115 Sermon Illustrations on Reconciliation

When Oklahoma State Sen. Gene Stipe and civil rights activist Wade Watts walked into a restaurant in the late 1950s, a waitress confronted them at the door and told Watts, an African American, that the restaurant did not serve Negroes.

With a smile, Watts replied, “I don't eat Negroes. I just came to get some ham and eggs.”

Not amused, the waitress refused to seat Watts.

As the two Oklahomans walked out the door, Stipe turned to Watts and asked, “Wade, if God gave you one wish, what would that wish be?”

Watts was silent for a long time. He finally said, “Gene, if the Good Lord was to grant me one wish, I believe I'd wish to meet the leader of the Ku Klux Klan.”

A strange wish for a black man to want to meet someone who's thrust was to create an all-white world.

But what happened after Watts got his wish was even stranger.

A ROUGH START

The story begins with a young boy named Johnny Lee Clary whose father filled him with prejudice against blacks.

The young Clary lived in an unstable home in Del City, Oklahoma -- his father was an alcoholic, and his mother cheated on his father. Even worse, his father committed suicide in front of Clary, firing a .45-caliber pistol to his head. Later, abused by his stepfather, Clary was sent to live with his sister in California. Things were so bad there that Clary, then 14, was considering suicide. But his outlook changed after tuning in to a television program that had David Duke, grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, repeating the hate Clary had heard from his father.

Clary sent for information and was visited by a Klansman, who emphasized that the Klan was a Christian organization. This connected with Clary; he had accepted Jesus as his Savior as a boy of 9 at Carter Park Baptist Church in Del City but had not grown in his knowledge or relationship with Christ.

The Klansman told Clary that God meant the races to be separate and never intended blacks and whites to live together on the same continent. “What he was doing was twisting the Bible around,” Clary recalled. “But I immediately joined the Klan, and during the next 16 years worked my way up the ladder to the Klan's top national position of grand wizard.”

A CONFRONTATION

Watts, who served for 16 years as leader of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) in Oklahoma, got his wish to meet the leader of the KKK when he debated Clary on an Oklahoma City radio station in the 1970s. Watts was a target of the Klan, and Clary said he called Watts “every name in the book,” but Watts always responded with “God bless you, son; Jesus loves you.”

Clary and Watts were leaving the radio station, when the Klansman met Watts' wife and their half-black, half-white adopted baby girl in the lobby. “Watts turned to me and said, 'Just look at this baby. How can you hate her?'“

“When I looked into that baby's eyes,” Clary admitted, “I knew I could never hate her.”

THE ENCOUNTER

Shortly thereafter, Clary began to feel that something was missing in his life. He began to realize the KKK talk about Christianity, their claims that their beliefs were based on the Bible, was “a bunch of garbage.”

“When they started talking about a white revolution and starting race riots, I knew I couldn't go along with that philosophy,” he said.

Clary again reached a point of thinking about taking his life, but he had a life-changing encounter with the truth. He saw a Bible on a table and remembered the happiest times of his life were the years he spent at Carter Park Baptist Church.

“I picked up the Bible and began looking at it, thinking I should pray and ask Jesus for forgiveness and rededicate my life to him,” Clary said. “I don't believe it is a coincidence that the first place I turned to was Luke 15, the story of the Prodigal Son. As I began to read, I realized that no matter what I had done, the Lord had never left me nor forsaken me.”

After praying for forgiveness, “I felt like 1,000 pounds had been lifted off my shoulders.

“I wouldn't tell you all the hate and prejudice left right then because hatred is a learned response just like love is,” Clary explained. “I had to learn to do something I had never done. I had to get into God's Word and find out what it has to say about love.”

A CHANGED LIFE

In a miraculous turn of events, God called Clary to preach in 1991.

“I asked the Lord what I should do, and he put it in my mind to call Wade Watts,” Clary recounted.

“When I asked Watts if he remembered 'John Clary', he said, 'Remember you, son? I've been praying for you for years.'“

Clary told Watts his prayers had been answered, how in 1989 he had resigned from the Klan and gotten his heart right with God, and how he had decided to serve the Lord the rest of his life.

Watts asked Clary if he had preached anywhere yet. When Clary said no, Watts invited Clary to do him the honor of preaching in Watts' all-black church.

When he asked Watts for directions to the church, Clary said Watts replied, “You ought to know. You tried to burn it down!”

(The KKK targeted Watts' church for burning, twice, because Watts spearheaded the civil rights movement in Oklahoma.)

“Watts loved all people,” Clary reflected. “His philosophy was if you want to play beautiful music, you have to play the white and black keys together. The Klan hated that because they believed in a separate society. Watts was powerful, and we thought by burning his church, making hate calls and threatening his family, we could shut him up. But it didn't work. His voice was heard, just like the voice of freedom will always be heard.”

At the end of Clary's first-ever sermon, a girl about 15 years old came down the aisle during the invitation at Watts' McAlester, Okla., church.

“She was crying and said she wanted to know this same Jesus I knew,” Clary said. “Then I heard someone else crying, and saw Watts getting to his feet.

“'Johnny Lee,' he said, 'You remember that little baby I showed you when we debated years ago at that radio station, and I asked you how you could hate the baby? Johnny Lee, that's that baby.'

“I just froze,” Clary said. “I thought there was something familiar about those eyes.”

Watts had 13 children and four of them still had not been saved when Clary came to preach that morning. After “that baby” made her decision, the other three unsaved children came forward to make professions of faith in Jesus.

“Rev. Watts hugged me and said, 'Who would have ever believed God would take an old Ku Klux Klansman, have me pray for him all these years, and he would come down here and lead my unsaved kids to the Lord?'“ Clary said. “That day, a friendship was born between two men who can truly call each other brother.”

KEEPING THE DREAM ALIVE

On Dec. 16, 1998, Clary joined Sen. Gene Stipe and Oklahoma Gov. Frank Keating in giving eulogies at the funeral of Watts, who had died three days earlier at the age of 79.

Hundreds of black people at the funeral gave Clary a standing ovation as he walked to the microphone, where he related a conversation he had with Watts the day before his death.

Clary recounted that Watts told him he had been a longtime friend of Martin Luther King Jr., and when King was killed, his friends said, “They killed the man, but they aren't going to kill the dream. Dr. King had a dream that one day black children, white children, Protestants, Catholics, Jews, Gentiles would all be able to join hands and sing 'Free at Last.'“

Clary continued to share Watts' last words: “After they killed Dr. King, we got together with other civil rights leaders to keep the dream alive. I did what I could. I called you here today because my evening sun is sinking fast, and this old race is done. I gotta go, but I couldn't think of a better person to take this ministry than you. In the Bible, there was Elijah and Elisha. Elijah taught Elisha everything he knew, and when Elijah got ready to go, he passed it on to Elisha and Elisha went on to do even greater things than Elijah did. So I'm going to hand it to you.”

“He held out his hand which was shaking, and put it in my hand and said, 'Johnny, I want you to promise me that you'll keep the dream alive and promise you'll fight racism until the setting of your sun.’ I squeezed his hand, looking down at the black hand and the white hand together, and I said, 'I promise. I'll keep it alive.'“

EPILOG

After Clary left the room, Watts' daughters came in and found their father saying, “Thank you, sir, thank you.”

The daughters asked whom he was talking to, and Watts said, “I'm talking to Jesus. He was standing right here. He said, 'Wade, the race is over. In my Father's house are many mansions. I've gone and prepared a place for you that where I am you can be there too. I want you to say goodbye to your children. I'm coming back to get you tonight.'“

Just then a nurse walked into Watts' room, asking what he wanted for breakfast the next day. Watts said, “Honey, it don't matter what you bring me for breakfast. I won't be here to eat it. I'm having breakfast with Jesus in the morning.”

With that, Watts closed his eyes. The next morning, a message flashed across the screen on CNN News, “Former civil rights activist Wade Watts passes away at the age of 79.”

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[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #11636]

At a college summer retreat out in the mountains of California soon after World War II, among those present were a young man who had flown in Hitler’s Luftwaffe, another who had flown with the Japanese, and a third who had been in the US Air Force and had bombed the cities of Germany. None of these knew that the others were present at the retreat, nor did they know each other, and none was a Christian.

At the final meeting, the traditional fagot service, when any person deciding to accept Christ and give his life to serve the Savior tossed a fagot or stick of wood on a bonfire symbolizing his life would now be given to burn for Christ, the German stood to accept Christ, walked to the fire and threw a fagot in; a few moments later, the Japanese; then following him, the American pilot, all receiving the Lord Jesus Christ.

Then the three ex-war pilots, with their arms around each other and tears streaming down their faces, sang with all those present,

Blessed be the tie that binds

Our hearts in Christian love.

The Ministry of Reconciliation . . .

Originates with God, not man

Is personally experienced

Is universally inclusive

Is without condemnation

Is delivered by men

Is owned and accredited by God

Is voluntarily accepted

Achieves what otherwise is impossible

Is experienced moment by moment.

- Ray Stedman, {Authentic Christianity }(Portland, OR: Mutnomah, 1985)

Recently, a frail black woman rose slowly to her feet in a South African courtroom. She was 70-something, the years deeply etched on her face. Facing her from across the room were several white security police officers. One, a Mr. van der Broek, had just been found guilty of murdering the woman’s son and her husband.

The man had come to the woman’s home a number of years earlier. He had taken her son, shot him at pointblank range, and then burned his body while he and some other officers reveled in the act.

Several years later, van der Broek had returned to take away her husband as well. For two years, she could learn nothing of what happened to him. Then, van der Broek came back for the woman herself. She was led to a place beside a river. There, she saw her husband bound and beaten, lying on a pile of wood. The last words she heard from his lips as the officers poured gasoline over his body and set him aflame were, “Father, forgive them.”

But not long ago, justice caught up with Mr. van der Broek. He had been found guilty, and it was time to determine his sentence. And as the woman stood, the presiding official of the court asked, “So, what do you want? How should justice be done to this man who has so brutally destroyed your family?”

In reply, the woman said, “I want three things. I want first to be taken to the place where my husband’s body was burned so that I can gather up the dust and give his remains a decent burial.”

She pauses, then continues. “My husband and son were my only family. I want, secondly, therefore, for Mr. van der Broek to become my son. I would like for him to come twice a month to the ghetto and spend a day with me so that I can pour out on him whatever love I still have remaining within me.”

“And, finally,” she says, “I want a third thing. I would like Mr. Van der Broek to know that I offer him my forgiveness because Jesus Christ died to forgive. This was also the wish of my husband. And so, I would kindly ask someone to come to my side and lead me across the courtroom so that I can take Mr. van der Broek in my arms, embrace him and let him know that he is truly forgiven.”

As the court assistants led the elderly woman across the courtroom, Mr. van der Broek, overwhelmed by what he heard, fainted. Then quietly, from those in the courtroom, friends, family, and neighbors – all victims of similar oppression and injustice – began to sing “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I’m found. ‘Twas blind, but now I see.

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Another version adapted from the internet:

One of the great acts of forgiveness in our lifetime has been the powerful stories coming out of South Africa. After the black Africans under Mandela gained power they set up the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. The Commission sought to bring about justice for all the crimes that had been committed under apartheid. But instead of punishing the evildoers, it sought to reconcile both sides. And these were two sides that had been at each other’s throats for centuries.

In an emotionally charged courtroom, a South African woman stood with her silent tears, listening to white police officers acknowledge their atrocities. Officer van de Broek admitted that he had shot her 18-year-old son at point-blank range. Then, he and others partied while they burned her son’s body, turning it over and over until it was reduced to ashes.

Eight years later van de Broek and his associates returned to seize her husband. She was forced to watch while they poured gasoline over him and set him on fire. As the flames consumed him, her husband’s last words were simply, “Forgive them.”

Now, van de Broek awaited judgment. The Truth and Reconciliation Commission asked the woman what she wanted. Calmly weeping, she said, “I want three things. I want Mr. van de Broek to take me to the place where they buried my husband’s body so I can gather up the dust and give him a proper burial.”

“Second, Mr. van de Broek took all my family from me, and I still have a lot of love to give. So twice a month, I would like for him to come to the ghetto and spend a day with me so I can be a mother to him.”

“Third, I would like Mr. Van de Broek to know that he is forgiven by God, and that I forgive him. I would like to embrace him so he will know my forgiveness is real.”

As the elderly woman walked slowly across the courtroom, Officer van de Broek stood to receive her embrace and fainted. He was overwhelmed by the spiritual power of this African woman. In the back of the courtroom, someone began to sing Amazing Grace.

And so it was. It was the grace of a woman infected with Easter, who could not let hatred and death have the final word in her life.

The movie “The Straight Story” is based on the true story of Alvin Straight, a 73-year-old man who journeyed to mend a broken relationship with his brother, whom he hasn’t seen or spoken to in over ten years. Alvin has lost his driver’s license because of impaired vision. When a call comes indicating that Lyle, Alvin’s estranged brother, has had a stroke, Alvin determines to find a way to visit his brother and make things right. His only solution is to hitch a makeshift trailer to his 1966 John Deere riding lawn mower and set out on a 500-mile trip that will take him more than six weeks.

One night Alvin camps out in a church cemetery. The pastor of the adjoining church sees Alvin from his office and brings him a plate of hot meatloaf and mashed potatoes. A conversation ensues. Alvin mentions his brother who lives in the area. The pastor recalls having met a man by that name while making calls in the hospital, but admits that he didn’t recall the man making mention of having a brother.

"Neither one of us has had a brother for quite some time," Alvin explained. "Lyle and I grew up as close as brothers could be. We worked hard.... Me and Lyle would make games out of our chores.... He and I used to sleep out in the yard most every summer night. We talked to each other till we went to sleep. It made our trials seem smaller. We pretty much talked each other through growing up."

The pastor asked, "Whatever happened between you two?" Alvin’s eyes tear-up as he explains. "The story’s as old as Cain and Abel. Anger. Vanity. Mix that together with liquor, and you’ve got two brothers who haven’t spoken in ten years." Then he adds, "Whatever it was that made me and Lyle so mad, it doesn’t matter anymore. I want to make peace and sit with him and look up at the stars like we used to do."[1]

In an interview while on his journey, Alvin Straight explained why he was making that 500-mile journey. “There’s no one knows your life better than a brother that’s near your age. He knows who you are and what you are better than anyone on Earth. My brother and I said some unforgivable things the last time we met, but I’m trying to put that behind me. And this trip is a hard swallow of my pride. I just hope I’m not too late.”[2]

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1. This write up is adapted from preachingtoday.com. "The Straight Story," rated "G", was written by John Roach II and Mary Sweeney, directed by David Lynch, produced by Walt Disney Pictures, and released in 1999.

2. http://movieweb.com/movie/straightstory/

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Church discipline is a crucial aspect of a local church body’s health and obedience to Scripture and its goal is the restoration of a wandering believer, author, speaker and professor Don Whitney said June 26 at the 26th annual Southern Baptist Founders Conference.

Citing a recent article by the Wall Street Journal on church discipline [see HolwickID #13444] that depicted it as merely a method seeking to kick people out of the church, Whitney said church discipline instead is a loving act and is demanded by Scripture in texts such as Matthew 18:15-20 and 1 Corinthians 5.

“The goal is to restore a believer to righteousness,” Whitney said. “We want to bring them back, to heal the breach, to restore them in love.

“The need for church discipline is inevitable. Don’t think your church will never need to practice discipline. Sooner or later, God will test every church, every minister in this matter of discipline. You will come up against the opportunity and go into the desert or you will follow God.”

Whitney serves as associate professor of biblical spirituality and senior associate dean at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. The founder of the Center for Biblical Spirituality (www.biblicalspirituality.org), Whitney is the author of several books including “Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life” and “Spiritual Disciplines within the Church.” He has served in pastoral ministry for 24 years.

Matthew 18:15-20 sets forth three clear steps in the process of church discipline, Whitney said: first, confront the errant sinner in private; next, confront him again, this time taking along two or three witnesses; and finally, if those two steps do not bring him to repentance, take the matter before the entire church body.

The church should formally remove the erring person from the fellowship only after he demonstrates a persistent refusal to repent of his sins, Whitney said, adding that the first two steps might occur numerous times before the final, most drastic measure is necessary. Withdrawal of fellowship requires approval by the entire church, he said.

“We treat them as a lost person because they continually act like one,” Whitney said. “This is the ultimate effort to restore them and to bring them back. We give them every opportunity to respond to their sin in repentance as they ought to respond. We don’t have the right to treat them un-Christianly or in an uncivil way; we are to love them and seek to evangelize them.

“But the goal should be reconciliation. You cannot over-emphasize the goal of winning your brother back.”

God promises to support those churches with His presence that are obedient to the command of Christ to lovingly discipline wayward members, Whitney said.

Whitney said a local church should begin to discipline a member when:

• Christian love is violated by serious personal offenses.

• Christian unity is violated by those who form factions and destroy the peace of the church.

• Christian law is violated by those living scandalous lives.

• Christian truth is violated by those who reject essential doctrines of the faith.

There are at least three errors to avoid when practicing church discipline, Whitney said: inconsistency, severity and leniency. Whitney pointed out that Southern Baptist churches in the 19th century regularly practiced restorative church discipline, but it gradually faded in the 20th century.

“A lot of people think church discipline takes place when you make the pastor mad and then he gets you kicked out of the church,” he said. “But the Bible makes it clear that it is for the good of the individual and the spiritual health of the church body. J.L. Dagg famously wrote, ‘When discipline leaves a church, Christ goes with it.’

“Historically, the three marks of the church have been said to be the preaching of the Gospel, the ordinances and church discipline. If these historic marks of the church are indeed necessary, what do we think about the vast majority of churches today who do not have the last mark?

“This is a Christological issue, a Lordship issue. This is about Jesus Christ as Head of the church and His rule over our lives. God help us for His name’s sake.”

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[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #6834]

Only 12 men have done it in the history of civilization. For Charlie Duke, it was the culmination of a lifetime of study and training. Standing on the moon's rough Descartes Highlands in April 1972, the Apollo 16 lunar module commander was, literally, over the earth with pride. After a 71-hour mission, he and astronaut John Young left a few of the usual mementos from earth, such as an American flag, before leaving the moon.

Charlie left another, more significant object: a snapshot of his family enclosed in a plastic bag. It was a telling gesture because, while the moon mission had gone almost flawlessly and he was at the height of his career, Charlie's family back on earth was close to crashing. Divorce loomed on the horizon, and Charlie was a tyrant to his children. But as God's creation was evident that day in the magnificent blue jewel of the earth suspended in space, God's handiwork was also made evident as He would come to rescue a failing marriage and reconcile husband, wife and children.

AN UNLIKELY DREAM

Charlie Duke had never dreamed of being an astronaut. "We had Buck Rogers and cartoons like that when I was growing up," he says, "but I had really no desire to do anything, no desire to fly, much less even think about going into space."

But while attending the U.S. Naval Academy, he fell in love with airplanes and, upon graduating in 1957, transferred his commission to the Air Force to become a fighter pilot. Up to that time, he remembers, space travel was just a fantasy. But the same year he graduated, the Soviet Union launched the first artificial satellite, Sputnik, and in April 1961 put the first man into orbit, Yuri Gagarin. "After the United States put Alan Shepard into space, the dream started bubbling," Charlie says.

The dream took a short detour, though. In 1962, while in graduate school at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, he met a young woman named Dotty. "She had a charming personality, a beautiful smile, and there was a magnetism between us - still is - that I just knew she was the one," he says.

They married on June 1, 1963, in Atlanta. "When Dotty and I were finally married we even discussed getting out of the military," Charlie says. But it turned out that after MIT I had commitment of two years to the Air Force. Then I was sent to test pilot school, which gave me another two-year commitment, and all of a sudden the astronaut program came up, and there we were."

In 1966 Charlie was one of only 19 selected out of thousands of astronaut candidates. The following years involved intense training and a lot of time at the "office." In the meantime, two sons, Charles and Tom, were born.

"Our marriage started coming under a lot of strain, especially when we got to NASA," he says. "The travel and the intensity of the job, Dotty at home with two little kids - I'd say we were steaming full-speed toward the rocks of divorce by 1972."

His relationship with his sons was also headed for a wreck. "I was a very strong disciplinarian. Sort of a military drill instructor dad, these are the rules, this is what I expect you to do. I demanded, basically, perfection from these kids," he says. "I was gone a lot. I would come home, we would have to readjust, and I was on them again. So it was a strained relationship, and they didn't want to be around their dad too much."

By 1975, Dotty was in despair. Since college, she had tried to fill her life with other things. "Sunday school, career, philosophy, good works, volunteering, things like that," she says. "I was trying to find if there must be some reason we're here on earth." Her marriage to Charlie, she later realized, was just another attempt to fill the void.

"I had been faithful in Sunday school and throughout college," she says. "I respected Jesus. I knew who Jesus was, I said He was my savior, I hoped I was going to heaven, but it was more of a Sunday event for me. It didn't really control my life. 'I' was in charge of my life."

Soon her despair reached the point of contemplating suicide. But in October of that year, the church they attended held a weekend conference called Faith Alive. "I had never really heard the gospel in a way that it would relate to me," Dotty says. "That's when I made a commitment to find out if God was real. The way I was going to find out was to start praying, specific praying. It took about a month for enough prayers to be answered for me to realize that it was true: God is who He says He is."

And gradually Dotty began to climb out of her despair. "One night in bed I just said, 'Charlie, I can't depend on you any more. I have to depend on the Lord.' I had tried marriage; I had tried all these other things. And marriage failed me, too. Charlie didn't mean to fail me, because I was looking for him to be the perfect husband in the perfect marriage. That was my Cinderella dream."

Charlie remembers that night. "Well, it hurt my feelings," he says. "I didn't understand the spiritual focus of her statement. Actually, as it turned out, I really loved it because she wasn't on me any more, she was not nagging. I didn't have to change."

Soon thereafter Charlie retired from the Air Force, moved to New Braunfels, Texas, and bought into a beer distributorship. "Two years later I'd gotten really upset with this business," he says. "I decided to sell it in March 1978."

The next month, a friend invited Charlie and Dotty to a weekend retreat at the T-Bar-M Ranch. During a "Walk Thru the Bible study," Charlie's eyes were opened. "I just got fascinated with all of that stuff," he says. I realized that weekend that Jesus really is who He says He is. So after that weekend, as we were getting ready to leave, we were sitting in our automobile and I just told Dotty, 'You know, Darling, there's no doubt in my mind that Jesus Christ really is the Son of God, and Lord, I just commit my life to You."

Dotty's reaction: She clapped her hands and smiled. "That's exactly what God's been waiting to hear," she said.

"The Lord spoke to my heart," Charlie says. "He said, 'The problem with your marriage is you don't love your wife like I love you.' I said, 'Lord, You're right, but I'd like to. Help me to be the husband You want me to be.' That process is still going on, trying to be a husband and father and grandfather, the person that God wants me to be."

Charlie also came across Proverbs 18:21: "The tongue has the power of life and death."

"The Lord spoke to me and said, 'You have cursed your own children.' It was true. We can be devastating with our words."

THE MASTER'S HAND

Psalm 19:1 says, "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands." Charlie has seen the truth of that from a perspective few have. But one does not need only look skyward to see God at work.

"Our story really is the power of God to heal relationships," Charlie says. "I don't care how broken a relationship is; Jesus can heal it if we are humble and seek God's will. It's been a tremendously exciting adventure as we walk with the Lord as a couple and see God's hand in our marriage as He saved us from the divorce court."

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What the Bible teaches about Divorce And Remarriage:

1. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Divorce in the Scripture is permitted as an accommodation to man's sin for the protection of the innocent party. Since divorce is only a concession to man's sin and is not a part of God's original plan for marriage, all believers considering divorce should have the same attitude toward divorce as does God. Notice that in Matthew 19:5-9, Christ teaches that divorce is an accommodation to man's sin and is in violation of God's purpose for the intimate unity of the marriage bond (cf. Gen. 2:24). It was a concession for the "innocent party" due to the insensitivity of the other partner to God. This is defined biblically as the "hardness of heart" (Matt. 19:8). Dissolution meant that the innocent party no longer had to remain in a hopeless and intolerable situation (Matt. 5:32, 19:9; I Cor. 7:12-15). It is to be expected that a believer will have the same attitude toward divorce as does God and will see it as a violation of God's expressed purpose for marriage.

2. The only biblical grounds for divorce are (1) fornication (any sinful sexual activity, including adultery--unfaithfulness of a marriage partner), or (2) a nonbelieving partner who initiates the divorce due to incompatibility with a Christian.

The first is fornication, which seems to cover a wide area of sexual activity such as adultery, homosexuality, bestiality and incest (Matt. 5:32; 19:9; I Cor. 5:1). Adultery will take place even after the "official" dissolution of the marriage if the divorce is on nonbiblical grounds (Matt. 5:32; Mk. 10:11,12).

The second reason for permitting a divorce is in cases where a nonbelieving mate refuses to live with his or her believing spouse, especially because of his or her Christian testimony (1 Cor. 7:12-15).

It is essential to keep in mind that the Bible merely permits divorce in these limited circumstances but never commands divorce. (This is clearly indicated in Hosea 1-3, where the adulterous wife is forgiven and restored.)

3. Remarriage is permitted for the innocent party when the divorce was on biblical grounds. In cases where a divorce was obtained between believers on nonbiblical grounds, the person who remarries first commits "adultery" (Matt. 19:9) and the person who marries a person who was divorced on nonbiblical grounds also commits adultery (Lk. 16:18).

According to the Old Testament pattern, remarriage was allowed after the divorce (the exception is found in Deut. 24:1-4). The New Testament allows for remarriage when the divorce was based upon biblical grounds (I Cor. 7:15). In cases where the divorce was not for the two reasons stated above, the believer is exhorted to (1) seek for reconciliation, or else (2) remain unmarried (I Cor. 7:10-11).

When one party remarries after a divorce which was on nonbiblical grounds, that person has committed adultery because God did not recognize the validity of the divorce (Matt. 5:32; Mk. 10:11). Since the remarried partner has "committed adultery," the marriage bond is now broken and the remaining partner is free to remarry.

The Bible gives a word of caution to anyone who is considering marriage to a divorcee. If the divorce was not on biblical grounds, the person who marries the divorcee is considered an adulterer (Mark 10:12).

4. Believers who pursue divorce on nonbiblical grounds are subject to church discipline because they openly reject the Word of God. The one who obtains a divorce on nonbiblical grounds and remarries is living in a state of "adultery" since God did not recognize the validity of the original divorce (Matt. 5:32, Mk. 10:11-12). That person is subject to the steps of church discipline as outlined in Matt. 18:15-17 and as illustrated in I Cor. 5:1-13.

5. Salvation means that a person begins a new life. The believer is responsible to live up to what God has revealed about marriage and divorce from the point of his or her salvation.

According to 2 Cor. 5:17, the believer has become a "new creature" when he or she accepts Christ as personal Savior. This does not mean that Christ immediately erases painful memories, bad habits or the underlying causes for past marital problems, but that He begins a process of transformation through the Holy Spirit and the Word. A sign of saving faith will be a receptivity and a willingness to obey what Christ has revealed about marriage and divorce through the Word. The apostle Paul's counsel in I Cor. 7:20, 27 is that a believer is to see every circumstance that they are in when they became a believer as from God. If they were called while married, they are not to seek a divorce (except on the grounds given in Matt. 5:32, 19:9; I Cor. 7:12-16). If they were called while divorced, they are free to be remarried to another believer (2 Cor. 6:14).

6. In cases where divorce took place on nonbiblical grounds and where the guilty party repents, the grace of God is operative at the point of repentance. It is assumed that the repentant party will endeavor to restore the marriage whenever possible as a sign of true repentance. In other words, where two believers were divorce on nonbiblical grounds, the grace of God becomes operative at the point of repentance and confession, and they can once again experience the joy of their relationship with Christ and their mate.

A true sign of repentance will be a desire to implement I Cor. 7:11. This involves a willingness to remain unmarried or else to be reconciled to their mate. In cases where a believer obtained a divorce on nonbiblical grounds and remarried, the second marriage union is recognized as living in "adultery" (Mk. 10:11-12). If repentance takes place, it is recognized that to obtain a second divorce would disobey Scripture (Deut. 24:1-4), hence, they are to remain in the second marriage.

7. The church has a responsibility to uphold the biblical ideal of marriage, especially as exemplified by its leadership. In cases where there has been a divorce in a person's past, the church has an obligation to restrict, for a period of time, the person's involvement in leadership until it can be proven that the present marriage exemplifies Christ's relationship to His church. I Timothy 3:2, 12 sets the marital qualification for leadership within the church. The phrase "the husband of one wife" does not mean that a person cannot have had a divorce in his past since none of the other qualifications listed refer to specific acts in the past (prior to salvation or subsequent to salvation) but rather to qualities which currently characterize a man's life.

It is especially important, in cases where there has been a divorce in a man's past, that there be a period of careful observation to see that his present marriage is characterized by devotion and sacrificial love.

8. If the innocent party in a divorce is seeking remarriage, it is preferable that he/she wait until the spouse has remarried in order to not preclude any possibility of reconciliation. However, the situation will depend upon a number of factors, i.e., purity of life, time, etc.

Note: This file was written by John MacArthur Jr., of Grace Community Church, Sun Valley, California. It originally was presented as non-copyrighted material in a booklet titled, "The Biblical Position on Divorce and Remarriage." Bible Bulletin Board is deeply grateful for the ministry of Grace Community Church and the truth which it has presented over the years. My own Christian walk has been greatly helped by John MacArthur and the Word of Grace Ministry. For information about the radio and tape ministries of Grace Community Church and John MacArthur, write: WORD OF GRACE COMMUNICATIONS, P.O. Box 4000, Panorama City, CA 91412, Voice: 1-800-55-GRACE

Provided by:

Tony Capoccia

Bible Bulletin Board

Box 119

Columbus, New Jersey, USA, 08022

Websites: www.biblebb.com and www.gospelgems.com

Email: tony@biblebb.com

Online since 1986

Copyright 1987

by

John F. MacArthur, Jr.

All rights reserved.

In the Amazon area of eastern Peru, missionaries made a poignant discovery.

When Wycliffe Bible translator Bob Russell sought a word for "forgiveness" in the language of the Amahuacas of eastern Peru, he discovered their unique way of asking one another for pardon. In that culture, if an offender wants to be reconciled with someone he has offended, he says to him, "Speak to me."

Russell learned that Amahuacas who are unreconciled typically refuse to speak to each other. So when the offender asks the offended to speak, it's the equivalent of saying, "Show me we're friends again by being on speaking terms once more."

Many Biblical terms illustrate the concept of forgiveness - cancel debts, cast away sins, free the sinner.

The Amahuaca expression strikingly translates what is the most important biblical meaning of God's forgiveness - above all, it is a reconciliation, the restoration of a friendship with him that has been marred by sin.

As the number of executions surges, Christians remain divided on the death penalty's morality and purpose.

_________________

One might think Sue Norton would be among the most ardent supporters of the death penalty in light of the 1990 double murder of her parents. Yet today, as the man convicted of killing her parents sits on Oklahoma's death row, she is among those working hardest to have his death sentence commuted.

"If our world is going to change," she says, "we have to move past hate and learn to love with the unconditional love displayed by Jesus." Norton, a member of an American Baptist church in Arkansas City, Missouri, says the man who killed her parents has converted to Christianity through her witness. She regularly visits and writes to him in prison and talks to him weekly by telephone.

Norton is among the nearly 3,000 members of the Atlantic, Virginia-based Murder Victims Families for Reconciliation (mvfr), which opposes the death penalty and advocates programs and policies aimed at crime prevention. "Our society places an expectation on families to seek vengeance," says mvfr executive director Pat Bane. "One parent told me that people made her feel like she was betraying her son because she did not want to kill the person who murdered him. Our goal is to break the cycle of violence rather than escalate it."

CAPITAL COMEBACK: Though not an mvfr member, Aldona DeVetsco opposed the May 2 lethal injection of Keith Zettlemoyer, the first person to be executed in Pennsylvania since 1962. Zettlemoyer shot and killed Charles DeVetsco, Aldona's son, in 1980. She signed a petition appealing for a stay of execution, calling capital punishment "senseless vengeance."

Pennsylvania is the latest in the growing list of states to administer the death penalty for the first time in decades. Last year, Idaho, Maryland, and Nebraska carried out their first executions in more than 30 years. Earlier this year, Montana did the same. Across the nation, during the first six months of the year, 33 people were executed, surpassing the total for all of last year.

The resurgence of the death penalty has given rise to a more fervent opposition. Challengers of capital punishment point out that most other countries that permit the death penalty-such as Iraq and China-are infamous for human-rights violations.

Nevertheless, those in the United States who oppose the death penalty are waging what appears to be an uphill battle. From the common citizen to the Supreme Court, sentiment runs solidly in favor of capital punishment both in principle and in practice. Among politicians, a tough-on-crime posture crosses party barriers. That posture almost always translates into support for the death penalty, even if it means flip-flopping on the issue, as has happened with many officeholders, including President Clinton.

Standing against this tide, all major Protestant denominations, with the exception of Southern Baptists, officially oppose the death penalty. And the pope, in his March encyclical, stated that conditions that would justify the death penalty "are practically non-existent." Observers note this is the closest the Roman Catholic Church has ever come to supporting an outright ban on capital punishment.

PUBLIC SUPPORT: Most surveys, however, indicate that, on this issue, church leaders are out of step not only with the general public, but also with those in their pews. According to a May Gallup Poll, 77 percent of Americans support the death penalty while only 13 percent oppose it, with the remaining 10 percent undecided or saying it depends on circumstances.

According to the survey, Republicans favor the death penalty by a margin of 89 percent to 7 percent, while Democrats support it 67 to 20 percent. Those in mainline denominations support it 81 to 9 percent. Eighty percent of those identifying themselves as "born again" favor the death penalty, while only 12 percent oppose it. And despite statistics establishing that the death penalty is administered with a racial bias, according to the survey, 55 percent of black Protestants support capital punishment, while 30 percent oppose it.

According to the Washington, D.C.-based Death Penalty Information Center (dpic), when people are asked for a yes or no response, most favor the death penalty because the "myth persists that even the most dangerous murderers will be released in seven years if they are not executed."

dpic executive director Richard Dieter cites a 1993 bipartisan study conducted by the Democratic polling firm of Greenberg/Lake and the Republican Tarrance Group as being more reflective of public opinion. In that survey, when asked for a yes-or-no response, 77 percent-identical to the Gallup survey-said they favored the death penalty.

However, when people were asked, "If it were possible to sentence a person convicted of murder to life in prison with no possibility of parole ever, and require their earnings from prison industries to go to the victim's family," 44 percent said they favored that option, while 41 percent favored the death penalty.

Dieter maintains that fewer Americans would favor the death penalty if they realized that "45 states and the federal government now employ sentences in which no parole is possible for at least 25 years for their most serious murder cases."

DETERRENCE DETERRED: The prevalence of violence in American society despite the legality of the death penalty in 38 states has in the minds of many diminished the argument that capital punishment is a deterrent, except insofar as it prevents convicted murderers from killing again. "There is no empirical evidence of any compelling nature to support [the death penalty] on the grounds of deterrence," says Joshua Dressler, a professor at McGeorge School of Law in Sacramento, California, and author of three books on criminal law and procedure.

Bryan Stevenson, a Christian attorney and executive director of the Montgomery, Alabama-based Equal Justice Initiative, notes that Texas, despite being the leading execution state since the Supreme Court's 7-to-2 Gregg V. Georgia decision affirming the death penalty in 1976, has seen its violent crime rate rise 46 percent. "I believe that people are increasingly realizing that the more we resort to killing as a legitimate response to our frustration and anger with violent crime, the more violent our society becomes," says Stevenson, who has represented more than 100 death row prisoners during the past decade. "We could execute all three thousand people on death row today, and most people would not feel any safer tomorrow."

CITING SCRIPTURE: As with many other issues, Christians on both sides of the capital punishment debate cite scriptural support for their contrasting positions.

Prison Fellowship Ministries (pfm), in which volunteers share the gospel with inmates, does not take an official stand because its own board is divided. pfm encourages Christians to weigh the biblical arguments for themselves.

pfm says there are three biblically based positions on capital punishment: One claims the Bible prohibits it; a second holds that the Bible mandates it; a third view is that Scripture permits but does not require capital punishment.

Those who oppose capital punishment maintain generally that the New Testament, especially the example set by Jesus, supersedes any such teaching in the Old Testament. "I believe that the meaning of Christ's death and resurrection is redemption for everyone," says Church of the Brethren member Bob Gross of Indianapolis, active for nearly a decade in the National Coalition to Abolish the Death Penalty. "To say that some people's sins are not covered is hypocritical. That's not an excuse to murder; but Jesus said if we are not willing to forgive, we place ourselves outside of God's forgiveness."

But renowned theologian Carl Henry says such an outlook "tends to subordinate the justice of God to the love of God." Henry favors the death penalty, citing Genesis 9:6, which states, "Whoever sheds the blood of a human, by a human shall that person's blood be shed" (nrsv). He also maintains that Peter, by cutting off Malchus's ear in an effort to prevent Christ's arrest (John 18:10), was most likely trying to kill the soldier. According to Henry, Christ's statement that those who kill by the sword are subject to die by the sword implicitly recognizes the government's right to exercise the death penalty.

Those who maintain that Scripture neither mandates nor prohibits capital punishment are most likely to focus on the question of whether the administration of the death penalty is consistent with biblical principles and practices. Among these concerns are the requirement that witnesses participate in the execution, that the intent of the offender be taken into consideration, and that justice be administered without regard to social or economic status.

Charles Colson, who founded pfm in 1976 after serving a seven-month Watergate-related prison term, says he has grave reservations about the way in which capital punishment is administered. "I remain convinced that it is not a general deterrent," Colson says. "But I must say that my views have changed, and I now favor capital punishment, at least in principle, but only in extreme cases when no other punishment can satisfy the demands of justice." Colson says a visit he had with Illinois mass murderer John Wayne Gacy, who was executed last year for killing 33 young men and boys during the 1970s, pushed him over the edge to a pro-death penalty view. From a theological perspective, Colson argues that "justice in God's eyes requires that the response to an offense ... be proportionate."

Although the thief on the cross alongside Christ was included in Christ's merciful action, this criminal did not have "the consequences of his crime" eliminated, Colson asserts. "Nowhere does Jesus set aside the requirements of civil law."

Likewise, Colson favors the death penalty for the perpetrators of April's Oklahoma City bombing. "No other punishment [is] sufficient for the deliberate savagery of the crime."

EQUAL JUSTICE ISSUES: Many hold anti-death penalty views primarily out of a concern for fairness. According to one frequently cited study by researchers Hugo Bedau and Michael Radelet, 23 people have been executed in the United States this century whose guilt was later either clearly disproven or cast in doubt. Others-48 according to the dpic-have been able to prove their innocence while still on death row, establishing the possibility of receiving the death penalty despite what many would consider reasonable doubt.

Rob Dunham, executive director of the Pennsylvania Post-Conviction Defender Organization in Philadelphia, says, "If we are going, as a matter of public policy, to have a death penalty, then we must, as a matter of public policy, ensure procedural fairness."

Dunham says that despite the clear conclusion five years ago of a joint federal and Pennsylvania court task force that the state does not provide adequate representation to indigent defendants, the legislature has enacted a law intended to hasten the rate at which death warrants are signed. "Legislators see the issue as a politically popular one," Dunham says, "and they are taking measures that enable them to claim they are tough on crime without regard for the actual legal or moral consequences."

McGeorge Law School professor Dressler adds, "The amount of money many states-especially in the South-give attorneys to take on postconviction appeals is laughable. Lawyers either have to work for $5 an hour or do a shoddy job." According to Dressler, not only do these conditions increase the risk that innocent people will be executed, but they also result in the failure to recognize mitigating circumstances under which those who are guilty of murder should by law be spared the death penalty.

Dressler maintains that a counterterrorism bill under consideration in Congress represents a greater interest in efficiency than in truth and administrative fairness. The proposed bill would limit most death row inmates to one federal court appeal.

Death penalty opponents have thoroughly documented a racial bias in the administration of capital punishment. Roughly half of all murder victims are black, but in executions, 85 percent of those they had murdered were white. "I think it is clear that the death penalty is reserved primarily for the poor and for people of color," Stevenson says. "As we say in our circles, 'Capital punishment means them without the capital get the punishment.' "

Stevenson believes that the death penalty has a subconscious attraction to the middle class "by symbolically communicating to poor people and racial minorities, 'We will not let you terrify us. We will strike back at you.'" He believes that if the death penalty were administered fairly, it would lose this symbolic value and as a result be abolished. "I don't believe our society is capable of making the judgment that the life of any person, even a guilty person, no longer has purpose or value."

Christians who favor the death penalty, however, believe the answer lies not in eliminating a punishment whose purpose is to recognize the value of human life, but in advocating legal remedies to ensure fair application.

Given the current mood of the country, laws supporting the death penalty are not likely to disappear anytime soon. Then again, neither will those committed to opposing those laws.

______________________

Copyright (c) 1995 Christianity Today, Inc./CHRISTIANITY TODAY Magazine

ctcurrtk5T90505814

*

Joe Avila took a drive up a California highway -- drunk -- and killed a 17-year-old cheerleader.

He went to prison for manslaughter.

His experience with the law turned out to be religious -- like many other inmates, Avila found Jesus in jail, asked God for forgiveness and came to terms with the horrific consequences of his actions.

But now that he is out, Avila is pushing a program that aspires to do more than encourage prisoners to find God. He wants criminal offenders to make amends to their victims -- a concept, he says, that is both deeply religious and missing in the criminal justice system.

The idea is part of a growing focus nationwide on the role of forgiveness in communities -- in the justice system as well as in physical and mental health.

Avila, regional director of the national Prison Fellowship ministry group, was in Las Vegas from California last week to support an effort to establish a faith-based Victim Offenders Reconciliation Program.

The program is sponsored by the national Southern Baptist Convention as part of a yearlong evangelical focus on Las Vegas. The denomination has funneled more than $1 million into Southern Nevada this year, $35,000 of which will be spent on establishing this program.

The program seeks to unite offenders and victims for a meeting in which victims express their feelings and, ideally, offenders arrange to make amends in some way that is meaningful to the victims. The result, local organizer the Rev. Tommy Starkes of Tropicana Christian Fellowship says, is "the healing relationship of forgiveness."

A similar, but secular, reconciliation program already exists in the Juvenile Court system. Administered by the Neighbhorhood Justice Center, that program focuses on first-time, misdemeanor crimes: vandalism, fistfights, shoplifting -- and is supported by the courts as an alternative to sentencing. Kids clean offices or mow yards to pay for their misbehavior.

But the evangelical group, which met with prison activists Thursday night at Starkes' church, wants to expand the program to adults after they serve time -- and draw attention to the link between the traditional religious concept of forgiveness and the administration of justice.

"Most religions emphasize a balance between forgiveness and punishment," Starkes, a Southern Baptist, said. "Certainly Christianity emphasizes forgiveness. And yet a long time ago, America adopted a justice system that is more punitive than redemptive. The part about forgiveness -- the most healing part -- is missing.

"And our system leaves the victim out of the resolution. They punish the offender, but the victim often feels there is no closure. For example, with the (Timothy) McVeigh execution, you saw lots of victims' families saying they still didn't feel closure.

"Our program -- which is voluntary -- is designed to connect the offender who is about to be released from prison with the victim to say, 'I'm sorry' and 'What can I do to make up for my actions?'"

For many faiths, making amends directly to the victim is a key part of recovering from wrongdoing. In Judaism, for example, the principle of "teshuva" requires a wrongdoer to acknowledge his transgression, make a public confession and express remorse, resolve never to do it again, compensate the victim with acts of charity and ask the victim for forgiveness.

RESEARCH

If forgiveness is a matter of faith, it is also becoming a matter of science.

Research on the effects of forgiveness -- psychologically, physically, sociologically and economically -- is on the rise.

To wit, the international Campaign for Forgiveness Research started in Washington in 1997 and has committed $5 million to research projects on "the power of forgiveness and reconciliation."

About 30 different projects at universities around the world are being funded, and 30 others have been tagged for future funding. Among them: "Does Forgiveness Benefit Physical and Mental Health?" at Purdue University, and "Does Forgiveness Enhance Brain Activation Associated With Empathy in Victims of Assault?" at the University of Manchester, England.

The campaign is a nonprofit organization endorsed by Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa and former President Jimmy Carter.

"The new wave of research we've begun has the potential to reveal the profound value of forgiveness in our lives -- information that could reduce human misery and enhance the quality of life worldwide," campaign Director Everett Washington said.

Yolanda Morales has seen the seeds of forgiveness planted in Las Vegas.

As a volunteer mediator for the Clark County Neighborhood Justice Center, Morales has met with juvenile offenders and their victims, and seen emotional changes take root from some of the pettiest of crimes.

"I had one case where these two seventh-grade girls went to a mall and shoplifted some hair accessories," she said. Rather than prosecute, the owners opted to use the victim-offender program.

"What was really very positive is the mall security people were involved in the mediation, and the girls were able to see the impact on those people. The security people were also very empathetic with the girls, and it enhanced the idea that young people are accountable to the community," Morales said.

"Another time, I had two 11-year-old boys involved in an incident. One had been bullying and teasing and humiliating the other in the park, and finally, the other one beat him up," Morales said.

"It was kind of scary to see that kind of violence from such little boys. But what was so positive about our mediation was that the parent of the bully realized she needed to get help for her son because he was so violent. And the boys were able to see their similarities.

"This can work on a broader scale."

Mike Hull, another volunteer mediator in the juvenile victim-offender program, said the court system discourages offenders from taking responsibility for their actions.

"The first thing the lawyer tells them is, 'Don't admit guilt,' " Hull, a Henderson police officer, said. "Through this program, the offenders and the victims learn that the other one is a person, too. If they just go to prison, they may never learn how much harm they have done."

EFFECTS

Face-to-face reconciliation also can affect recidivism rates, according to Steve Goldsmith, director of the Los Angeles County Victim Offender Restitution Program, a similar program.

"We've been able to show a 50 percent reduction in recidivism among those offenders who participated in a meeting with their victim," Goldsmith said. "The idea is to create empathy in the offender."

The Los Angeles program began in 1992 and was instigated by a juvenile judge. Today, it works in collaboration with religious groups, but is administered by a panel of civic officials -- including the sheriff and public defender.

Barbara Strahl, senior mediation specialist at the Clark County Neighborhood Justice Center, said the most difficult part of administering the juvenile reconciliation program has been getting the necessary stakeholders on board and organized. Her program mediates about 60 cases per year -- with both staff and volunteer mediators that bring the victim and offender together.

"Vegas is a little behind, there are communities that use it much more extensively," Strahl said. "But we're getting there."

Starkes, Hull and Avila received training from the Fresno Pacific University Center for Peacemaking and Conflict Studies -- a Christian university that helped establish more than 50 such programs worldwide.

The center's website explains about the religious roots of the justice program:

"Humanistic motivations do not have the driving force or staying power of religious convictions. Neither do humanistic motivations demand strict adherence to principles, which are seen as right from an absolute perspective. A humanist does not necessarily see eternal principles at work in restorative justice ... A person working out of religious motivation ... understand God's call to shalom, to wholeness, as a timeless call."

Starkes and the coalition of religious leaders from churches valleywide plan to begin their program this summer.

In Avila's case, the victim's parents have not agreed to meet with him. But in a coincidence he attributes to God's will, his wife happened to meet and become friends with a woman years after the accident who, it turns out, is a friend of the victim's family.

Avila met with her and asked for her forgiveness. The woman, long angry at Avila, cried. She told him about the girl he killed -- a bright, happy teenager.

And then she forgave him.

"It is a journey," Avila says. "Right now, the restitution I am making is in making a life transformation. I have changed my ways, and I am trying to help others. But I do have hope that I will someday meet with her (the victim's) parents.

"These are never easy matters."

*

The day after the September 11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center, a woman told USA Today, "I called my mother immediately and told her I love her. You never know when your time is up, and I want things to be right with everybody."

Christmas is a beautiful time to do just that - to take down any walls between you and other people, to be right with everybody. Especially God. Because, like the woman said, we never really know when our time is up. And the greatest peace a person can experience is knowing you're right with God - and ready for eternity whenever eternity comes.

The Bible says, "there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave Himself as a ransom for all men." (1 Timothy 2:5) A ransom - that's the price you pay to get someone back - a price Jesus paid for you and me when He died on the cross for what we've done wrong. To tear down the wall between you and God.

Which could come down for you today. The peace of Christmas is the peace of knowing you're right with your God.

________________

Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. 'Practical Answers to Real Life Issues'

When our friend Rich went for his annual physical, the doctor proclaimed him totally fit. Three days later he went on a business trip. That night his associates found him in his hotel room, dead of a massive heart attack. Later, his wife Linda told us, "We had some beautiful weeks before Rich died. And every wife I see, I tell: 'Cherish your man.'" Their kids had not been able to be with their folks on Easter, which turned out to be the Sunday before Rich's death. But Martha, his daughter, followed this prompting she had to call Dad and say she loved him that day. And Paul, his son, wrote Dad to tell him in writing what he had never been able to say to him - "I love you. You're the best Dad in the world." That was Sunday. Wednesday morning, Dad was gone.

I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "Cherish While There's Time."

The experience of Rich's family is just another reminder that we need to cherish those we love while we can. We never know which hug will be the last hug, which "I love you" the last one, which "goodbye" the final goodbye. Now, the point of remembering that is not to be maudlin or to be anxious all the time. Our times are in God's hands, so they're in good hands. But it is important to realize that life is short at best, and we need to live in such a way that we do all those "I wish I had's" while we can still do them.

Moses wrote a psalm - Psalm 90 - and it contains our word for today from the Word of God. Psalm 90:12 says it succinctly and powerfully: "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." God seems to be saying we have no days we can afford to waste, so make every day count. That's the key to living wisely.

And I hear the echo of our friend Linda's words, "Cherish your man." Or your woman. Or your mom or your dad. Or your grandparents or your loved ones. Tell them you love them so you'll never have to be sorry that you didn't. Tell them the things you appreciate about who they are and what they do, so you don't have the sorrow of wishing you had.

If conflicts, walls and gaps have developed between you and someone you love, don't let them stay there any longer. Say what you have to say, write what you have to write, forgive what you have to forgive, apologize for whatever you need to make right. Do whatever it takes to remove that wall. Whatever the issues, they can't be important enough to risk leaving that relationship broken when it's too late to repair it. Being right with that person you love is so much more important than you just being "right."

And if someone you love may be feeling neglected, overlooked or marginalized right now, you've been very, very busy. You've been very occupied. It's time you reserve time regularly to spend with them. Put it in your calendar. Everyone and everything else screams for your attention, but the people who love you often are just a whimper or a whisper. But they have to be the non-negotiables of your schedule. Let everything else revolve around them instead of them having to revolve around everything else.

If the horror of that September 11 taught us anything, it taught us that it can all be over so quickly. So, make today count. "Number your days aright" ... make each day count.

________________

Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

*

”Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only [that], but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.” (Romans 5:9-11 NKJV)

Our Relation To The Death And Life Of Christ

• much…then — Rom 3:20-28 — since the great work of redemption is finished

• blood — Rom 3:25, Eph 2:18, Heb 9:14, 1 Jn 1:7 — the blood is the life; blood-shedding is life-giving

• we…saved — as the fruit of that great work

• wrath — Rom 1:18, 1 Th 1:10 — wrath to come, penalty due to sin

• through him — the living Saviour, who lives to bring in all the fruit of His death

• enemies…death — Rom 8:32, 2 Cor 5:18-19, Eph 2:16, Col 1:20-21, Heb 7:25 — His death saved the enemy

• reconciled…life — much more will the living Saviour preserve the friend

• not…so [that] — not only have we hope of future glory; and joy in present sorrow

• joy [rejoice]…God — Hab 3:18, 1 Pet 1:3-9 — joy in the possession of Him, and in our relation to Him

• through…Christ — the channel of all covenant blessings

• atonement [reconciliation] — the sole ground of our hope, joy, and new relations

Enemies to God — Pres. [Jonathan] Edwards

I. In what respect unregenerate men are enemies to God. In –

1. Their esteem of Him;

2. The natural relish of their souls;

3. Their wills;

4. Their affections;

5. Practice.

II. To how great a degree:

1. They have no love;

2. Their every faculty is subject to this enmity;

3. It is insuperable by any finite power;

4. They are greater enemies to Him than to any other being.

III. The reasons for this:

1. God is opposed to their idolatries;

2. They are threatened with damnation because of them.

The salvation of believers carried on by the life of Christ in heaven — Dr Leifchild

I. The life of Christ:

1. A glorious life;

2. An immortal life;

3. A life of intercession.

II. How we are saved by this life. He –

1. Perpetuates the justification, and liberty of access to God, procured by Him for us, when we first believed on Him;

2. Frustrates the designs of our adversaries to injure us;

3. Replenishes us with grace for the furtherance of our sanctification, in the use of appointed means;

4. Revives us with Divine support and consolation in seasons of extremity.

Salvation from wrath — Analyst

I. Salvation from wrath is inferior to, and dependent upon, reconciliation.

II. Christ will surely save His friends from wrath, seeing He saved His enemies from sin.

III. The salvation of the just is by the Saviour’s life.

Learn

1. Reconciliation to God here is the only sure way to escape hereafter;

2. It can only be “by His blood.”

Reward of disinterested kindness — The Marshal D’Armont, having taken Crodon, in Bretagne, during the League, gave orders to put every Spaniard to death who was found in the garrison. Though it was announced to be death to disobey the orders of the general, an English soldier ventured to save a Spaniard. He was arraigned for this offence before a court-martial, when he confessed the fact, and declared himself ready to suffer death, provided they would still save the life of the Spaniard. The Marshal being much surprised at such conduct, asked the soldier how he came to be so much interested in the preservation of the Spaniard. “Because, air,” replied he, “in a similar situation he once saved my life.” The Marshal, greatly pleased with the goodness of the soldier’s heart, granted him pardon, saved the Spaniard’s life, and highly extolled them both. Oh, that Christians never forgot Him who, while they were enemies, died for them! Then would they neither at any time deny His name, nor decline sustaining any loss in His cause. He, by His death, not only saves them from the second death, but puts them in possession of eternal life; compared to which, what have they to lose

“Love incomprehensible! It swalloweth up, the sense and understanding of men and angels; fitter to be admired and adored with silence; than blemished with any of our weak expressions!” — Bp Sanderson

“O, blessed Jesus, let us judge of Thy love by Thy sufferings; and of both by the impossibility of comprehending either.” — Bishop Borne

“Men appoint walls and bulwarks for salvation; but God appoints salvation for walls and bulwarks. Salvation is so often without walls and bulwarks, and walls and bulwarks without salvation. Salvation is the safer safeguard.” — Venning

”No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” (1 John 4: 12)

– For reading & meditation: 1 John 4:7-21

We have been seeing over the past two days that the first principle to follow in healing the brokenness that comes through troubles in the home is to depend on the Lord to meet our basic needs. You might ask yourself: if the Lord can meet my needs for security, self-worth, and significance, why do I need a human partner at all?

The answer to that question flows out of the next principle: In the relationship with your partner or your children, focus more on what you can give than what you can get. This can be exceedingly difficult, of course, if you are not allowing God to meet your needs, but once you are secure in Him, everything He asks you to do becomes possible. Assuming our needs for security, significance, and self-worth are being met in God, we are then in a position to fulfil God’s true purpose for marriage, which is this: God, who is an invisible, intangible, eternal Being, has designed marriage to be a visible, tangible demonstration of the reality of His love as we minister love and consideration to one another.

Just think of it — in marriage we have the marvelous privilege of demonstrating God’s love to our partners in a way that they can feel, touch, and understand. Our love will not add to the fact of their security in Christ, but it will add to the degree to which they feel it. No wonder Martin Luther said that marriage was the greatest way God had of teaching us the truths about Himself. And the second greatest way? You’ve got it! The church!

PRAYER:

Father, to realize that I have the privilege of bringing the reality of Your love to others, and thus making You more real to them, is so incredible that it almost blows my mind! But I know it is true. Make me worthy of this privilege. For Jesus’ sake. Amen

FURTHER STUDY:

Matt. 10: 1-8; Luke 6:38; Prov. 11:25; Acts 20:35; 2 Cor. 9:6

1. What did Jesus teach His disciples?

2. How can you demonstrate this today?

Sermon in series on the Beatitudes. Matthew 5:9

ARE YOU A PEACEMAKER?

=====================

I. Most people love peace.

II. Biblical background to peace.

A. Peace is one of the blessings of obedience to God.

B. Peace is something the Messiah brings.

C. Biblical peace is comprehensive.

D. Three foundational areas where we are called to make peace.

III. Barriers to peace.

A. Pessimistic worldview is common for Christians.

B. Grace is hard.

IV. Practical ways to attain P.E.A.C.E. [adapted from Rick Warren]

P - PLAN A PEACE CONFERENCE.

E - EMPATHIZE WITH THEIR FEELINGS.

A - ATTACK THE PROBLEM NOT THE PERSON.

C - COOPERATE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

E - EMPHASIZE RECONCILIATION NOT RESOLUTION.

V. Beating swords into plowshares. [illustration from Liberia]

He preaches with the fervor of a prophet. She sings like an angel. Together they are so dynamic it's difficult to believe they have each experienced a bitter divorce and custody battle -- with each other.

On the outside, the Forehand family once seemed perfect. Dale was a successful businessman, a deacon at First Baptist Church in Trussville, Alabama, and a Sunday school teacher. Jena, an accomplished soloist, immersed herself in choir activities and raised their two children, Cole and Jorja. But on the inside, the Forehands marriage was dying.

Married couples, Dale said, “are looking to their spouses with unrealistic expectations, so they get very disappointed when these are not met.” This disappointment often leads to a demand that needs be met by a spouse, he said, and when this doesn't happen, the spouses feel defeated and many quit.

Dale knows the defeat all too well, because in July 1996, Dale packed Jena's bags and told her to leave their suburban home in Birmingham. What ensued the following 15 months was a showdown in the courtroom for custody of Cole and Jorja, with each parent seeking full rights and each lawyer seeking victory.

Jena said she was not shocked Dale asked her to leave their home. “I can't say it was a major surprise, because our home had the arguments and the bickering and the anger had risen to a high point,” she told the Alabama Baptist. “We had gotten so angry and tired.”

While waiting for the court date, the Forehands lived in the same home, which became their prison. Dale lived in the master bedroom while Jena shared bunk beds with Cole.

The day finally arrived when they would bring their battle to the court. With loaded emotions, the Forehands listened to each ripping word, calculating the next move. In the end, they were given joint custody. Dale and Jena each left the room feeling destroyed.

Then the unbelievable happened. Four months after the courtroom battle, Jena called Dale and an argument started. Instead of fighting, Jena asked Dale to come get her so they could repair their relationship.

“I chose to reveal myself that day so that Dale could briefly peek into my heart,” Jena explained. “I think it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me.”

She said couples get to a point where they are stripped to their bare souls when experiencing struggles.

“We had such intense pain and hurt from each other, and the thought of continuing this relationship was devastating,” Jena said. But she believes God allowed the experience to happen because it forced each person to look inward. “I had to look at what things in my life did not reflect Jesus.”

In 1997, Dale and Jena were remarried. Symbolizing the beginning of a new marriage but a remembrance of the first, Dale and Jena took the original stone from her wedding ring and put it in a new setting.

That day, Cole told his parents he wanted to know Christ as Savior. The couple prayed together for the salvation of their son.

“We have learned and continue to learn to find our fulfillment, need and satisfaction in a deep relationship with Christ,” Jena said. “It is out of this relationship we have something to give to our spouses.”

Dale said a “stained-glass marriage” gave birth to Stained Glass Ministries, their joint ministry. The name is adapted from a song by Clay Crosse illustrating an old stained-glass window in the attic of a church that is brought out, cleaned up and placed back in the light.

“As I listened to this song, it was our story,” Dale said. “Our first marriage had become dirty and dusty, full of pains and stains, but when the grace of God moved in our hearts and his light shone through, what a beautiful work of art we had just experienced.”

It was Valentine's Day in 1998 when Dale and Jena first told the world of their experience. “As God burned that entire experience in our hearts, we knew then the Scripture that spoke of what man had intended for evil, God had turned for good,” Dale said.

Today Dale and Jena lead marriage conferences and speak across the country. They also have written a book titled “Stained Glass Marriage” detailing their experience and offering insight into developing a quality marriage.

The Forehands feel it is important to share their story. Dale recently left his career of seven years in property management to devote his full time to the ministry. “Too many folks sitting in the pew are wearing masks, afraid to be real, share their struggles and ask for help,” he said.

“We have bought into the lie that if you are a Christian, you are supposed to be perfect. If this were true we would not need Jesus,” Dale said. The best advice Dale and Jena offer to couples is extensive premarital counseling. “Let [God's] character become yours, then flesh that out with the ones you love.”

__________

Theresa Shadrix is a correspondent for the Alabama Baptist.

INTRODUCTION

Can we be true to our convictions without being unkind to those who disagree with us? How can being too agreeable set us up for conflict? What can we learn from our anger?

The following pages are the result of a study that has dramatically changed my attitude not only toward conflict but toward our Lord as well. I pray there is help here for you or someone you know.

DON’T AGREE IF YOU DON’T

What if we are sure we are right about a contested issue of church doctrine, worship style, or use of the mission budget? What if we believe that the other side hasn’t been honest in the way it has handled its side of the disagreement? How can we avoid letting dangerous people have their way?

Such questions might be especially troubling if we are also aware of the damage conflict can do. We may know of family or friends who won’t darken the door of a church as a result of getting caught in the middle of a bitter split. We might know of members who routinely dismiss the thought of ever again getting actively involved in the work of the church. We may know of discouraged pastors who have left the ministry to sell life insurance, real estate, or cemetery plots.

So, knowing the danger of church disputes, what do we do? Do we let people walk all over us for the sake of unity? No, to begin with, we need to see that the Bible gives us reason to say …

Don’t agree if you don’t. Don’t, for the sake of peace and unity, try to be so agreeable that you lose your integrity in the process. Don’t contribute to the deadly, dishonest silence that often precedes an outbreak of conflict.

Remember that Moses, Jesus, and Paul were not known for being agreeable. They did not play it safe to avoid rocking the boat. They did not pursue peace at any price. Through their example and the whole of Scripture, the Bible consistently gives us reason to believe that . . .

Disagreement can be healthy. While the Bible warns about the dangers of bitter disputes, it also gives us many reasons to cultivate the art of gracious disagreement. Solomon taught that safety is found in a multitude of counselors, not a multitude of non-dissenting, compliant followers (11:14). He said that the wounds of a friend are faithful (27:6), that manipulative lies of flattery are dangerous (26:28), and that real friends are to sharpen one another the way iron sharpens iron (27:17).

If we have not learned to practice healthy, animated, and vigorous disagreement, we will not be ready to manage our response to conflict when it comes. If we have not given one another permission to test our ideas, any disagreement can feel like a personal attack. Defenses go up. Tempers flare. Feelings are hurt. We end up kicking ourselves with regret while living with the proof that “a brother offended is harder to win than a strong city” (Prov. 18:19).

If we have not learned to cultivate healthy disagreement, any issue can be dangerous. Trouble might develop over family relationships, church policy, doctrine, budgets, staff salaries, music, curricula, use of facilities, young people’s activities, or church discipline. Friction could occur around an aging pastor, a freewheeling youth director, a wealthy committee member, or a strong-willed treasurer. Bitterness could surface over a discussion of the pastor’s friends, wife, priorities, or teaching style. It might involve trends in the denomination, elimination of the Wednesday night prayer service, missionary support, or philosophy of outreach. The anger could erupt over important matters or personal irritations.

In light of the fact that almost any issue can turn into conflict, how then do we develop the kind of gracious disagreement that results in counsel, safety, and wisdom rather than conflict? That’s what we are going to attempt to answer in the remaining pages of this study. Before we do, though, there’s one other important matter we need to keep in mind . . .

LOOK BEHIND THE ISSUES

Conflict is unavoidable and not necessarily bad. We don’t need to feel guilty just because we are involved in church conflict. Trouble is unavoidable. Conflict will come. It comes to the best of churches, to the best of spiritual leaders, to the best of church boards, and to the best of friendships. Conflict came to Jesus and His inner circle. It came between Paul and Barnabas, and Paul and Peter. Conflict came not only to the immature church of Corinth, but to the much more mature church in Philippi. Conflict came to the inner circle of Christ even after He had served them communion on the night of His betrayal.

History shows that the “honeymoon experience” of new relationships is always followed by testing and trouble. Any expectation to the contrary will result in disappointment. It makes far more sense, therefore, not to pray that the Lord would keep us from conflict, but that He would enable us, as gracefully as possible, to manage our response to it. Our challenge in the words of Paul is, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men” (Rom. 12:18).

But how do we develop such an attitude when faced with people who obviously do not have our best interests at heart? How do we cultivate the art of gracious disagreement in the presence of people who don’t even like us? One of the most practical things we can do is realize that as far as conflict is concerned . . .

The problem is not the problem. Disagreement over issues is not what causes us to walk all over one another. Disagreement is not what causes board and committee meetings to erupt in anger. The real story of conflict occurs not in what we are disagreeing about, but in why and how we are disagreeing. Until we get below surface issues to our own unseen motives, we have not even begun to deal with the problems that are dividing us. And until we get below our unseen motives to the underlying beliefs that form them, we will still have a very shallow approach to conflict.

Our differences might be important. Our concerns might be critical to the life of the church. What we need to see, however, is that issues do not cause conflict. Unseen motives and underlying misbeliefs cause conflict.

MOTIVES BEHIND ISSUES

To cultivate relationships that enjoy the freedom of healthy disagreement, we need to develop an understanding of unseen motives.

“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there” (James 3:13-16).

The issues in a conflict are like the tip of an iceberg. Underneath are the unseen motives that cause healthy disagreements to turn sour.

The apostle James showed us that unseen motives can cause us to be like trouble looking for a place to happen. He made it clear that if we resent the attention or recognition that someone else is getting (envy), or if we are committed to getting ahead even at the expense of others (self-seeking or selfish ambition), we have a hidden conflict of interest that will shape and sour our approach to disagreement.

Paul, on the other hand, showed us that if our motives are right, we can act graciously — even toward those who are against us. Even if we are convinced that the other side is caught in serious error, our goal can be for their good. Encouraging such concern for those who are against us, Paul wrote, “A servant of the Lord must not quarrel [lit. fight] but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil” (2 Tim. 2:24-26).

James and Paul are not alone in their emphasis on the role of right attitudes and motives. The whole Bible is a book of the heart. The Scriptures teach us that if our motives aren’t right, our knowledge, faith, and self-sacrifice are of little value in the eyes of God (1 Cor. 13:1-3). Over and over the Word of God calls for the kind of love that is a motive before it is an action.

The Scriptures are also clear about what happens when bad motives displace good ones. After being served communion on the night of our Lord’s betrayal, it was envy and selfish ambition that caused the disciples to argue about which of them was the greatest (Luke 22:14-27). Then in the hours that followed, envy prompted the leaders of the Jews to demand the arrest and execution of the Son of God (Matt. 27:18; Mark 15:10). They hated this miracle-worker, not just because they disagreed with Him but because He was occupying their space. He was a threat to the attention and affection and influence they wanted for themselves.

“Then Abram went up from Egypt, he and his wife and all that he had, and Lot with him, to the South. Abram was very rich in livestock, in silver, and in gold. And he went on his journey from the South as far as Bethel … And there Abram called on the name of the Lord. Lot also, who went with Abram, had flocks and herds and tents. Now the land was not able to support them, that they might dwell together, for their possessions were so great that they could not dwell together. And there was strife between the herdsmen of Abram’s livestock and the herdsmen of Lot’s livestock … So Abram said to Lot, ‘Please let there be no strife between you and me, and between my herdsmen and your herdsmen; for we are brethren … Please separate from me. If you take the left, then I will go to the right; or, if you go to the right, then I will go to the left’” (Gen. 13:1-9).

Conflict could be defined as “two or more people trying to occupy the same space or control the same limited resources.” This is what was happening in the dispute between the herdsmen of Abram and Lot. There wasn’t room for both of them.

Abram’s response was peaceful — offering Lot his choice of land. But Lot took advantage of his uncle’s generosity by choosing the best part for himself. He chose the plain of Jordan, which was so lush that Genesis likens it to the garden of the Lord.

BELIEFS BEHIND MOTIVES

The reason for Abram’s generosity goes beyond his good motives. Abram was able to be so vulnerable because he was being taught by God to realize that his well-being was not found in his own clenched fists but in the open hand of the One who was leading him (Gen. 13:14-18).

Our motives and approach to conflict will not be shaped by rules but by whether or not we join Abram in trusting the Provider God. Are we willing to let Him provide for us on His terms and in His time? Or do we believe our security depends on our ability to take matters into our own hands?

This is not to say that we are to lie down and let people walk on us whenever they want. Love doesn’t always give others their way. Sometimes they need to feel the weight and intensity of our concerns and convictions. In the process, however, they need to sense that our disagreement is gracious and loving in nature. They need to know that we are not resisting merely to protect our own interests. And the only way we can be so loving is to rest in God’s ability to provide for us.

People who know they are secure in God’s hand find their motives shaped in that awareness. They learn to live with grace, to disagree in kindness, to love freely, and to trust God from day to day when matters beyond their control do not go their way.

By the way, remember Lot? When he chose what he thought was the best land for himself, he got the wicked cities of Sodom and Gomorrah in the bargain.

MISBELIEFS BEHIND CYCLES

“I implore Euodia and I implore Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. And I urge you also, true companion, help these women who labored with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the Book of Life. Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:2-7).

We repeat cycles of conflict when we assume that what we want is always what we need, or when we are more concerned about the people who are against us than the God who is for us. Misbeliefs are the fuel of ongoing cycles of conflict. They lead us to think that it is up to us to take matters in hand, and that if we don’t protect ourselves no one else will.

Underlying misbeliefs also help to explain why the apostle Paul wrote as he did to disputing parties in Philippi. He must have known something of the matters that were separating them. Yet he didn’t even mention the specific issues. Instead, he wrote as if the details could be worked out once both sides came to terms with the underlying misbeliefs that had caused them to turn away from the Lord and against one another.

His prescription to break the cycle of injury and conflict seems to have been twofold. On one hand, the apostle asked others to come alongside the disputing church members and relieve some of their stress. It appears that fatigue and the burden of trying to do too much for the Lord might have made them vulnerable to conflict.

Then Paul reminded them, in several different ways, that their well-being was not wrapped up in getting or demanding right treatment from one another. Twice he encouraged them to rejoice in the Lord. He urged them to be known for gentleness because “the Lord is at hand.” He reminded them to replace their anxiety with prayers and dependence on God. Then, after assuring them of God’s ability to give them peace of mind, and while cultivating a thankful confidence that they could find help in the hands of God, Paul encouraged them to think — not about what was wrong but about what was right (Phil. 4:8-9).

By addressing the real issues of underlying belief, Paul gave them a means of breaking the cycle of conflict that could have spread to many others. He knew that the formula for unity is not found in agreeing about all issues. Neither is the solution merely in knowing that we should find it within ourselves to love one another. The answer for those who know God is to have the right beliefs about Him in the troubling circumstances of life. This alone will enable us to avoid the self-protection, fear, and anger that otherwise lead to returning evil for evil and harm for harm.

WATCH FOR SIGNALS

“Where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there … Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the Scripture says in vain, ‘The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously’? But He gives us more grace. Therefore He says: ‘God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’ Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee” (James 3:16; 4:1-6).

• Yellow Lights

Because envy and selfish ambition cause us to protect our own interests at the expense of others, they should be regarded as flashing yellow lights. When they show up in our life, they signal, “Caution! Danger! Be prepared to stop!”

This is not to say that any effort to protect ourselves is wrong. Without due caution and concern for our own safety, we would all die early deaths. Wise people do not thoughtlessly put themselves in harm’s way. What we need to do, however, is make sure that we are not protecting ourselves without regard for the interests and needs of others.

The self-protection James wrote about isn’t healthy for anyone. It’s the kind of self-interest that causes us to call attention to the faults of others so we can “cash in” on their mistakes.

From James’ point of view, this kind of self-protection should be viewed with great caution because it produces confusion and evil (3:16). It is evidence of unfulfilled and frustrated desires (4:1-4). But even more important, this kind of self-protection is a symptom of a wounded pride that causes us to act as an enemy of God (3:174:6).

Wounded pride says, “I deserve better treatment than I’m getting. I’m justified, therefore, in taking matters into my own hands and doing whatever I have to do to beat back those who are against me.” Wounded pride says, “No one knows my needs better than I do, and if I don’t take care of myself no one else is going to.”

At this point the flashing yellow light has been ignored. Wounded pride has not only given way to misbeliefs about our ability to know and help ourselves, but it has also made us an enemy of God. Even though we might not realize it, we are now fighting heaven itself. We have entered into a conflict far greater than mere family or church.

• Red Lights

“The women sang as they danced, and said: ‘Saul has slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.’ Then Saul was very angry, and the saying displeased him; and he said, ‘They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed only thousands. Now what more can he have but the kingdom?’ So Saul eyed David from that day forward. And it happened on the next day that the distressing spirit from God came upon Saul, and he prophesied inside the house. So David played music with his hand, as at other times; but there was a spear in Saul’s hand. And Saul cast the spear, for he said, ‘I will pin David to the wall!’ But David escaped his presence twice. Now Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with him, but had departed from Saul” (1 Sam. 18:7-12).

As we learn to see self-protection as a yellow light of caution, we can also learn to see anger as a red light of urgent warning. It signals the danger James was concerned about when he wrote, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (1:19-20).

Too many of us misread anger as an expression and prerogative of strength. In most cases, however, anger signals unrecognized weakness. When we “lose our temper” in the process of trying to protect ourselves, we are not giving evidence of strength but of profound weakness. Being quick to anger puts us in great danger, for “whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls” (Prov. 25:28).

Such weakness is what we see in the fearful rage of Saul. His fear was not the kind of fear that causes men to run from a burning building or from sin. His anger was not the kind of controlled anger that causes people to act against injustice and evil. His anger toward David was not strong or well-reasoned (as it is in Ephesians 4:26). Saul feared a man when he should have been fearing God. He feared man too much, and God too little. His anger should have been directed not at David but toward his own sin.

David also knew what it was to be afraid. His psalms make that clear (Psalms 3 and 4, for example). He spent years running from Saul’s attempts to kill him. The difference is that David didn’t respond to his fear by taking it upon himself to kill the king who was trying to kill him. He could have done so, pleading self-defense. But David is known for saying that he would not lift his hand against the Lord’s anointed (1 Sam. 24:6). He is famous for admitting his fears and then holding those anxieties up before the Lord.

Instead of letting fear drive him into uncontrolled anger and vindictiveness, David let his fears drive him to God. Time after time he saw God replace his fear with courage.

• Green Lights

“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?” (James 3:13–4:1).

When we ignore yellow lights of self-protection and red lights of anger, accidents happen. People who were once enthusiastic for Christ end up like wrecked and abandoned cars. Their eyes no longer sparkle at the mention of Christ or the church. Many refuse to darken the door of a church.

Because of such damages, James urged us to recognize the way God’s wisdom and His Spirit work in our lives. We can refer to his description as the “green light” of God’s wisdom. Keep in mind, however, that we cannot resolve conflict by following these “traffic lights” in our own strength. We must be willing to let God produce a spirit and wisdom in us that is:

— Pure. The wisdom that comes from God is free from the contamination of envy and selfish ambition. It corresponds to the interests of God Himself, whose purpose is to rule over and provide for a kingdom of “righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit” (Rom. 14:17).

— Peaceable. The heart that is at peace with God desires peace with others. It has no need to attack, insult, exploit, deceive, or prey on others. Instead, words and actions encourage trust while dispelling fear and anger.

— Gentle. This is the quality of knowing when to show the kind of restraint that does not stand on the letter of the law and on rights but on mercy.

— Willing to yield. This is a submissive approachability that enables a person to listen carefully to the needs and concerns of others. It is not a submissiveness that indulges the selfishness of others; it seeks their good and surrenders to truth.

– Full of mercy and good fruits. In the awareness of another’s need, the wisdom that comes from God desires to reach out in kindnessrelieving and sharing pain by the sharing of strength and gifts received from God.

– Without partiality. Because such kindness is prompted by the goodness of God and not by a selfish strategy of giving to get in return, this kindness is not swayed by what another person has to offer.

– Without hypocrisy. Because wisdom from above is a skill that comes from a heart resting in God, its actions are not merely superficial and designed to get human approval. It is an “honest” wisdom of the heart.

This is the path of peace Christ followed as He confronted conflict. We cannot force it on others. But we can use it to evaluate our own relationship to the One who desires to help us do our part in promoting peace. At the hint of conflict, the green light of James 3:17 is the “signal” to follow.

MANAGE YOUR SIDE OF THE CONFLICT

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector” (Matt. 18:15-17).

God does not expect us to be passive in the presence of conflict. He encourages the art of gracious disagreement. Like iron sharpening iron (Prov. 27:17), friends test one another’s ideas against the standard of the Word of God. When conflict arises, God has told us how to take initiative in cases of:

– Irritations. Before trying to “judge” a speck in your brother’s eye, check your own eye for a “log” of pride or hypocrisy (Matt. 7:1-5).

– Arguable convictions. Discuss, accept, and respect people’s need to be true to their own faith in God. Let others give account of themselves to the One who will judge us all (Rom. 14:1-23).

– Doctrinal issues. Test everything by the standard of Scripture. Convene wise leaders to prayerfully resolve difficult issues. Avoid arguable issues and so-called brothers who, when confronted, deny sound doctrine (Acts 15:1-35; 2 Tim. 2:15-26).

SETTLE FOR WHAT YOU CAN DO

Injury. If someone sins against you:

1. Go one to one to the person who has injured you. Don’t talk around to gain allies. Apply damage control by trying to limit the knowledge of the problem. If that doesn’t work . . .

2. Take two or three witnesses with you to hear both sides of the issue and to increase the pressure on the other party. If the person still doesn’t respond, and if your witnesses agree that you have been seriously wronged . . .

3. Tell it to the church. Make the offender be accountable to the spiritual family he claims as his own. When public disclosure is done in a loving yet firm way, it offers the hope of bringing a sinning person to his senses. But if the pressure of the church brings no desire on his part to attempt to resolve the issue …

4. Treat the person as an unbeliever. This does not imply that we are to be mean-spirited, since Jesus taught us to love our enemies. Yet to be “for them” we must be “against them” in their sin. Both Jesus and Paul taught that we should formally disassociate with stubbornly unrepentant people (Matt. 18:15-17; 1 Cor. 5:11-13). These people must know that they are not in good standing with the church. The burden must be on them to show why they should be considered fellow members of Christ. It will help them to face their spiritual issues, and it gives us a way of resolving one-sided and lingering problems.

REMEMBER WHAT HAS BEEN DONE FOR YOU

“Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses” (Matt. 18:23-35).

The Matthew 18 principle described on the previous page needs to be kept in perspective. Use it as a process when you are sinned against. But in the process, don’t forget who you are and what has been done for you.

Confrontational peacemaking requires a spirit of humility. There is never a basis for pride. All of us are, at best, forgiven sinners asking others to admit to the kind of sins for which we have already been forgiven. All of us have committed sins against God that are far more serious than any sins committed against us. Apart from God’s mercy and the inexpressibly wonderful rescue of Christ, all of us would spend eternity in a place of eternal darkness and irreversible loss.

This spirit of grateful humility is what our Lord had in mind when He instructed us to confront one another with issues of personal injury. After teaching about the importance of confronting a sinning believer with his fault, Jesus told a powerful story about forgiveness. It was a story about a man forgiven of millions of dollars’ worth of debt who then turned around and refused to forgive someone who owed him a very small amount of money.

In this story, debts were called in. (It helps no one to overlook honest obligations.) There were admissions of debt and appeals for mercy. But when the person who was forgiven much refused to show mercy to one who owed little, the unforgiving party found himself in worse trouble than he had ever been in before.

When faced with the emotion and confusion of conflict, there is no better place to look than to the cross of Christ. It is there in the anguish of our Savior that we see the reality of our own sins. It is there that we are also reminded that we have every reason to deal with the sins of others as God has graciously dealt with us. It is there at the cross that we are reminded to confront one another, not to get even but to get a chance to forgive.

PROTECT THE FAMILY NAME

“Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unrighteous, and not before the saints? . . . Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you, not even one, who will be able to judge between his brethren? But brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers! Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated? . . . You were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s” (1 Cor. 6:1,5-7,20).

By now it is apparent that the spirit and process of a biblical approach to conflict are quite different from natural tactics of:

• Avoiding — seeking peace at the expense of both truth and love.

• Attacking — seeking peace by intimidation, force, or violence.

• Appeasing — seeking peace by giving in to evil.

• Negotiating — seeking peace by working with mutual self-interests.

• Litigating–seeking peace through the protection of the courts.

While we might see a time and place for each of these approaches to conflict, it is apparent that they do not reflect a biblical approach to solving arguments in the church. The Scriptures, for instance, make it clear that when the people of God use the legal system to resolve “family” issues they are not only admitting spiritual failure, but they are damaging the name and interests of God.

But it’s also true that when people are going through a divorce, a church split, or a bitter dispute, talking about the priority of God’s reputation and interests can sound hollow. People who are angry, hurt, and frightened about possible outcomes are apt to feel that there’s not much they can do at this point to protect the name of God. They feel that God can take care of His own interests.

“I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them” (John 17:20-23).

Yet, there is no more compelling reason to work for peace and unity. Nothing is more important than learning to see God’s reputation and interests behind our own. When advising a young pastor about conflict, Paul wrote, “Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity” (2 Tim. 2:19).

Sometimes in the heat and distraction of an argument we forget the inherent link between our name and the name of Christ. Sometimes when we are angry we forget that deferring to God’s name and interests is always in our best interest. Sometimes when stumbling under the weight of wounded pride we forget how passionately our Lord prayed for our unity — not only so that the world might know that the Father sent Him, but also that the world might know that the Father loves us (John 17:23).

FOCUS ON YOUR PROVIDER

“If there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 2:1-5).

The costly results of church fights show the importance of Paul’s appeals for unity. There is no way we can adequately estimate the damage conflict does to the name and reputation of God. There is no way to assess the enormous loss of credibility before an unchurched world. There is no way we can accurately appraise the loss of confidence, conscience, and spiritual passion that occurs when the people of God turn on one another, and by bitterness and anger and meanness act as if they had never heard of Christ. Everyone loses and no one wins.

Just saying that church fights hurt everyone, however, does not solve conflict. Making a rule of peace does not put peace in our heart. Internal peace comes not from knowing about Christ but from knowing Him. It comes from knowing the strength of His presence, the gentleness of His wisdom, the goodness of His plan, the depth of His love, and the sufficiency of His Spirit to provide for us — even in conflict.

“Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world” (Phil. 2:12-15).

This link between our behavior in conflict and our personal dependence on Christ is why Paul reasoned as he did with the Philippians. He didn’t just tell them to make peace with one another by following the example of Christ. He said, in effect, “Since you are so well taken care of, doesn’t it make sense that you would start looking out for one another? If your hearts have been softened by His kindness, and your anxieties removed by His promise to father and shepherd you, doesn’t it make sense for you to let Him make you into a kinder and a gentler people?”

Paul linked our effort in conflict with God’s ability to provide for us. After summarizing what Christ has done for us, he went on to call for self-discipline and seriousness of attitude. He asked for such caution and effort, however, in light of the fact that God is at work in us, giving us all we need to co-operate with His plan for us. It is in this awareness of God’s presence that Paul urged us to do everything without “complaining and disputing.” This is the way to be “harmless” in a violent world. This is the answer for a kinder and gentler church.

THE SOURCE OF UNITY

“Now when Peter had come to Antioch, I withstood him to his face, because he was to be blamed; for before certain men came from James, he would eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing those who were of the circumcision. And the rest of the Jews also played the hypocrite with him, so that even Barnabas was carried away with their hypocrisy. But when I saw that they were not straightforward about the truth of the gospel, I said to Peter before them all, ‘If you, being a Jew, live in the manner of Gentiles and not as the Jews, why do you compel Gentiles to live as Jews? We who are Jews by nature, and not sinners of the Gentiles, knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law but by faith in Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, that we might be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law; for by the works of the law no flesh shall be justified’ “ (Gal. 2:11-16).

The unity we have described deserves a closer look. If we are not careful, we are apt to miss those moments of firm and gracious confrontation that a commitment to Christ requires. In Galatians 2:11-16, for instance, Paul described how he publicly confronted the apostle Peter over a serious issue.

At first glance, you might wonder how this confrontation between apostles fits with Paul’s repeated appeals for church unity. Paul, however, never asked for the kind of oneness that compromises the interests or doctrines of Christ. Just as important, Paul never encouraged us to protect or cover one another at the expense of what is right or true. Look again at Galatians 2:11-16 and Philippians 2:1-5. While these two texts look and feel very different, there is something very similar about them. In both cases, Paul argued passionately for the interests and cause of Christ. In both cases, Paul asked for unity based on right beliefs. In both cases, Paul showed how important it is to look out for one another and not just for ourselves.

Paul apparently believed Peter was thinking too much about the approval of “certain men [who] came from James” and not enough about the doctrine of salvation or the needs of the Gentiles. By hypocritically separating from the Gentiles when these Jewish legalists came to town, Peter betrayed the interests of the Gentiles. He helped these Jews perpetuate their legalism and was giving mixed signals about salvation by faith.

We can assume that Paul was Christlike when he confronted Peter, expressing self-control and grace, and not being quick to anger. We can also assume that he made an issue of Peter’s behavior not because the correction increased his own stature over Peter, but because if Peter’s actions were allowed to go unchecked it would help no one and hurt everyone. This was not an issue of pride but of consideration for the truth of the gospel. Paul’s example is a reminder to us that while our motive must be to protect one another, we should never knowingly become enablers for one another’s sin.

LIMITS TO UNITY

•• Isn’t a lack of confidentiality the biggest source of conflict in the church? Wouldn’t putting a stop to gossip stop conflict?

Proverbs 26:20 seems to suggest as much. It says, “Where there is no wood, the fire goes out, and where there is no talebearer, strife ceases.” But how do you stop gossip? Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34). You can’t change the mouth without changing the heart. This inspired truth sets a standard but doesn’t solve the problem.

Any rule, whether organizational or biblical, does not get to the heart of church conflict. That’s why the New Testament requires that church leaders be Spirit-filled (controlled) men who have a reputation for godliness (1 Tim. 3:1-13). To meet these qualifications, they must have far more than a knowledge of church policy or biblical law. Their hearts must have been broken by their own sin and changed by the grace and love of God.

When the hearts of church leaders are not under the rule of Christ, no rule of confidentiality will keep their self-protective attitudes from leaking out into the congregation. Without Spirit-given motives and deep underlying beliefs about the all-sufficiency of God to meet personal and church needs, they will not have the spiritual confidence and freedom needed to manage conflict according to the principles of Scripture. Without a personal knowledge of the help of Christ, we will not be able to show the gentleness of Christ in conflict.

•• Won’t an emphasis on motives cause us to do the very thing Jesus warned us not to do: judge the motives of others?

Yes, it will if we fail to do what Jesus told us to do: First be concerned about the condition of our own heart. If we have taken inventory of our own condition, we will not arrogantly judge the hearts of others.

•• How can we know when to make an issue out of something that another person has done? Doesn’t the Scripture say that love covers a multitude of sins?

This can be a very difficult call. There are times when it is better to overlook a fault, but never because we are afraid to say something.

While asking God for wisdom, try asking, “Is the problem hurting the reputation of God? Is it hurting the other person’s relationship with us? Is the problem hurting others? Is it hurting himself?”

Be careful when quoting “love will cover a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8). That does not mean that love will enable another person to conceal unrepentant sin. It is saying that love will do whatever is necessary to promote forgiveness and reconciliation. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Sometimes love must confront before it can offer to forgive and cover.

•• What about our Lord’s example when from His cross He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know not what they do”?

Jesus’ plea was not that His executers be forgiven of all their sins, but that they not be held accountable for their role in crucifying the Son of God. They didn’t realize what they were doing.

We too can look at those who have hurt us in ways they are not aware of and breathe the same kind of prayer to heaven: “Father, forgive them; they don’t know the harm they are doing.”

On the other hand, when the Scriptures tell us to forgive others as God has forgiven us, this is not a call for blanket and unconditional forgiveness. God does not extend the once-for-all forgiveness of salvation until we admit our sin (Luke 18:9-14). And when it comes to issues of family forgiveness, the Scriptures once again call for confession of known sin in order to know forgiveness (1 John 1:9).

I •• sn’t forgiveness as much for ourselves as for others? Doesn’t it release us from the bitterness that would otherwise eat us up?

There are two ways of looking at this. A spirit of forgiveness, rooted in what God has done for us, does release us from bitterness. We realize that the other person does not have it within his power to “ruin us” as long as we are in the hand of God. At the same time, we do not have the right to “let someone off the hook” if he is stubbornly refusing to come to terms with his wrong. This is the point of Matthew 18.

•• What if all efforts to resolve our problem are not working?

If the conflict is such that church leaders and representatives are not able to pray and talk together without bitterness and anger, and if no one from within the church can help the disputing parties see what is behind their anger and how far they are from the Spirit of Christ, then help must be sought from an outside mediator.

If attitudes are right, people who cannot resolve their own problems will be willing to ask for whatever outside help is needed to get insight and wisdom for working through differences. But if there is an unwillingness to get help because of the embarrassment it would bring, then questions of pride must be addressed.

•• Why would God let His people go through the pain of trouble and conflict?

In 1 Corinthians 11:18-19, the apostle Paul wrote, “I hear that there are divisions among you, and in part I believe it. For there must also be factions among you, that those who are approved may be recognized among you.” Another translation says, “so that those who are genuine among you may be recognized.”

In other words, church conflict brings out the best and the worst. It is a strong indicator as to who is actively believing in God and who isn’t. Anger and bitterness show to what extent we have been depending on ourselves, on others, or on our circumstances rather than on Christ.

Anger and bitterness are red flags signaling one of two possibilities. They either show that even though you know Christ as Savior you aren’t walking with Him, or they show that you have never known Him at all. If you know Him but haven’t been walking with Him, then I hope this booklet has helped you to get in touch with your own heart and with Him.

• • • •

I have not described specific case studies of current church fights, because specifics are not the issue. What counts is how we respond to conflict and why. Do we have a gracious spirit that shows others that even if we disagree with them on issues we really are for them as persons? Can they see evidence of our good motives and intentions? And more important, can they see evidence that our motives are rooted in our deeper confidence in Christ and in our relationship to Him? If so, then we are probably the kind of peacemakers who by graciousness, truth, and dependence on God reflect His family likeness (Matt. 5:9).

Don’t misunderstand. We don’t become children of God by mediating broken relationships. We become His children by trusting in the “one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus” (1 Tim. 2:5). Only when we bear the family resemblance of His Son can we bring peace to conflict. This family likeness is what we desperately need and what the Spirit longs for.

Paul urged all believers “to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:3). And Jesus prayed that His followers would be one so that the world would believe that He was sent from God (John 17:21). May we be answers to His prayer.

Peace on earth — that’s what everybody wants. But nobody can guarantee external peace because nobody can control other people or circumstances. Nations sign and break peace treaties with frightening regularity. Couples lament that there would be peace in their home “if only he/she would shape up.” No one can guarantee peace at home or on the job site. However, we should always strive to be peacemakers. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9). Paul instructed, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men” (Romans 12:18).

But let’s face it: Peace with others isn’t always possible, because peace doesn’t just depend on us. Peace on earth is what we want; peace with God is what we have; the peace of God is what we need.

Peace with God is something you already have (Romans 5:1). It’s not something you strive for; it’s something you received when you were born again. The Prince of Peace reconciled you to God by shedding His own blood.

The peace of God is something you need to appropriate daily in your inner world in the midst of the storms which rage in the external world (John 14:27). There are a lot of things that can disrupt your external world because you can’t control all your circumstances and relationships. But you can control the inner world of your thoughts by allowing the peace of Christ to rule in your heart on a daily basis (Colossians 3:15). There may be chaos all around you, but God is bigger than any storm. I keep a little plaque on my desk which reminds me: “Nothing will happen to me today that God and I cannot resolve.”

The peace of Christ will rule in your heart when you “let the word of Christ richly dwell within you” (Colossians 3:16). And when you turn to Him in prayer, “the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7).

Prince of Peace, rule in my heart today. Give me Your peace and make me a peacemaker in all my relationships.

The idea of teamwork in marriage isn't really that tough. For example, my wife prepares a meal and I clear the table and rinse the dishes. Now, I'm known as the mad cleaning man around our house. I might clean your plate while you're still in mid-bite, you know? I like to get my job done. Now, I've had some people say to me over the years, “Oh, leave the dishes. Don't worry about them now. Come on into the living room with us. The dishes will wait.” I have never known the dishes to rinse themselves or put themselves away. In fact, it is a wise discipline to rinse a dirty dish immediately.

I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I'd like to have A Word With You today about “The Longer it Waits, the Harder it Gets.”

Our word today from the Word of God comes from Ephesians 4, beginning with verse 26. “In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Here's the biblical clock on strained relationships. That clock runs out at sundown every day. Remember those old westerns where the marshal might say, “You better be out of here by sundown.” Well, that's what we're supposed to be saying to any anger, or resentment or conflict that comes up. “Get out of here by sundown.”

Now, there's a good reason for this. It's like those food remnants on our dirty dishes. If you deal with them right away, they're soft. They're easy to remove. Just rinse the plate, and the food falls right off. If you wait, it turns hard so you have to scrape and work, and it's tough to remove it because it's stuck. Maybe that's why we call unresolved anger “hard feelings.” Anger turns hard very quickly, and that gives the devil an opportunity to enter your marriage, or a parent-child relationship, or a friendship, a church. At the core of every marriage break-up there's probably been an issue that was once a small one, but it was not dealt with immediately. At the core of a broken parent-child relationship, a hurting friendship, a divided church, there are people who didn't clean up their anger when it first appeared, when it was still small and relatively soft, so it's led to a terrible outcome. The devil found his place.

Maybe there's a strained relationship in your life right now. Maybe there have been too many sunsets and bad feelings toward someone. It will never be smaller than it is right now. It's probably bigger than it used to be, but this is the smallest it will ever be. This issue will never be easier to address than right now, no matter how hard that might seem to you. It's only going to get harder. It's only going to get more costly, and you'll only turn darker inside.

Today is always your best opportunity to go to that person and do whatever it takes to repair things. If you need to, apologize. Confront if you need to, pray together, and talk it through with them. You say, “Well, that's going to be tough.” Not as tough as not doing it. You just cannot afford that hard spot in your heart that develops from the anger that you stuff inside, and you let it grow instead of letting it go.

See, anger never stays the same size. Bitterness never stays the same size. They always, always grow. Take it from a veteran dish rinser. There is nothing to gain in waiting to get to it, because the longer you wait, the harder it gets.

________

Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

*

When Jim Blakely faced medical difficulties in recent years and had to be admitted to the hospital, a friend would ask if there was a family member who needed to be contacted.

“I have no one,” Blakely always replied. “You are my family.”

But ask Blakely about his family now, and he ticks off a list that includes a son, a daughter-in-law, a daughter, two grandchildren and even a great grandchild.

Indeed, what alcohol stole away from Blakely for three decades or more, the Brantley Baptist Center in New Orleans, a tenacious daughter-in-law and the grace of God has restored.

Blakely has a family again - the same family he once abandoned and then some.

Blakely's story begins in Massachusetts, where he was living in the 1960s. He was drinking heavily and finding it difficult to hold down a job. The situation was straining his family, which included two small children at the time - a son and a daughter.

“I was destroying everybody around me,...” Blakely admits as he sits at a kitchen table in an assisted living home in New Orleans. “I didn't want to take anybody else down with me, so I decided that everybody would be better off if I just disappeared.

“It's not all that difficult. ... I used my social security number. I used my name. I never changed anything.”

Once out of the Northeast, Blakely ended up in New Orleans in the mid 1960s. There, he stumbled upon the Brantley Baptist Center, then known as the Baptist Rescue Center, a Southern Baptist care ministry in New Orleans for the homeless and persons struggling with addiction and other needs.

He met staff member Charlie Holmes there, and with his help, Blakely completed an alcohol rehab program.

“I got sober and stayed sober for a long time,...” he recounts. “I decided that I was going to try to get my life squared away.”

And he did for awhile. Blakely left New Orleans and went to the University of Houston, where he earned a degree in the mid '70s. He went to work shortly thereafter, but then also began to drink again.

“Somehow, I ended up getting back on alcohol,” Blakely says. “Well, I'm not going to sugarcoat it - I chose to drink it. And I promptly went downhill.”

He kept fifths of Wild Turkey in various places. Even at work, he would drink to the point of intoxication and, then, sip whiskey the rest of the day to maintain that level.

“Somebody once asked me, ‘Didn't you ever get a hangover?'“ Blakely recalls. “Are you kidding me? I never sobered up long enough to have a hangover. ... I was what's known as a functioning alcoholic.”

Then in 1993, for reasons Blakely chooses not to disclose, he decided to get sober again. He left Houston and returned to New Orleans, arriving at a downtown hotel.

“I had no idea what I was going to do,” he remembers. “But with a little bit of luck and the help of the Lord, there was a phone booth on the street corner by the bus stop. I went out there and sat in that little shelter, and I had my bag there.

“And that's when I decided to call Charlie.”

Holmes was not available at the center, so Blakely talked with Executive Director Tobey Pitman. He told his story, and Pitman told Blakely to come to the center. He entered rehab again. And this time, it worked.

Blakely not only went through the center program but ended up staying 12 years, working as a night supervisor for the ministry. He learned a lot, he admits.

“I became very involved with the homeless people,” Blakely recounts. “I had constant contact with them. ... And I learned that just because they're homeless doesn't mean they're bad people. Just because they are rebellious doesn't mean they're bad people.

“It's circumstances that has gotten them that way. ... They get in trouble and don't know how to deal with it.”

Blakely also learned a lot about himself. He had been reared as a Catholic and always had considered himself Christian. “But not until I got involved at the center and with the preachers that come there did I really learn what it is all about,” he says. “And if I hadn't taken that route, I doubt very seriously that I would be alive today. ... But my relationship with the Lord now is as strong or stronger than it ever was.”

Blakely finally left the center and worked on the grounds crew at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary for two years, before suffering a pair of heart attacks in 2000.

Each time, he had to be resuscitated.

The second time, he remembers lying in the hospital bed and overhearing the doctor call the Brantley center to ask if Holmes had been contacted as the listed next of kin.

“He said, ‘Well, you'd better get him here quick because I don't think he's going to make it,'“ Blakely recalls the doctor saying. “Well, I was laying there right by the phone, and I made up my mind right then and there that I wasn't going anywhere until Charlie got there.”

Holmes soon arrived to be with his friend, but by then, Blakely had experienced something that convinced him things were going to be okay. Despite its mysterious qualities, he declines to call it a near-death experience, but credits it with showing him that he had something left to do.

Blakely's health continued to create problems -- in one year, he was in the hospital more than out of it. But through it all, he maintained contact with his Brantley center friends, and each time that Pitman asked him about contacting family he would say, “I have no one.”

By the end of 2003, however, Pitman knew differently. That November, he received a call from a woman who was trying to locate a long-lost relative. It was not unlike many other calls that Pitman receives in his work, but this time, the woman was seeking a “Jim Blakely.”

Pitman acknowledged he knew more than one person by that name and asked for details. What the woman told him convinced Pitman she was seeking Blakely, and he told her he knew him.

Acknowledging it was the closest they had come in 30 years, the woman told Pitman how her husband - Blakely's son - had searched for his father for 20 years before admitting defeat. She had secretly continued the search for the last 10 years.

Pitman told the woman he would talk with Blakely and see if he wished to reestablish contact. Blakely agreed to write a letter to his son, and Barbara Blakely immediately forwarded a packet of letters and photographs that Pitman delivered to Blakely.

“I was a wreck,” Blakely recalls of that moment.

Then, for the first time in many years, Blakely picked up the telephone and called his son. A few months later - April 5, 2004 - Blakely and his son were reunited.

“I recognized them right away,” he says of seeing his son and daughter-in-law at the airport. “He was bending over, picking up his gear, and I walked up and put my hand on his shoulder and said, ‘You have the right to remain silent.'

“And he turned around and looked at me, and we hugged,” Blakely says of the reunion. “My daughter-in-law cried, and I cried, and he cried.”

Blakely spent several days with the couple - doing “touristy” things around the city and getting to know one another.

“The very first thing my son said to me when we got in the car to leave the airport was, ‘I want to know nothing about what happened - it's a new game,'“ Blakely says of the time. “And when I went to bed that night, I thought, I have no right in the world to be involved in these people's lives, none whatsoever.”

But he was.

“It was like I'd never left,” he says. “There were absolutely no recriminations, no hassles. They accepted me at face value for what I did....”

Blackely has not yet had a chance to reunite physically with his daughter, but he has spoken to her by phone. There are tentative spring plans for him to visit with his son and daughter - both of whom live in the Northeast.

Blakely is now open about his story, offering it as a warning to some and as celebration for the work of God and others in his life.

As he sits at the kitchen table on a misty New Orleans morning, he counts off the good people God has put in his life, beginning with those at the Brantley Baptist Center.

“The time I was with the center was the best time in my last 25 years, 30 years,” Blakely emphasizes.

He also voices concern for so many others who are caught in the same lifestyle he was, insisting that some can be found in the churches themselves.

“The problems that we see coming into the Brantley center, there's some in the churches. And if there isn't anybody there that can call attention to it, the people may be dead before they realize it,” he warns.

It does not have to be that way, Blakely insists. He stresses that there is help available for persons struggling with alcohol, and there is reason for hope.

“I think one of the best things I could think to say is, no matter how bad it looks, no matter what has happened in the past, there are no bridges that can't be rebuilt,” Blakely maintains. “All you have to do is ask for help.”

*

In December 1944, the German army invaded the Ardennes Forest in the famous Battle of the Bulge. During the fighting, three American soldiers were cut off from their unit and one of them was wounded in the leg. For two days and nights they wandered in the snow, until finally they found refuge in the home of Elisabeth Vincken and her 12-year-old son Fritz, who lived near the German-Belgian border. The Vinckens did not speak English but were able to communicate with them in French. Elisabeth took them in and began to prepare Christmas Eve dinner.

Before they could eat there was a knock at the door. Elizabeth opened it and expected more American soldiers but instead she was confronted by four German soldiers. They had also been cut off from their unit. Elisabeth invited them in to share Christmas dinner with her family and her other guests. When the Germans asked who the guests were, she admitted they were Americans. The Germans raised their rifles only to be told by Elisabeth that it was Christmas Eve and there was going to be no shooting in her house. She told them to put their weapons in a shed and join them for a peaceful Christmas dinner. They did.

The Americans were stunned to see four German soldiers enter the house. Elisabeth took their guns away, too, and sat everyone down around the table. She said grace, one that Fritz remembered was not a rote prayer but a heartfelt supplication to God for his safety and peace. One of the Germans examined the wounded soldier’s leg and said he would survive. After a restful night, the soldiers went their separate ways but not before the Germans gave the Americans a compass and directions on how to get back to their lines.

Fritz was deeply moved by this encounter and told the story often. He spent years unsuccessfully searching for the American and German soldiers, until in March 1995 the story was featured on the “Unsolved Mysteries” television show. Following the program, a nursing home chaplain in Maryland called to say he knew a man who had been telling this same story. In January 1996, Vincken went to the nursing home to meet Ralph Blank, who had served with the 121st Infantry, 8th Division, during World War II. Blank showed Vincken the compass the German soldiers had given him. “When he told me, 'Your mother saved my life,' it was the high point of the life,” Fritz Vincken said of the reunion. “Now, I can die in peace. My mother's courage won't be forgotten and it shows what good will will do.”

In recalling the story in his 1985 visit to Germany, President Reagan noted that it “needs to be told and retold because none of us can ever hear too much about building peace and reconciliation.”

(Fritz Vincken died in 2001)

Sermon in Family Concerns series, #5. Ephesians 4:25-27

CONTAINING CONJUGAL CONFLICT

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I. Are you a happy or unhappy family?

A. The conventional wisdom is wrong.

B. The Bible has great advice on fighting.

II. What is your conflict style?

A. The marriage formula.

B. Three types of stable marriages.

C. Blends have the toughest time.

III. Family conflict is nothing new.

A. It begins in Genesis, with Cain fighting Abel.

B. The Book of Proverbs gives gives some snapshots of disgruntled

C. Jesus says a primary reason for conflict is faultfinding.

IV. Advice in Ephesians 4.

A. Reject deception.

B. Put limits on your anger.

C. Aim for the edification of the other person.

D. Fight fair.

V. Reconciliation is better than agr

Her mother and father disowned her. She did all she could do. When Elizabeth Barrett married the famous poet Robert Browning, her parents were so upset they disowned her. She and her husband settled far from home in Florence, Italy. Elizabeth loved her mother and father and did everything she could to be reconciled with them. Several times a month she wrote expressive, loving letters.

After 10 years without any response, finally, a package came from her parents. It was a happy moment for Elizabeth as she opened it. But inside she found all of the letters she had sent - unopened. Like her husband, Elizabeth was a poet and her letters of reconciliation were eloquent. They have been called "some of the most beautiful and expressive in all English literature." But her parents never read them.

Jesus Christ, like Elizabeth, went to extreme measures in a reconciliation attempt. He died so sinful men could be reconciled to God. It breaks His heart that many refuse to even read the letter of Calvary's love.

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Moody Adams Update

September is a very important month for Jews and Muslims. For Jews, September contains two of their most high, holy days: Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. In the original language, ROSH HASHANAH means “new year” and YOM KIPPUR means “day of atonement.” What do these days entail for Jews? This is a time for serious introspection, a time to consider the sins of the previous year and repent before Yom Kippur. The ten days starting with Rosh Hashanah and ending with Yom Kippur are commonly known as the Days of Awe (Yamim Noraim) or the Days of Repentance.(1)

These “Days of Awe” are filled with wonder and worship, days of reflection, fasting and prayer, days of solemnity and solace. These are days meant to set the tone for the rest of the year even as they remind Jews to reflect on what has gone before. Among the customs of this time, it is common to seek reconciliation with people you may have wronged during the course of the year. The Talmud maintains that Yom Kippur atones only for sins between man and God. As such, sins against persons require reconciliation with that person, righting the wrongs committed against them if possible.

Muslims similarly find September a month set apart, as it marks the month-long fast of Ramadan. Ramadan calls Muslims to concentrate on their faith and spend less time on the concerns of their everyday lives. It is meant to be a time of worship and contemplation, reflection and devotion.(2)

Reflecting upon these holidays of faiths outside my own, I realized that September is not a particularly “holy” month for Christians. We are more caught up in the beginning of the new school year, the buying of school clothes and supplies, the beginning of fall, the inevitable cooling of the air, and the changing color of the leaves -- all the seasonal reminders of the days and months of fall. Spiritual holidays for Christians don’t begin until Reformation Day or All Saints Day on November 1. Perhaps we could change this.

Examining the practices of our Jewish and Muslim neighbors, we are reminded that every day can be a day of awe and devotion for the Christian. Indeed, Jesus gave strong instruction to his listeners during the Sermon on the Mount recorded in Matthew’s gospel. Jesus expected that his followers would engage in on-going acts of devotion like fasting, prayer, and almsgiving. In giving instruction about HOW his disciples would fast he says, “and WHENEVER you fast, do not put on a gloomy face as the hypocrites do, for they neglect their appearance in order to be seen fasting by men” (Matt. 6:16). In this same series of instructions, Jesus also assumes his followers will pray and give offerings for the poor (Matt. 6:2,5). The issue is not IF we will do these devotional acts, but WHEN we do them.

While we may have very different reasons, beliefs, and expectations than our Jewish and Muslim neighbors, there is something to learn from their special seasons of devotion to enrich and even challenge our own Christian practice. So often we neglect or altogether forget that our own acts of devotion should arise out of a loving response to what God has done on our behalf in Jesus. It is not insignificant that Jesus warned those listening to him: “unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees (the religious leaders of his day), you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:20). Jesus demanded not just ritualistic acts of devotion, but that the intention of our hearts would be drawn to such devotion and that out of this devotion gracious acts of love and mercy would flow each and every day of the year.

While September is not filled with Christian holy days, shouldn’t we see September as an opportunity for days of devotion and awe? And not just September, but every day and month of the year? Do not miss the opportunity for your own “days of awe” choosing instead to settle for ordinary time.

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1. www.jewfaq.org

2. www.holidays.net/ramadan/story.htm

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Copyright © 2007 Ravi Zacharias International Ministries (RZIM). Reprinted with permission. "A Slice of Infinity" is a radio ministry of Ravi Zacharias International Ministries.