Parenting in Christian preaching emphasizes intentional guidance and nurturing of children according to biblical principles (Proverbs 22:6). Illustrations often use vivid family scenes, such as teaching, discipline, growth stages, and parental challenges, to highlight the responsibility and love involved in raising children to follow Christ (Ephesians 6:4).
Bill Cosby's father liked to read. One day when he was reading in the living room, Bill and his brother decided that they could play basketball without breaking anything. When Bill took a shot that redesigned the glass table, his mother came in with a stick and said, "So help me, I'll bust you in half." Without lifting his head from his book, his father said, "Why would you want twice as many?"
*
Travis Simpkins was neglected by an absent father who gave him "quality"
time instead of quantity time. Dads are always heroes in their kids' eyes;
Travis even invented stories about his dad to impress his friends. Dad rarely
sent child support and claimed birthday presents were lost in the mail. Son's
conclusion: it is better to do things right the first time around instead of
dreaming of second chances. Travis finds it hard to trust others now, and
ended up in Fulton County Jail awaiting trial armed robbery.
#2546
*
Plan your parenting:
A. Principle #1: Set your prenatal strategy.
1) Plan ahead. Luke 14:28-32
2) Emotional baggage you bring to parenthood.
3) What did your parents do that worked? That didn't?
B. Principle #2: Parent your children's environment. Prov 22:3
1) Things we can control: TV, telephones, car keys.
2) Peer influence.
3) Welcome friends into home, be aware of influences.
C. Principle #3: Develop a strategic plan for each child. 22:6
1) Discuss plans with spouse.
2) Reminder cards.
D. Principle #4: Plan date nights with child. Prov 27:23-24
1) Talk to child.
2) Listen to child - more important.
E. Principle #5: Mature together. Deut 4:9
1) Thrilling to watch kids make mature choices.
II. Parenting - Our finest hour.
A) Plan with biblical values.
B) God planned for our salvation by sending his Son.
Parenting advice is not hard to come by these days. Advice from grandparents and friends, articles, vlogs, and books detailing parenting strategies and philosophies all vie for our attention. When I became a new dad, it was the first time I ever crossed into the noble task of diaper changing. Thankfully my mother-in-law gifted me with a dad handbook complete with diagrams and dad-jokes. Parenting advice can be a blessing or an annoyance — some is good, some is bad, and some of it is just plain silly. It can be stressful for parents at all stages to sift through all the nonsense in search of those precious morsels of good counsel.
In the sea of parenting advice for new dads, how many people stop and dwell on the example of God the Father when looking for instruction on parenting? I wish I had done this sooner. The temptation may be to turn every which way to look for parenting advice when the example of our Heavenly Father is clear in the pages of Scripture. David even illustrates the Lord’s compassion as a father’s love toward his children (Ps. 103:13). God reveals himself as the Father on purpose, and his character and deeds are those of an ideal father. When I look to God’s Word, it is clear that the Father raises his children through presence, instruction, and love. And we dads should imitate his example.
Presence
“I will dwell among the people of Israel and will be their God. And they shall know that I am the Lord their God, who brought them out of the land of Egypt that I might dwell among them. I am the Lord their God.” (Ex. 29:45-46, ESV)
Throughout the Israelite’s exodus through Egypt, God did not leave his children alone. The Father was present with his people. When the children of Israel were sojourners in the wilderness, God provided manna, quail, and water. Later, the Father’s presence through his guiding instruction sustained his people even when he was silent. His presence set them apart from the rest of the world (Ex. 33:16).
In the same way, fathers should be present with their children. They are responsible for caring for their kids. Fathers would do well to imitate God’s commitment to his presence with his people. So many things, even good things, call for our attention, but few are more important than spending genuine time with our kids. Just as the children of Israel did best when they were aware of God’s presence, so too, our children will do best when their dads are visible and active in their lives. Research even shows that children are negatively affected when their fathers are absent.
Of course, fathers must also provide — though that will look different for each family — which usually means spending time away from their children for work. While human fathers can never achieve the omnipresence of God, they can ensure that their children experience their presence through explaining why they are away and how this helps them care for their family. So, for example, when a child is eating lunch and dad is away at work, they can remember they have a father who loves and cares for them.
Instruction
“Blessed is the man whom You instruct, O LORD, And teach out of Your law.” (Ps. 94:12, NKJV)
God’s instruction of his children is perhaps one of the most neglected practices imitated in Christian homes. The evidence of his instruction is all throughout Scripture. In the Old Testament, the Father made a point to instruct his children in his law. By giving the law, the Lord revealed his character to his people and also made them aware of sin (Rom. 7:7). Then, in the New Testament, he sent his Son, In the fullness of time, to save us from our sin and reconcile us to himself (Gal. 4:4). Now, those who are in Christ have the Holy Spirit to instruct them in the Word and lead them into holiness (John 16:13).
Out of this abundant example of God’s priority for instructing his children in his ways, Christian fathers must also place a high value on instructing their children (Prov. 1:8). When it comes to instructing children, opinions abound. But dads can be sure of this: God expects them to diligently raise their children, by his grace, to fear and love him (Deut. 6). Young children are sponges — they perceive new things about the world each day. Even small children will slowly begin to recognize that their parents submit to One who is their authority. However, this must eventually take the form of intentional instruction from the Bible.
The instruction of children is anything but passive. Fathers cannot outsource this responsibility, though other trusted adults will often play a role in a child’s spiritual formation. It is a blessing for fathers to get to raise their children in the fear of the Lord. And it’s vital, for it helps paint a picture of who our Heavenly Father is, even in the mundane things of life like eating dinner, getting ready for the day, traveling, or doing chores.
Love
“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Rom. 5:8)
The Father’s love is not contingent on our actions but proceeds from his very heart. God gave what was most precious to him in order to save his children while we were still in active rebellion against him, while we were his enemies. And he is committed to his children all the way until the end (John 13:1). God’s love is unconditional and sacrificial.
In a world full of independence and self-serving motivations, Christian fathers should see to follow God’s example of sacrificial and unconditional love, however imperfectly. When we forsake other good things to spend time playing with our children, for example, we model a small piece of God’s sacrificial love for us. The love displayed in this sacrifice is not conditional on a lack of temper tantrums or clean rooms. Instead, fatherly love finds its origin in the Father’s love for us. The realization of how it pleased God to sacrifice for the sake of his children in ways that should lead Christian fathers to ask him for a heart to love our kids well.
Conclusion
Even in a world in sexual crisis, society is coming around to the fact that fathers are instrumental. That’s because God’s design for the family — which includes a married father and mother with children — leads to individual and societal flourishing. Because of the fall, families will not be perfect, but fathers should try their best to lavish their children with their presence, faithful instruction in the Lord, and love that points to the One who loves their kids best. As we strive to bring up our children in the ways of God, let us cast aside worldly advice and follow the example of our Heavenly Father. We will not always get it right, but we can trust God to sustain us and ask him to give us the joy of seeing our children walk in the truth (3 John 4).
In 2016, psychologist Dr. Peter Langman compiled biographical data on 56 American school shooters. He found that 82% had grown up in dysfunctional family situations, usually without two biological parents at home. The trend has sadly continued. The shooter in Uvalde, Texas, hadn’t lived with his father in years. The Sandy Hook shooter hadn’t seen his father in the two years leading up to that massacre.
Last month, new research from the Institute for Family Studies demonstrated, once again, how important fathers are, especially for boys. For example, boys growing up without their dads are only half as likely to graduate from college as their peers who live with dad at home. Strikingly, those numbers remain steady even after controlling for other factors such as race, income, and general IQ. Boys without a dad at home are also almost twice as likely to be “idle” in their late twenties, defined as neither working nor in school, and are significantly more likely to have been arrested or incarcerated by the time they turn 35.
These are only a few of the data points which demonstrate that fatherlessness is one of the most pressing crises our culture is facing. Why doesn’t our culture talk more about this?
One reason is that this crisis intersects other “third rails.” Our culture got to this point via the sexual revolution, which encouraged promiscuity by redefining freedom and prioritizing autonomy over responsibility. When sex outside of marriage becomes normal, it is mostly women who are left on their own to raise the resulting children.
There are other contributing factors as well, many of which were made possible by legislation. Divorce has been largely destigmatized, not in small part by making it legally easier. The legal demand for same-sex “marriage” brought with it the demand for same-sex parenting, which by definition asserts that kids do not need both a mother and a father. Certain forms of assisted reproduction likewise assert that children are less the fruit of a committed marriage than they are a commercial process.
And now here we are, with 32% of American boys growing up in homes without their biological dads. If there’s anything that we should learn from the grim outcomes of this social experiment, it is that dads aren’t replaceable. This was true from creation, but even more so in a fallen world with each of us born with a fallen human nature. We only learn to grow from socially, emotionally, and spiritually immature children into adults so that we can live together in a healthy way by seeing healthy behavior modeled and by having unhealthy behavior corrected.
Scripture passages affirm that mentoring in righteousness requires demonstration, as much or more than just explanation. Christ repeatedly told his followers to “do as He did.” When He washed His disciples’ feet, He offered it as an object lesson: “I give you an example, that you also should do as I did to you.” Paul told believers in Corinth and Ephesus to be “imitators” of him, just as he was an “imitator of Christ.”
In other places, Scripture even points to modelling and mimicry in sex-specific ways. In his letter to Titus, Paul instructed men to be “dignified” and “self-controlled” and to “urge the younger men to be self-controlled.” He also told the older women to “teach what is good” and to “train the younger women” to be “self-controlled,” “pure” and “kind.”
That, of course, is another cultural third rail. We are so desperate to pretend sexual difference isn’t built into our biological reality, we simply cannot abide the suggestion that our genders are critically important in parenting. But the numbers don’t lie. As Dr. Ryan Anderson, president of the Ethics and Public Policy Center, puts it, “[T]here is no such thing as ‘parenting.’ There is mothering, and there is fathering — children do best with both.”
Christians can challenge the growing public safety crisis that is fatherlessness, and we must start in the Church. We must affirm, in word and in action, that there are men and there are women and that both matter in parenting. We have to de-normalize absent dads, challenge men to take responsibility for their sexual choices and for their children, and fill in the gaps whenever and however necessary.
No matter if our technologies and cultural dogmas pretend otherwise, every child has a father. These new statistics show, again, that every child needs their father. We have no right to deprive them of that.
________
Copyright (c) 2022 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. “BreakPoint” is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries.
Sermon in Family Series. Mothers' Day. Proverbs 22:3-6
==================
SUCCESSFUL MOMMING
==================
I. Motherhood is not what it used to be.
II. "Train up your child." Proverbs 22:6
A. Popular verse is often misunderstood.
B. Train your child in the manner befitting a child.
III. Children have bents.
A. Grooming the good bents. Psalm 139:13-15
B. Oppose the bad bents. Psalm 51:5
IV. Advice from a preacher's wife.
V. When he is old he will not depart.
A. Does not refer to sowing oats, and then returning.
B. Means a properly trained child should stick to the course.
C. Take mothering seriously and bear eternal fruit.
#3744
*
In 1890 a farmer cut an old beech tree. Noticed some indistinct marks--looked like "J.L." Took to saw-mill Cut longways into planks. Near center the letters were clearly cut/visible & below them an anchor. Discovered 2 things--37 rings = 1853. There had been a sailor in that area then named John Leland. Impressions made early are lasting ones. What is true in the physical world is true in the spiritual world.
A little boy came up to his mother in the kitchen one evening while she was fixing supper, and he handed her a piece of paper that he had been writing on. After his mom dried her hands on an apron, she read it, and this is what it said:
For cutting the grass: $5.00
For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00
For going to the store for you: .50
Baby-sitting my kid brother while you went shopping: .25
Taking out the garbage: $1.00
For getting a good report card: $5.00
For cleaning up and raking the yard: $2.00
---------
Total owed: $14.75
Well, his mother looked at him standing there, and the boy could see the memories flashing through her mind. She picked up the pen, turned over the paper he'd written on, and this is what she wrote:
For the nine months I carried you while
you were growing inside me: No Charge.
For all the nights that I've sat up with you,
doctored and prayed for you: No Charge.
For all the trying times, and all the tears that you've caused
through the years: No Charge.
For all the nights that were filled with dread, and for the
worries I knew were ahead: No Charge.
For the toys, food, clothes, and even wiping your nose:
No Charge, Son.
When you add it up, the cost of my love is: No Charge.
When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears in his eyes, and he looked straight up at his mother and said, “Mom, I sure do love you.” And then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote: “PAID IN FULL”.
"It was dangerous to be around ... The whole scene was scary. There were just waves of hate bouncing around the place."
What was this -- a reporter covering the conflict in Kosovo? No, it was MTV correspondent Kurt Loder describing the final hours of Woodstock '99 a few weeks ago in Rome, New York. An event billed as "three days of peace, love and music" became an orgy of arson, looting, and rape.
What happened at Woodstock was horrifying -- and yet it should not be surprising. In a culture where children grow up with so little adult supervision, savagery is exactly what we ought to expect.
Baby Boomers are decrying the "desecration" of the Woodstock myth -- a potent icon of the Boomer generation. But they ought to be pointing the finger right at themselves, not their kids. After all, it's the flower children of the sixties who are the parents of today's Generation X -- and in may cases they have done precious little to give their kids the love and discipline all children need.
We got a shocking glimpse of just how little supervision some Boomers give their kids after the Littleton shootings. Americans were amazed to learn that the killers had built, in plain view in their bedrooms, bombs. Yet their parents knew nothing about it.
And our schools aren't any better. Writing in the "New York Times," Bard College president Leon Botstein decried the artificial intensity of the American high school culture, where "the tyranny of peer groups based on ludicrous values meets little resistance" by adults.
So if parents and teachers are not supervising teens, then who is? In many cases, the answer is "no one."
The classic novel "The Lord of the Flies" warns us of what happens when children go without adult guidance: They quickly descend into barbarism.
Today schools are turning into Lord of the Flies-style islands. The only difference is, instead of wearing loincloths, as the boys did in Golding's classic novel, today's kids are preying on each other while wearing the latest fashions from Abercrombie and Fitch -- or black trenchcoats.
But instead of attacking the root of the problem, which I believe is the lack of adult supervision, Americans are counting on gun laws and metal detectors to protect our kids.
I guess it's easy to see why, because discipline requires saying "no!" and drawing distinctions between right and wrong -- things hard to come by for a generation that grew up rejecting morality and believing that discipline "represses" children. What's more, many of these Boomers, whose own teen years were so rebellious, are afraid their children will call them "hypocrites."
But Woodstock shows us what happens when we fail to perform a basic task of the family, namely, to civilize our children.
Ultimately, the solution has to be for parents to take a hard look at their own accountability before God. The book of Proverbs speaks harshly of parents who don't take the time to guide and discipline their children. Schoolyard shootings are reminders of the price we pay for ignoring biblical wisdom.
Christian parents ought to be models of involvement in our own children's lives, and help other parents understand why constant vigilance is necessary.
As MTV's Kurt Loder learned the hard way, some things are a lot scarier than saying "no" to your kids.
___________________________
Copyright (c) 1999 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BreakPoint with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries.
*
You know you can bowl a 300 game every time if you really wanted to. Take the ball, walk down the lane
and bowl from 15 ft. instead of 60 ft.! Error increases with distance. Important to be near our families--so
we can teach spiritual values. This is hard. Most of us have the type of jobs that can keep us away from our families. "I spend quality time with family, not quantity." Problem with that--can never predict a teachable moment (cf. Deut. 6:20-25). Intent is not to send us on a guilt trip--but to cause us to reflect on what's really important. ("Cat's in the Cradle" as Harry Chapin says.)
"We spend the first six years teaching our children to walk and
talk, and the next 15 telling them to shut up and sit down."
- Dear Abby
Dads, give yourself a point for every one of these you've actually said
to your kids!
Don't ask me, ask your mother. Close the door. Were you raised in a
barn? You didn't beat me. I let you win. Big boys don't cry. Don't
worry. It's only blood. Don't you know any normal boys? Now you
listen to ME, Buster! I'll play catch after I read the paper.
Coffee will stunt your growth. A little dirt never hurt anyone, just
wipe it off.. Get your elbows off the table. I told you, keep your
eye on the ball. Who said life was supposed to be fair. Always say
please and thank you. That way, you get more. If you forget, you'll
be grounded till the end of the world. You call that a haircut?
"Hey" is for horses. This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
Turn off those lights. Do you think I am made of money? Don't give
me any of your lip, young lady. You call that noise "music"? We're
not lost. I'm just not sure where we are. No, we're not there yet.
Shake it off. It's only pain. When I was your age, I treated MY
father with respect. As long as you live under my roof, you'll live
by my rules. I'll tell you why. Because I said so. That's why. Do
what I say, not what I do. Sit up straight, knucklehead! So you
think you're smart , do you? What's so funny? Wipe that smile off
your face. Young ladies perspire, they do not sweat. If I've told
you once, I've told you a thousand times. C'mon, you throw like a
girl. You want something to do? I'll give you something to do. You
should visit more often. Your mother worries. This is your last
warning. Your mother worries. If you shake it more than three
times, you're playing with it. What are your intentions with my
daughter? I'd better get a good report, or you better head to
Mexico. I'm not sleeping, I was watching that channel. What keeps
those jeans of yours from falling off? I'm not just talking to hear
my own voice! Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what
you see. What do you think I am, a bank? What part of NO don't you
understand? I don't care what other people are doing! I'm not
everybody elses father! You're not leaving my house dressed like
that! What will other parents think? Could those sleeves be any
longer? You look like a bag lady! Headache remedy: Put your head
through the window and the pain will be gone. Worrying about things
you can't change is like a rocking chair... it gives you something to
do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. Hurt much? I didn't feel a
thing. I feel for you, but I can't reach you from here. If you're
gonna be dumb, you've gotta be tough. Didn't your teacher learn you
anything?! You can marry a rich guy just as easily as you can a poor
guy. It's hard to be good, and easy to be bad. If you're going to
steal a car, at least make it a Cadillac (but don't call me asking
for bail.) I got my tongue wrapped around my eye-tooth and couldn't
see what I was saying. Men are like buses. Just wait on the corner
and another one will come along. Don't tell on anybody unless you
tell on yourself first. Hey, did you hear me talking to you? You
know you're always gonna be Daddy's little girl. I'm not watching
television. I'm resting my eyes. Don't use that tone with me! Am
I talking to a brick wall? If I catch you doing that one more time,
I'll.. Act your age. Two wrongs do not make a right. Wipe your
feet! Enough is enough! Don't make me stop the car! What did I
just get finished telling you?
- Compiled by laughalot-owner@laughalot.com
- Original sources unknown
In the late 4th century a woman named MONICA lived in a small North African village with her family. On Nov. 13, 354, she gave birth to a son -- bright & intelligent; tried hard to raise him as a Christian, but it was difficult. Her husband was not a Christian and the boy grew up surrounded by pagan influences. His father had no respect for Christian faith and was unfaithful to Monica. Their son was exposed to stories about pagan gods -- notorious for their lust and violence.
Despite Monica's best efforts, her son did not become a Christian. Like his father he lived a life of sexual permissiveness. He left the small village of his birth, moved to Carthage, then Rome. He sampled various pagan philosophies and was seemingly lost to Christian faith. That young man was AUGUSTINE -- one of greatest and most influential Christians of all time! What turned him around? In his autobiography "Confessions" he says it was genuine faith and constant love.
He also tells of Monica's grief and despair that her son would ever come to faith. Many parents have felt their situation as hopeless as Monica's.
"Eighty-percent of parental advice is good advice; twenty-percent is bad advice. Children ignore eighty-percent of parental advice."
(From: MURPHY'S LAWS OF PARENTING, by Steve Dennie & Rob Suggs, InterVarsity Press)
A young mother tried in vain to get her spoiled son to eat his meal. As he repeatedly refused to eat what she had prepared, she asked him what he would like to eat.
Trying to be as difficult as he could the boy replied, "I want a worm to eat!" The mother had read in her psychology book that children should be given just what they want so she instructed the father to go to the garden and find a worm.
The father did, but the son was still dissatisfied. He complained that he wanted the worm cooked. So his mother cooked the worm and set it on the table, but again the same old story of refusal. "Now what?" Asked the mother. The boy said that he wanted his father to eat half of the worm first. Still believing
in the idea that the child should have his way the father reluctantly ate half the worm. But no sooner had this been done than the boy let out a tremendous howl of dissatisfaction. "Daddy at the half I wanted!"
You were six months old and full of love
with a blink of my eye, you were suddenly one
there were so many thing we were going to do
but I turned my head and you turned two
at two you were very dependent on me
but independence took over when you turned three
you third birthday, another year I tried to ignore
but when I lit the candles, there weren't three, but four
four was the year that you really strived
why, look at you now, you're already five
now you are ready for books and for rules
this is the year that you go to school
the big day came, you were anxious to go
we walked to the bus, going oh, so slow
as you climbed aboard and waved goodbye
I felt a lump in my throat and tears stung my eyes
time goes so fast, it's hard to believe
that just yesterday you were home here with me
and tomorrow when the bus brings you home
and you jump to the ground
you'll be wearing your cap and graduation gown
so I'm holding on to these moments as hard as I can
because the next time I look, I'll be seeing a man
He Is Just a Little Boy
He stands at the plate
with his heart pounding fast.
The bases are loaded,
the die has been cast.
Mom and Dad cannot help him,
he stands all alone.
A hit at this moment,
would send the team home.
The ball meets the plate,
he swings and he misses.
There's a groan from the crowd,
with some boos and some hisses.
A thoughtless voice cries,
"Strike out the bum."
Tears fill his eyes,
the game's no longer fun.
So open your heart and give him a break,
For it's moments like this,
a man you can make.
Please keep this in mind,
when you hear someone forget,
He is just a little boy, and not a man yet.
If you have a daughter living at home, you will appreciate these "dating rules" that a loving father designed.
So You Wanna Date My Daughter?
When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend's father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter's chest. He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds.
Now, years later, it is my turn to be the dad. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter's suitors feel even worse. My motto: Wilt them in the living room and they'll stay wilted all night. "So," I'll call out jovially. "I see you have your nose pierced. Is that because you're stupid, or did you merely want to APPEAR stupid?"
As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room.
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her Adam's apple. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Hockey games are okay.
My daughter claims it embarrasses her to come downstairs and find me attempting to get her date to recite these eight simple rules from memory. I'd be embarrassed too -- there are only eight of them, for crying outloud! And, for the record, I did NOT suggest to one of these cretins that I'd have these rules tattooed on his arm if he couldn't remember them. (I checked into it and the cost is prohibitive.) I merely told him that I thought writing the rules on his arm with a ball point might be inadequate -- ink washes off -- and that my wood burning set was probably a better alternative.
One time, when my wife caught me having one of my daughter's would-be suitors practice pulling into the driveway, get out of the car, and go up to knock on the front door (he had violated rule number one, so I figured he needed to run through the drill a few dozen times. She asked me why I was being so hard on the boy.
"Don't you remember being that age?" she challenged.
Of course I remember. Why do you think I came up with the eight simple rules?
Shouting Contest
A father of three won a shouting contest with a roar louder than a passing train. "If you want a war, you go!" Yoshihiko Kato shouted. The sound meter registered 115.8 decibels, louder than the racket of a train passing overhead on an elevated railroad. For that winning shout, Kato won the $750 grand prize of the 10th annual Halls Year-End Loud Voice Contest. Kato admitted that he probably built up his loud voice shouting at his children.
Resource, Jan/Feb 1991
LEARNING TO BE LIKE ME
The young mother knew she was a fiery driver. She thrilled at pushing her car through traffic. She often had comments to make about the quality of the driving skills of others on the road. She didn't know, however, that some little ears had been listening. Not until last week anyway.
Her son rode with her a lot. His car seat in the back didn't all his two-year-old eyes to see the road. But he could see Mom, feel the pitch of the car and hear her words. He also had a good place for learning the correct vocabulary of others' driving skills.
One day last week, mother had to put on the brakes quickly. The car gave that familiar lunge to the front as the tires grabbed the road. Although he couldn't see what happened, he knew the squeal of the tires and the motion of the car. From the back seat came the words he'd heard so often in that situation. "Tupid Durk!"
His version of Mom's "Stupid Jerk!" truly surprised her. She wasn't aware he'd been listening.
Now no great harm will be done, I suppose, if a child grows up saying "Stupid Jerk!" to drivers he doesn't like. But Mom began to wonder what else her son was picking up from her. Things she wasn't intending to teach-but which he was learning all the same.
It's an interesting question: What are they picking up from us?
They watch us. They do what we do. They say what we say. They grow up to be like us.
Perhaps it would be good today to stop and take inventory: If my child is learning today to be like me, what's he learning to be?
--Jeff Hood
Adolescence is when children start bringing up their parents .....
Adolescence is the awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible .....
An adolescent is a youth old enough to dress himself if he could just remember where he dropped his clothes .....
Adolescence is the period when children are certain they will never be as stupid as their parents .....
Adolescence is a period of rapid change. Between the ages of twelve and seventeen, for example, a child may see his parents age twenty years .....
All anybody expects of an adolescent is that he act like an adult and be satisfied to be treated like a child.
Chaplain's Thoughts
April 6, 1999
Parents Certainly Are Misunderstood!
By Steven C. Staats
You thought you were happily smiling at your child from a hard stadium seat or a hot packed auditorium,
But your child looked at your face and saw approval of him and joy in what he was doing.
You thought that you were just patting him on the back or on the head or just ruffling his hair,
But your child cherished the warm loving touch and his heart was brightened.
You thought you were reading a bedtime story with all the funny and scary voices,
But your child enjoyed the fact you read every word even though he had heard them a hundred times before.
You thought you were letting your child help paint the house even though the paint got kind of runny and drippy in places,
But your child knew that you were working together as a family and felt a sense of accomplishment as a family.
You thought you were singing silly songs or counting the cows on a long boring trip,
But your child learned that it was fun being together no matter where you were.
You thought you were spending a few minutes of your time by throwing a ball in the back yard or baking some cookies,
But your child, who realized that your time is precious, knew you were investing it in him.
You thought that you asked your child's opinion about something that wasn't too important,
But your child thought you asked because his opinions and thoughts were important.
You thought you were being a good host by inviting your child's friends in for a cool snack on a warm summer day,
But your child knew that his friends were important to you and always welcome in your home.
You thought the tears in your eyes went unnoticed when your child accomplished an important goal in his life,
But your child knew that he was deeply embedded in your heart and you sensed his accomplishment.
You thought that the refrigerator was as good of a place as any for hanging all the art work and "well done" papers that came home from school,
But your child felt important when he came home from school each day with something to show you and tack up in his personal hall of fame.
You thought you gave your child some simple chore or job to do and told him, "Well done.", with a smile when he did it,
But your child learned responsibility and began to realize he could tackle even tougher things.
You thought you were helping a troubled restless child get some sleep by fixing a cup of hot cocoa,
But your child felt that you were opening your heart around a kitchen table and making all the problems a lot smaller.
You thought the vacation wasn't much of a success because the fish didn't bite and the sun didn't shine,
But your child still remembers everything that happened and he still laughs at all of the funny parts.
You thought you were just pointing out the words in the church hymn book with your child's finger as he tried to sing along,
But your child learned that singing praises to God in worship was important.
You thought you were just giving him a quick hug at a special moment or "just because",
But your child carried it with him for a long time, because what you really said was, "I'm proud of you!", or "I love you!"
You thought you were just giving him a little kiss on the cheek to tell him good bye as he left for school,
But your child felt warm and loved because he knew there would be another one waiting for him when he got home.
Come to think of it, there are a lot of times when parents really are misunderstood!
LET US PRAY:
Lord, move us to be good parents and grandparents of the children that you give us.
AMEN!
Dr. Paul Faulkner, a Christian counselor, a former university professor, and a well noted speaker, spoke at the Tulsa Workshop on the subject of “raising faithful kids and being successful at the same time.” In some of his more recent research, he found the following eight things that rang out loud and clear among the families he interviewed that were successful in both at what they did in life as well as raising their families.
#1. Parents held deep core values. They knew what counted and held to strong values. They had passed these values on to their children.
#2. These families had both a vision and a mission. They knew what they believed. And they knew what they were about. Their purpose in life was intentional, not haphazard.
#3. These families were able to show both love (that is in the agape sense) and affection. Agape love is a behavior that is taught and caught by the behavior of others.
#4. The children saw their parents as servants. Amazing! the people we see as great people in society, are those who have learned to serve others.
#5. These families had a wonderful sense of humor. They were fun-loving, and had the ability to laugh at themselves.
#6. These families were open and transparent more then most families. They could talk about the bad as well as the good without cutting one another down.
#7. The parents of these families had the ability to hold their children closer early, and release them sooner than most.
#8. These families had the unusual ability to re-frame tragedy. Rather than feeling sorry for themselves and acting like victims, they were able to re-label tragedy and become victors.
IT TAKES A VILLAGE
By: Glenn Conjurske
It takes a village (so we're told), to raise a child today.
It takes a village (we reply), to steal his heart away.
To purge old-fashioned do's and don't from his enlightened mind
to leave old fashioned Ma and Pa, a hundred years behind.
It takes a village, verily, to teach some mother's son
To steal and gamble, smoke and swear, and vandalize for fun.
His mother didn't teach him that!
His father? No, not he!
It takes a village to corrupt, a village verily.
It takes a village, this we know, to teach the maidens sweet,
To dress and act, to look and talk, like women of the street.
It takes a village, not a doubt, to teach a maiden mild,
To save the monkeys, owls, and whales, and kill her unborn child.
It takes a village public school, some subtle class room chats,
To teach the little boys and girls to act like alley cats.
To teach them of the birds and bees, without morality,
to teach them what to do, and how, and tell them they are free.
It takes a village, yes indeed, to brainwash all youth,
With notions and with fallacies, in place of sense and truth.
Abortion rights! The right to die! The rights of animals!
Creative spelling! Unisex! The rights of criminals!
It takes a village, well we know, to turn their minds away.
To stand for fancied "Children's rights," and parents rights deny.
To honor human nature less,and trees and rivers more.
To sacrifice to Mother Earth, and Father God ignore.
"It takes a village," so they say, but something more they mean.
United Nations, Washington, the liberal machine.
Society, the "Brave New World," the socialist scheme.
The global ideology, the New World Order dream!
It takes a village idiot to believe that a family needs instruction from the government to raise a child.
Originally printed in
The Old Paths and Ancient Landmarks
3540 Hwy 47 N.
Rhinelander, Wi. 54501
I wish every one of us had inscribed on the walls of our home the words of Dorothy Law Nolte’s work, “Children Learn What They Live,” and then kept this constantly before us in our daily activities.
If a child lives with criticism,
HE learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
HE learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
HE learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
HE learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
HE learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
HE learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
HE learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
HE learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
HE learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
HE learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
HE learns to find love in the world.
Parenting is not a precise science. It's not the kind of thing where you mix certain ingredients and you count on getting the same reaction. Parenting, well, is largely experimental. But after a while, you learn more creative ways to get your children to do what is right. You can yell, you can threaten, you can try to overpower - or you can work through a method I call “the squeeze.”
See, “the squeeze” sort of steers a child to the right choice. It's also known as the “lousy choice” approach. See, you give your child two choices, but one is so bad that he or she will choose the other one. In our family it might have sounded something like this: “OK, look, you can do the yard work with my help before noon or by yourself sometime before Friday.” They would do it then. Or, “Either you set your own study hours, or I'll set them. You choose.” It's amazing how the “squeeze” usually leads a child to being where he really ought to be.
Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about “Squeezed To Obey.”
Our word for today from the Word of God begins with Jesus' parting instructions to His followers in Acts 1:8. “You will be My witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” Now, guess which part of that they liked best? Right. Jerusalem. That was home. That was the familiar.
I'm not sure they would have ever gotten beyond Jerusalem unless they were pushed, unless they were squeezed to go. Now, that was Acts 1:8. Acts 8:1 tells how it happened. “A great persecution broke out against the church at Jerusalem, and all except the apostles were scattered through Judea and Samaria ... Those who had been scattered preached the Word wherever they went.” Well, the Gospel exploded across the region and the world because God squeezed them out of their comfort zone. God allowed their comfort zone to suddenly become very uncomfortable.
It's as if the Heavenly Father said, “OK, you've got two choices. You can stay where you are in a painful situation, or you can go where I've been trying to send you and take those risks.” Actually, we're just like those first Christians. We get settled into one way of doing things. We hunker down in our current situation, not necessarily because it's the best but because it's comfortable. It's familiar. And then God starts squeezing.
Now, you may be wondering why God has turned up the heat on you recently, why He's increased the pressure. It may be because He wants you to make a change. You can stubbornly choose the pain of staying put if you want to - or you can obediently choose what He knows is best for you.
It may look risky, but it's where He wants you to go. And that's why the squeeze is on. If you're feeling the pressure, it isn't so much that God is angry with you. He's just got something better for you. And He wants you to step up and choose that something better. But if you're like my children - or the First Century Jerusalem Christians - you have to be squeezed to obey.
________________
Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"
*
[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #3637]
WHICH HOUSE DO YOU LIVE IN??
"""
This House??
*"I got two A's," the small boy cried.
His voice was filled with glee.
His father very bluntly asked,
"Why didn't you get three?"
*"Mom. I've got the dishes done!"
The girl called from the door.
Her mother very calmly said,
"And did you sweep the floor?"
*"I've mowed the grass," the small boy said,
"And put the mower away!"
His father asked him, with a shrug.
"Did you clean off the clay?"
*The children in the house next door
Seem happy and content.
The same things happened over there,
But this is how it went:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Or This House??
*"I got two A's," the small boy cried,
His voice was filled with glee.
His father proudly said, "That's great!
I'm glad you live with me!"
*"Mom I've got the dishes done!
The girl called from the door.
Her mother smiled and softly said.
"Each day I love you more."
*"I've mowed the grass." the small boy said.
"And put the mower away!"
His father answered with much joy.
"You've made me a happy day!"
*Children deserve a little praise
For tasks they're asked to do
If they're to lead a happy life.
So much depends on you.
Protecting young people from emotional harm is a noble aim, but have we gone a bit overboard?
Maybe you’ve heard that phrase “killing them with kindness”? According to some, that may be what our culture is doing to today’s college students, at least psychologically.
Peter Gray, a research professor at Boston College, sees what he calls “declining student resilience.” At one major university, “emergency calls to counseling had more than doubled over the past five years. Students are increasingly seeking help for, and apparently having emotional crises over, problems of everyday life.”
Gray said that one student felt traumatized because her roommate had called her a nasty name. Two others sought counseling because they’d seen a mouse in their off-campus apartment. They called the police, who, he says, “kindly arrived and set a mousetrap for them.” The Atlantic calls this kind of thing “the coddling of the American mind.”
Many of these emotionally stunted students can’t handle a bad grade, and their professors live in fear of negative student reviews or lawsuits. Or as one director of counseling said, “There has been ... a decrease in the ability of many young people to manage the everyday bumps in the road of life.”
What’s going on? Dan Jones, the past president of the Association for University and College Counseling Center Directors, points at parents, saying, “[Students] haven’t developed skills in how to soothe themselves, because their parents have solved all their problems and removed the obstacles. They don’t seem to have as much grit as previous generations.”
In other words, there’s been way too much helicopter parenting!
Cameron Cole, a youth pastor in Alabama, knows that overly protecting our kids isn’t biblical. Pain, after all, is part of spiritual growth. “On Jesus’s way to redeeming the world he encountered betrayal, injustice, torture, violence, condemnation, imprisonment, and alienation,” Cole writes. “How deluded I am when I think an alternate path exists for my child’s ‘hoped for’ service to God’s kingdom. He will not wear the crown ... unless he bears a cross.” [see HolwickID #64962]
Too many kids take the easy path, which is the only path they’ve ever known. They’re afraid to fail so they avoid risk at all costs. But our faith teaches us risky obedience to God, knowing He’s in control.
I’m reminded of this point every time I speak with my friend Naghmeh Abedini, the wife of imprisoned pastor Saeed. Jesus said, “I’m with you always.” And let’s not forget, “Nothing shall be impossible.” So let’s share this bracing perspective with our sons and daughters, and live by it.
And let’s not forget that college students in former generations followed this God of the impossible. In 1886, Dwight L. Moody presided over a meeting of 251 college students in Massachusetts. They came from all over the country, and eventually an interest grew in foreign missions. As ChristianHistory.net reports, one of the students, Robert Wilder, organized a meeting for all of those interested in missions, and 21 young people showed up. He later wrote, “Seldom have I seen an audience under the sway of God’s Spirit as it was that night. The delegates withdrew to their rooms or went out under the great trees to wait on God for guidance.”
When the conference was over, 100 students had committed themselves to become overseas missionaries. It was the start of a movement that saw tens of thousands of people carry the gospel around the globe. Is such a passion still conceivable for us?
Yes! But the key is what I learned in my years of teaching teens and college students: Remove the bubble wrap. And like Moody, encourage them toward a God-sized vision for their lives. Help them see their giftedness and how it relates to the needs in their world, so that they can pursue their role in God’s restoration of all things under the lordship of Christ.
And as their leaders, parents, and mentors we need to give them permission to try ... and room to fail.
Resources
Declining Student Resilience: A Serious Problem for Colleges
Peter Gray | psychologytoday.com | September 22, 2015
There Is No Crown Without a Cross for Your Kids
Cameron Cole | thegospelcoalition.org | October 1, 2015
[See HolwickID #64962]
Mobilizing a Generation for Missions
Michael Parker | Christianhistory.net | August 6, 2009
The Coddling of the American Mind
Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt | The Atlantic | September 2015
A Warning about Trigger Warnings: The Dangers of Protective Vindictiveness
John Stonestreet | BreakPoint.org | August 26, 2015
Missions in the Third Millennium
Stan Guthrie, Jonathan Bonk | Paternoster Publishing | December 2001
________
Copyright (c) 2015 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BreakPoint" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries.
The Green, Green Grass of Home
by Erma Bombeck, written November 1971
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
When Mike was 2, he wanted a sandbox, and his father said: "There goes the yard. We'll have kids over here day and night, and they'll throw sand into the flower beds, and cats will make a mess in it, and it'll kill the grass for sure."
And Mike's mother said, "It'll come back."
When Mike was 5, he wanted a jungle gym set with swings that would take his breath away and bars to take him to the summit, and his father said: "Good grief, I've seen those things in back yards, and do you know what they look like? Mud holes in a pasture. Kids digging their gym shoes in the ground. It'll kill the grass."
And Mike's mother said, "It'll come back."
Between breaths, when Daddy was blowing up the plastic swimming pool, he warned: "You know what they're going to do to this place? They're going to condemn it and use it for a missile site. I hope you know what you're doing. They'll track water everywhere and have a million water fights, and you won't be able to take out the garbage without stepping in mud up to your neck. When we take this down, we'll have the only brown lawn on the block."
"It'll come back," Mike's mother said.
When Mike was 12, he volunteered his yard for a campout. As they hoisted the tents and drove in the spikes, his father stood at the window and observed, "Why don't I just put the grass seed out in cereal bowls for the birds and save myself the trouble of spreading it around? You know for a fact that those tents and all those big feet are going to trample down every single blade of grass, don't you. Don't bother to answer. I know what you're going to say...
'It'll come back.'"
The basketball hoop on the side of the garage attracted more crowds than the Olympics. And a small patch of lawn that started out with a barren spot the size of a garbage can lid soon drew to encompass the entire side yard.
Just when it looked as if the new seed might take root, the winter came and the sled runners beat it into ridges. Mike's father shook his head and said, "I never asked for much in this life - only a patch of grass."
And his wife smiled and said, "It'll come back."
The lawn this fall was beautiful. It was green and alive and rolled out like a sponge carpet along the drive where gym shoes had trod... along the garage where bicycles used to fall ... and around all the flower beds where little boys used to dig with iced-tea spoons.
But Mike's father never saw it. He anxiously looked beyond the yard and asked with a catch in his voice.... "He'll come back, won't he?"
PARENTING
"No child of mine," I used to cry
(Before the stork had fluttered by)
"Will ever throw a temper fit,
Or bite or scratch or whine or hit,
Or take a bottle 'til he's three,
Or sit for hours and watch TV,
Or dawdle so he makes me late,
Or leave his spinach on the plate,
Or act (in short) like other kids
Who've made their parents flip their lids!"
But with the patter of little feet
Came forty million words to eat!
Just when you think you have your kids figured out, you had
better brace yourself! Something new is coming your way.
---James Dobson _Parenting isn't for Cowards_
To a power hungry tyrant of any age, appeasement only inflames
his lust for more power. Behavioral research has now demonstrated
this relationship between insecure, permissive parents and
violent, delinquent teenagers.
---James Dobson _Parenting isn't for Cowards_
From the dying lips of
Mrs. Scofield, came a prayer. Her husband bent low and listened carefully to every word. Other members of the family there
heard the prayer as well. The child was delivered safely, but the new mother
died...
Her dying request was kept secret, and only after Cyrus Scofield, had
become a true Christian and had received a definite call to devote his life to
the ministry was he told of this touching prayer which God so graciously
answered. You probably remember Dr. Scofield most because of his annotated
Scofield's Reference Bible.
Prevention is better than correction, suggests an English study of
criminal behavior, and the key may be better training for parents. The Cambridge Study of Delinquent Development tracked 411 London males
from ages 8 to 32. It found that a man was most likely to be convicted
of criminal behavior if he'd experienced the following between the
ages of 8 and 11: - a broken home - low family income - poor housing - antisocial
parents and siblings - poor parental supervision - harsh, erratic
child-rearing behavior - delinquent friends - problems in school
The study suggests that better training for the parents of young boys,
as well as improved preschools, might go a long way toward reducing
future crime rates. - YouthWorker Update, Signs of the Times,
November, 1992, Page 6
Armand Nicholi, of Harvard University, found that American parents spend less time with their children than parents in any other country except Great Britain. Even compared with their Russian counterparts, American fathers spend two fewer hours a day interacting with their children.
The Washington Post, July 21, 1993, p. E13
There's a Spanish story of a father and son who had become estranged. The son ran away, and the father set off to find him. He searched for months to no avail. Finally, in a last desperate effort to find him, the father put an ad in a Madrid newspaper. The ad read:
Dear Paco, meet me in front of this newspaper office at noon on
Saturday. All is forgiven. I love you. Your Father.
On Saturday 800 Pacos showed up, looking for forgiveness and love from their fathers.
[The story was written by Ernest Hemingway.]
_________________
Another version:
A FATHER'S FORGIVENESS
In his book, WHAT’S SO AMAZING ABOUT GRACE, Phillip Yancey tells the story of Ernest Hemingway. Hemingway grew up in a very devout evangelical family, and yet there he never experienced the grace of Christ. He lived a libertine life that most of us would call “dissolute”... but there was no father, no parent waiting for him and he sank into the mire of a graceless depression. A short story he wrote perhaps reveals the grace that he hoped for. It is the story of a Spanish father who decided to reconcile with his son who had run away to Madrid. The father, in a moment of remorse, takes out this ad in El Libro , a newspaper. “Paco, meet me at Hotel Montana, Noon, Tuesday... All is forgiven... Papa.” When the father arrived at the square in hopes of meeting his son, he found eight hundred Pacoes waiting to be reunited with their father. Was Paco such a popular name? Or is a father's forgiveness the salve for every soul?
____________
Rev. Brent Eelman, D. Min., Northwoods Presbyterian Church, 1998.
Research has established that parents can have a significant impact on the religious beliefs and practices of their children. In one recent study it was found that fathers who frequently attend church (over three times per month), discuss religion at home, and are committed to their religion have sons who follow the same pattern concerning religious values and behavior. Interestingly, fathers who did not do these three things had an inconsistent pattern of influence over their son's religious responses.
_____________
Dr. Michael Green, Kindred Spirit, Autumn, 1989, p. 11
Dear Lord,
Thank you for this child that I call mine; not my possession but my sacred charge. Teach me patience and humility so that the best I know may flow in its being. Let me always remember, parental love is my natural instinct but my child's love must ever be deserved and earned; That for love I must give love, That for understanding I must give understanding, That for respect, I must give respect; That as I was the giver of life, so must I be the giver always. Help me to share my child with life and not toclutch at it for my own sake. Give courage to do my share to make this world a better place for all children and my own.
A recent survey by America's most popular teen magazine revealed that
only 4.1% of the teenage girls in America feel they could to go their
father to talk about a serious problem. Even more recently, USA Today
published the eye-opening results of a study of teens under stress.
When asked where they turn to for help in a crisis, the most popular
choice was music, the second choice was peers, and the third was TV.
Amazing as it may sound, moms were down the list at number thirty-one,
and dads were forty-eighth. Joe White in Homemade, Nov 1989
According to a recent study, young men with high self-esteem shared
some common childhood influences. There were three major
characteristics of their families. (1) The high-esteem group was
clearly more loved and appreciated at home than the low-esteem group.
(2) The high-esteem group came from homes where parents had been
significantly more strict in thier approach to discipline. By
contrast, the parents of the low-esteem group had created insecurity
and dependence through their permissiveness. Their children were more
likely to feel that the rules were not enforced because no one cared
enough to get involved. (3) The homes of the high-esteem group were
also characterized by democracy and openness. Once the boundaries were
established, there was freedom for individual persnalities to grow and
develop. Thus, the overall atmosphere was marked by acceptance and
emotional safety. July 1994, Dr. James Dobson's Focus of the Family Bulletin
In his recent book The Future of the American Family (Moody, 1993),
George Barna noted the following, "According to a nationwide survey
conducted by the Los Angeles Times in 1990, most parents (56%) feel
guilty about not spending enough time with their children" (p. 171).
In the same chapter Barna noted, "A study in 1991 by the National
Commission on Children reported that six out of ten parents want to
spend more time with their families" (p 172).
When the 10-year-olds in Mrs. Imogene Frost's class at the Brookside,
N.J. Community Sunday School expressed their views of "What's wrong
with grownups?" they came up with these complaints:
1. Grownups make promises, then they forget all about them, or else
they say it wasn't really a promise, just a maybe. 2. Grownups don't do the things they're always telling the children to
do--like pick up their things, or be neat, or always tell the truth.
3. Grownups never really listen to what children have to say. They
always decide ahead of time what they're going to answer. 4. Grownups make mistakes, but they won't admit them. They always
pretend that they weren't mistakes at all--or that somebody else made
them. 5. Grownups interrupt children all the time and think nothing of it.
If a child interrupts a grownup, he gets a scolding or something
worse. 6. Grownups never understand how much children want a certain thing--a
certain color or shape or size. If it's something they don't
admire--even if the children have spent their own money for it--they
always say, "I can't imagine what you want with that old thing!" 7. Sometimes grownups punish children unfairly. It isn't right if
you've done just some little thing wrong and grownups take away
something that means an awful lot to you. Other times you can do
something really bad and they say they're going to punish you, but
they don't. You never know, and you ought to know.
8. Grownups are always talking about what they did and what they knew
when they were 10 years old--but they never try to think what it's
like to be 10 years old right now. For Families Only, J.A. Petersen, ed., Tyndale, 1977, p. 253
You can have a brighter child, it all depends on your expectations.
Before you're tempted to say, "Not true," let me tell you about
Harvard social psychologist Robert Rosenthal's classic study. All the
children in one San Francisco grade school were given a standard I.Q.
test at the beginning of the school year. The teachers were told the
test could predict which students could be expected to have a spurt of
academic and intellectual functioning. The researchers then drew names
out of a hat and told the teachers that these were the children who
had displayed a high potential for improvement. Naturally, the
teachers thought they had been selected because of their test
performance and began treating these children as special children. And
the most amazing thing happened -- the spurters, spurted! Overall, the
"late blooming" kids averaged four more I.Q. points on the second test
that the other group of students. However, the gains were most
dramatic in the lowest grades. First graders whose teachers expected
them to advance intellectually jumped 27.4 points, and the second
grade spurters increased on the average 16.5 points more than their
peers. One little Latin-American child who had been classified as
mentally retarded with an I.Q. of 61, scored 106 after his selection
as a late bloomer. Isn't this impressive! It reminds me of what Eliza Doolittle says in
My Fair Lady, "The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not
how she behaves, but how she is treated."
No Time to Play My precious boy with the golden hair Came up one day
beside my chair And fell upon his bended knee And said, "Oh, Mommy,
please play with me!" I said, "Not now, go on and play; I've got so
much to do today." He smiled through tears in eyes so blue When I
said, "We'll play when I get through." And I never did find time to
play. When supper was over and dishes done, I was much too tired for
my little son. I tucked him in and kissed his cheek And watched my
angel fall asleep. As I tossed and turned upon my bed, Those words
kept ringing in my head, "Not now, son, go on and play, I've got so
much to do today." I fell asleep and in a minute's span, My little boy
is a full-grown man. No toys are there to clutter the floor; No dirty
fingerprints on the door; No snacks to fix; no tears to dry; The rooms
just echo my lonely sigh. And now I've got the time to play; But my
precious boy is gone away. I awoke myself with a pitiful scream And
realized it was just a dream For across the room in his little bed,
Lay my curly-haired boy, the sleepy-head. My work will wait 'till
another day For now I must find some time to play. Dianna (Mrs. Joe) Neal
Some Minimum Daily Requirements by Charles White Your child's journey from 4 to 14 is very short. Christian parents
need to put God into each day during this impressionable time. As a father of five foster children and a preschool teacher for 10
years, I'm convinced that the following practices -- instilled
adolescent period:
- Hang a picture of Christ in each child's bedroom. Children are
often quicker to respond to pictures than to words.
- Teach your child how to pray. By the time a child is 5, he
should be able to speak one-sentence prayers with a parent. By
the time he's 6, he should be looking for answers to his prayers.
But avoid correcting a child's prayers. They are between him and God.
- Bless your child each morning. If you want to see sudden
dramatic improvement in your family and young children, try this.
I admit it sounds formal, but it's been a miracle for many.
Place one hand on the shoulder or head and repeat a blessing from
Scripture, such as one of the following: "May the Lord bless you and
keep you and make His face to shine upon you and give you peace"
(\reference{Num. 6:24-26}{Numbers 6:24-26}) or "May God strengthen you
with power through His spirit in your inner being so that Christ may
dwell in your heart through faith" (\reference{Eph. 3:16}{Ephesians
3:16}). You can also choose your own words.
The spirit of the blessing impresses even the youngest children.
Giving a blessing can also renew a parent's heart. - Take short walks. Get outside to God's world as much as possible. You can identify trees, capture bugs and look at
scenery. Let creation declare the glory of God.
- Purchase Scripture cards from your Christian bookstore and
leave them on the kitchen table. Reading from God's Word as part of
the mealtime prayer is a great way to remind the family of God's
presence. - Display your child's Sunday school lesson. Letting a youngster's efforts die a painful death on the car floor can leave hurt feelings. Of course, none of these efforts is a guarantee that your daughter or
son will know God. But incorporating some of these ideas will be a
daily reminder of His presence and love. Focus on the Family, September, 1992, Page 13
There's an old story about two young children who were standing on the
corner, bragging about who had moved from state to state the most. One
little boy said, "My family has moved three times in the last three
years." "Hey!" said the other little boy. "That's nothing. My parents have
moved five times this year -- and I found them every time!"
Percentage of American teens who say they want to be like their
parents: 39% Source: What Counts: The Complete Harper's Index Children today average 17 hours a week with Mom and Dad--40 percent
less time than children spent with their parents in 1965.
And they spend more than 25 hours a week watching television. Los
Angeles Times, quoted in Signs of the Times, May 1992
Even when families remain intact, moral instruction is not automatic.
A public school survey in Maryland showed that parents spent an
average of 15 minutes a week in "meaningful dialogue" with their
children--children who are left to glean whatever values they can from
peers and TV. Senator Dan Coates, Imprimis, Vol 20, #9, Sept, 1991
An author for READERS DIGEST writes how he studied the Amish people in preparation for an article on them. In his observation at the school yard, he noted that the children never screamed or yelled. This amazed him. He spoke to the schoolmaster.
He remarked how he had not once heard an Amish child yell, and asked why the schoolmaster thought that was so. The schoolmaster replied, "Well, have you ever heard an Amish adult yell?"
Socrates once wrote: "Could I climb to the highest places in Athens, I
would lift up my voice and proclaim; Fellow citizens, why do you turn
and scrape every stone to gather wealth, and take so little care of
the chidren to whom you must someday relinquish it all?"
Economist Lawrence Olson cited some shocking figures about how
expensive it is to raise children. He estimated that the average cost,
taking into account low-income and high-income families, to feed,
clothe and educate a firstborn son is $226,000. And if that baby
happens to be a girl, the expense would be $247,000! Reflecting on
those figures, Steven Cole commented, "If you had $200,000 to invest,
wouldn't you do some careful research in advance, and then watch that
investment very carefully over the years? How much time, study,
thought and watchfulness do you exercise over those precious lives in
which you invest $200,000?" Daily Bread, quoted in Homemade, Vol 11, No. 4 (April 87)
Everything we make is available for free because of a generous community of supporters.
Donate