03.01. Volume 1
Choice excerpts from the diary and letters of RUTH BRYAN
Break this hard, hard heart!
(Written at the age of seventeen)
I seem to have some feeling about Divine things; but, alas! this afternoon am as stupid as usual. Nothing, nothing will break this hard heart! Oh, that I may be directed by the Spirit of truth to the right way of happiness!
I fear that I am not affected as I ought, and have only a faint desire to become a Christian; and that merely to escape hell. Lord, have mercy upon me! Lead aright; break this hard, hard heart! You, Lord, know what I would have, even the forgiveness of my sins. During service was as cold as a stone! Oh, when will this vile heart be melted and subdued by divine grace?
(Written at the age of seventeen)
I seem to have some feeling about Divine things; but, alas! this afternoon am as stupid as usual. Nothing, nothing will break this hard heart! Oh, that I may be directed by the Spirit of truth to the right way of happiness!
I fear that I am not affected as I ought, and have only a faint desire to become a Christian—and that merely to escape hell. Lord, have mercy upon me! Lead aright! Break this hard, hard heart! You, Lord, know what I would have—even the forgiveness of my sins.
During service I was as cold as a stone! Oh, when will this vile heart be melted and subdued by divine grace? I have no faith, no humility, no sense of sin, no
confidence in the promises, no fear of the threatened punishments; nor anything that I ought to have!
Oh, what a picture!
O Lord, break this heart into ten thousand pieces! Oh! I would sooner suffer all horrors and terrors imaginable, and be saved at last—than be in my present dreadful and stupid state. Break—break, oh, break my heart, and make me give it entirely to You, O blessed Savior!
To a vile Magdalene
Never had anyone . . . so rich a Banker, so kind a Husband, so tender a Shepherd, so forbearing a Captain—as I have in my glorious Christ!
The more I venture—the more He encourages.
The bolder I am—the kinder He grows.
The more I expect—the more He gives.
I cannot tire or wear Him out, for He is full, yes, fullness of grace, mercy, love, and compassion!
The one-half of His glory has never been expressed by mortal tongue; nor the thousandth part of His ravishments and condescension conceived by those
who have not felt them. This, this is my—oh yes! my Beloved—and this is my Friend! Oh, what mercy to have another love-glimpse of Him.
I look at myself with wonder of amazement and overwhelming delight—because a monument of saving, sovereign mercy! Happy! unspeakably happy! Amazing miracle of superabounding love!
Hasten the day when in His full-orbed glory I shall lose my sorrows and my sins forever! I adore and magnify Him for His mercy—amazing mercy—to a
vile Magdalene. Hallelujah! Amen!
I am most exceedingly distressed by my sins, and feel the need of Jesus’ precious blood every hour! I need a supply from the Fountain! "On that day
a fountain will be opened . . . a fountain to cleanse them from all their sins and defilement." Zechariah 13:1
Feeling fully what I am in myself, and provingafresh that "in my flesh dwells no good thing"—in this sad state I fly to Jesus as my only refuge!
Oh that the depth of my sin and misery may be overcome by His rich grace, that with Mary I may weep at His dear feet, and love much, having much forgiven.
While in the body we shall never be free from sin. I had been looking for something from and in my flesh which the Word of God does not warrant me
to expect. "That which is born of the flesh is flesh"—and ever will be!
The believer’s perfection is in Christ. Oh that He may condescend to teach me, and lead me to look straight out of self—to a glorious Christ!
"And you are complete in Him." Colossians 2:10
During the past night I have again been called to suffer much bodily affliction and very severe pain—but was favored with such sweet comfort from my
precious Savior that it seemed light; nay, I thought I could willingly bear a life of such suffering—if I might constantly enjoy His presence!
Oh, how delightful was the hope of an eternity of glory, and how sweet the thought that when life’s journey was ended, the veil would be drawn aside,
and no cloud ever again intervene to hide from my soul, even for one moment, the lovely countenance of my adorable Jesus!
Ten thousand thanks to you, dearest Savior, for this love-glimpse! I long for more tokens of Your love, and thirst for more constant communion with You!
Such is my frailty, that I am ever prone to sin. Come, precious Jesus! chase away these thick clouds, and let me behold Your lovely countenance, and be so captivated with Your charms, that I may never more give my heart to earthly objects!
"This is what the Lord says—Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans and turn their hearts away from the Lord. They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, on the salty flats where no one lives. But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they go right on producing delicious fruit." Jeremiah 17:5-8
How I do like this passage! It is so descriptive of the blessedness of trusting in the Lord alone; and the sterility and disappointment of all creature confidence!
I know not your present difficulties, nor need I know them, for I could not bring you out of them! But I do bless the Lord that He has brought you into the very best posture of soul—looking to Him alone. Tell your sorrows and secrets to this your Friend, watch His eye, obey His bidding—and go not to carnal and lower means for relief.
Adieu in our heavenly Bridegroom, and in His undying love,
Ruth
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus." Hebrews 12:2 The work of the Holy Spirit is to bring us to be experimentally nothing, and to make Jesus our "all in all," thereby teaching us to live by faith upon Him.
Oh, may you, by the Spirit’s power, so lift up your eyes from all but Jesus, that you will be conformed to His image (2 Corinthians 3:18). But do not expect to receive any better account of yourself—rather a worse one; for, as you get nearer the light, you will see more of your own sinfulness. I do hope, however, to hear you speak well of Him, and that, as you feelingly cry out, "Behold, I am vile!" He will melt your heart by responding, "You are absolutely beautiful, my darling, with no imperfection in you!"
Oh, this wondrous Savior! He opens the secret of our wanderings and transgressions—only to declare how entirely He has put them all away by the
sacrifice of Himself! Oh, what mercy that He did not say, "Let them alone, they have loved idols, after idols let them go!" What mercy that by His light, He has manifested our darkness. You shall see greater things than these.
More of your own vile heart—and more of His loving heart.
More of your sin—and more of His great salvation.
More of your deformity—and more of His beauty.
Do not be considering so much how you love Jesus, as how He loves you. Your love is but the effect; His is the cause; and the more you have to do with the
cause, the more fully will the effect flow from it (1 John 4:19, and John 15:9).
So with faith; if you would have it grow, it must be by looking at Him, not at your faith.
In short, the more you "consider Him," and are continually coming unto Him, the more lively and healthy will be the graces of the Spirit in your soul; while yet you rejoice, not in your fruitfulness—but only in Jesus and in what He has
done and suffered. If the Holy Spirit opens this to you, you will find the secret of peace and power. It is all in Christ! He says, "Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away." Away from self, away from all besides—to be absorbed in Him. We must learn . . . our weakness—as well as His strength; our emptiness—as well as His fullness; our ignorance—as well as His wisdom.
May your eye and heart to be fixed on Him. Then will your course be steady, and you will not be greatly moved by the many changes you will ever find within. Oh, press on after a life of faith in Jesus, for it is next in blessedness to a life of glory with Jesus. Beg of the blessed Spirit to draw your faith out continually upon His precious Person and work. Oh! may He cause you to come out of self continually, and find your all in Jesus! The more you are brought so to live upon Jesus, the more stability of soul you will experience. To Him I commend you—may He be revealed more fully in your soul.
Deliverance seldom comes in the way we look for it; for "Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord, or who gave Him His counsel? Who did He consult with? Who gave Him understanding and taught Him the paths of justice? Who taught Him knowledge and showed Him the way of understanding?" Isaiah 40:13-14
Ah, has not the Lord frustrated our purposes over and over again! I cannot tell you with what majesty this passage has often come to my mind—"Who gave Him His counsel?" Not puny, sinful worms! He will counsel for them—but not with them. "My counsel shall stand, and I will do all My pleasure."
Yet "fear not, worm Jacob, I will help you"—help you to stand still and see My salvation; or help you to walk on in the dark in a rough and unknown path—just as My wisdom sees fit.
Spiritual eyesight is not given to look at the outward path—but to look at our Guide; not to look before us at the way we are going to travel—but to look only at Him who will guide us safely through all, who will Himself be our way. Oh, to be kept abiding in Him, and constantly looking unto Him! It is most safe and blessed—but very contrary to flesh and blood!
"I will lead the blind by a way they did not know; I will guide them on paths they have not known. I will turn darkness to light in front of them, and rough places into level ground. This is what I will do for them, and I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16
Spiritual health and strength
"My flesh is real food and My blood is real drink. The one who eats My flesh and drinks My blood lives in Me, and I in him." John 6:55-56 It is a present act—"eats" and "drinks." Is the very life and death, person and work of Jesus—the daily feast of your soul? Are you eating His flesh, and drinking His blood? Let us see to it, that we are seeking spiritual health and strength in no other way than by the continual, daily feeding on Christ!
There is an ever fresh, ever full, sweetness in heaven’s precious Lamb! Oh, this precious truth! It is gospel wine to my poor soul!
We have such a Christ that we little think how far His glories and His matchless love surpass what we have ever yet conceived. We do not make half enough of Him—heaven’s brightest gem, and richest treasure! Oh, that the precious Comforter may reveal Him more and more—that we may count all other things but filth and dross.
As long as we look to ’our evidences’ for comfort, we shall be full of disquiet, for we discover . . .such weakness in our faith, such wavering in our hope, such coldness in our love, yes, such shortcoming in everything, that we cannot find here any rest for the sole of our foot, as regards spiritual confidence.
It must be all in Christ! "He is the rock, and His work is perfect," while our works are all broken and faulty. Oh! may the blessed Spirit set your feet upon this Rock, and establish your goings there. May He enable you to make the venture of faith, just as you are, with wants and woes, sins and fears.
The bitten Israelites were not healed by looking at their wounds—but at the brazen serpent, which was a type of Christ. And so while you are poring over your sins and yourself you will only sink lower!
May the blessed Spirit enable you to look forth with the eye of faith to the Lamb slain, and to come away from self and all besides—to Jesus!
Oh that I could so speak of the worthy Lamb as to set your heart on fire with love to Him and longing after Him! Adieu, dear friend. The Lord bless you, and in His own time strengthen, establish, and settle you.
With kind love in our adorable Emmanuel, I remain, though most unworthy, yours affectionately,
Ruth Bryan
My beloved friend,
We want to be something—but our Father has determined to make and keep us nothing—so that Christ may be experimentally our all.
I hope you are a little more looking unto Jesus—a little more leaning upon Him amid your many weaknesses. He can bear all your weight, for He has borne all your sins, which are the worst part of your burden. Oh, that by the Spirit you may get a faith’s view of a crucified Redeemer—the peerless Pearl, the matchless perfection of beauty and love!
"Yes, He is altogether lovely!" Song of Solomon 5:16
"He will be like a Refiner and purifier of silver; He will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver. Then they will present offerings to the Lord in righteousness." Malachi 3:3
Well, dear friend, we are both in the furnace! Much, very much vile dross has in my case risen up—but my blessed and patient Refiner sits watching the process. Nor does all this dross, hateful as it is, make Him forsake the work of His hands. He will have me know a little of what is in my heart—that I may know more of what is in His heart—even love, most invincible, unalterable, unquenchable love! Love which endures to the end, amidst all my wickedness, and wandering, and ingratitude. It is indeed astonishing! Into the blessed depths of this love I desire to be daily sinking, in all the fresh discoveries of my utter worthlessness and vileness—that thus I may praise Him more who has redeemed me from it all!
The Lord does not show us how bad we are to cause despair—but to show forth the riches of His grace in saving us, and to call forth new songs of praise to Him who loved us, and washed us from our sins in His own blood!
Oh, my dear friend, Jesus is worthy to be praised in the depths as well as in the heights. He is near, and dear, and precious in the hour of affliction. In the path of tribulation, He gives some of His choicest fruits and wines—to revive those who are faint and weary in the wilderness.
Oh! may you be helped, yes enabled, "to trust in the Lord at all times"—not only when you feel His love and have the shine of His countenance—but also in the dark and wintry day when clouds veil your sky, and sorrow invades your
soul. "When I am afraid, I will trust in You."
"Give us today our daily bread." Matthew 6:11
Whatever your heavenly Father calls you to, He will support you under. But He will not give the manna for tomorrow, or strengthen you for the next trial, while you have it only in anticipation. "As your days, so shall your strength be." And herein I read my own foolishness; often wearing out present strength with fears and forebodings of future trials; thus far disregarding present mercies, and rebelling against the Lord’s will, because unlawfully anticipating it.
Being naturally of an anxious mind, I must say that thus foolish and ignorant have I often been, and surprised when brought to discover how much I was
dragging into the present hour, what did not belong to it. Have you ever been caught in this snare?
"So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
"They made me the keeper of the vineyards; but my own vineyard have I not kept." Song of Solomon 1:6
We may be active in our Lord’s cause—but not spiritual in our own souls. We may be earnest for the salvation of others—but not be living in the joys of salvation ourselves. We may be instrumentally distributing the bread and water
of life—but not be enjoying daily refreshment in our own experience. I do sorrowfully think that this is too much the case in the present day.
The reason why I thus judge, is from finding people so lively in conversing upon what they are doing for the Lord—yet so slow to speak of what He is doing for them. They seem delighted to tell of the great things which are going on all around—but immediately shrink back if any ’heart subject’ is brought home to them.
In fact, if one speaks of personal enjoyment of the love of Jesus, there is no response from some—but they put it down to the score of egotism. While others refer to years past, when they did feel Him to be precious—but they confess that they know little of it now. They are so occupied in what they call ’working for Him,’ that they hear little from Him, say little to Him, enjoy little of Him, and may truly say, "While I was busy here and there, He had left."
It is most lamentable for any living soul to be in constant religious engagements for the good of others—while following Jesus "afar off." Very many such I fear there are; as well as hundreds who only know Him in the judgment—and yet are continually reading, teaching, and conversing on His blessed name. This is a day of great profession—but yet real vital godliness is at a low ebb, and close walking with God in sweet communion is too little sought after.
Solemn, indeed, are these facts!
We may well say, with David, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." Psalms 139:23-24
"Thus it was with me."
"Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound!" Romans 5:20
Ah, indeed! I felt there never was such a wretch, such a living mass of putrefying sores and corruption! Others might be worse outside—but I felt the sin was not less polluting, because it worked chiefly within. And I thought if the Lord ever saved me, I would be the greatest wonder in heaven, and that there never could be such another trophy of redeeming love! Nothing less than sovereign power and irresistible grace would ever be sufficient for such a hell-deserving one as myself!
Thus it was with me. It seemed too good to be true—that I, who deserved the lowest hell, and had felt so long as though I were hanging over it—should
be delivered forever from it! "Deliver her from going down to the pit—I have found a Ransom!"
The blood of Jesus is the only way by which a poor sinner can enter into heaven itself. Coming with that precious blood, the vilest shall not be shut out, for it "cleanses from all sin."
Secret sin, open sin, old sin, long-continued sin, sins against light and knowledge, sins against judgment and mercy, known sin, unknown sin, every kind and manner of sin which a poor trembling, Spirit-convinced sinner feels—
does this powerful blood take away!
My sins were as scarlet, my guilt of crimson dye; but blood of a richer hue which flowed out from the veins of my precious Savior has made me white as snow! None need despair, since He has saved such a worthless, hell-deserving one as myself!
"Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound!"
What a mercy, then, to be stripped of all
I must confess that God generally deals very contrary to my expectations. Yet "He does all things well." It is "Sweet to lie passive in His hands, And know no will but His."
I have proved . . .my own strength to be complete weakness, my own wisdom to be consummate folly, my own righteousness to be filthy rags.
What a mercy, then, to be stripped of all, and have . . .Christ for wisdom, Christ for righteousness, Christ for strength, Christ for purity, Christ for power,
Christ for beauty, Christ for holiness, Christ for acceptance above, Christ for our daily walk, Christ for our daily work, Christ for rest, Christ for food, Christ for medicine! Yes, to know nothing among men or before God—but Jesus crucified and glorified! To His loving heart and powerful arm I again commend you for all your needs.
Yours affectionately,
Ruth
"And you are complete in Him." Colossians 2:10
Truly, my dear friend, we should be learning more and more how completely He has saved us in Himself, and how constantly He delights in us with all His heart, so that we have no need to seek for anything in ourselves to make us more entirely accepted or more loved.
"He cannot love us more, nor will He love us less; for in loving her (His Church, His Bride,) He loves Himself."
Viewing us in Himself, He ever says, "You are absolutely beautiful, my darling, with no imperfection in you!" And the response of faith and love is, "He is altogether lovely!" (Song of Solomon 4:7, Song of Solomon 5:16)
The experience of this union releases the soul from a host of cares and anxious thoughts.
"I will make you My wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you Mine, and you will finally know Me as Lord." Hosea 2:19-20
Well may it be asked, Who is this wondrous Beloved, who would go to such depths for His spouse; and on whom the weak one is leaning as she comes up out of the wilderness?
Ah! He is the same who, from all eternity, was the great "I Am!" the mighty God, by whom all things were created, who is before all things, and who holds all things together!
It is He who, in the fullness of time, scorned not the lowly Virgin’s womb, but became a babe.
It is the same glorious Person who was seen coming with crimson-stained garments, traveling in the greatness of His strength, who tread the winepress of Almighty wrath alone!
It is He whose countenance is as the sun shining in his strength, yet whose "visage was marred more than any man’s, and His form more than the sons of men."
It is the same glorious Person who is a holy One of the holy ones; and yet "a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief!"
It is the same glorious Person who is "holy, harmless, undefiled, and separate from sinners;" and yet "numbered with the transgressors."
Under the weight of sin and its punishment, Jesus agonized in the sacred garden of Gethsemane, and sweat great drops of blood falling down to the ground. Oh, those rich, rich drops from His precious veins! They are of more value than all the gold and gems His hands have made!
This is the matchless Bridegroom of whom we speak—who, on Calvary, was stretched on the accursed tree, and there finished the love-scene of His mystic sufferings!
Come, sit with me a moment beneath the shadow of His cross! Look up, and remember it is your Husband who hangs bleeding there!
It is the Bridegroom, in love for the Bride, enduring those unknown pangs! See how His holy flesh is bruised with scourging, and His precious hands and feet pierced with rugged nails! How is His heavenly brow torn with piercing thorns, and His dear side with the cruel spear; each gaping wound proclaiming, "Man is guilty—God is love! But God is justice too!" Oh, see His precious blood trickling down. It flowed forth for sinners like me—like you!
Look and wonder!
Look and be comforted!
Look and adore!
"Here look until love dissolves your heart, And bids each slavish fear depart!"
O glorious Lord, we worship You!
"Your beauties we can never trace Until we behold You face to face!"
We love to meditate on Your sufferings, but rejoice that they are over. You have suffered, and you die no more! You have gone to our Father and to Your
Father; and we are expecting you to "come again" and receive us unto Yourself, to be with You, and behold Your glory; when, in nobler and sweeter
strains we’ll sing Your never-dying love, and tell Your power to save; while with open face and ravished heart—we forever gaze upon Your matchless beauty!
"May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it!" Ephesians 3:19
Wonder, O heavens! and be astonished, O earth! that this most glorious Immanuel, the Prince of Peace, whom angels worship, and before whom the seraphim bow—should from all eternity engage to come and seek His Bride from this poor world, and claim her for His own!
Yet so it is!
But she is filthy and polluted! (Ezekiel 16:6; Job 15:14-16; Isaiah 64:6) Then His own precious veins shall pour forth the rich crimson flood to cleanse her, (Revelation 1:5) and His Spirit shall open the fountain to wash her from her sin and
uncleanness. (Zechariah 13:1)
But she is naked and bare! (Ezekiel 16:22) Then He will cast His skirt over her, (Ezekiel 16:8) and will for her, weave in the loom of the Law (Romans 5:19) fine linen—clean and white—a robe in which she shall be fit to appear at His court!
Moreover the Spirit shall bring near the righteousness of Jesus, (Isaiah 46:13) clothing her with "the garments of salvation," and covering her with the "robe of righteousness," "as a bride adorns herself with her jewels."
But she is diseased! (Isaiah 1:5-6) She is a leper! (Psalms 51:5) Yet will He bring her health and cure, for He says, "I am the Lord who heals you;" and He is actually made to be sin for her, (2 Corinthians 5:21) that she might be made "the righteousness of God in Him."
But she has no personal charms—she is ugly! Then He will put His loveliness upon her, and through it her beauty shall be perfect.
But she is poor! So He bestows Himself and His fullness upon her—and thus endows her with unsearchable riches!
But she is unwilling, and has no heart to the match, for she obeys a hostile prince! (Ephesians 2:2-3) Her delights, too, are in the world and the flesh. A new heart will He give her, and a right spirit will He put within her. The Holy Spirit shall make her willing in the day of His power. "I will cause you to forget your images of Baal; even their names will no longer be spoken." (Hosea 2:17) So that, prostrate at His feet, she shall say, "Lord, our God, other lords than You
have ruled over us, but we remember Your name alone!"
And now that the Spirit has touched her heart, she feels she is diseased, and discovers her filthiness and nakedness, knows she is ugly and poor, and cannot think the Bridegroom’s heart is towards her, or that she can find favor in His eyes. And therefore she cries out, "I am black!" "Behold, I am vile! My
loveliness has turned into corruption!" But He overwhelms her by responding, "You are all beautiful, my love, there is no spot in you!"
Then she exclaims, "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death!" He replies, "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior!"
Now she ventures, with a captivated heart, to declare, "My Beloved is mine, and I am His! He is the chief among ten thousand! He is altogether lovely!"
"May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it!" Ephesians 3:19
For His poor Rachel
Did Jacob serve seven years for his Rachel—by day in the heat, and by night in the frost—and did they seem but as a day unto him—for the love he had for her?
Our spiritual Jacob has far exceeded him! He left the throne of His glory for His poor Rachel, and took her humble flesh in the form of a servant; and
for her sake served thirty-three years under the Law! He bore the heat of temptation, weariness, and thirst; as well as the cold of reproach and scorn, and the malice of sinners against Himself. This He thought not too much; for when He had finished the work on her behalf, for her He cheerfully entered upon the most bitter part of His sufferings, which made even His mighty heart to shudder with agony, while His dear lips prayed—"O my Father, if it is possible, (with the rescue of my Bride) let this cup of suffering be taken away from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will."
Behold the depth of His unflinching love! The ’cup of curse’ must be drunk, or the captive Bride must perish! And so He takes the bitter cup, and does not turn away until every dreg is consumed! And the same sacred lips which emptied it could say in triumph, "It is finished!"
For the joy that was set before Him (of possessing His beloved bride) He endured the cross, despising the shame, and has now sat down at the right hand of God, until the blissful consummation before assembled worlds, when it
will be joyfully proclaimed, "The marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready!"
Then shall the spiritual Jacob and His Rachel meet and embrace, and part no more forever! She awaking up after His likeness, shall be satisfied! And He seeing her in glory, (the very travail of His soul,) shall be satisfied likewise!
"May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it!" Ephesians 3:19
Cancer, go to that child!
(Ruth wrote the following when dying of cancer.) "I have much inward fever, making me restless and uneasy at night, but I have been led to see this fever as my Father’s servant, obeying His will. God says, ’Fever, go to that child, and work in her frame, and disturb her rest;’ and it comes, but all is in covenant love. He has said also, ’Cancer, go to that child, and wound her flesh, and sap her strength;’ and it has come, and is doing His work and His will—but all is love."
"The waters of affliction have risen higher this month, but, safe in my living Ark, I am unhurt. It is sharp to flesh and blood, but right to faith. I am not always light and bright in my feelings; but oh! what blessed security and solidity do I find in my precious Rock! There I am, come what may! Angels might envy my joy—joy in the flood and in the flame. Hallelujah!" "The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the strength of my salvation, and my stronghold." Psalms 18:2
Oh, why should kings’ sons and daughters go lean from day to day? True, these heavenly viands do spoil one for earth-born cares—but then much less
of earth’s good things suffice, when we thus live in and upon a glorious Christ.
Oh, come, Spirit-born and heaven-bound ones—why do you so linger around earthly trifles? Why cling to the ash-heap? You are princes—this befits you not! There are such loves, and glories, and wonders in Jehovah-Jesus to be enjoyed even below, as yet we little think of! Oh, come, let us arise, and go to Jesus!
"Earth has no dainties half so sweet As my Redeemer brings."
Jesus, our divine Magnet, attract us to Your dear Self!
"When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all the truth." John 16:13
What a wonderful book is God’s Bible—as opened to the heart by the Spirit! Christ is the key which fits every lock, both in the book and in the heart.
"When the Counselor comes, the One I will send to you from the Father—the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father—He will testify about Me." John 15:26
Blessed Jesus! You are the living key by which every secret in the Word is opened, as the blessed Spirit uses and reveals You in them.
Adorable Immanuel, Moses wrote of You, the Psalms and prophets speak of You. Open my dull understanding to discern You through the types and through the shadows. Show Yourself through these lattices, and open my heart to receive You experimentally in all. Eternity will be too short to utter half Your praise. Oh, cause me to lisp it more constantly and feelingly in the low notes of the wilderness!
Oh, my precious Savior! You are all I need for time and for eternity. You are . . .my rest in weariness, my ease in pain, my strength in weakness.
Is anything too hard for the Lord?
Is anything too small for the Lord?
Is anything too great or heavy for the Lord?
No!
My beloved and my adorable Lord, I fall into Your arms for support, guidance, and blessing.
Indeed, I am unworthy of the least of Your mercies, and I feel it. But Your mercies are free! Oh, the wonders of Your love, that can bear with such weakness and wanderings as mine! I worship and adore You, and would joyfully sink into Love’s unfathomable abyss, where sins and self are lost!
Oh! my precious Savior, how blessed is Your presence amidst the storms of this weary land! How does all that is of earth recede before the overshadowings of Your presence! Precious Lord, draw me more and more into Your secret chamber, where worldling never came, where the flesh was never fed.
I have been looking much at the last hours of my precious Lord, this morning. I have been somewhat beholding the precious Sufferer on that middle cross.
Both the thieves railed on Him. But one of these thieves, by the power Spirit, was brought to confess his own sinfulness, and by the same Spirit to call Jesus "Lord." Then how sweet was the answer of peace, "Today you shall be with Me in paradise." Thus did redeeming love break forth in a refreshing stream from that suffering heart and those parched lips—to give drink to that other sufferer, who was, indeed, "ready to perish."
After this, came the cry of agony, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?" Oh! that was the climax of woe!
And then those mysterious words, "I thirst!" Mere bodily suffering was not all which was couched in these words. But that righteous One was dwelling with the devouring fire, and enduring what would have been "everlasting burnings" to us. The wrath of the Lawgiver was going forth upon the sin which was found upon Him. He thirsted, as in hell—that He might "lead us to fountains of living
waters" in heaven!
And those tender looks and words to His mother and His beloved John, do indeed manifest a heart without an atom of that selfishness which we inherit by the fall.
Then came the end, when, after receiving the vinegar, Jesus said, "It is finished!" Then bowing His head, He gave up His spirit. What amazing weight and fullness is in those three words, "It is finished!" Finished for me, the vilest of the vile, whom You have privileged to stand, with dear Mary Magdalene, at the foot of Your cross, and listen to Your dear lips, which, even there, drop as the honeycomb. If these ’sips in grace’ are so sweet—what will those ’draughts in glory’ be?
Truly, I have almost seemed to stand with Mary Magdalene beside Your cross, and gathered up these precious fragments with wondering love, and mingled joy and grief.
Oh, precious Christ, eclipse all earthly vanities, by revealing Yourself more fully!
"Behold, I am vile!" Job 40:4
"I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes." Job 42:6
I fall blushingly at Your dear feet, and loathe myself for my many abominations and shortcomings. Glorious Lord, pardon and restore vile, vile me! I fall into Your arms of ’injured love’, to accept whatever punishment You shall appoint. I deserve the worst You can inflict. But, oh! for love’s sake, let me see Your loving frown, and feel Your loving stripe—but not find You gone.
Your absence is hell to the heart which has seen Your glorious charms, and felt Your matchless love. Oh, do not, do not leave me! And do not let me leave You! I fly to Your blood, and cleave to the crucified One.
O Lord, if You gave me a mountain of gold—I would turn from it, or climb over it—to get at Your precious self!
I feel a vile, unworthy, unholy being. I loathe myself beyond expression. But the blood and righteousness of Jehovah-Jesus is my confidence, and here I have a place of refuge.
"What a wretched man I am!" Romans 7:24
"Christ died for the ungodly." Romans 5:6
"My salvation and glory depend on God; my strong rock, my refuge, is in God." Psalms 62:7
"Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing in the center of the throne." Revelation 5:6
Alas! those wondrous wounds! Have they left immortal scars? Will You, through all eternity, wear those marks of Your matchless love?
And will You, in those blissful realms, dissolve our souls in holy rapture and adoring love, by saying, "Look at My hands and My feet—it is I Myself!" Surely, if anything could add beauty to that glorious form, it would be, in the eyes of love, those deep engravings—"I have engraved you upon the palms of My hands."
I am again almost overcome with love—my Beloved is so precious! And surely You, O Beloved, are engraved on the table of my longing heart. Oh, grant another glimpse of Your surpassing charms! I would sink into Your arms, and
recline on the bosom of Your love!
My exercise this evening is renouncing self entirely: good self, bad self, self pleased, self displeased, self in its complainings, beseechings, enticings, desirings, self entirely.
Oh that it may be once and forever!
I embrace my all-lovely, soul-satisfying Christ—instead of my self! Blissful exchange! Perfect purity and beauty—for ugliness and vileness!
O Holy Spirit, enable me ever to renounce self, forsake creatures—and embrace Jesus!
`
I have now earnest desires for new commitment to a precious Christ, as my all in all; that the shadowy things of time may less cumber me, however contrary to flesh; and to live Christ be my one concern.
Now I yield up all to You, and myself to follow afresh hard after You, and afresh to "count all things but loss" for Your sake. Oh, my beloved, my all-lovely Savior, You are gain, and gain enough. My precious Jesus, Your
fellowship is what I seek; and for it give up as rubbish, what mortals so pursue: riches, honor, appearance, fleshly indulgence.
I desire a quiet, secluded life—little with the world, much with Jesus. Come, with Your conquering charms, and all-absorb this longing soul of mine!
"Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I may have Christ." Php 3:8
"He will take these weak mortal bodies of ours and change them into glorious bodies like His own." Php 3:21
There has been, indeed—but a step between me and death. But here am I, still fettered in clay, and my soul still encaged in the wires of mortality. But through them beams the glory of the better country, and the loveliness of my Beloved. And though yet in my cage, I can sing His matchless love and worthy praise, for the dear Comforter has tuned my heart. How to recount the Lord’s mercies I know not, they have been so beautifully unfolded in this affliction.
"As your days, so shall your strength be." Deuteronomy 33:25
I seem to see with fresh light, that it is vain to expect to come to a certain state, when we shalllive by grace, constantly and spontaneously. The desirable position is, to live in felt dependence and emptiness—seeking constant renewings of the Holy Spirit—to live by simple faith on Jesus.
Therefore, if I receive ever such large and fresh inflowings of grace today, I must not think that it is a stock for tomorrow; or think then to act by this day’s power, or walk by this day’s light.
"Be merciful unto me, O Lord: for I cry unto You daily." Psalms 86:3
"Give us this day our daily bread." Matthew 6:11
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." Psalms 68:19
Away with every idol!
"Give them this message from the Sovereign Lord: I, the Lord, will punish the people of Israel who set up idols in their hearts." Ezekiel 14:4
Away with every idol! May Christ be all in all!
"For to me, to live is Christ!" Php 1:21
"You will call Me Ishi—(my husband). Hosea 2:16
"You will be called Hephzibah—(My delight is in her) . . . for the Lord will take delight in you." Isaiah 62:4
Christ is most precious. He is my Ishi! I, His Hephzibah! What love! What wonders, for a worm so vile! But He has borne my vileness away—and is Himself my loveliness!
Christ, the Beloved of my soul, is my perfection, and His blood is my purity. However great my guilt, His precious blood is more than a match for it all. This has been like solid rock to my soul. "Praise the Lord, O my soul!"
Oh! kill and crucify this SELF in me—this hateful, hated idol! Come in, O precious Christ, and make it fall before You!
Yes; vile, guilty, abominable as I am—my own Jesus bathes me in His blood, robes me in His righteousness, puts upon me His beauty, and then says, "You are absolutely beautiful, my darling, with no imperfection in you." (Song of Solomon 4:7) Oh, the wonders of His love! My heart is ravished and overcome!
"Why me?" This is the unanswerable question—the wonder of wonders! I, a weak, low, vile, wandering worm—filled with Your love, ravished with Your beauty! It is all of grace! To God be all the glory!
Oh, my precious Lord, I am overwhelmed in, and by, Your love! You have freed me from my sin and its punishment—by taking them upon Yourself! And You have prepared me for Yourself—by putting Your perfect loveliness upon me!
You have overcome me, You ravish my heart!
I thirst with intense and increased ardency, for unfoldings of the personal glories of my precious Christ, who is, indeed, "more precious than rubies."
Precious Lord, You are my rest, my happiness, and You are all-sufficient. Hold me to You, nor let me wander more.
Malady and remedy
Dear friend,
I know not your present malady; but I know that Christ is the remedy for it!
There is more in Christ for empty souls, than pen or tongue of men or angels can count! May you have free access, and eat and drink, and forget your poverty—being taken up with His riches, fullness, and glory! The Lord comfort
you, and establish your heart with grace. Adieu.
Yours affectionately, in our Beloved One,
Ruth
How the world has lessened and deadened to me lately. It seems a very nothing, and vanity indeed. To see Christians gathering its golden dust, and playing with its tinsel toys, is monstrous. Oh, come away, you foolish ones, and leave the ash-heap, and rise into Christ—your priceless inheritance and your eternal riches!
"Don’t collect for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But collect for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves don’t break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. No one can be a slave of two masters, since either he will hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot be slaves of God and
of money." Matthew 6:19-21, Matthew 6:24
November 21st, 1830. While thinking this afternoon of some friends who have been running eagerly from one place to another after a celebrated, and, I suppose, most interesting preacher; this idea forcibly struck me—why manifest such undue concern after streams, when we have the Fountain always accessible? I can, in my humble cottage, approach the footstool of the Father
of mercies, and enjoy the manifestation of His love!
I have just seen a silly fly, sporting heedlessly close to a spider’s web, and most likely it would soon have sported into it—and have become fast entangled in the snare. But a friendly hand swept away the spider’s network, and thus removed the danger; while the heedless, helpless fly, was equally unconscious of both the danger and the preservation.
Ah! then, I thought, perhaps it is thus often with me! In an unseen snare I had been almost heedlessly caught. But the seeing eye, loving heart, and powerful arm of Jesus are mine! He beholds the intended mischief, defeats the wily worker, sweeps away the entangling thread—and thus preserves me from disaster!
All praise be Yours, dear Lord, for known and unknown mercies and deliverances! Oh, may I never knowingly sport on the edge of sin—or trifle with temptation.
"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You preserve my life . . . with Your right hand You save me!" Psalms 138:7
I have again this week written to my friend, and pressed eternal things upon her notice. May the Lord bless the message. My soul yearns over her, and often do I mourn over her condition—for she is evidently given up to fashion, and worldly pursuits, and pleasure.
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20
Oh, the sweet wonders of a life of simple faith in Christ! From what little I know, I am sure it is the most . . . flesh-humbling, sin-subduing, world-crucifying, Satan-defeating, soul-invigorating, life in the world!
Unbelief is the source of my misery.
"Lord, increase my faith." Holy Comforter, teach me how to live Christ at all times, in all conditions.
Lord Jesus, I am Yours. I submit to Your will, and unreservedly lay before You myself, with all I have and am—to be at Your disposal, and used for Your glory. I am no longer my own—but Yours; and You, O precious Jesus, are mine forever!
short of the revelation of His person, though His benefits are all precious. Things of earth often repeated grow stale, but the same view of a precious Jesus a thousand times over is ever new. When Jesus shows Himself again to us, is He not as a lamb newly slain; and is not His sacrifice, as an odor of a sweet smell, as fragrant as though but just offered without spot unto God? Oh, yes, He is ever the same without sameness, and will be to all eternity. The glories, beauties, and excellences of His person are infinite; and from these boundless sources our finite minds will be feasted forever and ever.
Mountains of the blackest guilt
Jesus is such a Savior, so mighty and so merciful, that mountains of the blackest guilt may be safely trusted with Him—His rich atoning blood will cleanse from all.
The magnetic stone
It is the fullness, freeness, and unchangeableness of the love of Jesus—which alone will draw the wandering heart back again. No ’sense of wandering’ will draw the soul back; no sense of backsliding will restore it. It is Jesus, Jesus only, who is the magnetic stone to draw the far-off one again to Himself and His dear embrace. It is the inflowing of His precious love which will dissolve the heart in true contrition for its wanderings.
At a distance from Him it may see its backslidings, and remain hardened. But, under His warm beams, it will feel them, and be melted in adoring wonder, because it has so much forgiven. Oh! wrestle for a fresh revelation of Jesus
in your soul—and rest not again until you obtain it!
"And the ransom he paid was not mere gold or silver. He paid for you with the precious lifeblood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God." 1 Peter 1:19
My precious Lord hung on the dreadful cross, where He was made a curse for sinful me—where He had my hell, that I in Him might have eternal heaven. The precious drops which flowed were the price of my redemption—what a price! Not earthly gold, or pearls, or diamonds—but purest, richest blood; the blood of Jehovah’s Fellow! Here was heaven’s gold paid to ransom sinful worms! Not for angels were heaven’s treasures thus poured out—but for worms! Oh! wonder of wonders! My soul marvels at such matchless love, and at the effects of it.
I adore and worship You, my glorious Lord, and thank You for all Your sufferings, while I would afresh give myself to You, and plead for more
revelations of Yourself. Worthy is the Lamb!
"Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law." Galatians 3:25
My soul has found sweet rest in Jesus amidst the trials of the wilderness. I have been much instructed by this verse: "Do not even let the flocks or herds graze near the mountain." (Exodus 34:3) No food at Sinai—but rich pasture on Calvary! My spiritual Joshua has led me there to feed and to lie down.
"But now we have been released from the law, for we died with Christ, and we are no longer captive to its power. Now we can really serve God, not in the old
way by obeying the letter of the law, but in the new way, by the Spirit." Romans 7:6
Oh, what blessed heavenly lessons have I had from the Spirit, and how has my heart burned within me in fresh enjoyment of a precious Jesus, and His all-fullness! My precious Jesus is just what suits me in every case and every
place! Oh, what a gift has my Father bestowed! Never, in all eternity, shall we fully learn His glories, beauty, and love. He will be ever revealing Himself more and more, and filling all our enlarging powers with ineffable and now inconceivable bliss!
When the leper first discovers his miserable malady, he will be examining himself and his symptoms continually. But when cured, the command is, "Go, show yourself to the priest," and from thenceforward his health will be most promoted by examining the wonders of his cure, and the person and work of his healing Savior. Jesus is our life, health, and strength, and when He is revealed in the soul, then begins a life of faith; not in the miseries of self—but in Him.
I am experimentally passing over a boggy place, where continually I sink into some evil of my fallen nature—into sins and evil propensities which seemed
crucified—but now come forth again very boldly. It is most trying, and deeply abasing. I can only cleave to my crucified Surety, who has borne all my sins in His own body on the tree, and whose precious blood cleanses from it all.
Blessed Lord, You know all I suffer, and how I loathe the evil. Let it be for Your exaltation, a fresh crowning You Lord of all, while I lie low in the dust at Your dear pierced feet. I have had some melting of heart about the "bitter herbs" of sin, of which my precious Jesus partook. If He had not, there would have been no Paschal Lamb for me. But now, even I eat that wondrous food. "That same night they are to eat the meat roasted over the fire, along with bitter herbs, and bread made without yeast." Exodus 12:8
Oh, what blessed heavenly lessons have I had from the Spirit, and how has my heart burned within me in fresh enjoyment of a precious Jesus, and His all-fullness!
Nothing but Jesus can satisfy me, and without Him all is dreary. But to lie with my mouth in the dust seems more fitting for me, than to banquet with the King. Oh, my Lord, lay me low, and keep me there. You know my abasings.
Eternal praises to the Lamb who was slain! Oh, what a banquet we shall have above! Even here we have precious sips from the streams of salvation. But there, will be an eternal draught of the river of life!
"Blessed are those invited to the marriage feast of the Lamb!" Revelation 19:9
O Lord, I cast myself and my weights upon You. Make me look unto Jesus more singly and simply! And now, my blessed Lord, manifest Your precious Self to Your poor weary pilgrim, for You are my rest and my refreshing.
"For you know that you were redeemed from your empty way of life inherited from the fathers, not with perishable things, like silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without defect or blemish." 1 Peter 1:18-19
I wonder why dear saints do not talk with more ardor about Him who has, in love to our souls, brought them up from the pit of corruption.
Oh! what it cost Him! Price beyond all computing! Heaven’s richest treasure paid for worms of earth!
Oh! the wonders and blessedness of union to such a rich Husband, who thought not His own precious blood too much for my ransom!
Eternal praises to the worthy Lamb!
During the night-watches I had a solemn view of the exceeding vileness of my past life. I am sure I am the worst of all. Yet, my faith would lay her hand, on that dear head of Yours as my "sin-offering," and there confess it all.
There cannot be a thorough faith-view of Jesus, and entrance into His finished work, if we fear to see the worst of ourselves which He is pleased to show us.
The whole we can never know. Oh! what an abasing sight it is! I seem to myself a monster of iniquity.
This very morning a trifle seized my fleshly mind, and stirred up its vanity and folly, by which my thoughts were for a time brought into captivity. How abominable and filthy is my natural heart, drinking down any iniquity or foolishness like water! Truly, raven-like it is, for it feeds upon corruption, which brings the Dove, or new nature, into true mourning. Thus am I now. Behold, I am vile. Woe is me, that such a mere feather weight of temptation, finding me off the watch, should carry me away into lightness of spirit, with vanity of mind, etc. My precious Savior, I fly to You by faith. Only You can give me rest and peace, by Your blood and in Your love. So to live by faith, looking only to
Jesus and His blood and righteousness, is blessed indeed!
O precious near Kinsman and Redeemer, You have taken my sins and punishment. Oh, give me faith to live in this blessed freedom—loathing sin, renouncing self, exalting Christ. All praise to a Triune Jehovah, from a chief sinner saved. Surely such a one should be a chief singer upon the stringed
instrument of the new heart. "Unto Him who loved us and washed us from our sins in His own blood, be glory and dominion forever and ever!
I have been feasting on, "Where here is no law—there is no transgression." "We are dead to the law by the body of Christ." Hence He can say, "There is no spot in you"—no transgression.
"He has borne our sins in His own body on the tree." Law and justice took hold on Him, and therefore they let us go—they cannot hold both—we died with Him.
And as we abide in Him do we enjoy the freedom, for "he that abides in Him sins not." This is the true Gospel way of having the power of sin broken.
Oh! what glories do we inherit in union to the Lamb! We lose our own impurities, and are ever beheld, in the Divine eye—in His perfect holiness!
Precious Beloved of my soul, bring me by the Spirit to live in You, walk in You, and never wander more.
This word has been sweet today, "I have refined you, but not with silver, I have chosen you in the furnace of affliction." Ah! indeed, I seem to see that I must not pray to come out of the furnace—I am not half broken and humbled. Do, dear Lord, bring Your glory, and my soul health, out of those things so bitter to the flesh.
"I know, O Lord, that Your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness You have afflicted me." Psalms 119:75
Oh, for more walking in the Spirit! It is He who reveals spiritual secrets, and opens love’s stores!
Oh! indeed there is a heaven of love and holiness in my glorious Christ. Abiding in Him is "as the days of heaven upon earth."
That lovely countenance of the suffering Savior! how it is marred more than any man’s. But faith and love see beauty still. There is love’s climax—the Bridegroom enduring for the Bride, and leaving her only a cup of blessing!
I have found indescribable blessedness and fullness in Jesus. I cannot express what my soul finds in the realization that I am in Him. Being in Christ, all is mercy.
Sweet Savior, enfold me again in Your bleeding embrace. Let me into the secrets of Your love and union. Thus shall I live above the fogs of earth and vapors of fallen flesh.
It beams powerfully upon my mind, that the more we live upon things seen, the more we shall be filled with worldliness. And the more we live upon self, the more we shall be perplexed with its workings. The more we live upon Christ, the more we shall be filled with Christ—and the two former will be subdued.
The Lord has ordained laws—as in natural so in spiritual life. He has appointed that food shall be received to strengthen the body—and Christ to strengthen the soul which has been quickened into life by the Spirit. All our victory over the first Adam nature is in the second Adam—Christ. Therefore, no health or vigor of soul, except as faith has much to do with Him!
As there is growth into Christ—He increasing, we decreasing—we come to live upon Christ Himself, by faith in Him, under the renewings of the Spirit.
The Lord has taught me the privilege and victory of living out of self by faith; and by faith living upon Christ!
My old man
I plainly see that neither my old man nor my new man can be mended. The one is too bad, the other too good.
There is no patching or painting the old man to advantage; it will still be "corrupt, according to its deceitful lusts."
The new man needs neither patching nor painting, for it is "created in righteousness and true holiness" (Ephesians 4:24).
What is "born of the flesh is flesh"—and will act after its nature. What is "born of the Spirit is spirit"—and will aspire to its source!
Suddenly, a terrible storm came up, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went to him and woke him up, shouting, "Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!" And Jesus answered, "Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!" Then he stood up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly all was calm. Matthew 8:24-26
My future looks dark. I commit all, with myself, to Him who rules the winds; and, when the waves are high, He stills them.
Lord, I wait for Your salvation—but more for Yourself, in manifested love. Oh, come, my glorious Redeemer, skipping over the mountains of difficulty, and over the worse mountains of my sins. The moments of Your absence are as days of tedious gloom. Whether You smite or smile; whether You come with sword or with the horn of plenty—You are my Savior still, and my portion.
Jesus is very precious; and a life of faith in Him, by the power of the Holy Spirit, is . . .very blessed, world-conquering, Satan-overcoming, sin-subduing.
A rich feast this evening in hearing Mr. __ preach. He preached Christ—not in the letter, but in the Spirit; not in the history, but in the mystery of godliness, and under that anointing by which alone He is revealed.
He preached Christ up—and me down. He seemed to batter me into happy nothingness, so that afresh I lost all identity out of Him, and came home, feeling myself the happy bride, and gladly finding that I could afford to lose self and creatures for, and in, so rich a Husband. Bless the Lord, O my soul, for His wonders to such a worm!
"Christ died for the ungodly." Romans 5:6
Jesus—all holy, and all lovely as He was—loved me, and gave Himself for vile, unworthy me.
Oh, all-glorious Well-Beloved! reveal Yourself afresh—and eclipse all other objects!
"Oh, feed me with Your love—Your ’raisins’ and Your ’apples’—for I am utterly lovesick!" Song of Solomon 2:5
She was lovesick; that is, overwhelmed with the amazing love and loveliness of Immanuel! Oh, I long to be away in the land of spices, to see Him as He is!
Where a thing is evidently set for me with a cross in it, I may safely take it up, expecting a blessing. I mean something which crosses, and is contrary to—my fleshly will, choice, ease, or gratification.
Dear Lord, help me! It is a hard lesson to flesh and sense. How I must have loved self and its ease—for it to be yet so hard to welcome its crucifixion!
"The King is enthralled by your beauty!" Psalms 45:11
What words are these! And how sweetly do they smile upon me!
How? In forgetfulness of all but Himself; for when we are experimentally, with single eye, beholding Him—then is His glory visibly reflected in us; we are beautiful in His beauty.
But it is like an eclipse, when we get taken up with self and creatures. Oh, for this happy forgetfulness!
My glorious Well-Beloved, my soul desires Your beauty, with intense longing. You have ravished my heart! No creature can fill the place You have occupied. Oh, come and bless me again with Your overwhelming love and loveliness!
Oh, my precious Christ! You are my life—I was Your death! May I weep, love, and praise You evermore!
Oh, my precious, all-loving Savior! there is in You such an infinitude of blessedness as will fill and delight my perfected capabilities through all eternity!
O lovely, glorious Immanuel! my soul burns with new ardor in intense longings after You; all else sinks into nothingness. You, and none but You Yourself, does my soul desire.
A poor, weak, guilty, hell-deserving creature—I fall at Your feet, my Jesus. You have redeemed me by Your blood; I am Yours! Oh, use me for Your glory! Reveal Yourself still more unto me. By faith I would embrace You for more . . .gratitude, love, faith, submission, patience, courage, and all I need, while in this dreary desert—which You alone can cheer—for all must come from You.
I cannot half speak of the fresh glories and beauties I have lately seen in my blessed Jesus—my all-lovely Immanuel! Oh, indeed, I know but a mere nothing
of His matchless worth!
It is marvelous that Your glorious, holy salvation, should enclose unworthy me. But so it is!
The Lord has shut me in; yes, I am brought by Jehovah’s own power into holiness, happiness, and everlasting bliss—and who shall pluck me thence?
I have them in Himself: and He holds me fast—oh, so fast! Blessed security! law, justice, holiness—all on my side; because I am one with Jesus, who has
met them all with infinite satisfaction.
I do love a salvation which can look at law and justice with an open face. No other will satisfy a Spirit-awakened conscience. And with such a great salvation am I saved. Happy I, with such a glorious Jesus! Happy, happy, saved sinner!
This life of faith is all of Him, by Him, in Him, and for Him; and it shuts out the creature more than anything beside. It is most blessed, and nothing exceeds it but the life of glory.
March 18, 1849. Still suffering from great bodily weakness. But the consolation and glory far exceed the pain; such visits as I have had to Gethsemane! such meltings at Calvary! and such beamings of the glories of a risen Redeemer!
Being much alone today, I feel drawn out to take hold of the Lord afresh, in order to the further development of this beautiful affliction, that His glory may be manifested.
To be willing to come back to ’the wilderness’ again costs a struggle. It seems so like leaving this celestial valley, with the glory sometimes full in view—to climb a dark, black hill.