325 Sermon Illustrations on Marriage

Trapped without a sleeping bag or a tent in the fierce blizzard

that assaulted the summit of Mount Everest, mountaineer Rob Hall

spoke with his pregnant wife by satellite phone as dusk fell on

Saturday, May 11, 1996.

"Hey, look, don't worry about me," were the 36-year-old New

Zealander's final words, his voice weakened by bitter cold and

frostbite.

Hall had conquered the world's tallest mountain five times. But

as death approached the glory of conquest faded. His heart turned

toward his loved ones. By daybreak the next day rescuers had

abandoned all hope of saving Hall and seven other climbers,

victims of the worst tragedy to strike the 29,028 foot peak since

it was first scaled in 1953.

Men, don't wait for tragedy to strike. Don't wait until "some

day." Open your hearts toward your wives, your children and your

loved ones. Today is the day to set aside personal ambition,

dreams

of glory and the hunger for conquest. Today is the day to

love your wives as you love yourselves.

If you want to live longer, lose weight. So says a widely-

publicized study recently published in the New England Journal of

Medicine.

But there's actually another, more effective way to help increase

your own, your spouse's, and your children's longevity, without

the sweat or the bland food. It's staying married.

According to a 70-year prospective study recently reported in the

American Journal of Public Health and the American Psychologist,

either the breakup of one's own marriage or the divorce of one's

parents reduced the average life span of a group of 1,500 gifted

children studied throughout their lifetimes.

* Both the breakup of one's own marriage or the divorce of

one's parents reduced the average lifespan of a group of

1,500 gifted children studied throughout their lifetimes.

* Men and women who experienced divorce had a 40% greater risk

of premature death.

* Men who remained divorced were 120% more likely to face an

earlier death.

* Women who remained divorced were 80% more likely to face a

premature death.

* Divorced people are more likely to be afflicted with cancer.

* Divorced people are three times more likely to die from

cardiovascular disease.

* Divorced men who don't smoke have only a slightly lower risk

of dying from cancer than married men who smoke a pack of

cigarettes a day.

* A child who's parents divorce before the child's 21st

birthday has a morality risk rate increase of 44%.

* A study of an elderly population found that the less

religious have mortality levels twice as high as those of

the more religious.

Source: Gracie S. Hsu, Stay Married, Go to Church, Live Longer. No

Sweat. Family Research Council Perspectives.

Perhaps the best ideas about what keeps a marriage alive through thick

and thin come from couples who, after decades of marriage, bask in

blissful unions. Berkeley psychologist Robert Levenson is now in the

process of studying pairs who have been together 40 years or more. So

far, reports from the front indicate that these couples are masters in

soothing one another and preventing each other's distress during

conflict. These enduring couples also display a distinctly mellowed

approach to marital differences, with far less conflict and far more

pleasure than younger couples. And as a couple ages, gender

differences appear to fade away, replaced by a more unified view of

marriage and life. A nice ending to a bumpy ride. U.S. News & World Report, February 21, 1994, Page 68-69

A TRAVELER hired an Ass to convey him to a distant place. The day

being intensely hot, and the sun shining in its strength, the Traveler

stopped to rest, and sought shelter from the heat under the Shadow of

the Ass. As this afforded only protection for one, and as the

Traveler and the owner of the Ass both claimed it, a violent dispute

arose between them as to which of them had the right to the Shadow.

The owner maintained that he had let the Ass only, and not his

Shadow. The Traveler asserted that he had, with the hire of the Ass,

hired his Shadow also. The quarrel proceeded from words to blows, and

while the men fought, the Ass galloped off.

In quarreling about the shadow we often lose the substance. Thus,

Christians need to uplift others and build the Body of Christ instead

of arguing about insignificant matters.

{USA Today} showed a graph titled "How live-in partners

fared." It reported that 37 percent "broke up," 10 percent "still

live together," 13 percent had "marriages dissolved," and 40 percent

had "successful marriages."

Proponents of the "trial-marriage" philosophy use false arguments

to promote their cause. By now, media have accepted trial marriages

as a good test of relationships.

Many likely did not intend to have a permanent arrangement in the

first place. Others probably want only a tentative relationship.

About one fourth of thse who eventually married are now divorced,

indicating that one does not learn everything about another by living

together. The 40 percent "successful-marriage" statistic is lower

than the national average of about 50 percent.

Some people will use any gimmick to sell another on having sex.

The old sales pitch, "Living together is a good way to see if we will

have a good marriage," or, "You wouldn't buy a pair of shoes until you

have tried them on, would you?" is just sales talk. People must

accept the persuasion for what it is and not "buy" something they may

regret if their relationship fails to work out according to their

dreams.

- Dale L. Rowley

1. Identify the real problem. 2. Label problem not person. No name

calling. 3. Stick to one subject. 4. No getting "historical." 5.

Avoid "gunnysacking," withdrawin, exploding. 6. No threats of

abandonment. 7. Eliminate "sniper" tactics (public potshots). 8. Do

not go for "hot buttons." 9. Admit to being angry. 10. Disagree as

equals. 11. Take turns listening and discussing. 12. No yelling or

violence.

- Dr. Scott E. Wigginton, Family Counselor at Walnut Street Baptist

Church in Louisville, KY.

The movie The Ghost and the Darkness tells the story of John Patterson, a civil engineer who realizes the dream of a lifetime when he's contracted to build a railroad bridge over the Tsavo river in Africa. He leaves his young wife, whom he loves deeply, at home. She is pregnant with their first child. As the movie progresses it comes to one poignant scene in which the unmarried Remington, the hunter, asks Patterson if he loves his wife. Patterson says that he loves her very much. The camera immediately pans over to an African who has befriended the two white men; it catches a wistful sadness on his face. The man has four wives. He says to Remington and Patterson, “I don't love any of my wives.”

Joyful relationships are not found with many different sex partners. It is found in remaining faithful to a life mate.

see “Fresh Sermon Illustrations” (http://www.sedona.net/~budman/illustr.html)

On July 29, 1981 Britain's Prince Charles married his Lady Diana in

a grand royal ceremony. The glamorous wedding was a fairy tale of

present pomp and past glory, a last gold-leaf page from the tattered

book of empire. London was a city dressed like a vast stage. Buses

were painted with bows, and parks bloomed with Charles' royal crest

outlined in precisely painted blossoms. Some 4,500 pots of flowers

lined the wedding route.

Besides the happy couple, the audience included 26 prominent

clerics, a congregation of 2,500 crowding each other for pew space

under the great painted dome of St. Paul's Cathedral, more than 75

technicians manning 21 cameras, and an estimated worldwide television

audience of 750 million.

Isn't it noteworthy that a glamorous wedding does not guarantee a

great marriage?

Many people do not know why February 14 is called Valentine's Day. Most people believe it got its name from a man named Valentine who lived 1700 years ago. He was a priest in Rome when Christianity was a new religion. He was put to death for teaching Christianity. Afterwards he was called a saint. One legend tells why Valentine is the patron saint of lovers. The Roman soldiers did not want to leave their homes to fight the emperor's wars. Claudius II, who was the emperor then, ordered the young men not to marry. He thought that if they did not have homes, they would be willing to go away and fight. Valentine felt sorry for the unhappy young men and their sweethearts. He married many of them secretly. So even today, sweethearts celebrate in his honor.

There is a custom in an area of the Netherlands where newlywed couples enter their house through a special door. The door is never used again until one dies and the body is carried out through that same door. God designed marriage like that house. It has one door that is locked tightly. That lock, which keeps the marriage bond secure, is loving commitment for life, which includes a commitment to being reconciled if the relationship should break.

J. Allen Petersen said, "I do not know whether or not your marriage was made in heaven, but I do know that all the maintenance work is done on earth."

Helmut Thielicke, in his book How the World Began, made this observation: I once knew a very old married couple who radiated a tremendous happiness. The wife especially, who was almost unable to move because of old age and illness and in whose kind old face the joys and sufferings of many years had etched a hundred lines, was filled with such a gratitude for life that I was touched to the heart. Involuntarily, I asked myself what could possibly be the source of this kindly person's radiance. In every other respect they were common people, and their room indicated only the most modest comfort. But suddenly I knew where it all came from, for I saw those two speaking to each other, and their eyes hanging upon each other. All at once it became clear to me that this woman was dearly loved. It was not because she was a cheerful and pleasant person that she was loved by her husband all those years. It was the other way around. Because she was so loved she became the person I saw before me.

There is a custom in an area of the Netherlands where a newlywed couple enter their house through a special door. The door is never used again until one dies and the body is carried out through that same door. God designed marriage like that house. It has one door that is locked tightly. That lock, which keeps the marriage bond secure, is loving commitment for life.

A beautiful blond senior shares: "When we date, we start giving

gifts, like flowers or candy. When a couple becomes engaged, they

give special things -- a diamond and very personal things. The most

personal gift that I can ever give is myself. I have nothing more

precious to give. When I marry, I want to give my husband the best

that I have -- my whole self as completely as I can."

-- Dr. Richard B. Wilke

See: \reference{1 Cor 6:18-20}{1 Corinthians 6:18-20}; \reference{1

Thess 4:3}{1 Thessalonians 4:3}; \reference{Heb 13:4}{Hebrews 13:4}

Little Cindy had been a bad girl. She'd been sent from the dinner table to her room. After a little while, Mom and Dad thought the point had been made. They knew that children, of course, need to be assured of our love when we've disciplined them. So, Daddy went upstairs, opened the door to Cindy's room, and found her in bed, under her covers, snuggling with her arm wrapped tightly around her favorite dolly. Her father sat on the bed and just gently said, "Cindy, I love you." Then he held out his arms to hug her. For a moment, the little girl just looked straight ahead and she hugged her dolly closer. But that couldn't last. Very soon, Cindy dropped her dolly and grabbed her Daddy in a big hug. A dolly, of course, is no substitute for a daddy!

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "Hugging The Wrong Thing."

When little Cindy felt as if she couldn't have her Daddy's hugs, she resorted to something that just couldn't be as good as a Daddy. Sadly, many grownups make that same kind of mistake - married grownups. We feel like we're not getting the love we need from the person that is our husband or wife - so we start hugging something else.

It's a strange, but all too common phenomenon - when we don't feel our mate is loving us in our language of love and not meeting our needs, we subconsciously start pouring ourselves into something or someone else to fill the gap. And that's where the most important of all human relationships starts to drift and divide. Pretty soon, two people who pledged to be one until death did them part are living in the same house but living in two different worlds.

We set ourselves up for that heartache when start getting away from the Designer's blueprint for marriage, spelled out for the first husband and wife in history. It's in our word for today from the Word of God in Genesis 2, beginning in verse 18. "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.' ... the Lord God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man ... a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." That's the total merging of two lives - that's the Master Plan. He is for her, she is for him, and together they will walk with God and rule what He has given them.

Tragically, sin entered the garden and their relationship, and drove a wedge between them. Sin is still doing that. And we help it happen with our own neglect. If a woman feels she is not the center of her husband's priorities and affections, she turns to her children or other relationships or arenas to meet her need. If a man is not feeling secure in his wife's love, he'll look for affirmation and identity somewhere else - by "marrying" his work or his hobby - or even with the attention of another woman.

If you sense that happening, now is the time to take your heart back to that altar where you pledged to make him or her your Number One. Let your needs be known, gently not accusingly. If necessary, seek out counseling together to get back to your first love.

Face the responsibility you have for the distance that's been developing. Put aside whatever "dolly" you've been hugging for security and wrap both arms around the person you pledged your life to. Yes, you have to work at this oneness that God created marriage to bring. But it is so worth the work. So worth the sacrifices. If you're married, God intended you to find in one another the harbor for which our hearts truly long.

________________

Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

*

A seven-year-old was asked, when attending a wedding, what kind of wedding he was going to have. Solemnly he answered, "I'm never going to marry. I've lived with married people too long."

A different kind of announcement was lplaced in a newspaper on the

twentieth anniversary by a proud husband.

It read: "I WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THE OBLIGATIONS OF MY

WIFE. DURING TWENTY YEARS OF MARRIAGE SHE HAS GIVEN ME GREAT

HAPPINESS, COMFORT, COUNSEL, AND TWO FINE CHILDREN. AS WE BEGIN OUR

TWENTY-FIRST YEAR, I AM PROUD TO ASSUME ANY AND ALL OF HER WISHES."

In his book "The Ministry of Baptist Deacons," Robert Sheffield has given suggestions for improving marriage.

1. Share common goals and values.

2. Make a commitment to grow.

3. Improve your communication skills.

4. Broaden your relationships.

5. Handle marital conflicts creatively.

6. Keep love alive.

7. Manage your money.

8. Cultivate your spiritual lives.

9. Share ministry together.

________

Robert Sheffield, {The Ministry of Baptist Deacons}

(Nashville: Convention Press, 1990) 124-125

My Source: Roger Campbell’s, TRUTH, #425

Author: Roger D. Campbell

File Under: MARRIAGE or YOUTH

WILL YOU MARRY A CHRISTIAN?

If you are not married, but you hope to be married someday in the future, do you plan to marry a Christian? Christians have the right to be married, for it is written, “But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned” (1 Corinthians 7:28). But, it is not true that marriage is only for Christians. Thousand of years before Jesus came to earth, Adam and Eve were married, and thus became one flesh (Matthew 19:4,Matthew 19:5), but they certainly were not Christians. Furthermore, it is possible for a Christian to be married to one who is outside of Christ, and God recognizes them as husband and wife (1 Peter 3:1). So, what advice shall we give to our brothers and sisters (both young and not so young) who hope to get married some day? Should they marry a Christian, that is, one who is a member of the Lord’s church? Without any hesitation, our answer is YES! By all means, marry a Christian!

After Jehovah brought the Israelites out of Egyptian bondage, at Mt. Sinai He declared unto them, “And ye shall be unto me a kingdom of priests, and an holy nation” (Exodus 19:6). God wanted His people to be holy as He was holy (Leviticus 11:44). One specific command that He gave to His holy nation pertained to whether or not the Israelites should marry the inhabitants of the land of Canaan, who were Gentiles. God told the children of Israel, “Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods; so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly” (Deuteronomy 7:3,Deuteronomy 7:4). We see that God forbid His children from marrying the Canaanites, and the reason was plainly stated: God did not want the Gentiles to influence His children to forsake Him to follow false gods.

Can you think of an Israelite king who disobeyed God’s command not to marry a foreign wife? If you were thinking that the answer is Solomon, then you are right. Of him it is written, “But king Solomon loved many strange women . . ..women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittities . . . Solomon clave unto these in love. . . For it came to pass when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods; and his heart was not perfect with the Lord his God” (1 Kings 11: 1 Kings 1,1 Kings 2,1 Kings 4). Make no mistake, Solomon was responsible for his own mistakes. But the text plainly shows that his wives turned his heart away from Jehovah to false deities. About five hundred years later when Nehemiah saw that the Jews of his days were involved in mixed marriages with foreigners, he reminded them of Solomon’s tragic mistake, severely rebuking them by saying, “Ye shall not give your daughters unto their sons, nor take their daughters unto your sons, or for yourselves. Did not Solomon king of Israel sin by these things? yet among many nations was there no king like him, who was beloved of his God, and God made him king over all Israel; nevertheless even him did outlandish women cause to sin. Shall we then hearken unto you to do all this great evil, to transgress against our God in marrying strange wives” (Nehemiah 13:25-27)? Solomon sinned when he married those foreign wives, and as a result of their influence, he began to serve idols! We recognize that Christians are not under the law of Moses, but we also understand this truth: “For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning” (Romans 15:4), so there are some powerful lessons that we can learn from the Old Testament. Solomon probably thought those wives would never influence him to depart from the true and living God, but they did! From Solomon’s mistakes, do we not see that it is a very dangerous affair to marry someone who is not a child of God?

Every Christian must be very careful about his associations with others, as God warns us, “Be not deceived; evil communications corrupt good manners” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Surely all of us need to be extremely careful about the marriage relationships in which we enter, for the decision that we make about whom we marry may effect the eternal salvation of our souls and the souls of our children! Please consider this: the Lord Jesus said, “He that is not with me is against me” (Matthew 12:30), so one who is not a Christian is, in reality, a child of the devil (Acts 13:10). Do you realize what that means for you if you marry a child of Satan? It means that the spiritual father of your spouse, your father-in- law, will be the devil himself! Like it or not, that means you will always have the potential for serious spiritual problems.

It is a risk, a very high risk, for a Christian to marry someone who is not in Christ. Yes, it is possible that you might eventually influence your mate to become a Christian, but the chances are much greater that your mate will influence you to become lukewarm in your service to Christ or to leave the Lord completely. Brothers and sisters, please believe me. I do not say that because I doubt your faith, but rather I say that because in history a very high percentage of members of the church who married a non-Christian, in the end compromised their faith and became unfaithful. We do not desire to conceal that fact from you, because we do not want to see you make the same tragic mistake that many others have.

We know that before a Christian marries a non-Christian, when they are still just dating the non-Christian often promises that it will not be a problem in their marriage if the Christian wants to continue to attend services and live a faithful Christian life. Probably the Christian thinks that is true, and deceives himself into thinking that, yes, all will be fine in his marriage to one who serves Satan. Stop! Please take time to seriously think about the following problems that you will face. If you marry one who is not a member of the church, you will still want to keep coming to every Bible class and every worship service of the church, just like before marriage. However, your spouse will not like that. He or she will probably be jealous of the Lord and the church, because he will consider both the Lord and His church as competition. Suppose your mate’s mother’s birthday is on Sunday, and a birthday meal is planned at your mate’s house at the same time the church is assembling to worship God, and you tell your husband that you will be going to services first, then later to the meal. He will not like it one bit, and you will have a serious conflict. And what about your kids? You will certainly want to bring them to every service and Bible class of the church, so that you can raise them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). Do you think your mate will like that? Probably not, and more serious conflicts will be coming. When you tell your non- Christian mate that you are going to give as much of your money as you can to the Lord each first day of the week (1 Corinthians 16:2), how do you think your non-Christian mate will like that? Not much! When you want to spend as much time with other Christians in order to enjoy their wonderful fellowship, your mate will probably be against it, as he or she would rather be with his or her own worldly friends, doing the things that worldly people do. Sisters, how is your non-Christian husband going to like it when he smokes and drinks, but you tell your kids that you will beat them severely if you ever seem them smoking or drinking? Conflicts, and more conflicts! How will you and your husband spend your time and money? Will you raise your kids to know and serve Christ? With which friends will you spend time, Christians or non-Christians? Don’t deceive yourself, you and your non-Christian mate will never have the same answer for these questions. You might think that you will be strong and will never compromise, but the sad reality is that most Christians married to those out of Christ do, in fact, compromise, and their souls are in great danger!

Before you make a decision to get married, please ask yourself another question: If I marry this person, will he help me go to heaven, or will he hinder me? Will he help me train my kids to know the Bible and faithfully serve Jesus Christ, or will he hinder me in this effort? Believe me, if you marry a child of the devil, their will be no spiritual help from them, only hindrances to you and your children going to heaven. We do not say these things because we hate those who are out of Christ, for we love them. We say all these things because they are true, a reality that many Christians have found out only when it is too late. Marry a faithful child of God!

We are sure that some will say, “Brother Roger, you have still not shown one Bible verse in which it plainly says that a Christian sins if he marries one who is not in Christ.” I agree. But together we have seen some important Bible principles. Do you truly seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness in your life (Matthew 6:33)? If so, how could you even consider marrying one who is not in the kingdom of Christ? If you marry a Christian, does that guarantee that you will have a happy, successful marriage? Not at all. So, make sure that you marry only one who is a FAITHFUL member of Christ’s church. That will be your greatest chance for having a happy marriage in this life, and having a marriage in which you and your mate can exhort one another to be faithful to the Lord so that you can spend eternity together in heaven in the next life. If you get married, will you marry a Christian? We hope so.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

26 JUNE 1998 – CHURCH OF CHRIST, P.O. BOX 828, KIEV 252067, UKRAINE

| My Source:

| TRUTHS, 442

|–––––––––––––––

| Author: Roger D. Campbell

Continued from Previous Mailout…

Friends, Jesus Christ is King of kings and Lord of lords (1 Timothy 6:15). All authority in heaven and earth is given unto Him (Matthew 28:18). Therefore, all men living in every place are under His authority and obligated to do His will. And yes, that includes obeying His will concerning marriage and divorce.

As we noted in the last part of our previous article, the gospel or law of Jesus Christ applies to all men. Jesus has all authority in heaven and earth (Matthew 28:18), so all men are obligated to obey Him. This is directly related to the questions of who has the right to marry or divorce. Some brethren think that Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce (specifically what is recorded in Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9) applies to one only after he has been baptized into Christ. But the law of Jesus Christ, including what He teaches about marriage and divorce, is universal; all men are under it. Consider this. If the world (that is, those outside of Christ) is not under the Lord’s law, then how does a person in the world sin against Him? On the day of Pentecost Peter commanded Jews who were not disciples of Jesus to repent (Acts 2:38). The apostle Paul declared that God commands all men everywhere to repent (Acts 17:30). But whois in need of repentance? Those who have sinned. To sin means to transgress the law of God (1 John 3:4). The fact that those who are still outside of Christ are considered by God as sinners and in need of repentance proves that they are under the law of Christ. If Jesus’ law did not apply to them, then they could not be sinners. Why? “For where no law is, there is no transgression” (Romans 4:15).

Let us look at a specific example from 1 Corinthians chapter six. It is written, “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you; but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God” (6:9-11). In the past some in the congregation in Corinth had participated in the sins listed above. But, now they have been cleansed of these sins. Just when did they sin in such a fashion? Before they became Christians. Notice that one of the things listed is “adulterers.” Some of them had committed adultery (been adulterers) before they were baptized into Christ. What does it mean to commit adultery? Adultery is the sexual violation of one’s marriage vow, that is, it means for a married person to have physical (sexual) relations with one who is not his spouse. But one cannot commit adultery against his marriage if he is not married! Vine’s Expository Dictionary defines an “adulterer” as “one who has unlawful intercourse with the spouse of another.” According to the New Testament, adultery includes the idea of being in a so-called marriage with someone other than one’s true spouse. “So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress” (Romans 7:3). In the eyes of the Lord some members of the church in Corinth had been guilty of committing adultery before they obeyed the gospel. But if God considered them as adulterers, then they had violated God’s law as it pertains to marriage and the sexual privileges one has in marriage. It follows that God considered them as “married” even while they were still in the world (before they became Christians). Therefore, the Lord’s teaching on marriage and divorce and proper physical relations between a man and a woman (Hebrews 13:4) applies not only to those who are in Christ, but also to those who are not Christians. This is an extremely important concept that we must not forget.

Which people have the right to marry? One who has never been married has the right before God to marry. “But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned” (1 Corinthians 7:28). One whose spouse has died has the right to marry again, for it is written, “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39). In Romans 7:2,Romans 7:3 we also read,: “For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is not adulteress, though she be married to another man.”

A third category of people who have the right to marry are those who have previously been married, but divorced their spouse because of the spouse’s sexually immorality (fornication). Jesus said, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery; and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery” (Matthew 19:9). According to this passage, who commits adultery? One who marries a woman who has been divorced. And who else? One who divorces his wife, not due to her fornication, and marries another. If divorce without fornication plus entering a new marriage equals adultery, then it is implied that divorce with (because of one’s spouse’s) fornication plus entering a new marriage, is not adultery. That is, one whose spouse has committed sexual immorality during the time of their marriage, has the right to divorce her/him and marry another. Please note that the Lord does not command either the divorce or entering the second marriage, but He allows it in such a case (when one’s mate has been sexually unfaithful). It is also important to understand that the actual reason for the divorce must be fornication on the part of one’s mate. It is possible that a husband committed fornication in the past, but the wife continued to live with him. Then, after several years, when she sees that he is not going to be rich, she decides to divorce him so that she can marry a richer man. Yes, he committed fornication, but if he had become a rich man, the wife would have gladly stayed with him. So, when she later gets a divorce, the real reason is not his fornication, but her worldly desire to have more riches through a richer man. Would this woman have the right to divorce her husband and marry another? No. Why? Again, because she would not be divorcing him due to his fornication.

In connection with the topic of who has the right to be married, with love for the souls of all men we would offer these words of admonition to one who is considering getting married. Entering into marriage is a most serious affair. God’s will is for a man and woman to be united in marriage and live together for their whole lives (Matthew 19:4-6). Before you get married, ask yourself: (1) According to the Scriptures do I have the right to be married?; (2) According to the Scriptures does the one whom I desire to marry have the right to be married? Are you sure? If you are not 100% certain on BOTH of these questions, then do not get married. It is that simple. Maybe someone wants to ask, “If I have never been married, or my spouse died, then I have the right to be married, right? So how does the situation of the person to whom I want to marry affect my right to be married? “ If a woman divorces her husband (not due to his fornication) and marries another, then she is committing adultery. The proof? “And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery” (Mark 10:12). So, if a man marries such a divorced woman, then in part he will be responsible for her committing adultery. Not only that, but if a man enters into a marriage with such a woman who is divorced, then he also would be living in adultery. The proof? “And whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery” (Matthew 19:9). The most important possession that we have is our eternal soul. It would not be wise for any of us to marry a person when we are not sure if our union with him/her is accepted by the God of heaven, or if it would be adultery in His eyes! Remember, adulterers cannot inherit God’s eternal kingdom (1 Corinthians 6:9,1 Corinthians 6:10). Please do not risk your soul by entering into a marriage when there is doubt about whether you or the one whom you plan to marry has the right in the eyes of the Lord to be married. Yes, Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce is very strict. His disciples understood this, for after hearing Jesus speak plainly on these topics (Matthew 19:4-9), they reacted by saying to Him, “If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry” (19:10).

…

CHURCH OF CHRIST, P.O. BOX 828, KIEV 252067, UKRAINE

My Source:

COWAN CHURCH OF CHRIST MESSENGER

Volume 3, #43, November 2, 1997

Author: Alan Adams

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MATTHEW 28:19-20, DIVORCE-REMARRIAGE

AND (AAAHHH!) GRAMMAR

by Alan Adams

For some, discussion of grammar ranks right up there with ingrown toenails. I had a teacher, who once out of frustration said, "You fellows wouldn't know an adverb from an adenoid." I've tried to do better over the years. Grammar is not just a matter of piddling with idle curiosity. There's really no choice; if you're going to read and understand the Bible, you have to deal with grammar. That's just a fact of life.

MATTHEW 28:19-20 AND ITS MEANING

IN LIGHT OF ITS GRAMMAR...

Note the key verbs in this passage as they are translated in the KJV [all caps, DRL]. "GO...TEACH all nations, BAPTIZING them... and TEACHING them..." The typical explanation and application of this passage is: Jesus said we should 1) teach people, THEN 2) baptize them, and THEN 3) teach them some more. Whereas it is certainly true that we should do just that, it is NOT true that this is the meaning of Matthew 28:19-20.

For one thing the first "TEACH" and the second "TEACHING" are not the same words. The first one is a form of the Greek verb matheiteuo and the second one is a form of the Greek verb didasko. Just looking at them, it is clear that they are not the same. MATHEITEUO is the verb form of the noun MATHEITEIS, which means "disciple." Jesus said, "Go disciple all nations," or as the ASV says, "Go make disciples of all the nations." It would be the same as saying, "Go make christians of all nations."

The logical question here would be, HOW does one make christians out of people in all the nations? Jesus says, by "baptizing [and] teaching." Paying attention to grammar, one will look at the ending of the words baptidzONTES and didaskONTES. People who spent lifetimes in Greek determined that -ONTES signifies that the verbs with this ending are present active participles. That's why, when translating into English, they put -ING on the end of the verbs "baptizing" and "teaching."

The granddaddy of Greek grammar experts, A.T. Robertson, said, "BAPTIDZONTES and DIDASKONTES in Matthew 28:19 are modal participles" [GRAMMAR OF THE GREEK NEW TESTAMENT, p. 1128]. "Modal" comes from "mode," which has to do with manner or method of doing something. Simply put, these modal participles, "baptizing" and "teaching," are there in order to explain the manner or means by which the apostles were to "make disciples of all the nations." It would be like saying, "Make the car look sharp: washing it, waxing it." In such a case, the meaning is not 1) make it sharp, then 2) wash it, and then 3) wax it. "Washing," "waxing," explain the mode or manner by which the car is to be made sharp. They are modal participles. Understanding this is not one whit more difficult than learning what a cam shaft is, or what valves and lifters are supposed to do. It's all a matter of desire and effort.

UNDERSTANDING AND APPLYING WHAT IS

TAUGHT BY THE WORDS AND GRAMMAR

OF MATTHEW 28:19-20 HAS GREAT

PRACTICAL BENEFIT...

First, it knocks in the head the all-too-common practice of teaching people who know zip about the Bible, that there was a man named Jesus, and then in the next breath, telling them they must be immersed in water. Jesus said, "make disciples," by not only "baptizing" them, but also by "teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you." Brother Thomas Warren has said,

Obviously, this does not mean that the one

who is teaching the prospective candidate for

baptism [must teach the candidate--AA] the

specific details of every individual or particular

instruction in the gospel ... but it does mean

that Christ expects those who preach the gospel

to the lost so to teach that, when the lost confess

their faith in Christ (just prior to being baptized,

Acts 8:26-40; Romans 10:9-10), they are to

have been taught that they are, in that confession,

publicly committing themselves to being faithful

to Christ--i.e., to all of the law (gospel) of Christ

for the rest of their lives [KEEPING THE LOCK

IN WEDLOCK, p. 125].

We simply do wrong when, in our exuberance to get people into the water, we fail to impress upon them that they are committing themselves to a lifetime effort of "observing all things whatsoever [Christ] commanded [the apostles]." The unspoken, yet practiced, doctrine of Baptize [shoot] first, then ask questions later, is false.

UNDERSTANDING AND APPLYING WHAT

IS TAUGHT BY THE WORDS AND GRAMMAR

OF MATTHEW 28:19-20 KNOCKS IN THE

HEAD A FALSE DOCTRINE RELATIVE TO

CHRIST'S TEACHING ON DIVORCE AND

REMARRIAGE...

Readers of the Bible are aware that Jesus said that SOMEBODY ["whosoever"] who divorces his spouse for any reason other than fornication, and then marries another person, commits adultery. With divorce now as common as drinking water, the teaching of Jesus has come to be seen as quite an "hard saying" with many, even preachers.

Does Jesus mean to say that 1) anybody, christian or non-christian, living this side of the First Century, who 2) divorces his spouse, 3) let's say, because they fought all the time, and then 4) marries another person, whom he loves and with whom he is happy, is 5) a person who commits adultery as long as he lives with his second spouse? The short answer is, Yes.

Some brethren do not agree with this apparent teaching of Jesus based on Matthew 19:9. The disagreement has taken many forms and comes from many different angles. Here, I am only concerned with one as it relates to the correct exegesis of Matthew 28:19-20.

THE NOTION THAT WHEN JESUS SAID

"WHOSOEVER"

THAT HE REALLY MEANT

"WHOSOEVER"

IS A CHRISTIAN MARRIED TO ANOTHER

CHRISTIAN

The late brother James Bales was a, if not THE, champion of this view. He believed, taught, and promoted the notion that a comparison between Paul's teaching in 1 Corinthians 7, and that of Jesus in Matthew 19, warrants the conclusion that Jesus, in Matthew 19:9 was speaking ONLY of a marriage between two believers.

First, the notion that there is a CHRISTIAN "adultery" and an NON-CHRISTIAN "adultery" is morally repugnant. Those who accept Bales' teaching here should answer the question. Does "adultery" have any meaning for non-christians? Is there a CHRISTIAN "fornication" and a NON-CHRISTIAN "fornication"? "Effeminancy"? "Lasciviousness"? On the surface, this doctrine (that of Bales) is false.

Second, since we are to "make disciples of all the nations": and since, a part of making a disciple involves teaching that prospective convert that he is "to observe all things whatsoever [Christ] commanded [the apostles]": and since, Matthew 19:9 is a part of all the things Christ commanded the apostles; it is therefore the case that the people in all the nations, though not christians, are under, subject to, amenable to, what Christ commanded in Matthew 19:9. Clearly, "whatsoever," in Matthew 19:9 means just that.

How can a non-christian be made a disciple by "teaching him to observe all" of Christ's commandments to the apostles, if he is not, to begin with, subject to those same commands? "To observe" translates the Greek TEIREIN which is a present active, infinitive verb. It comes from TEIREO which means to "follow, keep, abide by." Jesus did not say, Teach the non-christian, baptize him, and then teach him that he henceforth, and for the first time shall be morally responsibile to keep all my commandments. That non-christian was/is already subject to "all" of Christ's commandments. In order to become a disciple, to be saved, to receive the remission of sins, he must commit himself to bring his life into harmony with all that Christ has commanded--yes, even what he commanded about divorce and remarriage.

As to "all things whatsoever I have commanded you." Jesus "commanded" things about stealing, lying, extortion, fornication, etc. When going out among the "nations," and trying to turn them from their sins, I am to do so, not only by "baptizing" them, but also, and equally, by "teaching" them to "observe" all that Christ commanded. The notion that they only become amenable to these commands (including the command in Matthew 19:9), and their implications as regards how one would repent of their violation, AFTER becoming a christian, is flatly wrong. The grammar of Matthew 28:19-20 proves that. Brother Hugo McCord is reported to have once referred to the Bales' doctrine as "damnable heresy." I agree.

Alan Adams

Cowan church of Christ

104 S. Willow Street

Cowan, TN 37318

==================================================

DRL NOTE: An excellent study. If you didn't catch it all the first time, please re-read it.

So many politicians at every level these days are championing family values that their rhetoric has become wearying and meaningless.

So it is refreshing to hear a straightforward, nonpolitical insight into one of the lesser publicized values of the family. A friend recently pointed out a passage written by 19th century clergyman and historian Jacob Abbott in his book on Romulus, founder of Rome.

In explaining why Romulus helped his first settlers marry as quickly as possible, Abbott wrote: "Men unmarried are, in the mass, proverbially ungovernable.

"Nothing is so effectual in keeping a citizen away from scenes of tumult and riot as a wife and children at home. The fearful violence of the riots and insurrections of which the city of Paris has so often been the scene, is explained, to a great degree, by the circumstance that so immense a proportion of the population are unmarried.

"They have no homes, and no defenseless wives and children to fear for, and so they fear nothing, but give themselves up to the wildest impulses of passion."

Families have always been a civilizing force. Policing men's wildest impulses, whether it be lewd behavior, heavy drinking, fighting, or simply practicing the motto, "No fear," is a risky and endless task where no wives or drill sergeants are there to help.

It is no coincidence that the most dangerous streets in most cities are those areas where marriage is least strong and broken families are publicly subsidized, which tends to encourage domestic disarray.

The responsibility of home and children has the power to change the attitude of both young fathers and mothers. Without government prodding they are drawn toward peace and productivity.

What society needs is not more laws to enforce so-called family values, but more incentives to reinforce the traditional family structure, from which civilizing values naturally arise.

A North Carolina jury ordered a man to pay $234,000 for stealing the love of another man's wife. The verdict was not about money, legal experts say. Instead, it's a way for a scorned spouse to send a message that cheating isn't fair or appropriate.

In August, another North Carolina jury awarded a jilted wife $1 million. North Carolina is one of the few states with alienation-of-affection laws still on the books. Most states abolished such laws when no-fault divorce laws became popular.

Said Scott Altman, law professor at the University of Southern California, "Even though fault-based divorce is abolished, most people still regard infidelity as wrong and feel terribly hurt by it. So for someone to want a remedy when they feel so aggrieved, and for a jury to be sympathetic, doesn't strike me as shocking."

--USA Today (9/19/97)

Zyness O'Haver and Sallie Warren decided to make it official and get married. Why not, after living together 77 years?

O'Haver, 95, and Warren, 94, were married Wednesday in a ceremony at the Oklahoma County courthouse. Three of the couple's four grandchildren were on hand to witness.

“I can't remember when I've married a more anxious bride,” said Special Judge J. Fred Doak.

After the repeating of the vows and exchange of rings - enlivened once when Warren prematurely answered the judge with “I sure do!” and a few times when she gave O'Haver quick kisses - the judge pronounced them “man and wife, woman and husband.”

O'Haver is a retired plumber and construction contractor. His bride has used O'Haver's name for many years. They apparently began living as a couple in 1925 and had one son, the late Louis Gene O'Haver.

Their marriage was Zyness O'Haver's idea, family members said.

“He's a fun guy,” grandson Louis G. “Garrett” O'Haver Jr., of Norco, California, said shortly before the wedding, “and he used to say as a joke, 'Someday I'm gonna make an honest woman out of her.'“

A granddaughter, Rebecca O'Haver of Oklahoma City, said her grandparents met during “a hayrack ride” in Texas when her grandfather was about 17, and her grandmother, a native of Tyler, Texas, was 16.

Rebecca O'Haver said the family had long considered her grandparents' wedding date as July 17, 1925. But, family members never were able to locate their marriage license and were told conflicting stories about it, until they decided it didn't exist.

When greeted by one of the well-wishers, Zyness O'Haver answered, “Yes, it's a big day.”

Then he said, turning toward his wife, “And this is the little lady."

*

[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #13282]

While marriages are failing at epidemic proportions among both Christians and non-Christians, couples can protect their relationships from ruin by implementing safeguards of accountability, says Bob Reccord, president of the North American Mission Board and author of the newly published book, "Beneath The Surface -- Steering Clear of The Dangers that Could Leave You Shipwrecked."

But accountability, Reccord said, cannot be forced on someone. "People don't just come up and take accountability on your behalf, you have to grant it," Reccord said. "You have to say I need you to help me be accountable."

Reccord said it is important to have someone who can ask you the tough personal questions regarding your private life, such as your thoughts or what you've been viewing on the Internet.

"Accountability is 'I want the very best in your life. I want you to succeed. Therefore, I'm willing to do whatever it takes for you to succeed in your walk.' If that's my view of you, then out of love, I have no choice but to go to you."

Reccord and his wife, Cheryl, spoke candidly with James Dobson, founder and host of "Focus On The Family," about how they've been able to avoid temptations to be unfaithful during their 30-year marriage.

The Reccords shared how the demands of work schedules and parenting put a strain on their relationship early in their marriage.

"I can remember sitting on the couch one night, and our second child, our son, was less than a year old at that point, and it suddenly dawned on me as I sat there by myself for another night, that it was more natural for Bob to be gone than it was for him to be home," Cheryl said. "He had really become kind of an interruption in our lives."

At the time, Bob's ministry had him traveling around the country 33 weeks a year.

"It was a crisis point," Cheryl recalled. "People would ask our oldest daughter, 'what does your daddy do?' and she would say he works on an airplane."

Cheryl said she knew something had to change when her feelings of loneliness were magnified when their pastor would call to check on her or compliment her about how she looked when Bob was out of town.

That's when Cheryl confided in her husband.

"It was a wake-up call to me," Reccord said. "It changed my life of understanding that as the husband, I'm responsible for more than just providing the house and finances. I'm responsible for making her feel secure and making her feel loved."

Reccord subsequently stepped down from his ministry position and began pastoring bi-vocationally.

Meanwhile, the Reccords learned later that their pastor had affairs with nine other women in their church, all of whose husbands traveled a lot in their jobs.

"It wasn't that we were on the verge of divorce," Cheryl recalled. "We weren't anywhere close. It wasn't like one of us had an affair. We'd never had that happened. We knew that if we didn't make some major changes in our life at that point we could head there."

While the Reccords heeded the warning signals and changed their lifestyle, statistics show that an alarming number of married couples, including those in full-time Christian ministry, ignore the danger signs, and like the infamous Titanic, sink into destruction.

"If you look back and study the history, they got six warnings of icebergs, and what sunk the Titanic wasn't what was above the surface, it was what was below it," Reccord said. "It's not the big stuff that brings us down, it's the culmination of the little stuff."

Citing 2000 census statistics that showed the number of single-parent households increased by 72 percent in the decade of the 90's, while the total number of original two-parent homes dropped below 25 percent for the first time, Reccord said the American family faces a crisis situation.

Although the cause of the problem, Reccord said, is obvious, it takes courage and discipline to implement the biblical principles necessary to protect husbands and wives from the lure of sexual infidelity.

"In the Book of James in the Bible, it says every man is drawn away by his own evil desires," Reccord said. "We can say the devil made me do it all we want, but Scripture is clear that we have a sin nature deep down in us."

Reccord identified three different stages of a marriage when couples are especially vulnerable to the temptation of marital unfaithfulness: about 2 years into the marriage; at the height of career success; and after the children are grown and out of the house.

"Cheryl and I have learned the value of dating weekly, finding something to celebrate monthly, escaping quarterly, and in my book we put in questions that we think every husband and wife ought to ask themselves at least once a year in a retreat," Reccord said.

"Beneath The Surface -- Steering Clear of the Dangers That Could Leave You Shipwrecked," identifies biblical principles for dealing with sexual temptation by comparing the Old Testament accounts of how David and Joseph responded when tempted sexually.

While David committed adultery with Bathsheba, Joseph fled the seductive grasp of his boss' wife. "(Joseph) said, 'How can I commit such a great sin against my God?'" Reccord recounted. "He understood that he was not only accountable to God, but to his own master, Potiphar."

Reccord concluded by saying that while consequences remain, anyone who has succumbed to sexual temptation, like David, can be completely restored by God's mercy and grace.

"If there is someone out there who is falling, it's not hopeless," Reccord said. "You can be put back together, but you've got to want to be, and you've got to say, 'I was wrong,' and then you've got to say, 'I need help and I want to be cleaned from the inside out,' and then 'I'm willing to turn 180 degrees and walk God's way, not mine.'"