Menu

234 Sermon Illustrations on Family

234 illustrations Page 3 of 5

Family in Christian preaching emphasizes the home as a spiritual foundation where love, unity, and godly example shape faith across generations. Illustrations often use the imagery of houses, parental influence, and children’s growth to highlight the importance of nurturing spiritual formation and legacy within the household (Ephesians 6:4, Proverbs 22:6).

Father Animals Unparental

In most animals, males do not protect or care for their young; mothers do.

In very few animals do the males ever attempt to protect the females, even where the latter have their young to take care of. When the hen with her brood of chickens is attacked, it is not the cock that ruffs his feathers and defends them with his spurs; it is the mother herself that defends them. The cock is always found with hens that have no chickens, and only uses his spurs in fighting with other cocks that have no notion of injuring the females. In the entire animal kingdom the cases where the male uses his great powers to protect the female or the young, or to bring them food, are so rare that where they are observed they are recorded as curious approximations to the social state of man. (Text.)--LESTER F. WARD, _The Forum_.

from Cyclopedia of Illustrations for Public Speakers · Robert Scott and William C. Stiles

Longevity, Example Of

A family’s extreme longevity caused hardship and a desperate act by a member.

One of the most extraordinary incidents in the whole record of longevity is reported from Pesth, in Hungary, where a beggar, aged eighty-four, tried to commit suicide by throwing himself into the Danube because he was no longer able to support his father and mother, who are one hundred and fifteen and one hundred and ten years old, respectively. When he told this story, after his rescue, it was laughed at, but a police inquiry showed it to be true. The family are Magyars from the extreme south of Hungary.--_Public Opinion._

from Cyclopedia of Illustrations for Public Speakers · Robert Scott and William C. Stiles suffering

Mother’S Influence, A

True maternal love is rarely depicted authentically in fiction or art.

See TRUTHFULNESS REWARDED.

MOTHERS NOT IN FICTION

A sick youth was lying in bed, watching with quiet eyes his mother’s form moving gently about the room where for weeks she had been ministering to him with tenderest heart and hands. There had been stillness there for a little while, when the boy spoke: “I wonder why there are no mothers in fiction.” “Why, there are, dear; there must be,” the mother answered quickly, but when she tried to name one, she found that none came at the call. When she related me the little incident, I too immediately said that our memory must be strangely at fault that it did not furnish us with examples in plenty. Maternal love! Why, art was filled with illustrations of it, and so was literature. And yet, on making search, I too have failed to find the typical mother where it seems she would so easily be found.--_Atlantic Monthly._

from Cyclopedia of Illustrations for Public Speakers · Robert Scott and William C. Stiles character of a believer

Motherhood

A godly mother shapes character and home life profoundly, as seen in Tennyson's example.

We can understand how Tennyson was preserved from the fatality of recklessness, how it is he wore the white flower of a blameless life, and ruled himself with chivalrous regard for womanhood, when we study his mother’s face. What such a woman must have been in the home, and what sort of home it must have been where she moved like a ministering spirit, we can readily imagine.--W. J. DAWSON, “The Makers of English Poetry.”

from Cyclopedia of Illustrations for Public Speakers · Robert Scott and William C. Stiles character of a believer

Motherhood

A child's character and success reflect the influence and nurture of their mother.

* * * * *

Alexander the Great never wore any garments save those made by his mother. These beautiful robes he showed to the Persian princes who came to visit his court as marks of the skill of Olympia, who was the daughter of a chieftain, the wife of a sovereign and the mother of a conqueror.

Every child does not have mother-made garments; but is it not true that every child is mother-made? And does he not more than continue the succession of her royal soul?

from Cyclopedia of Illustrations for Public Speakers · Robert Scott and William C. Stiles character of a believer

Christian Kids Who Go Wrong

Concerns Christian parents who have children who go wrong, or reject Christ. Factors in failures in families - materialism, "latch key" syndrome, working parents, television.

(Hope for these families will be in the July issue.)

from Biblical Evangelist · Donald Tyler via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database childrenfailure

America's Black Underclass

White liberal writes to black friend. Thinks old liberal explanation of plight of blacks - effects of slavery, racism - misses true reason. Situation was better for underclass in 1940's, when slavery was a closer influence and prejudice was greater. Problems are due to breakdown in family structure and welfare. People need to work, even if only "workfare." Underclass is "the single most dangerous fact of ordinary life in the United States." Stats on underclass of blacks is given.

#252

*

from Reader's Digest (From Esquire) "America's Black Underclass." · Pete Hamill via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database family

A Brother Forever

John 1:13

Allyson had an adoptive brother, Brad. Very close. In college he found out he had a natural sister. He called his mother, who was subdued, and she told "Lally" about his "real" sister. This ticked her off. Brad brought sister home. Grandpa had taught Allyson to trust God when facing things that were too big, and she did. She pushed Brad's sister in pool to make her feel accepted. Brad told her in private, "Lally, she can't take one minute of what we have 'cause we spent a lifetime getting there."

#518

*

from Guideposts · Allyson Sanders via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database familytrust

The Painless-divorce Myth

Children have a difficult time getting over divorce, much more so than most people want to admit. Families are linked by what the Bible calls "flesh". Severed limbs can still hurt.

from Christianity Today magazine · David Neff via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database childrenfamily

Coping With Conflict

Examples of conflict in the home, according to the Bible. Words hurt. Special communication is needed in marriage. Conflict is inevitable - some people never "fight" but everyone has disagreements. "If two people always agree, one of them is unnecessary."

To solve conflict we must serve the other person, as Jesus did, and think of their needs.

from Biblical Evangelist · Dr. and Mrs. Donald Tyler via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database familytonguemarriage

Growing Up A World Away

Discusses problems and advantages with missionary children, and developments in educating them. Many missionaries are putting their children first. Studies show they are more intelligent, but find it harder to socialize.

Accounts about early missionary families like the Judsons are given.

from Christianity Today magazine · Ruth A. Tucker via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Reinforcing the Fragile Family

Families are not designed to stand alone, but should be enmeshed in strong webs of supportive relationships. The church should provide these.

What churches can do to help families:

1. Instruction on healthy relationships.

2. Instruction on child rearing.

3. Breaking down age segregation.

4. Interaction with other parents.

5. Weekly family night-at-home.

6. Retreats or festivals for families.

7. Matching children with adults.

8. Ministering in family groups.

9. Counseling family units.

The Traditional Family (and Other Myths)

The model of the "traditional family" is not very true to the realities of today, or even the realities of the Bible. The Bible has many different structures for families. Jesus grew up in a one-parent family. A family exists whenever a particular group thinks or feels that they ARE a family, according to the Scripture. (William Sheek)

"Biblical love creates an environment of security in which problems, differences, and mistakes can be worked through and overcome. It creates homes in which each member of the family knows that whatever happens, acceptance, forgiveness, and love will never be withheld from him or her.

from Discipleship Journal · John H. Stevens via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database childrenparentslove

Little Children, Big Challenge

Psalms 78

Psalm 78 addresses the responsibility of parents.

1. Commitment concerning content. 78:1-3

2. ................communication. 78:4-5

3. .................continuation. 78:6-7

4. .....................contrast. 78:8

#1009

*

What God Expects of Christian Parents

Mark 4:3

Story: A professor frequently delivered a talk titled, "Ten Commandments for Parents." After his first child he changed the title to "Seven Principles for Parents." After two more children his speech was rewritten to become, "Three Suggestions for Parents." Finally as his children reached the teen years he quit lecturing altogether!

Men, Women & Biblical Equality

An ad that promotes the equality of men and women under God. "Traditional" view of relationship is cultural, not biblical. A point-by-point argument is made and supported with Scriptures.

from Christianity Today magazine · Christians For Biblical Equality via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database family

Cars and Combines While Grandma Dies

Garrison Keillor talks about his grandmother dying in Lake Wobegon’s hospital. She was shown love but the people were not profound; instead, they sat around talking about cars and farm combines. “I can forgive them for wanting to get back onto familiar ground. Sumus quod sumus. [We are what we are.] She was eighty-two. Her life was in all of us in the room. Nobody needed to be told that, except me, and now I’ve told myself.”

from Christianity Today magazine · Garrison Keillor via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database lovefamilygrief

James, Brother of Jesus

Mark 3:20

Introductory sermon to James series. James 1:1

=======================

JAMES, BROTHER OF JESUS

=======================

I. Being part of a family.

II. Growing up with Jesus.

A. Family was large, poor and in boonies.

B. Devout in faith in God. Luke 2:42; 4:16

III. A special big brother.

A. Jesus would be a hard act to follow.

B. His family rejected him. John 7:3-7

C. Jesus, in a sense, rejected them.

IV. The difference of Easter. 1 Cor 15:7

V. Faith that Works.

A. His greatest impact comes from his short book in the NT.

B. Prophetic emphasis.

C. Practical theology.

VI. God is not limited by our situation.

from Condensed sermon outline (handout) by Rev. David Holwick · Serm94l.pco via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Little Brother Is Watching You

John 7:3

Birth order theory of development:

Children look up to, and develop in relation to the person on the next rung up the family ladder. First-born and only children have only their parents to watch. They turn into little adults: responsible, hard-working, but commonly perfectionistic and discouraged.

Other children try to copy their older siblings (and usually fail to do as well). On the other hand, they may choose a different or even opposite course.

By the time the last child arrives, the parents are worn out. He gets away with murder, with charm, humor and spontaneity. The baby of the family may have a hard time learning self-discipline and can be headed for disaster.

from Christianity Today magazine · Kevin Leman via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database children

The Pater Principle

Fathers and sons face a lifetime of unfinished business. What does a son learn from his father? Simply: Whether to love women, or hate them. Whether to take pride in his work, or shrink shamefully from creative endeavor. ... And what does a father learn from his son? Whether he is capable of warmth and nurturing, or fearful of intimacy. Whether he is a generous teacher and mentor, or a narcissist and authoritarian. A father transmits to his son his vision of what it means to be a man. A son teaches his father humility.

The tie between father and son is still, as an anthropologist once noted, "the most critical and potentially dangerous of human relationships." A number of long-term studies of fathers and sons are just now yielding fascinating and unexpected data about this "most critical" of relationships. Social scientists are now suggesting that strengthening the father's role in the family may be a key to solving some of society's most troubling problems.

1. GOOD LOVING. For years, it was believed that a father's masculinity had to be critical to the development of masculine characteristics in his son. If a father loved boxing, hunting, etc, his son would, too. But whenever researchers tested this assumption, they found no connection between the two, a result that mystified them. Then, a few years back, they approached the issue differently: When does a boy WANT to be like his father? Answer: when his father demonstrates warmth, closeness, and involvement with his boy - qualities that, ironically, have long been thought of as feminine. The father could wear lederhosen to his job as a hairstylist, but if he was involved with his son, Junior's happiness, by all kinds of psychological measures, soared.

a. Highly involved fathers break down gender stereotypes and get involved

on the drudge level of raising their children.

b. Fathers who provide nontraditional support directly affect their sons'

success as adults.

It is impossible for them to be over-involved. In fact, sons simply

do better and better the more time their fathers spend with them.

This contrasts with new findings about girls, who actually do more

poorly in school when their fathers are too active in their lives.

Other studies have demonstrated that fatherly expressions of

affection and nurturing correlate with higher IQs in four year old

boys.

c. Fathers themselves reap measurable benefits from raising sons.

A Glueck study found that fathers who participate in their sons'

social, emotional, and intellectual development as young men are

likely to be rewarded with marital stability and happiness in middle

age.

2. TAKING THE TODDLER IN HAND.

Psychoanalytical theorists from Erik Erikson to Freud agree that a boy

emerges from adolescence, ideally, with a sense of purpose and initiative

that's modified in part by guilt and fear; that is, a boy learns to seek

gratification from working and feeling generally productive, and he has a

conscience.

[Article contains more on the social development of boys in relation to their father, and how it works out in different situations.]

As many as 59 percent of the baby boomers' children will live with only one parent, usually their mothers, for at least a year before they're eighteen. For boys there are consequences. They are hard put, for instance, to accomplish an essential early task: controlling their inherent pugnacity. Young boys seem instinctively to invite their fathers to roughhouse, exploring the boundaries of socially acceptable behavior. Without a paternal presence who sets limits, a boy's natural aggression can intensify into a well of pure destructiveness. One measure: Two thirds of convicted rapists, three quarters of adolescent murderers, and three quarters of long-term prison inmates grew up without a father in the house.

A father's shortcomings can also help a boy. Boys with poor fathers often realize in midlife that their dads had hard times to deal with, that many had done their best, and that, at any rate, no father is perfect. Many transform the anger they felt into sadness and become committed to being the kinds of fathers to their sons that they wished their own fathers had been to them. Bad models of fatherhood can be reworked - but never too successfully.

Family Secrets

Romans 12:10

Sermon in Family series. Promoting intimacy. Romans 12:10-12

==============

FAMILY SECRETS

==============

I. Your family life can be satisfying.

II. Words of affirmation that build up the other person.

A. Positive feedback and compliments. Eph 4:26

B. "If you affirm something, you'll get it."

III. Gifts, showing that you think of them.

A. They are concrete expressions of love.

B. Small gifts count as much as big ones.

IV. Acts of service.

A. Concept of service is at heart of Christian love.

B. We can fall back into love by serving our spouse.

V. Spending quality time.

A. Make appointments for your family.

B. Where we spend our time shows our real priorities.

VI. Physical touch.

A. The power of affection.

B. Be committed to fidelity. Prov 6:20-25

VII. Our family can be sources of strength and contentment.

from Condensed sermon outline (handout) by Rev. David Holwick · Serm96r.pco via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database familyhusband wife

Seven Sticks That Nobody Could Bend

The Gilded Age, a time when a few individuals amassed tremendous fortunes, was powered by a great industrial surge. This created a huge demand for metals like zinc, tin, copper, and lead. No one was more successful at making money from base metals than the Guggenheims, a family of Jewish immigrants from Aargau in German-speaking Switzerland. By 1914 the family controlled 75-80 percent of the world's silver, copper and lead, and could fix output and prices at will.

When his boys were young, Meyer Guggenheim assembled them and gave each a stick to break. He then put together seven sticks that nobody could even bend, emphasizing that individually each was fragile but together they were invincible.

from Book: Families Of Fortune: Life In The Gilded Age · Alexis Gregory via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Are People the Problem?, Part 3 -- Thus Saith the Lord [1/2]

Genesis 1:28

Some time back, I realized that no matter how much I read and talked, I would never be quite certain whether Ehrlich or Simon is right -- whether population is an appalling dilemma or nothing to worry about.

I came to this conclusion when reading a statement from a group of eminent scientists alerting the world to the dire nature of population growth. One Nobel prize-winning physicist spoke fiercely on the subject. I asked myself, how does he know? Does his study of subatomic particles give him competence to judge the hundreds of ecological studies that are published every year, the computer analyses of economic growth? Even a scientist who is expert in one of the many fields touching population growth probably only knows firsthand the very narrow area of his expertise - say, soil erosion in a district of Kenya.

When I’ve probed why such people believe population is a fundamental problem, they usually come back to the same basic belief or world-view that started Malthus in the first place. If one million people have a problem, two million people will have twice as much of the problem, and ten million people may have ten or even a hundred times as much of the problem. That is common sense. By some markers, though -- food production and resource scarcity -- common sense has been incorrect.

I concluded that philosophical assumptions or “intuitions” have shaped the debate about population at least as much as scientific data have. For this reason, and because decisions about children are so sensitive, it is important for Christian theology to join the fray. Theology does not enable us to settle the argument between Ehrlich and Simon. Nowhere in the Bible does it say how many people can safely live on the earth, or even if a limit exists. But Scripture can help shape the way we think and respond to population. It can give us a world-view that helps us avoid the stubborn extremes of interpretation.

Unfortunately, when you search the library databases for theological reflections on population, you find almost nothing. This is not a subject to which great -- or even little -- theological minds have given attention.

Some theologians have written about ecology but even here, biblical reflection has just begun.

Population begs for biblical reflection. A Christian world-view will give us both precepts to guide the way we think and a mandate that calls us to action. I would suggest several principles:

Family planning belongs to families. Throughout Scripture, from Adam and Eve though Abram and Sarah, from Jesus’ birth to his blessing the wedding at Cana, and even in Paul’s references to the church as “brothers and sisters,” the family is regarded as fundamental. Its actions can be moral or immoral,

as Scripture also testifies, and a family cannot exist independent of other authorities, notably the church. Still, the family has authority in its sphere of action. The choosing of children is surely part of this sphere.

Whatever we do regarding population should honor families and their authority. We can begin with basic justice: treating families of poor countries as we would want to be treated ourselves. I have wondered: What would be the reaction of American Christians if, one day, ordinary contraceptives were outlawed? What if the young couple on their honeymoon, the middle-aged couple working through menopause, the thirty-something couple with three children pondering four, simply could not get diaphragms, pills, vasectomies? We would consider it an offense against our ability to plan family life.

We ought, then, to consider it good for these gifts, which enable us to extend God’s blessing of dominion into our own family life, to be available to people around the world. We should unabashedly support family planning when it is done with respect and care for human dignity. Surveys suggest that there are millions of families around the world who lack the access to birth-control methods that they would like.

I have also wondered: How would we like it if each state, county, town of our own nation was given a population target? What if that goal worked its way into neighborhoods and into doctors practices, such that a couple received phone calls asking about their plans for offspring, a woman with two children was invited to meetings that urged her to be sterilized, and a third pregnancy was officially questioned? We would consider that, too, an offense against our ability to plan family life.

We ought to be wary, then, of statistical targets, and any program that begins with the assumption that government knows best.

Human beings have, each one, an irreducible value. We cannot in any way view humanity as a pest species. When I lived in Kenya, which had at that time the highest birth rate in the world, I had a conversation with a university-educated friend of mine about children. My wife and I had just had our first child, and we wanted to know whether breast-feeding in public would offend people.

“No,” our friend said. “In fact, it would be good. People would be surprised that you want to be so close to the baby.”

“Why would that surprise them?” I asked.

“Well, you know, we tend to think that white people don’t like children.

“But why would you think that?”

He thought a while. “Maybe because you people brought birth control, and since you don’t want to have children, you probably don’t like them.”

In a certain way, Kenyans are correct. We do not like children to inconvenience us. We do not like them to disrupt our careers or our marriages or our financial plans. We do not like them, then, in the way most Kenyans do. For Kenyans, as far as I can understand it, babies are just good. They are, at a fundamental, unexplainable, nonfunctional level, filled with blessing.

That Kenyan attitude is not far from Scripture’s. Certainly God loves us not because we are convenient or useful to him, but because we are.

Since humans are created in the image of God, and since God sent his only Son to save them, we know that humans are to be loved. That puts some population positions out of bounds. We cannot, like the Chinese government, abuse and harass individuals because their personal hopes for family conflict with the

bureaucracy’s plans. Each baby should be welcomed into the world, even if he is poor -- especially if he is poor. We must resist the kind of mentality that treats people as units or numbers or “problems.” Family planning should be an exercise in love, not fear.

A filled earth is God’s intended blessing. God’s first words to humanity were, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the ,sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground” (Gen. 1:28).

The first of these overlapping callings, “Be fruitful and multiply,” is sometimes seen as a straightforward endorsement of a growing population. But it is not, really, quite that; it has to be understand in its context, following after an identical blessing to the sea creatures and the birds (Gen. 1:22). They, too, are to be fruitful and multiply. “Increasingly we people are occupying the land to the exclusion and extinction of the other creatures,” Calvin DeWitt writes in his foreword to Susan Power Bratton’s “Six Billion and More”. “This leads us to ask, Does our God-given blessing of stewardship of creation grant us license to deny creatures God’s blessing of fruitfulness and fulfillment?’”

Clearly, no. Filling the earth, subduing it, and ruling over its creatures can be and should be in harmony with other creatures. That is how God intended it, for one blessing will not cancel out another. The story of Noah

further shows God’s concern for the animals’ existence, and humanity’s agency in preserving them. All creatures are meant to be blessed -- to be fruitful and multiply -- together.

Is there, then, a limit to our “fruitfulness”? At the CHRISTIANITY TODAY conference on population, Calvin DeWitt held out an empty glass and had a participant pour it full of water. “Keep pouring,” he said, while the glass overflowed onto the carpet. “Keep pouring.” He was making the point that “filling” implies a limit, and that “overfilling” is something else again.

Some have said, tongue in cheek, that the command to fill the earth is the only one that humanity ever fully obeyed.

That implies, however, a one-time, completed obedience. “Filling the earth” is, in fact, an ongoing process. History shows that humanity has filled the earth many times -- at many different levels of population. In fact, all known history shows humanity filling the earth, while our population grows larger and larger. That is because humanity, unlike all other creatures, transforms the earth so it supports more of our numbers and evidences more of our creativity. An analogy perhaps closer to the truth -- and more astonishing -- would be a thimble, which, when filled, becomes a cup, which becomes a tumbler, which becomes a pitcher brimming full.

At one time in prehistory, anthropologists say, humans had spread to virtually every part of the globe -- something no other species can do -- and the earth could barely support their hunting and gathering.

Then came a greater role for agriculture -- a development driven, some believe, by the population pressure of a full earth. “None of the major human cultural and intellectual achievements,” Clive Ponting comments in his Green History of the World, “would have been possible without the development of agriculture, and a food surplus capable of supporting artists, builders, architects, priests, philosophers and scientists.” Humans learned how to subdue the natural processes of plants and animals, to bring their rhythms

into harmony with ours. A thousand subsequent inventions -- driven, some say, by population pressures -- made agriculture more productive.

The Industrial Revolution represented another huge, multifaceted leap in the power of humanity to fill the earth. Malthus, who predicted misery because human numbers would always increase faster than food production, had the great misfortune to prophesy just as this great transformation began. Food -- and every other human product -- greatly outstripped population, even as population grew far faster than ever before.

Then, for no obvious reason, population growth slowed or stopped wherever the Industrial Revolution had progressed -- first in Europe, then in America. People could have continued to increase-they had food. No government forced, or even encouraged, people to stop having children. No modern birth-control methods were available when lower birth rates first began. Once again, in Western societies, at least, the earth was filled.

A filled earth is not an unambiguous blessing. It has brought with it many careless and callous deeds as human power and presence has increased. Nevertheless, Genesis makes clear that, from the beginning, human presence and dominion were meant to be part of God’s blessings for his creation. God’s intent is that the earth become a garden. We tend to conceive of human endeavors as inevitably in conflict with the rest of creation, particularly with those elements that are wild. This habit of thought is particularly characteristic of Americans, who live with such ugly urban sprawl and glorious wilderness. Surely, we think, God’s world should be more like Yellowstone than Los Angeles.

There are other vistas to be scan, however. On my way to and from India, I traveled across Holland by train -- crisscrossing the country, thinking and talking about population. Holland is one of the most densely populated nations on earth -- more densely populated than India, than China, even than Japan. It is also beautiful. The train shoots by green velvet fields, neat woods, canals, farms, towns, and small cities. I saw lovely orderliness, the signs of care, everywhere in the land.

Nowhere in this full country does it seem crowded. Holland remains a farming nation, and almost everywhere you go you are near the fields. The Netherlands is the world’s third-largest exporter of agricultural product, I was told.

“God made the world, but the Dutch made Holland,” an old quip has it. Holland is the premium example of nature transformed, the way in which humans change their environment as surely as birds build nests. Half of Holland is on land once under water.

Yet the Dutch still place a premium on untrampled space. ‘“We know that wilderness is relative,” Henk Jochemsen, a Christian ethicist, told me, “but we know we need a certain wildness without making an absolute of a specific situation.” Possessing such a tiny, full land, the Dutch are aware that wilderness is something they must plan. They do, taking scrupulous care of their woods and wetlands.

“There are... wild woods and mountains, marshes and heaths, even in England,” Aldous Huxley wrote. “But they are there only on sufferance, because we have chosen, out of our good pleasure, to leave them their freedom.” Today that is true everywhere in the world, not merely in Holland. Humans have dominion.

We have not done our best by this transformation. Still, the transformation of the earth remains a blessing in God’s intention. Wilderness, in the old, wild form, was not friendly to humankind. The word wilderness occurs scores of times in the Bible, and most of the meanings are derogatory. Sometimes, oddly, the Old Testament judgment of a land sounds like a conservationist’s dream, Calvin Beisner points out, such as Isaiah 34:11-15: “The desert owl and screech owl will possess it; the great owl and the raven will nest

there,” it begins, describing the utter lack of human inhabitants. To Isaiah, it was a curse, not a blessing.

But the word garden is always positive in Scripture: it reflects the caring attention of humans. Holland is like a garden, suggesting the possibility of true harmony between humans and the rest of creation. Of course, there are many kinds of garden: Wyoming can be one, and Holland another. Gardens can include territory and creatures that are quite wild. It is for us, the gardeners, to ensure the most harmonious way for God’s creation to flourish.

Still, humans have shown, repeatedly, their potential for savagery. On this beautiful planet, “filling” may sometimes seem unblessed, but we must find the way to make the blessing show. The way is not through less dominion, but through more loving dominion.

In tending and caring for our disordered garden, we must see that its beauty and usefulness are preserved and increased. We must ensure that its creatures, both plant and animal, have space and conditions to flourish. And we must make sure that the human creature, in his creative rule, also has space and conditions to flourish.

(continued in #3724)

from Online Christianity Today (America Online) · Tim Stafford via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database family

Making Peace With Your Parents

John 19:30

How to make peace with your parents.

A Plan for Peace.

1. Identify with your father's specific offenses.

2. Confess your own offenses to God.

3. Count the cost of failure to forgive.

4. Confess to God that your anger has clouded your vision.

5. Pray for your father.

6. Let go of your father's offenses and cancel his debts.

New Behavior Patterns.

a. Measure genuine progress.

b. Write a letter.

c. Talk it over with someone.

d. Open up communication with your parents.

e. Listen to your parents.

f. Draw appropriate boundary lines where necessary.

g. Demonstrate verbal and physical affection.

h. Build a support network.

i. Avoid the trap of old behavior patterns.

j. Be patient.

Better Family Values [Part 1 of 2]

Acts 6:1

A new paradigm for family policy is needed to bridge the partisan gap.

The American family debate will continue to heat up and take new forms now that Republican majorities have taken over the Senate and House of Representatives. The postelection conservative majorities have two options in the family debate: They, too, could drive toward the center, push Democrats out of the way, and claim the middle for themselves. Or they could move to the extreme Right in hopes that the conservative momentum would pull the rest of the nation along. We urge the first strategy, not only for what it means politically, but for what it might contribute to the health of our religious life.

Before the heat of the recent elections, new lines of communication were developing between liberals and conservatives... These held some values in common. The neoliberals were willing to admit that there is a values dimension to the family crisis. They acknowledged, as conservatives had been arguing, that increased individualism, changes in sexual mores, and declining parental responsibility explained some of the mounting problems families face. These factors, they agreed, helped account for such trends as the growing out-of-wedlock birth rate, the growing poverty of divorced and never-married mothers, and the declining mental and physical health of the children of single parents and stepfamilies. On the other hand, neoconservatives were more willing to admit the partial truth of the standard liberal diagnosis: that the declining economy, fewer jobs, the ravages of market forces, and poorly functioning welfare programs also contribute to family woes. Neoconservatives were more willing than their old-style counterparts to acknowledge a role for government in helping poor families.

Neoconservatives were still conservative, placing their primary emphasis on changing cultural values. Neoliberals were still liberals, seeing a role for government programs that support poor families. The meeting ground between neoconservatives and neoliberals on the role of government was the increasing tendency of both groups to turn to tax inducements rather than direct welfare payments.

Is it possible for something similar to happen in the churches? Can new breeds of religious neoconservatives and neoliberals emerge and cooperate in addressing the family issues that divide the churches? What would such a new alliance look like? What would be its substance and strategy? What central themes would inform a more productive middle ground in the churches?

A program for cooperation for saving the family in America.

Here are some substantive and strategic approaches we think are important. If cooperation could develop on the following points, good things might happen for American churches, families, and public life.

1. Religious liberals and conservatives should reconsider, at least for the moment, the narrowly defined sexual issues that have preoccupied them for the last two decades: abortion and homosexuality. We do not mean that these issues should be dropped, but that they be set within a broad-scale analysis of what is happening to families and children and what the church can do to help. The family viewed as a major social issue -- some think the major issue of our time -- has had difficulty gaining the attention of churches because of their preoccupation with abortion and homosexuality.

Few church people are well informed about the plunge into poverty of large numbers of mothers and their children following divorce or out-of-wedlock births. Forty-seven percent of all families headed by single mothers live in poverty. Few church people take seriously how these conditions correlate with the declining well-being of children.

Princeton University sociologist Sarah McLanahan, who has done definitive research on single parenthood, wrote, “Half of all children born in the 1980s will live with a single mother before reaching the age of 18. Half of these children will be poor. As compared with children from the same social class who live with both parents, children of single mothers are twice as likely to drop out of high school and become single parents themselves, and half again as likely to have trouble finding and keeping a steady job.”

Why aren’t churches paying more attention to these trends? Mainline churches for over two decades have viewed family problems as privatistic issues and allowed their ministries to families and youth to languish, especially at the national level. Conservatives have been far more interested in families but have often failed to understand the complexity of family problems. Both have been so preoccupied with abortion and homosexuality that they have glossed over the less sensational stresses of people trying to raise children to healthy adulthood. It is now time to reconfigure these two divisive issues in a larger context. If this were to happen, new light might shine forth on both issues.

2. On family matters, both religious conservatives and liberals need to use the Bible with a greater sense of context.

Christian liberals get their family theory more from egalitarian contractual theory than they do from biblical texts. They neglect such texts as Matthew 5:32 on divorce, 1 Corinthians 7 on the burdens of marriage, or Ephesians 5:20-33 on the analogy between a husband’s love and Christ’s sacrificial love. Liberals are attuned to passages suggesting the equality of the sexes, such as the principle of neighbor love (Matt. 22:39), and Galatians 3:28, which says that in Christ there is “neither male nor female.” To liberals, these passages suggest equality in marital and family relations. This is as far as they are inclined to go with the Bible. They avoid Ephesians 5 for fear it can be used to justify “patriarchal” teachings.

Christian conservatives gravitate toward the Ephesians passage and others like it (e.g., Col. 3:18 and 1 Peter 3:1). Many conservatives, though not all, see in these passages a divinely sanctioned family plan - a benevolent-love paternalism - that husbands and fathers should exercise with faithful responsibility, and wives and children should accept in loving obedience. But this understanding of God’s plan for families often gets mixed with the separate-spheres doctrine of the nineteenth-century industrial family with its bread-winner father and domestic mother. When this happens, such passages are used to give divine justification to this form of family that existed in the United States from roughly 1830 to 1960. Whatever virtues this family form had, it cannot be called “the Christian form of the family” as such.

Both conservative and liberal church people miss the various contexts of these so-called headship passages. Many conservatives miss the egalitarianism of the early church. Some also miss the way male leadership passages are qualified by the obligations of sacrificial love -- a self-giving love that follows the love of Christ for the church. Although these passages -- as liberals and feminists charge -- reflect a modified patriarchy, all parties miss how these passages challenge the models of male authority typical of the Greco-Roman world, which was the social and cultural context of early Christianity. In that world, male agency, freedom, and domination were celebrated virtues. Wives were confined primarily to the home with servants and with family. Men enjoyed a range of sexual freedom that was denied to women. To call fathers and husbands to a life of sacrificial love in which wives are treated “as their own bodies” (Eph. 5:28) was revolutionary and seditious in this novel situation.

Religious conservatives should make less out of the male spiritual authority that these passages seem to grant and more out of their direction toward male servanthood and mutuality -- “submitting yourselves one to another” (Eph. 5:21). Many Christian conservatives have already taken this step. Religious liberals, on the other hand, need to acknowledge the revolutionary character of these Scriptures and how they set the stage for the subversion of patriarchy.

3. Christian liberals need to pay less attention to the social sciences on family matters; Christian conservatives need to pay more. Actually, both religious conservatives and liberals have been deeply influenced by psychology. How can we explain the colossal popularity of James Dobson without pointing to his particular way of synthesizing interpretations of modern psychology with interpretations of Christianity? But conservatives and liberals put their use of psychology into different value contexts. Conservatives place psychological insights into the framework of a community that has a place for biblical and ecclesial authority. Liberals use psychological insights in the framework of a community that supports individualism and personal liberation. Both groups use the language of community, but their concept of community is very different.

Liberals tend to use psychology and the social sciences to adapt to changing family trends. They are likely to believe that these changes cannot be stopped and that the right combination of governmental and therapeutic interventions can at least cut their losses. Religious liberals, under the influence of the social sciences, see family ministries as helping individuals adapt to family disruption rather than finding ways to prevent it. They emphasize a supportive and nonjudgmental ministry to the divorced, to single parents, to lonely children, and to tension-filled stepfamilies so that they can all do a little better. Their instincts are more than half right. They have little to say, however, to young people, premarital couples, and young married couples about how to prepare concretely for enduring marriage and parenthood in our challenging world.

Conservatives, on the other hand, tend to be heroic in their goals to reverse family decline. They seem to believe that if young Christians have the right values, the right commitments, and understand the true meaning of marriage and the family, they can successfully withstand the pressures of work, declining economy, divided spheres, seditious cultural values, mounting tax burdens, and the growing intrusions into families of both market values and bureaucratic control. Conservatives need to use the social sciences to be more realistic, but they need to do this in ways that will not undermine their faith that they can reverse the more damaging features of present family trends.

[see #3477 for part B]

from Online Christianity Today (America Online) · Don & Carol Browning via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database governmentpoliticsmarriage

Better Family Values [Part 2 of 2]

Acts 6:1

Continuation of article on how to improve family values in America.

4. Liberals tend to look too much to government for solving family problems; conservatives too rapidly dismiss the government as a useful resource. Liberals should look to government less; conservatives should look to government more.

Since their 1960s successes in using government to make racial discrimination illegal, religious liberals have too often thought they were fulfilling the church's mission if they could persuade the government to do what they believed was just and good. In the process, liberal churches, especially at the leadership level, have often been more concerned about what the state should do than what churches should do. As evidence, note that during the 1970s and '80s the national family programs of most mainline Protestant denominations were severely cut, while lobbying efforts for various federal programs received continued support.

Christian conservatives have a reputation -- not always justified -- for being against family-support programs such as Aid to Families with Dependent Children, food stamps, and Medicaid. Many religious conservatives believe that these programs undermine family values, function as welfare traps, support out-of-wedlock births, and encourage dependency; and they believe that if everyone followed Christian family ideals, welfare programs would not be needed.

On this point -- the attitude of the church toward government -- religious conservatives and liberals have the most to learn from each other. This is also the point on which conservatives and liberals in the church can learn something from the pre-election dialogue between political neoconservatives and neoliberals. Although tensions continued, both groups agreed that some forms of short-term welfare are needed, that welfare recipients have responsibilities as well as rights, that welfare should not become a trap, and that it should not encourage teenage pregnancy and out-of-wedlock births. Furthermore, the consensus held that government assistance should not contradict generally held moral standards. Hence, government should resist merely expedient remedies and communicate moral expectations consistent with settled moral traditions. It is important for that emerging consensus to hold in the new Republican order.

This new consensus is important, not just for what it implies for government family programs, but for what it suggests for a wider cultural synthesis on family matters. Since Charles Murray's October 1993 editorial in the "Wall Street Journal" in which he predicted the rise of a new "white underclass," there has been a deeper concern among liberal elites about the health of American families. Murray, in his less inflammatory pre-Bell Curve days, wrote that the out-of-wedlock birthrate in the white population, now at 22 percent, is the same as it was for the black community in the early 1960s. The out-of-wedlock birthrate in the black community has now risen to 68 percent. Murray argued that whites are now undergoing the same consequences blacks experienced -- deepening poverty for mothers and declining well-being for children. Murray held that the family issue is the biggest public issue of our time, and he succeeded in convincing leading liberals and conservatives he was right.

But Murray would enlist the help of conservatives, in politics and in the church, to support the withdrawal of all government supports for single mothers, with the exception of medical insurance for their children. If this

happens, he believes, couples will take marriage more seriously, confine procreation to marriage, divorce less frequently, or turn to extended family, church, or community organizations if divorce or out-of-wedlock birth throw them into poverty.

If an unfeeling conservativism replaces the fragile consensus that existed before the election, Murray's radical approach is much more likely to be tried. And we think this goes too far. Families need government supports for a wide variety of reasons. The neoliberal/neoconservative proposal to preserve family assistance, make it temporary, and connect it with basic moral expectations, is worth refining and trying.

Even if this consensus were to endure and mature, neither Christian conservatives nor liberals should invest all of their attention in government programs and public policy initiatives. This message is especially important for liberals. Religious liberals need to attend once again to their theology of marriage and the family. They need to do historical work of the kind they have neglected. They need new programs with youth that start very young and help them to replace current individualistic cultural scripts about sexuality and the family with the classic perspectives of the Christian synthesis. Religious conservatives, on the other hand, need to continue their present energy on family issues, but with a more accurate sense of context in

handling ancient texts.

5. Religious conservatives and liberals should be alert to the subversive effects of market forces. Both groups should be more sophisticated in relating family issues to market dynamics.

Religious liberals often pride themselves on being critical of capitalism and its excesses. Some mainline religious leaders have been socialist or even somewhat Marxist in their antimarket attitudes. Conservatives are often seen as promarket, occasionally as ideological defenders of its injustices.

But the family issue shows the positions of both sides to be more complex. Religious conservatives have had less relish for women joining the labor market. From one angle, they look patriarchal and appear to confine women to domestic life. Liberals, on the other hand, have appeared to encourage wives and mothers to work outside the home, seeming to be progressivist, profeminist, and egalitarian.

There is, however, another angle of vision. Religious conservatives may be inadvertently the true resisters of competitive market values and the spread into private life of cost-benefit modes of thinking. By preferring that mothers stay at home and by granting dignity to full-time homemaking, they block the spread of market values into the inner life of families. On the other hand, religious liberals may have unwittingly sold out to the growing dominance of cost-benefit and rational-choice ways of thinking, even in the home. Religious liberals are far more likely to celebrate the dual-income, 90-hour-a-week working family. Yet, when both parents work full-time, both are fully absorbed in the world of market values, demands, efficiencies, and logics. The small children of dual-income families do not easily conform to the pressures of market forces.

We believe both Christian conservatives and liberals should affirm the market as an effective method for generating wealth while, at the same time, they should be vigilant against the ways it can undermine families. The market hurts families by taking too much of their time, by engendering individualistic and cost-benefit mentalities even in intimate affairs, and by promoting consumerism and hedonism in both children and their parents.

Christian men and women alike should resist the spread of market forces by spending less time at paid work. We will not solve this problem by preserving the two-sphere ideology of the industrial family that religious conservatives baptized for decades. We join with Harvard social scientist Jacqueline Olds and her team in their 1992 paper titled "Part-Time Employment and Marital Well-Being." Their research shows that the families with the most marital, parental, and child satisfaction are those that work one-and-a-half jobs or approximately 60 hours a week between them. Although this may not be financially possible for many couples, we believe it is an ideal toward which society should aim. (This does not mean necessarily that mothers and wives should be the ones with the half-time employment, although that may be best in many cases.)

There are several ways the market can be attuned to the needs of families. Employers might experiment with some 30-hour-a-week positions. Job sharing could be used more frequently. More half-time employment with partial benefit packages might be offered. These positions could become full-time after children grow older.

There are many other ways Christian conservatives and liberals can cooperate to create healthier families. Religious liberals should study the men's programs of conservative churches. Conservative churches are clearer than most liberal churches in teaching that male responsibility is crucial in the current cultural climate. Religious liberals will want to soften the notes of male headship that sometimes pervade these programs, but liberals should acknowledge that male responsibility, not authority, is often the deeper theme of these programs. Both liberals and conservatives should work to restore the viability of the two-parent family. Today, however, it should be the equal mother-father team with flexible role definitions and permeable boundaries between domestic and public life.

Conservative and liberal churches should start their sons and daughters at a young age to prepare for equal-regard marital partnerships. They should work together to chasten the excesses of the market and force it to adapt to family needs. They should work together to fine-tune government programs. They should, as did the early church, develop leadership patterns in the churches that model egalitarian relations between the sexes. They should work together to protect their children from the demonic values of a materialistic age. They should eliminate all of their inflammatory rhetoric on family issues and search for commonalities before accentuating differences. Finally, they should go beyond the labels of conservative and liberal to find common ground in a faithful interpretation of the Christian tradition that informs them both.

********************

Don Browning is Alexander Campbell Professor of Religious Ethics and the Social Sciences at the Divinity School, University of Chicago, and director of the Religion, Culture, and Family Project sponsored by the Lilly Endowment. Carol Browning is a musician and researcher of the family. This article was written while they were in residence at the Center of Theological Inquiry, Princeton, New Jersey.

Copyright (c) 1995 Christianity Today, Inc./CHRISTIANITY TODAY Magazine

[see #3476 for part A]

from Online Christianity Today (America Online) · Don & Carol Browning via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database governmentpoliticsmarriage

Picking Up the Pieces

John 8:3

Relationships can survive adultery and be healed.

1) Choose to end the immoral relationship.

2) Begin the long grieving process.

3) Make a good repentance.

4) Sort out reasons for your failure.

5) Call a support network together and tell the truth.

6) Decide whether to tell your spouse.

7) Accept God's redeeming grace.

8) Go softly, walk humbly.

from Discipleship Journal · Donald M. Joy via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database forgivenessfamily

The Best-kept Secrets of Family Life, Part 1

Luke 22:25

Some secrets on how to have a successful family:

I. The secret of Contentment.

A. Don't fall into the "if only" trap.

B. Feasting doesn't produce happiness.

C. Give your kids time instead of toys.

II. The secret of Merriment.

A. Develop a family with a sense of fun.

B. Parental Grump Cycle.

1) Don't bring work problems home.

2) Establish a family fun night.

III. The secret of Service.

A. World says sex is key to love.

B. Bible says commitment is key to love.

1) We can fall back into love by serving our spouse.

2) Fixing breakfast for the family.

Building A Better Dad

Luke 1:17

Most men today say they are better fathers than their fathers were, caring more and trying harder. Is that true? And is the new, "sensitive" dad what kids really need? In an obituary for William S. Paley, founder of CBS, a friend said he wasn't the kind of guy to attend his kids' Little League games, but when they needed him, he was there for them. But Little League games are precisely when your kids need you the most.

It has always been hard to be a man. There is often a gulf between fathers and sons. Modern fathers think they are doing a better job (they are much more likely to change diapers) but researchers question this. The big dilemma is divorce. Andrew Cherlin, a Johns Hopkins sociologist, says, "Men today are better fathers when they're around - and worse when they're not." Studies of different nations shows that American fathers are about average, spending 45 minutes a day on childcare; Japanese dads spend only 3 minutes. However, a review of research has found there is little evidence and no coherent reason to expect that increased paternal involvement in itself has any clear-cut or direct effects." But it does have an effect on the fathers. Fathering takes work, just like our jobs.

Quotes On Children

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it.

Domestic peace is the luxury you enjoy between the children's bedtime and your own.

Psychiatrists tell us that discipline doesn't break a child's spirit half as often as the lack of it breaks a parent's heart.

"Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by children."

-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database family

Reminder

Luke 2:14

On December 24th, the evening of my father's funeral, my siblings and I gathered together in our childhood home to decide where our mother would live. My father left behind five children and my mother, the love of his life for 54 years. She was barely able to walk or function and he had been her devoted helper. She could not live alone.

We began to talk, and as Mother listened on, the discussion quickly turned heated. With our thinking clouded by shock, our bonds loosened by our recent loss, the talk turned more to the cost of caring for Mother than to the quality of her care. As we began to argue, our pain deepened and our loss was compounded by the thought of losing each other. Mother listened in shock, and we feared the family would die with Dad.

At the height of the battle, we heard the sound of caroling, followed by a knock on the door. My brother went to open it and, grateful for the respite, we all got up to see. Outside, the lawn and porch were filled with young carolers. And leading them was the priest who that day had buried Dad. He was as surprised to see us as we were to see him. He did not know that this was my parents' house.

We stood chastened by the sounds of "Peace on Earth," then closed the door. My oldest brother, stunned by the sound, whispered: "Dad sent them. He's reminding us to behave ourselves and take care of our mother."

With those words echoing in our minds, the arguments ceased, and within hours, we had decided on a plan. Our mother would move in with one of my brothers. The house of our youth was closed and bare, but the family was furnished anew.

________

By Marilyn L. Teplitz, from A Cup of Chicken Soup for the Soul, Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen & Barry

from Internet: Chicken Soup Of The Day · Marilyn L. Teplitz via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database familyperspective

Appreciate stay-at-homes

In a pediatrician's office there was a form which had beside the blank marked "occupation" these words: "If you devote the greater part of you time to loving, caring and making a home for your family, put a big star in this place."

________

Reader's Digest; May 1980; p. 200.

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database familychildrearing

Comfort of children

When children need comfort who do they most often go to--Mom or Dad? I think you know the answer to that one! Last night at 3:00 AM Zachary had a bad dream. Do you want to guess who he called for? He comes to me when he needs an arm glued back on his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy! Mothers have the ability to comfort their children.

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database family

Protectiveness

Dr. Elizabeth Morgan, surgeon, author, graduate of Yale & Harvard spent a couple of years in prison to protect her 6 yr. old daughter from rape. As a toddler Hilary began to show signs of abuse. 11 of 13 doctors concluded she had been abused. Judge ruled the evidence inconclusive. Ordered a 2 week unsupervised visit with her father. Dr. Morgan sent her child into hiding and spent the next two years in prison for contempt of court. She sacrificed everything to protect her child.

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database family

What A grandmother is

A grandmother, according to a little bulletin sent out by the Hutchinson, Kansas, Leisure Years Center, is a lady who has no children of her own, so she likes other people's little boys and girls. A grandfather is a man for a grandmother. He goes for walks with boys and they talk about fishing and tractors and things like that. Grandmothers don't have to do anything except be there. They are old, so they should not play hard, or run.

It is enough if they drive us to market where the pretend horse is and have lots of dimes ready. Or, if they take us for walks, they would slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. They should never say, "Hurry up." They wear glasses and funny underwear. They don't have to be smart, only answer questions like why dogs hate cats. They don't talk baby talk like visitors do, because it is hard to understand. When they read to us, they don't skip, or mind if it is the same story again.

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database family

The Absence of A Moral Consensus: Redefining the Meaning of "family"

In recent days, the Supreme Court heard arguments in a case that pitted the rights of parents against those of grandparents. In 1993, Brad Troxel committed suicide, leaving behind two daughters. His parents wanted to maintain their close relationship with the girls, especially after the mother told them she was going to remarry. But the mother felt her in-laws' demands interfered with her rights as parent.

So the Troxels sued under a Washington statute that allows any non-parent visitation rights if the court deems it to be "in the best interest of the child." All fifty states have similar statutes. But Washington's Supreme Court overturned the law, ruling that it threatened the authority of the mother.

So the grandparents appealed to the United States Supreme Court; but if the reaction of the justices during oral arguments is any indication, the Troxels are not likely to prevail there, either. Justice Sandra Day O'Connor called the Washington law "breathtakingly broad." And Time magazine noted that under this law even nannies and soccer coaches could win visitation rights.

Ironically, this case comes to our attention just days after the Vermont Supreme Court, in order to extend benefits to same-sex couples, stripped traditional marriage of its special legal status. The court ruled, as you may recall, that any two people living together are entitled to the same legal protection as a man and woman joined together in holy matrimony. This startling decision effectively deconstructs the institution of marriage.

The juxtaposition of these two cases indicates the moral schizophrenia we have succumbed to as a society. For years we have been told that autonomy is the ultimate goal of life. People can do as they please. But this mindset has led to a rise in divorce, remarriage, and so-called blended families. And more and more states have enacted domestic partner statutes. So now we see lesbian couples adopting children, and "Heather Has Two Mommies" is a text in many schools.

But can't we see what we've done? By deconstructing the family and saying that any two adults can constitute a family, we have trivialized the very institution of marriage and destroyed the basis of society. Suddenly we're seeing all sorts of aberrations. People dissolve marriages at will, and grandparents are forced to sue for the right to see their grandchildren.

But when the courts act in the place of what used to be settled by moral consensus, we end up with the tyranny of judges and lawyers telling us what to do. The courts begin to micromanage human affairs and the result is impossible moral dilemmas like we see in this case.

Should parents have the right to raise their children as they see fit? Of course. Should grandparents be able to see their grandchildren? Again, of course. There was a time when Mom and Dad would take the kids to see Granny for Sunday dinner. Now they meet her in the courtroom.

And this is why Christians have to make a better case to our neighbors for why the traditional family is so important. If you contact us at BreakPoint, we'll provide with important material you can use.

If we fail to act, we put at risk the most essential institution of civil society and invite judicial chaos, or worse.

___________________

Copyright (c) 2000 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BreakPoint with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries.

*

from BreakPoint Commentary · Charles Colson via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database parentshomosexuality

Blessed are they!

BLESSED ARE THEY

Blessed are they who are pleasant to live with--

Blessed are they who sing in the morning;

Whose faces have smiles for their early adorning;

Who come down to breakfast companioned by cheer;

Who don't dwell on troubles or entertain fear;

Whose eyes smile forth bravely; whose lips curve to say:

"Life, I salute you! Good morning, new day!"

Blessed are they who arre pleasant to live with--

Blessed are they who treat one another;

Though merely a sister, a father or brother,

With the very same courtesy they would extend

To a casual acquaintance or dearly loved friend;

Who choose for the telling encouraging things;

Who choke back the bitter, the sharp word that stings;

Who bestow love on others throughout the long day--

Pleasant to live with and blessed are they.

(From the book, SILKEN THREADS by Wilhelmina Stitch, copyright 1930)

Affects children

Grown Children of Divorce at Risk for Depression Children whose parents divorced are more likely to suffer from depression when they grow up than those whose parents died, a new study found. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 2867 people nationwide age 25 and older and found the highest rates of adult depression were among those who grew up in a family touched by violence, mental illness or divorce. Sociology professor Ronald C. Kessler said his results were surprising because previous research had indicated a parent's death was the most traumatic childhood event. When compared to the general population, the likelihood of adult depression was:

* 2.6 times for people raised in violent families

* 2 times for people raised in families with mental illness

* 1.7 times for people from divorced families

* 1.6 times for those from families with serious parental marital problems

* 1.4 times for those from families with serious drinking problems.

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database childrenfamily

Statistics

In a recently published text book concerning marriage and the family we are informed that "in 1982, a record 2.5 million couples entered into the state of holy matrimony" (McCubbin, et al. 153). The authors also give some statistical data from the U.S. Bureau of the Census regarding the probability of those 2.5 million couples staying married. According to their findings, of every 100 couples married in 1983:

* 19 will divorce before their fifth anniversary.

* 14 more will before their tenth anniversary.

* 7 more will before their 15th anniversary.

* 7 more will before their 25th anniversary.

* 3 more will before their 50th anniversary.

Sadly enough, this information reveals that only half of the marriages in the U.S. will actually fulfill the traditional vow "till death us do part"--which the text would have us believe is "simply obsolete, no longer meeting the needs of Americans late in the twentieth century" (299).

Included in this research brief is the fact that in the 20-year period from 1960 to 1980, "the number of divorced men and women in the United States more than tripled" (299). In seeking to explain the causes of such high proportions of divorce rates in the U.S. the authors suggest several reasons. One reason given is that marriage is not providing the necessary ingredients for the fulfillment of one's own personal happiness and goals in life (299). Another suggestion given is that there is no longer the need for, or a high value placed upon, the stability provided by what is questionably described as the "normal" family--"a happily married couple, with two well-adjusted children, a dog, and a beautiful suburban home" (300). This is in part, the authors declare, due to the fact that with the increase in the number of women who work outside the home comes a greater independence of women from their husbands for financial support (300). Unfortunately, it is nevertheless true that the American model of the family has become based upon utilitarianism: ". . .a secondary relationship. . .based on services, convenience" (Enlow 8). While McCubbin and Dahl recognize that a decline in morality may also be a cause of such high divorce rates in the U.S., the authors do not give any consideration to this possibility.

Also stated is the fact that the Census data indicated that three out of four divorced women and five out of six divorced men eventually remarry (McCubbin, et al. 322). In the United States today "one out of every three marriages is a remarriage" (322). In fact, "remarried families now comprise 13 percent of all families in the United States" (323). Included in these statistics is the estimate that "one million American children

under the age of 18 become stepchildren each year" (323). It is highly likely that these remarriages include children from both partners involved (323). In spite of the complexities and deep psychological hurts of everyone involved, the authors of this secular text argue that "remarriage appears to spur on or accompany significant improvements in attitude and mental health" (324). (Taken from a scholarly paper by Jim Johnson)

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database marriagefamily

Being my own grandpa

ARE WE COUSINS?

Many years ago when I was twenty three,

I married a widow who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter

Who had pretty hair of red.

My father fell in love with her,

And soon those two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law

And it changed my very life.

My daughter was my mother,

For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,

Although it brought me some joy,

I soon became the father

Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became

A brother-in-law to dad.

And then became my uncle,

Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,

Then that also made him brother

To the widow's grown-up daughter

Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,

Who kept them on the run.

And he became my grandson,

For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother

And it makes me very blue.

Because, although she is my wife,

She's my grandmother too.

If my wife is my grandmother,

Then I am her grandchild.

And every time I think of it,

It simply drives me wild.

For now I have just become

The strangest case you ever saw.

As the husband of my grandmother,

I am my own grandpa!

- Anonymous -

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Changes in past 50 yrs.

There's no question about it, the face of the family has changed considerably in the last fifty years.

1. In the 1940s more than 80% of children grew up in a family with two biological parents who were married to each other; By 1980 only 50% could expect to spend their entire childhood with both their biological parents.

2. Prior to 1965 the annual divorce rate was less than 10 per 1000 marriages; It began to rise, reaching a peak in 1979 with 23 per 1000; In 1991 there were 21 per 1000.

3. In 1960 the rate for out-of-wedlock births was 5% (1 in 20); in 1990 the rate was 27% (1 in 4); In one ethnic group 57% of the births were to unwed mothers (nearly 6 in 10).

4. The National Survey of Children reports that in disrupted families (divorce, separation):

a. Only 1 child in 6 saw father 1x a week last year on average.

b. Close to half did not see father at all last year.

c. After ten years two-thirds report not seeing father last year.

5. Half of all marriages now end in divorce (acc. to some reports); Following divorce most divorced people enter new relationships; In the 1990s 1 of every 4 children will enter a stepfamily.

6. Quote: Someone has said: "...Family disruption is best understood not as a single event but as a string of disruptive events: separation, divorce, life in a single-parent family, life with a parent and live-in lover, the remarriage of one or both parents, life in one stepparent family combined with visits to another stepparent family; the breakup of one or both stepparent families. And so on. This is one reason why public schools have a hard time knowing whom to call in an emergency."

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Dan Quayle--Murphy Brown

On May 20, 1992 a former Vice-President had this to say about the importance of the traditional family to our society: Quote: "... Right now, the failure of our families is hurting America deeply. When families fall, society falls.... Answers to our problems won't be easy....Ultimately, however, marriage is a moral issue that requires cultural consensus, and the use of social sanctions. Bearing babies irresponsibly is, simply, wrong. Failure to support children one has fathered is wrong. We must be unequivocal about this. It doesn't help matters when prime time TV has Murphy Brown--a character who supposedly epitomizes today's intelligent, highly paid, professional woman--mocking the importance of a father, by bearing a child alone, and calling it just another `lifestyle choice.'"

Later that year, in Fall 1992, on the CBS Monday PM sitcom by the same name, Murphy Brown got her chance to respond: Quote: "Unfortunately for the VP the only acceptable definition of family is a mother, father, and some children. And in a country where millions of children grow up in non-traditional families, that definition seems painfully unfair. Perhaps it is time for the VP to expand his definition and recognize that whether by choice, or circumstances, families come in all shapes and sizes. And ultimately, what really defines a family is commitment, caring, and love."

What is a family? Why are people debating it? Does it really matter?

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Error increases with distance

Deuteronomy 6:20

You know you can bowl a 300 game every time if you really wanted to. Take the ball, walk down the lane

and bowl from 15 ft. instead of 60 ft.! Error increases with distance. Important to be near our families--so

we can teach spiritual values. This is hard. Most of us have the type of jobs that can keep us away from our families. "I spend quality time with family, not quantity." Problem with that--can never predict a teachable moment (cf. Deut. 6:20-25). Intent is not to send us on a guilt trip--but to cause us to reflect on what's really important. ("Cat's in the Cradle" as Harry Chapin says.)

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database childrenparenting

Imperfections of

Mothers, as well as the families they come from, are not perfect! I recently saw a cartoon of a huge auditorium with a convention banner reading: "Welcome Adult Children of Normal parents." And there were only two people present. It has become a trend to make parents scapegoats for one's difficulties in life. They exert a tremendous influence, but most do the best they can with who they are at the time. There are exceptions, of course. It is possible to expect TOO MUCH from our parents.

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database parentsforgiveness

Single parent statistic

Of all families in the United States in 1960, 9.1% were single-parent. By 1991, this figure had grown to 28.6%. U.S. Census Bureau

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database divorce

Storks

Jeremiah 8:7

Special Delivery

For centuries, when parents needed an easy way to explain where babies came from, the stork delivered. The bird, they said, dropped babies down the chimney and bit the leg of each mother, accounting for her need to rest in bed.

The legend started in Scandinavia where storks often nested on house chimneys. During their 70-year life span, the birds returned to the same chimney year after year and mated with one partner for life. Early naturalists also noticed the younger birds lavished great care on their sick or aging parents, feeding them and protecting them with powerful, outstretched wings.

The ancient Romans had seen the same thing and passed the "Stork's Law", legislation ordering children to look after their parents. Even the Greeks were impressed with the fidelity of the birds. Their term for family love -- strong, natural affection -- was "storge" (stor-gay), the origin of our English word stork.

In Jeremiah 8:7, the Lord says the storks know when it's time to come home from their migration, unlike His people who refuse to return to Him, preferring the way of sin instead. Even in the Bible, the stork is synonymous with new birth and spiritual renewal. So while Christians need the strength of the eagle and the gentleness of the dove, we also need the faithfulness of the stork. "Don't just pretend you love

others," Paul writes. "Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of good. Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honouring each other .When God's children are in need, be the one to help them out." (Romans 12:9-13)

To truly be the family of God, we must be dependable, responsible and accountable. We must be committed to one mate for life, setting an example for those who will measure the depth of our commitment. We must embrace our responsibility to support and protect our parents instead of relying on the state to do it for us. And as we confront our persistent sin, we must be faithful in returning home to our ever-gracious God. That sin will always threaten to smother our new birth. But if we learn the lessons of the lowly stork, we will be delivered.

-- by Rick Gamble, published in Cross Current, Brantford, ON

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Watches out for each other

Have you ever seen a young mother with a small child who wants to go outside? May be 73 degrees and sunny, but Mom will insist on putting a sweater on little Johnny? To make life miserable? Looking out for him! ......... I was reminded of this family quality when I was in college and spoke with my father on the phone. Every time, somewhere in the conversation, he would ask me two questions: 1) "How's you car been running?" and 2) "Do you need anything?" (I really liked that one!)

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Father's Day different from MD

There's a difference in our society between the way Mother's Day & Father's Day are perceived, promoted and celebrated. MD: Sentimental, corsages, restaurants & florists advertise big; FD: Less sentimental, no flowers, men's clothing stores advertise. There's an element of humor that surrounds FD that is just simply not present at MD. Big question at this time of year is: "What kind of tie are we going to get him?" A couple of years ago a local store even had a post-FD "ugly tie" contest with special consideration for the ugliest!

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database family

Need for fathers

In the popular 1991 movie City Slickers three urban men are trying to deal with mid-life crisis by going on a cattle drive. In one scene the three men are asking each other what the best & worst days of their lives were. For each, a father was involved. For one his best day was when his father took him to Yankee Stadium. For another it was the day he got married and his father winked at him during the ceremony. For another the best & worst day were the same--the day he told his father to get out of the house because he was hurting the family through infidelity.

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database family

Everything we make is available for free because of a generous community of supporters.

Donate