of wife and children?" Whilst I was upon my knees entreating God to take away my life, these words came with great power and force into my mind, "And they did all eat and were filled; and they took up of the fragments that remained twelve baskets full." {Matthew 14:20} And it was repeated again, "And they took up of the fragments that remained twelve baskets full." I did all I could to put it away. "What," said I, "can it have to do with me in our situation? It has nothing to do with me." I kept crying for some time, but the whole connection came so powerfully to my mind how the Lord had fed five thousand in the wilderness with five loaves and two fishes, and they were all filled. Well, thought I, He is as able to feed us now with fish and bread as He was then. That precious text flowed into my soul with such light, life, liberty, power and glory, "Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, and to­day, and for ever" {Hebrews 13:8} and my soul was so refreshed, and my faith so strengthened by it, that I was as sure that we should have a supply as that there was a God. I arose off my knees as strong as a giant in mind and body, and told my wife that the Lord would most certainly send us something to eat, and very soon. She wanted to know how and when. "It does not matter," said I, "about the how nor the when; I know it will be the case, and my soul can bless God for it before it comes." Just upon the back of this, a man knocked at the door, and I went and opened it to him. It was a gentleman’s servant. "John," said he, "my master has bought some herrings to give to his factory people. I had no orders to leave you any, but I thought as I came along that I would leave you twelve, if you like to accept them." I was so overpowered that I could scarcely speak to the man. The goodness, mercy and kindness of my dear Lord shone so brightly that I was quite lost in wonder. Whilst I was still wondering and admiring the goodness of God to a worthless worm, a neighbour sent two cakes of bread. I thought my very soul should have burst through my poor body, and taken its flight into glory unto my dear Jesus. I with­drew into the little palace under the cellar which, a few hours before, I had begged God to take away my life. And O what a heavenly palace it was! After returning my God thanks, some of the fish were soon ready. and we sat down to the table all crying together. "Come, my dears,"said I,"we are now dining on the same food as Jesus and the five thousand dined on in the wilderness;" and I do be­lieve in my very soul that Jesus sat with us at the table. O the sweetness of that fish and bread! And how won­derful the goodness and mercy of the Lord appeared unto me in sending fish and bread as the food of the soul in promise, and then the first morsel of food to the body must be fish and bread also. The fish were so sweet and good that we soon made a breach into the twelve. O how my poor soul was overcome with the lovingkindness of my dear Lord! The remainder of the day was taken up with nothing but praises, thanks­givings, adorations and honours to my God for His wonderful deliverance. When night came on, the devil tried to bring me into misery again by telling me that the fish and bread were nearly all gone, and what should I do for the morrow? But faith was too strong for him at that time, for I was enabled to tell him with joy and comfort that Jesus Christ was the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, yea, and for ever. Yea, that Jesus, if He pleased, could send us plenty for the mor­row, and that I believed He would do. The next morn­ing, being Lord’s day, I was up very early, and with my soul sweetly melted with the goodness of God and with the blessed assurance that He would be with me and provide, I took a walk early in the fields. O the sweet view I had of my covenant God in all His works of creation, providence and grace. I saw that it was as utterly impossible for me to be denied any good thing that was really necessary for me, as it was for God to deny Himself. O how I gazed upon the heavens in their glory and upon the earth in its furniture! "What!" said my soul, "this God that hath spread out these heavens and formed this wonderful earth, and all the living creatures that live upon it! What! this God my Father? Can it be possible, Lord, that poor John Warburton can be Thy child, and must I call Thee my Father?" O how my soul went out in love to Him. I told Him with simplicity just as I felt, that if it would offend Him to call Him Father, I would try not to do it. But how to keep from it under these feelings I could not tell. But, bless His precious Name, He was not offended with me, for He showed me that He was my God from everlasting, and that He had chosen me. before this earth was spoken into existence. O what a sweet sight I had of Christ taking my nature into union with Himself, and becoming flesh of my flesh, and bone of my bone. "Why, then," said I, "I can call Thee Brother, too." Yea, and such glorious views had I of His character, and offices, and relationship, that I was lost in such holy wonder as quite to forget the time.

Upon returning home, I found two or three persons there who frequently came to our house on a Sunday. This morning they had brought us a few necessaries, some one thing and some another, so that we were comfortably supplied throughout that day. Surely, thought I, God is opening the windows of heaven, and raining down mercies upon me, so richly is He supply­ing all our need. O how my poor soul was carried away with matter of praise and thankfulness to my God for His astonishing kindness to me, the most unworthy of all His saints, the very chiefest of all sinners! O how I wondered that the ministers whom I was then in the habit of hearing never talked of the glorious things of God’s wonderful deliverances, both in providence and grace, to His people! But I was soon brought to see the reason, because they were themselves utter strangers to these deliverances. And how could they enter into those things which their eyes had not seen, nor their hands handled, nor their ears heard, nor their souls feasted on? Had these things been experimentally known in their own souls, they must have spoken of the things they had handled and felt. As soon as I discovered that they knew nothing of these things in their own souls, I declared that I did not believe God had sent them to preach, and that I was sure they were blind guides, wolves in sheep’s clothing. This so exasperated them and their people against me, that they could neither bear the sight of me, nor endure to hear my name. "Oh, shocking!" said some of them, "have you heard what John Warburton says of our dear minister? He says that God has never sent him to preach, and that nearly all the ministers who come to our place are blind and dead." "Oh!" cried one of the pious ones, "I wish he was dead, for there is no peace where he is." "Yes," said another, "I wish he was out of the country." But still I stuck to my text, that if God had sent them, they must come with God’s message, and trace the footsteps of the flock, and pick up the stumbling-blocks from the path, and cast up the highway, and lift up the standard for the people. One or two of the people began to see as I saw, and to think that surely their ministers were out of the secret. This enraged them still more. "What!" said they, "he has poisoned the mind of such a one. There will never be any peace where he is." Then they would set upon me quite enraged; but this never moved me. God gave me such boldness and liberty to clear my conscience before them all, time after time, with a "Thus saith the Lord," that they could not stand against it, either parson or people. Sometimes, indeed, I did think that I would take no notice, whatever the ministers should say, but would try to be quiet like the rest; and if there were things I did not like, why, I would leave them, and pass my time away more peaceably. By this means I thought I should have more friends, which, as I was very poor and much tried in circumstances, would be much better for me. But when I went again and heard the minister with his "ought to do," his "should do," "might do," and his "duty to do," O how my very soul rose up against such doctrine! No sooner was I out of the chapel than I was obliged to go right smack at it and pull it all to pieces. Thus I set all in a blaze, and it was thought an unpardonable thing that I should speak against the minister. I, who was so poor and lived in a cellar! who had not half a bellyful of victuals, and scarcely clothes to cover my nakedness! To think that I of all people should take upon me to find fault with the minister was unbearable! But the greatest mortification to them was that they could not confound me with the Word of God. O how they did watch my goings out and my comings in; with many an anxious wish did they hope to be enabled to say. "Ah! so would we have it." But God preserved me with a tender conscience, so that I was enabled, in a small measure, to live the gospel, as well as to stand forth and vindicate it. And how their pious minister did at times rave and rage against me in the pulpit, holding me up as the poor bigoted Antinomian, an enemy to holiness and good works. Shortly after, however, it was proved that this pious minister had made too free with a female, and he was discharged from the place whilst the poor Antinomian stood the storm, and was brought through all, and was preserved from bringing a reproach upon the truth. But I must return to the happy enjoyment I had in seeing the goodness of God, inn putting into the hearts of these people to bring us so bountiful a supply at such a time of need. One brought some butter and sugar, another a loaf of bread, and another some potatoes and a little pork. O how my tongue was loosed to speak forth His praise! for we were pro­vided for as richly as kings and princes. Nay, I envied no man’s situation on earth; for I had every­thing that my soul and body wanted-plenty of provisions in the house, and the love of my God sited abroad in my heart, which, indeed, maketh rich and addeth no sorrow. The next day I finished my work, and procured a fresh supply. Surely, thought I, never can I again distrust so gracious, so merciful, so longsuffering and faithful a covenant God and Saviour, who has kindly brought me on to the present day. But I have always found, and believe I ever shall, in this vale of tears, that whenever I have had a sweet day of prosperity, the day of adversity has been set over against it. The next trial that I had was a keen one indeed. My landlord began to want me out of his cellar, for I suppose, he began to think that I should never pay my rent. And, indeed, there was little appearance of it at that time, for my wife, who was a fruitful creature (much too fruitful, many thought, for the times and our situation), was again in the family way. My landlord sent for me, and told me that he wished me to leave his premises, and get another house, as he wanted the cellar himself for a shop for his loom. I answered him that I would endeavour to get another place as quickly as possible; and, indeed, I tried all I could for a long time. It really seemed for some time as if nobody should let me one. At last my landlord lost all patience, and told me the shop he wanted, and the shop he would have, whether I had a place to go into or not. As I owed him about four pounds for rent, he put the bailiffs in to take an inventory of my few goods. Indeed, they were so few that, if they had been sold, they would not have fetched much money. Then the devil, unbelief, and carnal reason set to work pretty sharply. Now, indeed, thought I, it is all over with me! There are four pounds due for rent, and not four pence in the world have I towards paying it. In a few days my bed, my loom, even dishes and spoons must be sold. Not a friend did I know who could help me with ten shillings. "What shall I do?" I exclaimed; "whither shall I go? O how it will rejoice my enemies who have been waiting for my halting. Now they will say. ’So would we have it.’" But the greatest trial of all was that God hid His face from me. I tried every possible way to get the money, but all in vain. At last I went to the overseer of the parish, but he informed me that I did not belong to his parish, but to the next one. So he gave me a shilling, and told me that he should remove me and all my family to my own parish the following day. I did not like this at all, but I was obliged to comply. O what a night I passed through! How my soul was torn to pieces! Oh! Thought I, how will professors and profane rejoice when I am in the workhouse. Then again a little hope would spring up, that perhaps the parish would pay my rent rather than that I should go into the poor house. The follow­ing day the overseer came, and I and my wife and three children went with him, and a weeping journey we had of, I think, three miles, Upon arriving there, we found that the overseer of the parish was not at home, and we therefore had to wait till he cause in. His wife was very cross with us, but my poor soul was so broken down, that she might have wiped her shoes upon me, and I should not have turned again. At last I told her that I was very sorry we were under the necessity of troubling her, and that it was my heart’s desire that, if it were the Lord’s will, she might never be in the same situation in which we then were. At this she became quite pleasant, and fetched some provisions, and was very agreeable, which quite re­vived me, for I saw that the Lord could soften the heart in a moment, and cause even enemies to pity His people in captivity. In the evening the overseer came home, and when I told him my pitiful case, he heard me with great patience, and expressed a great deal of sorrow for me. He said however that he could not pay my rent, and that the best thing I could do would be to return, and if my goods were sold, I must come to him again, and he would take us to the work­house. He gave me two shillings and sixpence, and off we came home. I wondered that the man had given me half-a-crown, for we had no victuals in the house. What a night did I pass through again! I sometimes thought that I should sink into black despair. How it will grieve the church to which I belong, thought I, to hear that I have been forced to go to the workhouse! The church of which I was a member was one of independent principles, in Mosley Street, Manchester. Sometimes a little hope would spring up that God would yet open a way for me; and O how preciously did these words come to my mind, "I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known; I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight." {Isaiah 42:16} And "Bread shall be given thee; and thy waters shall he sure." {Isaiah 33:16} A day or two after this I finished the work which I had upon my loom, and carried it home to my master, who lived in Manchester. As I was coming out of the warehouse, a thought struck me that I would call upon one of the deacons of the church. whose name was Ramsay, a tailor, living in Shudehill. I made up my mind, however, not to say anything to him of the circumstances in which I was, for I thought it should grieve the people to know that they had a member of their church in such a plight. I tried to pass the door, but could not; so I knocked, trembling all the time. I was received very kindly by the old gentleman, who wondered that I had not called before, and asked me how I and my family were, and how we got on. I was speechless for a time, but at length burst into a flood of tears, for I really thought my heart would have burst with grief, and told him that my goods were about to be sold for rent, and that we were all going to the workhouse. I told him, too, that my greatest grief and sorrow was that the enemies of the truth would say, "So would we have it." The old man smiled, and said, "Never fear, John, your goods will not be sold." "Oh! sir," said I, "next Monday is the day for the sale, and there is no possibility, according to my views, of its being prevented." I again burst into a flood of tears, and wished I had never joined their church, for I was afraid they would be reproached on my account. The old man’s feelings were overcome as well as my own, and he could hold no longer. At length he asked me if I had seen Mr. Clegg, another deacon and I told him I had not. "Then," said he, "Mr. Clegg has got the money all ready for you, and has been expecting you to call upon him." "What," said I, "Can such a thing be possible? Oh! what shall I do to bless and praise the Lord?" My feelings were such that I could hardly tell what I was, or where I was. I went to Mr. Clegg, but I was so overcome with the wonder-working hand of God, that it was some time before I could get there. Mr. Clegg himself opened the door to me. and, with a sweet smile as pleasant as May, asked me how I was, and how I was getting on. I was safe enough from telling, for I was so overcome that all I wanted was to be somewhere alone, where I could vent my feelings. He told me that, having heard of my situation, he had begged part of the money, and had added the rest himself. Many other things the old gentleman said, and what a pleasure he felt in being the instrument of delivering me out of my calamity. My soul was so full, that I could do nothing but weep for joy; I wanted to be on some common, where no human eye could see nor ear hear me, and where I could shout forth the praises of God both with body and soul. The old gentleman gave me the money, and we both wept together for joy. O the feelings I had when I came out of the house with the money in my pocket, and the love, mercy and glory of God in my heart. My poor soul was truly like a vessel that wanted vent. The first secret place I could find after I got into the street I crept into; and O what praise, thanksgiving and adoration flowed out of my heart and from my lips unto God for His wonderful unthought of deliverance. Oh! how the song of Moses melted my soul, and how preciously did it flow out of my mouth, "I will sing unto the Lord, for He hath triumphed gloriously: the horse and his rider hath He thrown into the sea. The Lord is my strength, and song, and He is become my salvation; He is my God, and I will exalt Him. Thy right hand, O Lord, is become glorious in power: Thy right hand, o Lord, hath dashed in pieces the enemy." {Exodus 15:1-2;Exodus 15:6} I got out of the town in some way or other, but how I knew not, for I had such a weight of glory to carry, that at times I had to put my hand upon my mouth until I got into the fields, as here I could see no human being; and then I gave vent to body and soul, sometimes dancing and shouting His praises, sometimes on my knees blessing and thanking Him. I called Him all the endearing names my soul could think of, or my tongue utter; and such glorious views I had of the glory of God, both in providence and grace, that I was so lost at times that I did not know where I was, or where I was going. At last it struck my mind that I ought to go home, and let my poor wife know the wonderful deliverance that God had wrought for us; and then I went on as hard as I could walk, singing, praising, blessing and glorifying God with all my soul and with all my strength. At last I reachetl home, and into my little palace I went, for it appeared more like a palace than a poor cellar. I found my wife weeping, and almost exhausted for want of something to eat. I could not for a moment conceal the wonders that God had wrought for us. "Cheer up, woman," said I, "why weepest thou? God has sent us the rent, every farthing of it, and something to spare. I have it in my pocket." As I spoke thus, I pulled out the money, and put it upon the table. Poor thing! when she saw the money she almost fainted away. She did not, at that time, know the Lord for herself. I counted the money, and found that, what with that which I had drawn for my work, and a little that Mr. Ramsay had given me before I went to Mr. Clegg, we could pay the rent and have nearly twenty shillings left for provisions. We both wept together like two children. I told her that this God was my God, and I believed in my heart that I should live to see Him as her God too. After having had something to eat, I went to my land­lord and told him that I had brought him his rent money; but he said he had nothing further to do in the matter, and that I must go to the bailiffs who had marked my goods, and whatever they charged I must pay. So I went to them and settled the affair very comfortably. For several weeks after this event I was so indulged with the presence and love of God, and with such transporting views of His power, faithfulness and goodness, that my soul was carried above all the empty things of this perishing world, though I seldom knew what it was to have a sufficiency to eat. But who or what can give trouble when God gives peace? and truly my soul has proved the truths of these precious words many times, "Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred there­with." {Proverbs 15:17} And many times have I found that man doth not "live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." "His mouth is most sweet, yea, He is altogether lovely." With considerable toil and trouble, I at last succeeded in getting the promise of a house in what they call the Narrow Lane, near Besses-o’-th’-Barn. For fear the man should run from his word, I packed all my traps on the very same day that I took the house, for I wanted to get away as bad as my landlord to get rid of me. At this very time I had not one single penny in the world, nor six pennyworth of bread in the house. I had about two days’ work upon the loom, but I durst not stay until it was finished, lest my new landlord should hear of my poverty and stop me from going into his premises. So I rolled up the piece on the beam, and with the help of my brother and a horse and cart, we set off with the things. When we had arrived there and unloaded the things, we began to want something to eat and drink. I accordingly went to the public-house, and asked the landlord if he would let me have a little beer until I took home my work. I told him how things were with me; and his answer was, "Yes, I might have whatever I wished." I then called upon a shopkeeper and, having told him who I was and explained my situation, requested credit for a few provisions, saying that I hoped soon to be able to pay him. His reply was, "Yes, you may have anything you please that I have." O how my soul looked on to see the angel of the Lord doing so won­derfully for me! O how He can make a way for His dear, tried ones in time of need! "Oh," exclaimed my soul, "He is indeed a very present help in trouble." Promise upon promise flowed in upon my soul, so that they appeared, in every chapter of the Bible, to hang like clusters of grapes which my soul could eat and digest. O how precious did I find the language of the prophet, "Thy words were found, and I did eat them; and Thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of my heart." I had now everything that my heart desired; plenty of provisions, a comfortable house- compared with the cellar-and the love, smiles and mercy of God enjoyed within. O the blessed joy and peace I had for some time in my new habitation! Everything for a long time seemed to go on better. One night, a short time after, I had a very remarkable dream. I thought that I was going to see my mother, and on the road I had to pass a farmhouse, and in turning the corner of a field near this farmhouse, I thought that I suddenly came upon a large black bull, which seemed, by his appearance, determined to attack me. I turned another way to avoid him, but I met him again. I then got into a way between two walls, where he again made his appearance and, rushing violently upon me, knocked me down. There I lay for a few moments, and he stood a few yards distant from me. Again he made his approach, for the purpose, as I thought, of making an end of me. I thought it was now all over, and that I must die upon the spot. But oh, what a spirit of prayer I felt in my dream to the Lord that He would be with me this once, and give me strength that I might come off more than con­queror. In a moment I felt as strong and as bold as a lion. When he came in with all his might, intending to toss me up in the air, I seized him by the horns, one with my right hand amid the other with my left, and, splitting him quite asunder from head to tail, dashed the two parts of him to the ground, one on each side of him. I then placed my right foot on one side of him and my left foot on the other, shouting in triumph, "Rejoice not against me, O my enemy; when I fall I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me." {Micah 7:8} I awoke out of my dream with the precious words in my mouth, and for some time could hardly persuade myself that it was a dream. O the weight with which this lay upon my heart for weeks! I firmly believed it to be a token of some keen trial I had to endure; and hope, at times, sprung up that God would bring me through it, because I had gained the victory in my dream. And exactly so it happened. Shortly after this dream my wife was taken very ill, and instead of getting better, grew worse and worse, till at length I was obliged to call in a doctor, who, when he arrived and saw her, told us she was in a very bad fever. He likewise gave a strict charge that nobody should come into the house, except one person to attend upon her. Oh! when he told me, my soul sank fathoms. "What shall I do," cried I, "with the poor children?" We then had four of them; provisions were very dear; we were already in debt at the shop; and without a single friend who could do much for me. Attend to the work I had upon the loom I could not, for my wife became so bad that she was light-headed for several weeks; and we had not much else but what one neighbour or the other sent us, for the shopkeeper would not let us have any­thing more until we had paid off the old score.

One night I feared it would be almost too much for me, for the poor little children cried for some bread before they went to bed, and as not one morsel had I in the house to give them, they were obliged to go without. O how the enemy did set on my soul that God had left me. "You have not one penny in the house," said he; "your poor wife is not likely to live, and your children are starving for want; the shop is shut so that you cannot have one farthing’s-worth there." For a few moments how I sank! O the groans, the sighs, the wrestlings I had that God would undertake for me! I told Him that nothing was too hard for Him. "Oh!" cried I, "my dear Lord, appear for me. Let me once again see Thine arm made bare in working for me as the God of providence." And O how preciously did those sweet words come, which set all right and straight in a moment, "The ravens brought him bread and flesh in the morning." {1 Kings 17:6} O the transports of joy I felt at the sound of these words! "What!" said I, "the dear prophet of God in the same place as I, and did God send him flesh and bread by ravens" and I firmly believed that God would as surely appear for me in the morning, as He appeared for the prophet. O what blessed submission and contentment did this produce in my soul! I felt heartily satisfied with my situation, and could bless God for my present afflictions. How sweet was that text, "The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich, and He addeth no sorrow with it." {Proverbs 10:22} O what a solid resting I felt on the love and faithfulness of a covenant God! Early the next morning there was a knock at the door. I opened it and saw a person, who called me out and asked me how my wife was, and whether we had anything to subsist upon. I told hini the truth, and how we were off. He said he had had no rest all night for thinking of me, and that he had brought me half-a-guinea, though he did not like my religion. I told him that the Lord knew my situation, and that I had no doubt that He had sent him. I thanked him as the instrument, and then he left me. When he was gone, O the preciousness, the glory, the heavenly grandeur, and the solemn majesty in which my covenant God appeared to my soul! "Oh!" cried I, "who is a God like unto my God, that has sent a raven to feed me?" Indeed, I could see nothing but the goodness, mercy and kindness of my God and Saviour, on the right hand and on the left. O the pre­ciousness of a wonder-working God in such scenes as these! It is, indeed, making darkness light and crooked things straight: "Ye are My witnesses, sajth the Lord, that I am God, and beside Me is none else." {Isaiah 43:11-12} The tongue fails to express His glory and honour, and human language is completely beggared in setting forth a thousandth part of His worth and glory!

"Words are but air, and tongues but clay, But Thy compassion’s all divine." But now I come to explain what I had been shown by my dream. A person with whom we had dealt for a long time for provisions, sent for me one day and asked me to pay him the money I owed him, which was about seven pounds, for he said he must have it. I told him the situation in which I then was, and had been for a long time, and begged him to have a little patience with me, and I hoped I should be able to pay him. He was very rough with me, and said he would have the money by some means or other. I now had fresh work for faith and prayer. On the following Saturday morning, as I was return­ing from the doctor’s house. I met my creditor going to market. He stopped, and asked me if I was coming to pay him on Monday. If I did not, he said he was determined to put me to trouble. I burst into a flood of tears and begged Him to have a little pity upon me. I told him how long the fever had been in the house, and that I had not one penny in the world. I hoped, I said, that my wife was now getting a little better, and that, in a short time, I should be able to bring him some money, which I would do then with pleasure. But he turned round and cursed me, declaring that if I did not pay him on Monday, and he lived till Tuesday, he would put me to trouble. With this, off he went, and my poor soul sank fathoms in a moment. O how these words did sink me down! "The evil that I feared has come upon me." O what a day of misery I passed! Sometimes I feared that I should sink into hopeless despair. I could no more believe that God would deliver me than that I could make a world. My body was weak with loss of rest and want of food; my children were almost starving; my wife being a little better, was longing for something to nourish her; the devil was roaring in my ears, "God has forsaken him; pursue him and take him;" access to the Throne of grace was blocked up; the Bible was a sealed book; and the uncircumcised were rejoicing, "Ah, so would we have it." My knees shook under me, rottenness entered my very bones, my lips quivered, and I felt as if every moment I should drop into the arms of death. O how I cried out, "My soul chooseth strangling, and death rather than life." {Job 7:15} Just at the time of my greatest sinking, a neighbour, who had been in Manchester, called upon me and said that he had been doing some business that day with a Mr. Clegg, a deacon of the church of which I was a member, and that he had inquired of him whether he knew a man in his neighbourhood named John Warburton, and upon his answering that he did, had asked very particularly whether I was well, saying he had not seen me in Manchester for several veeks. My neighbour told him that my wife was very ill of a fever, and had been so for a long time; and "indeed," added he, "the poor man must be badly off." The dear old gentleman was quite surprised to hear it, and gave the man a particular charge to call on me as he went home, and tell me to come to Manchester the following day, as he wanted to see me. Upon hearing what the man said I felt hope spring up, and that precious text flowed in upon my soul with sweetness, "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance and my God." {Psalms 42:11} O what a sweet opening to my God I had during the greater part of Saturday night! My soul could now cast all her care upon Him; and promise after promise flowed sweetly and preciously into my heart. and I verily believed that the Lord would appear for me. On the Lord’s day morning I went to Manchester, and saw Mr. Clegg, who was very sorry to hear that I had the fever in the house, and that I had been so sorely tried. He wondered that I had not been over to let him know, as he had told me before to be sure and inform him, if I was in any distress. He bade me tell him my situation exactly as I stood. I told him how long my poor wife had been ill of the fever, and the conflicts of bitterness and the seasons of joy I had passed through, till the dear old man wept like a child. I explained to him the situation in which I was placed by a creditor, who threatened to put me to trouble on the following Tuesday. and I was so over-come by my feelings that I could no longer hold, but burst out. "0 sir, sir, my greatest trouble is that I am afraid the cause of God will be blasphemed on my account." The old gentleman’s feelings were as much overcome as my own. He seized me by the hand, and said, "My dear brother, the Lord has given me plenty, and you shall have the money." He went directly and brought me back the full money for the debt, with a little besides for present support. No sooner was the money laid down, than the very text which I awoke with from my dream came into my mind with such power that I had hard work to keep from shouting it out in the house: "Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy; when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me." I left the old gentleman wishing me a thousand blessings; and my soul wished all the mercies and blessings that God had to give upon both his body and his soul, for time and for eternity.

I hastened home as quickly as possible, for I had left my wife very low. and I longed to tell her what great things the Lord had done for us. though. at that time, she knew Him not as her portion and her all. I now clearly saw my dream opened up; I saw who was the bull; but how he was to be split in two I could not yet find out, nor did I trouble myself about it. I knew that the Lord had wrought out a wonderful deliverance for me, and that was enough. O the sweet journey I had home! The number of times I looked at the money, and blessed, and thanked, and adored, and extolled my covenant God, for all His wonderful goodness to one so vile and so unworthy of the least of all His mercies. I cannot express the joy and gladness, the humility, love and praise of my heart. It beggars all language to tell. Upon reaching home, I told my wife of the goodness and lovingkindness of God in providing the whole of the money for my debt. I showed her the money, and, poor thing! she wept like a child upon seeing it. O what a heavenly night I had in viewing the everlasting love, mercy, grace and kindness of my God and Saviour, iii loving, choosing, redeeming, calling, justifying. preserving, feeding and providing for so poor, so helpless, so fearful, so unbelieving, and so base a wretch as I! My soul could give Him all the glory. I needed no one to tell me it was my duty and privilege to "crown Him Lord of all." It was my very meat and drink to exclaim, "Not unto us, but unto Thy Name give glory, for Thy mercy, and for Thy truth’s sake." On the Monday morning I went to the man to whom I owed the money, and told him that I had come to discharge my debt; for the Lord had provided me with the money, and that I had more pleasure in paying than he had in receiving it. He took the money, and I came away. On the very Friday following, if I recollect aright. his wife was attacked with the fever and died in a few days, leaving him with a large family of young children; and, although at this time he was doing very well in business, yet in less than twelve months his goods were sold, his poor children taken to the workhouse, and he himself reduced to want bread. Thus I saw my dream fully interpreted.

O may my soul never forget the boundless mercies that God has caused to pass before me, a poor worm! Surely I am the greatest debtor to mercy upon earth! The kindness of an indulgent God and Father has so wonderfully appeared for me in every time of need, just, as it were, "by the skin of my teeth." {Job 19:20} When all human hope has been taken away, then has He appeared; when there has been no earthly arm to help and no mortal eye to pity, then has He made bare His arm and wrought a deliverance both in providence and in grace. He has ever proved Him­self my prayer-hearing and prayer-answering God, and has never yet failed me, notwithstandng all my unbelief, and wretchedness, and unworthiness.

I went on for some time after this pretty comfortably, constantly hoping and praying that I might never distrust nor dishonour my God again. Indeed, I believed in my very soul that I never more could distrust that God who had appeared for me so often and so wonderfully. But I soon found that I had a sorer trial yet to pass through than any which I had had in my life. God was pleased to lay me up with a bodily affliction, so that for fourteen weeks I was ill of the dropsy, with no human hope of recovery, and nothing but the expectation of death I The darkness of soul in which I passed about twelve or thirteen weeks tongue cannot describe. Day after day and night after night were spent in nothing but gloom, misery, and wretchedness. I began to fear that all my past experi­ence was nothing but deception. Death was staring me in the face, eternity was opening upon me, and not one promise could I lay hold of as mine. When I cried, the heavens appeared as brass, and I verily believed that all the comforts and joys I had felt were no more than those of the stony-ground hearers; so that I looked upon myself to be given up of God to make shipwreck of faith and of a good conscience, that it might be made manifest that I was nothing but an apostate. The filth and wretchedness of my heart boiled up in such awful rebellion against God, that I trembled from head to foot. I verily believed that the devil himself had taken possession of my soul. I was brought to such an awful condition that I durst no more read the Bible or hear it read than put my hands into the fire. I told all my friends that I was a deceived man, and had deceived them likewise, and that I was as sure~ to be damned as that I had been born. O the dreadful blasphemies that darted through my mind against the Holy Trinity-Father, Son and Holy Ghost; especially against the Holy Ghost. I dare not even now allude to them. I verily believed, as firmly as in my own existence, that I had sinned against the Holy Ghost, and could never be forgiven, either in this worl4 or in the world to come. About three days before my deliverance, I was obliged to hold my hand over my mouth, lest the awful curses which were boiling up in my heart against the Holy Spirit should come out. O how I shook and trembled! I sometimes wondered that God did not command the earth to open her jaws and swallow me up.

I shall never forget the time of my deliverance. I was alone in the house, and being a little better in body, could just manage with the assistance of a stick to walk about, which I did, groaning and sighing. Bunyan’s "Pilgrim’s Progress" lay upon the table, and in open­ing it, I was led to cast my eyes upon the description of Christian’s passing through the Valley of the Shadow of Death; with the awful scenes which he saw there, and the awful curses which were whispered in his ears, until he became so confused that he could not dis­tinguish his own voice, but began to think that it was he himself who cursed the Lord. My soul began to melt, and hope to spring up that it was the very situation I was in. I saw that it was not I who was blaspheming God, but the devil who was tempting me to do so. I then went down upon my knees and poured out my soul to the Lord, entreating that He would appear for my soul once more; and I felt a freedom of access to Him, and a going forth of soul that I had not enjoyed for fifteen weeks. And can I ever forget the tender mercies of a covenant God? of Him who ap­peared to me even while I was on my knees? He did appear with these blessed words sounding like a trum­pet in my soul, "Shall not God avenge His own elect, which cry day and night unto Him, though He bear long with them? I tell you that He will avenge them speedily." {Luke 18:7-8} Such Divine power came with these words, and such light, life and liberty, that the devil and his artillery flew away like lightning, and my poor soul was like a bird let loose from the snare of the fowler, The snare was broken and I escaped. O the transports of joy that I experienced! O the love that I felt to my God and Saviour, who had conquered death and him who had the power of death, that is, the devil! O the precious days and nights I had of sweet communion with the dear Saviour, who had so wonderfully delivered my soul out of the lowest pit! I could sing from my very heart, and shout out with all my strength, "Thou hast brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And Thou hast put a new song into my mouth, even praise unto our God." { w:2-3} The beauty, majesty, glory and grandeur of my covenant God and Saviour appeared in such transporting views to my poor soul that it was lost in wonder at His astonishing love, mercy and kindness to one so wretched, so miserable, and so sunk in black despair. I had given all up for lost; but, bless His precious Name, He had not given me up. O the light, life and liberty I enjoyed for some weeks after! All was right and straight. Whilst God was enjoyed in my soul, I truly found that when he giveth peace, none can give trouble. At this very time, owing to my bodily affliction, we had nothing to live upon, save what God put it into the hearts of one and another to bring us, with a little additional help from the parish. Yet every day brought its daily bread with it; how, I could not tell. O the many times I have found that better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith. {Proverbs 15:17} The Lord raised me up to bodily health, and also brought me to see and feel that it was all needful, and all in loving-kindness and tender mercy. I could enter from my very soul into David’s feelings and say, "It is good for me that I have been afflicted;" for, "before I was afflicted I went astray; but now I have kept Thy word." {Psalms 119:67;Psalms 119:71} O the blessing of a covenant God in thus emptying and filling, bringing down and raising up, wounding and healing, stripping and clothing, frown­ing and smiling! I have indeed proved the truths of that precious text, "Now no chastening for the present appeareth to be joyous but grievous; nevertheless, afterward, it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them that are exercised thereby." {Hebrews 12:2} My soul has indeed proved that "by these things men live, and in all these things is the life of my spirit." {Isaiah 38:16} But what can poor empty professors of religion know of these precious things? It is the "third part that God brings through the fire, and purifies as silver is purified, and tries as gold is tried. They shall call on His Name, and He will hear them; He will say, It is My people; and they shall say, The Lord is my God." {Zechariah 13:9} Thus saith the Lord, "This people have I formed for Myself; they shall show forth My praise." {Isaiah 43:21} The next thing, I shall notice is my call to the minis­try, which was a wonder to many in my own country, but most of all to myself. I believe that the first moving of God in my soul for the work of the ministry was when I was baptized by that dear man of Gods William Gadsby, of Manchester. I had for several years been convinced of baptism, but had tried all in my power to satisfy my mind without attending to it; for I felt such a reluctance to leave the Independent church, the members of which had proved themselves such kind friends to me. I thought it would seem like base ingratitude to leave them after all their kindness; and as I did not, at that time, know any Baptist church with which to unite myself, I thought it my duty to abide where I was. Some time after this, Mr. Gadsby (See MERCIES Topic 11) came to Manchester to supply the Baptist chapel of which he is now the pastor, and I went to hear him. I think I shall never forget the first time I heard him. When I got into the chapel I thought to myself, what a poor, gloomy, miserable place this is! And as the people came in, I felt such a hatred rise up in my heart against them as I never felt against any people before. Nay, so much so, that I was just ready to take Up my hat and walk out, when Mr. Gadsby got into the pulpit I was struck with surprise to see so poor and mean-looking a fellow (as I thought him) attempt to preach I despised him in my very soul, and thought he looked like an ignorant fool that had not common sense. He arose and gave out a hymn, but it was in so drawling a way that I verily believed he could not read. O how the devil rose up in my heart! I ever~ wished that some one or other would raise a disturbance in the chapel, for I thought I could kick him out of it with all the pleasure in the world. My prejudice was so strong that, when he went to prayer, I do believe that I actually hated the sound of his voice. He ap­peared to me to stutter and stammer as though he could hardly get a word out of his mouth. My soul boiled with rage, and I called myself a thousand fools for coming to hear such a fool. When he had finished his prayer, which was very short, I thought to myself, Poor creature! thou canst never preach, I’m sure; and I felt a secret pleasure in the hope that when he had read his text he would be obliged to tell the people that he could not preach. The words of his text were, "A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things; and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things;" and he was so long in reading them, that I dropped my head down and thought I would try to go to sleep. He then made a little pause, and I looked up to see what he was about, and he was looking all around the chapel, and rolling his eyes in such a way that I really thought bins crazy. The first words he spoke were, "Perhaps you will be ready to say that, according to our sentiments, we can­not find a good man upon earth. But by the help of God see will, or see will ransack the Bible from Genesis to Revelation." O how my prejudice was knocked down at a blow! My soul melted like wax before the sun, and I exclaimed, "God bless thee! The Lord help thee to find the good man!" He first showed that by nature no man was good, and O the depths he entered into in showing man’s lost and ruined condition I But when he came to describe the good man as he stood in Christ, and the good things which were then brought forth out of his heart, my soul was so overcome that I cried out in my feelings, "Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God; where thou diest, I will die." {Ruth 1:16} My very soul was knit to him, as closely as Jonathan’s to David, and my ears were nailed to the doorpost. I had never heard my ins and outs, my ups and downs, my days and nights, my sorrows and joys, so opened up before. Had he been in my very soul, he could not have opened it up more plainly. From that day I attended the Baptist Chapel, and O the heavenly times I had when Mr. Gadsby was supplying, for he was not at that time their settled pastor. The next time, if I recollect right, that he came to supply I was baptized, being the only candidate. O the sight I had of the Lord Jesus Christ when I went down into the water I By precious faith I saw Him sunk in deep waters where there was no standing, and all the waves and billows of Divine wrath overwhelming Him for my poor soul. I can never describe the solemnity, humility, holy wonder, adoration, self-abasement and godly contrition that I felt whilst I stood in the water. Dear Mr. Gadsby, whilst standing in the water, before he baptized me, offered up a short petition to God; and before he concluded, placing his hand upon my shoulder, he begged the Lord to bless me, defend me, stand by me, uphold me, and protect me; and what was amazingly astonishing to me, he finished by begging God to raise me up as an instrument in His hands for His own glory, and the cause of truth. I believed and felt in my very soul, whilst in the water, that God heard and answered every word that flowed out of his mouth; and my soul was so swallowed up in glory, that for a time I did not know whether I was in the body or out of the body. O the difficulty’ I had, when I came up out of the water, to refrain from telling the whole congregation what I had seen and felt of the preciousness of my dear Lord and Saviour! After this I was not like the same man. I had no rest nor peace but in reading, searching and praying over the Word of God at every opportunity which my employ­ment would admit of, morning noon and night. O what a spirit of prayer I felt that God would open my understanding to understand the Scriptures; and how many times did those blessed words of David come into my soul with power, "Open Thou mine eyes, that j may behold wondrous things out of Thy law." {Psalms 119:18} I felt such wrestlings at times with God, that He would show me the meaning of His blessed Word, that both body and soul have been quite weak and feeble; and sometimes such light and life would shine and flow into my heart from, a text of Scripture, that it set my very soul all on a flame of love to God and His people; and I have cried out, "O Lord, here I am; send me with a message of grace and peace to Thy dear children, who are kept in bondage under legal preachers." For at this time Mr. Gadsby was not settled at Manchester, though he was so a little while after. But, alas! when I looked at my situation in providence, with hardly a shoe to my foot, with a large family of little children, over head and ears in debt, many times with not half a bellyful of victuals, without any human learning except just enough to read some parts of the Bible, and hardly able to write my own name properly. "Good Lord," cried I, "what can I be at? Surely I must be mad to think of preaching, such a fool as I" Then I determined to trouble my head no more about it, and did all I could to put it out of my thoughts. But it was just like trying to empty a spring, for it flowed into my mind as fast as ever I tried to put it out.

One day, when I was wrestling with the Lord to show me what it could all mean, and how it was I could not put it out of my heart, and keep it out, and telling Him how unfit I was for the office of minister, as being such an ignorant fool that I could not speak properly, those blessed words which God spake to Moses came with such power, that I was quite struck with amazement: "Who hath made man’s mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I, the Lord? Now, therefore, go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say." {Exodus 4:11-12} O how my soul was melted and crumbled down at His blessed feet; and like a poor simple child, I cried, "What! I, Lord? What! Wilt Thou open my mouth? What! Wilt Thou teach me what to say? Can it, Lord, be possible? Is it, dear Lord, from Thyself? Be not angry with Thy child O Lord! It is such a solemn and great work to go and speak in Thy great Name I am afraid Lord lest I should run before I am sent. Do not suffer me to be deceived or to deceive others. I am afraid it cannot be real. Is it really from Thee, Lord? Do tell me; do make it known to my soul." Whilst my poor soul was pleading with Him like a child, these precious words came with such power and sweetness, that brought me firmly to believe for a time that it was of God: "Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; yea, I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of My righteousness." {Isaiah 41:10} O the blessed sweet­ness and Divine confidence which these words brought into my heart! O the Divine light and life that shone into my soul! Thy God to supply; thy God to teach; thy God to deliver; thy God to uphold. Nay, my very soul was satisfied that there was everything in my God which I could stand in need of, both for the ministry and for the family, for the body and for the soul, for time and for eternity. Here I was wonderfully favoured for some time with sweet communion and fellowship with my God and Saviour. The Word of God was truly "a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." {Psalms 119:105} I was enabled to commit it into His blessed hands, for Him to work His own way, and if it were His good will and pleasure, that He would open the way in His own time. But if it were nothing but flesh and blood, pride and the devil, I prayed from my heart that He would overthrow and stop it. I felt so much the greatness and importance of the work, and the awfulness of running before I was sent, that it was my earnest cry, night and day, that I might not be deceived, or attempt it without His blessed approbation and smiles. Then again, I was sorely harassed for fear it should be nothing but flesh and blood; for when I began to think what a poor ignorant, illiterate fool I was, how could I think of being the mouth of God? And what could I do in opening the Scriptures of truth to feed the children of God with wisdom and understanding, that had no understanding myself, but was a complete ignorant fool? Surely, thinks I, it must be a delusion of the devil, and I must be altogether deceived. This brought me down upon my knees to God again, and I could appeal to Him, who knew my very soul and before whom my heart was open and naked, and I could cry with unfeigned lips, "Search my heart, O Lord, and show me if J have any evil end in view." I begged from my very heart that if it were not of Him, He would deliver me from the thought of it, and pardon me for ever having thought about it. As I was going to the prayer meeting under these workings of mind, my soul was so led out to God that, if it were His blessed will, if He had indeed chosen such a foolish thing, such a weak thing, such a base thing to preach the gospel, He would be with me that night in a peculiar way, and bless me with liberty in prayer, and such power attending it that the souls of the people might be blessed; and I told Him it should be a token whether it was of God or of myself. To my wonder and astonishment, my soul was so led out in prayer, and I had such a sight of the mercy, goodness, kindness and love of God to such unbelieving wretches, that I hardly knew how to con­clude. Words flowed so freely, so sweetly, and so feelingly, that I was quite at home in the Lord.

After the meeting was over I stopped for some time, and my mouth was opened in conversation about the goodness, mercy and lovingkindness of my covenant God in delivering, helping, and upholding such a worthless wretch to the present moment. O what sweet­ness and liberty I felt in telling what God had done for my soul! One or two of the people were quite re­vived, and spoke of the goodness of God, who had been with us that evening. I went home full of joy, comfort and peace, believing that the Lord was with me, and had proved Himself to be my prayer-hearing and prayer-answering God; for prayer did not satisfy me, if there were no answers. I have ever proved that "a man hath joy by the answer of his mouth, and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!" {Proverbs 15:23} Promise upon promise flowed into my soul, one upon the back of the other, that He would never leave me nor forsake me; that He would go before me and bring up the rearward; that no weapon formed against me should prosper. My soul was so full that I told the Lord I wanted no more; I could now believe Him, trust Him, and die for His honour and glory, if it were His blessed mind and will. For several days I was very happy and comfortable in leaving all in His blessed hands. But after I had left off communing with my God and Father I returned to my old place, and the devil began his old work. "How can you think of entering into the work of the ministry? Look at the importance of the work; look at your ignorance; look at your poverty; look at your debts, which you have not a farthing to pay with; and you have hardly a rag to your back or a shoe to your foot, except what is given to you by someone or other." O how my knees began to tremble, and my hair to move on my very head, and my blood to run cold, and I trembled from heath to foot. Oh! cried I, in the greatest con­fusion amid distress, what have I been doing? Am I wrong after all? O how did my soul beg of God that He would pardon me if I had attempted of my own accord to think about the ministry? Here I was for a long time. Sometimes a little hope would break into my heart to prop me up for a few moments, and then again I sank fathoms, and cried out, "Think about preaching! O that I could but get rid of the thought about it!" Then again the Lord would send some precious part of His Word home to my soul with such power that I was willing to be anything or nothing that God might be glorified. Then I began to think it was my duty to tell some of the Lord’s people how I was exercised in my mind, and hear what they thought of it. Perhaps I should feel more satisfied after hearing their mind upon it. But this I never could do, for I believed in my soul, if it were of God He would impress it upon their minds as well as upon mine, and that they would ask me about it. O what a spirit of prayer I then felt, day after day, that God would make it known to me that it was from Him, by sending someone to ask use if I were not exercised about preaching; for I was sure that if God had designed me for the work, He would open the way without my opening it myself, Here I was kept for a long time, praying and watching the good hand of God. But one Saturday morning, such a cloud of darkness overshadowed me-darkness that might be felt-every promise sealed up, no access to God, with nothing but wants in the family, and not one penny to supply them with, and the devil telling me what a fool I must he to think of preaching, and pray­ing that God would send somebody to ask me to preach. O my very knees smote together, and how ashamed I was of my very prayers I Surely, thought I, it can be nothing but pride and presumption! Had it been from God, He would have sent someone before now.